How Do You Handle Friends Who Are Always Late?

This is my biggest pet peeve EVER. I understand that there are times that something happens and you just cannot be on time... However, if someone is NEVER on time, that is a problem. I had a friend that it would not matter where she was going, when she had to be there etc.., she was always late. It drove me batty. It is rude...even if the late person does not intend it to be. I am even more pressed for time now that I have 2 small children. I work full time, have a husband, and have to maintain a household. If someone is late for me, then that cuts into the very limited time I have for other things. If someone is late, then that gives me the message that it just wasn't a priority for them to see me. Honestly, I would wait for a predetermined time and then leave. If she gets pissed, then she needs to look at her own behavior.

I just tend to avoid them honestly, I think it's disrispectful and in my experience being late goes along with other small forms of disrispect...I "dropped" my best friend over this, we are all busy, if you fail to recocgnize my value, you are not a good friend anymore. Sorry.

Buy her an alarm clock as a gift!

Tell her the meeting is 30 min earlier than the actual time.

These are two things my friends did to me, which gave me a clear message! :-))

I am still not great with managing time, although I improved. I assume things will take shorter than they actually do. My hubby is very good with time planning and has thought me to be more realistic in planning ahead.

Maybe you can tell her that she should spare twice the amount of time to get ready.

The other problem I have is to do last minute things, thinking there is still enough time. Big mistake.

Maybe you can get her a book on time management and planning? Actually I should get something like that myself!

I am one of those people that, no matter how hard I try, the best I can possibly do is be on time.
I always joke that I set my watch 20 minutes fast so I'll only be 10 minutes late.
The reason I joke about it?
I have the misfortune of being surrounded by people who think the world will end if you are 30 seconds late.
They are they type that get up at the crack of dawn and have nothing better to do than tick tock, tick tock....watch every second go by and get themselves worked up two hours before anyone is even supposed to be somewhere.
That drives ME crazy.
I have a friend who always says I will be late for my own funeral. I certainly hope so.
Anyway, she has it in her head that I will be late, however, she will show up an hour early and start steaming because I'm not ready.
She asked me to watch her kid so she and her husband could go to their tax appointment. No problem.
I got up early, did my own business and things around the house. I had an hour and a half before they were due and got in the shower. Next thing I know, I'm naked and have a kid in my bathroom yelling at me for not answering the door. An hour and a half early.
They decided to stop somewhere else along the way so they just brought her and I didn't answer the door so they sent her through the back gate, into the back yard and told her to do the "trick" to open my back door and just go in. They could hear water. They knew I was home.
I was pissed.
Another time, we were supposed to go to lunch and she showed up an hour early and griped the whole time because I wasn't dressed yet. She said she didn't go to my house to listen to my hair dryer.
Seriously?
She's not the only one either. My husband was like that and I divorced him.
I NEVER get mad at someone for being late. I prefer it to the alternative in all honesty.

Just my opinion.
Don't set your kids up to be ready and waiting early for someone you know has a penchant for being late.

Best wishes.

I understand your situation, I really do. I've found that there are two kinds of people. People who are always late and people who are on time. I don't think it's possible to change an "always late" person to an "on time" person. I am always on time. My sister is always late. After many years of being frustrated and ranting and raving about how rude it is to keep someone waiting, how my time is precious and can't she SEE that, and what is SO difficult about planning a bit ahead so you leave on time (all things that I do instinctively), I, one day, about a year ago, just accepted it. Now if I want my sister to be at my house for dinner at 6:30, I will tell her to get there by 5:30. If we are seeing a movie or something that has a start time, I just go in without her and save her a seat. Worst case is SHE misses the beginning of the movie, I don't. I have found peace with my acceptance of her lateness. She is a hard-working, sweet person who I love dearly (and love to spend time with) and we often have a great time together. If accepting her lateness is the price I have to pay for hanging out with her, so be it. From now on, if you make plans with your friend, just accept that she will be late. If she says 9:00, just KNOW it will be more like past 10 and tell your child accordingly. Trying to change her probably won't work so if you still want to spend time with her, YOU are the one who will have to accept her. Sure, it will still be annoying, but you will be much more at peace with her.

Coming from someone who is chronically late, take it from me that your friend is NOT disrespecting you. I know that for people who are easily on time all of the time, they see it as disrespectful, but late people like myself don't just think your time isn't valuable, they are likely just insanely disorganized and overloaded and have horrible time management skills!

I come from a long line of family who is late. I'm always late. I leave late, not because I want to but because that is the best I can do. I'd hate to think my friends thought I was rude. Hopefully if they know me, they know I have an insane schedule and am trying to fit things in as best as I can. I also have problems saying "no" and accepting help around the house, so that contributes to the feeling of being overloaded.

I'd prefer to think that my friends valued my efforts to continue to meet up with them, go to dinner, have playdates, rather than watching a clock.

As for your specific situation (the playdate) since there was no specific deadline (aka, school starts at 9:30) it is JUST a playdate, I don't see the harm in being 30 minutes late to pick up your daughter. I would never have let my children sit by the door waiting, but again, this is coming from someone who obviously has a ton of flexibility for other people and their time management. I don't ever get upset with someone about being late when I myself am often late. It's real life, IMO. I think you should definitely relax about it...it was just a playdate.

Wow, after reading these responses, I'm actually a bit saddened. And also grateful that I have friends & family who love me enough to wait at a restaurant for me. Wow. So sad. Is life THAT short that we all have to punch a time clock everywhere we go? I much prefer to have more relaxed life, and would happily wait an hour or more for a friend to meet me for coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks, etc. I would probably spend that hour looking forward to seeing her (rather than steaming over her lateness)! Priorities people!

Ok I had to add one more thing. Reading through some of these responses reminds me of my FIL. He is an unwielding, completely rigid person. completely. When my first baby was just a newborn, he and my MIL came for thanksgiving. I had just given birth so she was in charge of thanksgiving dinner (which according to FIL should happen RIGHT AT 4:00). Well, MIL was cooking with new cookware in a foreign kitchen, while a baby screamed in the house. She was flustered. Well he LIT INTO HER about her lateness when the turkey wasn't done, potatoes weren't ready, you name it. What a jerk. He chided her on her lack of planning and went on and on about how everyone knows that thanksgiving dinner is served at 4:00. She was in tears. I almost kicked him out of my house, and in fact, I actually told him that if he ever spoke to anyone (let alone my husband's mother) again like that in my house he wasn't welcome there anymore. I told MIL not to worry that the exact TIME we ate didn't matter at all. And that is how I feel.

If you go to their house, dinner is at 5:30. If it's late, she is reprimanded. She is the most on-time person I've ever met, because being late to anything is totally unacceptable. However, neither one of them is full of life, they are only full of rigid schedules. I hate to say it but knowing them has made me LESS of a schedule follower. Life just shouldn't be run like that IMO. Ok, over and out.

I can't believe that so many people think being chronically late is okay! I totally understand that once in a while things come up beyond your control, but being chronically late is NOT being respectful. It's making the other person WAIT for you. It's letting them know that your time is more important than their time and also that you are unable to get your act together. I don't care how it's "justified" or that you don't "intend" to be disrespectful.

I'm pretty positive that those people who are late would be very upset if everyone treated them the same way back. If they went to the grocery store and had to wait in line for a half and hour to an hour for the cashier to show up to check out their groceries. If they went to McDonalds and had to wait an hour WITH kids for hamburgers and french fries. If they sat down to watch their favorite TV program and had to sit on the couch for 20 minutes after it was scheduled to show for it to start. Those people rely on others to be prompt yet they can't show the same courtesy?

I don't arrange playdates or do anything where time is a factor with people who are chronically late. I do group playdates where if they show up late my child still has a lot of other people to play with. I do group dinners so if the friend shows up late, we order on time and they can order their dinner later. I do movies, and if they miss the beginning, that's on them. Funny how most chronically late people will show up on TIME when they really have to (like for concerts and stuff). Shows me that they really can do it when they want to.

I would arrange a drop off at your friend's house next time your child wants a playdate. You can't change her being late, you can only manage it. And avoid scenerios where time is a factor to you. Good luck!

Being late is a pet peeve of mine.

I do understand that on occasion something might come up and someone might run late. However, chronically is unacceptable and disrespectful.

I had 1 friend who was routinely 20-30 minutes late. I'd show up at a restaurant only to be waiting for 1/2 hour. The last time we scheduled lunch she I waited 10 minutes then left. She called me angry when she got there because I was not there and didn't have a table. She said "Why are you late, we don't have a table?" I asked her "do you think it is my job to go get a table and wait a half hour on you?" At that time, I told her that I was not a doormat and I was tired of being treated like a peon. She was shocked when I said that and surprised because she thought nothing of being late. I told her that my time is as valuable or more so than hers and I would no longer wait for her more than 10 minutes if we ever met again.

When I schedule time to meet with people, I routinely schedule at least 15 minutes before the correct time just because some people will use it.

Also, in the event of my child waiting one someone... I would probably just do something with my child and cancel the playdate.

When someone is chronically late.... it is a blatent sign of disrespect. I will not tolerate it. My time is just as valuable as someone else's.

I am late ALL the time. I truly, truly try to be respectful of people's time but seriously, I make a point to be ready a half hour before I need to leave and something beyond my control ALWAYS comes up.
I feel terrible about this problem but I am thankful that my friends are so compassionate and understanding.

You don't HAVE to tell your kids the exact moment she is to arrive. You could tell them "around 10 o'clock" and then they won't have to be glued to the window for so long.

My sister gets so mad at me for being late. One morning, we had an insulin pump failure, had to change it, my son was bleeding, had to change clothes and then repack the bag that I carry with supplies. On the way out the door, got a phone call for our business and had to make calls to rearrange schedules. I called to let her know I would be late and she was so angry that HER SON had to wait so long.
Keep in mind, that even though you may think that she is late for no good reason, that it might be a very, very good reason in her world.

Edit* I had to laugh so hard at the posts that say that chronic tardiness is unacceptable, rude, and should not be tolerated.
In many cultures, being early or on time is excessively rude and offensive. Being late, however, is considered a honor. Ahhhhh, mabey I should move! :)

I'm always 15 minutes late and I understand that it could annoy people (like my husband - who is punctual) and I guess, from reading other people posts, lots of people think that it is rude.

None of my friends have ever said anything about it (I guess they are go with the flow people). I do think, if they DID say something, I would feel bad and it would hurt my relationship with them a little. I would feel TERRIBLE that I had bothered them so much that they had to speak to me about my behavior, and I would feel uncomfortable around them after that - always worried that another part of my behavior was not acceptable either.

If you like this person, and she is a good friend otherwise, I would just accept it and go with the flow. Tell your daughter that she will be picked up sometime that morning - not an exact time. Dont make plans with this person if you cant be flexible on the time. For example, if you were just planning on doing chores around the house, it does not really matter what time the friend comes. If you needed to go out and do errands, it does. If you plan to meet for lunch, bring a book or magazine for the wait or plan to shop a little nearby (have her call when she gets there).

If this friend is disrespectful or takes advantage of your friendship in other areas too, I would start cutting back on the amount of time you spend with her.

I dont think I would bother saying anything either way - I dont think it would make a difference in her behavior and I think it would make drama that would make you both feel upset.

ok , I am one of those late people.
I am almost always late, doesn't matter what time I start out , something always happens that will make me late.
I'm sorry that we annoy you but for the most part us late people just can't be on time. It's not something that we try to do , we don't do it on purpose.
RELAX , I'm sure she didn't try to be late ,something happened out of her control to make her that way. This stuff happens to me all the time , like this morning , my husband used my car last night and took my keys to work with him so the kids were late to school because I had to call a friend to see if she would give us a ride.

edited to add:
those of you that think it's rude and that those of us that are late all the time don't do everythign we can to be on time, PLEASE change places with me!!!!!! I'd love to be able to be on time.
You all think really highly of yourselves for your time to be more important than the late person. Things happen GET OVER IT.

And KIDS NEED TO LEARN TO WAIT so they don't end up like their impatient parents.

I know this is late, but I just wanted to say that I have been the "Late" one and I have been the one "waiting". I have to agree with you, when someone makes an appointment with another, is very disrespectful when they are late. And it does show that other things were more important then what they said they were going to do. I know it doesn't happen on purpose, but by not making an effort to be on time, they are planning on being late. And it does make the one who is waiting feel bad. This is why we have clocks and brains, so we can plan ahead:)
I read something a while ago that changed my perspective, and Late habit. It said, if you are constantly late for things and not consistently at the same time intervals, you are a poor judge of how long it takes you to finish or complete a task. It suggested that for one week, you time all your daily tasks to get a concrete idea of how long they actually take. After that you will be able to schedule your time better and be more efficient. Well I decided that I needed this. I am now, glad to say, rarely late for anything.
I also think that those who are waiting, and waiting, should stop waiting. By excusing their actions the "waiters" are enabling those who are late. If it was less tolerated, it might happen less.
So I am with you, as someone who use to be late and now reformed, being on time and following through with what you say you will do, shows love and respect for those whom you do love.
So It is possible to change, I have done it. So all who are late, stop making excuses and thinking that is just how you are.
Plan ahead, have self-control, and be on time!
E.

No one wants to be rude. The fact of the matter is that if you are bad at managing time (and possibly have ADD or some other disorders) you are not trying to be late. You are bad at managing things. You are a Mom, so you have a million things on your plate and a million things to do, and since you have to manage everything for everyone and you aren't very good at managing things for yourself it all becomes a big mess. And yes, it is stressful for us...it is constant, frustrating, unending stress. And we are more sensitive to begin with and get more easily upset on top of that. Of course it is personal, but you have to realize that they are not making any judgments about you or trying to be rude in any way. ADD people have no sense of time so if you don't constantly keep your eye on the clock you are constantly shooting yourself in the foot. You underestimate how long it takes to do things and you have way more things to do that you realize because you don't remember the things you have to do until you are in the moment. If you think it is frustrating for you, just think how frustrating and upsetting it must be to the person who is always late, being aware that you make people irritated, being upset that people are constantly making judgments of you, that they think you are intentionally being rude, and yet, trying and trying each time to be better and rarely being successful no matter how hard you try. You can't change the way your brain is wired. Yes, you can set your clock, but what is going to remind you to set your clock when time is ticking away and you are the one who has to organize everyone else and yet you have an impaired short term memory ...who is going to remind you to set the clock? It may work sometimes, but most times you are still going to be late. Please just love your friend, see if there is anyway you can help her be more on time, and build into your planning that things are probably not going to occur at exactly the time you thought....you know you are dealing with someone who has this trouble, so if she says something is going to happen at 10, you plan on it being 10:30. She is trying her best I am sure, no one WANTS to be that person.

I'm always late. All my friends know it, and if I am expected to be there at lets say 10, they know I won't be there til atleast 10:30 or 11. I have to set all my clocks a little ahead in my house, just so I'm not late (and I still am). Heck, I'm even late for doctors appointments.

My friends always tell me I am suppose to be there a half hour before I actually am, just because I'm one of the late ones.

The only place that 99.99% of the time I'm not late too, is work.

I don't intentionally do it. It's just something called Life, that happens.

So, I don't know what I'd tell you, if I had it done to me. Because, I expect it sometimes (ok a lot of the times lol).

Well, some people are just late. For whatever reason things always seem to take longer then expected or go wrong and cause them to be tardy. Its not like they are trying to be rude or hold you up, they aren't doing it on purpose because they "think its okay".
So, if you are their friend then you realize this and go with the flow. You tell your daughter to relax and say things like "She'll be here sometime this morning to pick you up. Won't that be fun? What do you want to do until then?"
That way she isn't waiting, she's just anticipating.
Perhaps give them a time that's 15 minutes earlier than others are expected to be there when it comes to parties or dinners. That way they will be closer to on time.
Bottom line is you work with it, and don't take it personally.

M. on the go, a late person is not intentionally trying to be rude. There are many reasons why anyone could be running late, but the habitual late people have a certain mindset the same way an habitual early person does. None is better than the other. A late person needs adrenalin rush to get them going, it has to be worth their while and sometimes they do try to get their early but it always end up late and it looks like it was intentional. The late person say to early people, what is the purpose of going to a doctors office for instance one hour ahead of time just to sit and do nothing but wait, read a magazine, watch the ceiling, other people etc. To a late person that is a waste of time. I find that easy going people or people who do not handle stress well tend to be early all the time. Also those routine, predictable peopel who do not think outside the box.

So relax and accept that there are two kinds of people - the early birds and the late ones. I assure you the late ones know they are being scrutinized, feels the pressure and do wish they were not labeled as such, but sometimes they cannot help it.

I used to be late no matter what I do and I marry someone who is chronically on time all the time, now the clocks have switched and he takes his little time and I rush to get there on time, so I understand your frustration, but you adjust!

I hate to say tell a white lie bu tin this case. I would tell them a half hour earlier than usual

I am on your side w/ this issue. On the daytime show "The Talk" they addressed this issue last week. The best answer they gave in my opinion is LEAVE!! :o) Of course that doesn't apply to all situations. In restaurants I would go ahead & order, which is what we do w/ my husband & his chronically late family. Also, I have one friend that I just lie to...if I want to eat @ 3 I will say 2:30-2:45. I know it doesn't make her more timely, & enables...but its less stressful on me!! Good luck!

EDIT:I never imagined there would be sooo many people on here defending habitual lateness. I'm not a stickler for time, or pi$$ed when people are late here & there...it is the constant lateness that some people are soo friggin nonchalant about. You can try to justify it as much as you want... but being late is being late AND it is kind of rude. Just because you constantly have time management issues does not make it a problem others should just deal with! And no matter how you spin it, it is saying "my time is more important than yours."

I have a friend who is pretty much always late too (not that I am the picture of punctuality either). She runs on her own time which generally means give or take half an hour before she'll get somewhere. However, I've just learned to plan on her being late and take my time getting ready or getting somewhere.

It gets kind of annoying but something I've learned is that if you really value a friendship sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad. Even if I find certain behaviors really annoying I've decided that the best way to deal with it is acceptance because I love my friend and would rather have my friend late than not at all.

I used to run five minutes late all the time. I made the decision to change my life and changed. Also, I didn't care to pass on the habit of tardiness to my child. I'm early now and it is amazing how much the stress in my life has decreased. It is very rude and very inconsiderate running late. It is a matter of being unorganized or of having the unexpected happen, it is a matter of choice. You choose to be late. How do I handle others? Not well. I'm not tolerant but I do understand. You should let the person know and hopefully help them change their lives for the better..

Have you ever spent a substantial amount of time with this friend? She may have ADHD or a number of other possible problems that are contributing to her inabilty to manage her time well. Be grateful that you have the gift of organization and punctuality! I am being very sincere. I am late. I wasn't always that way, I've cried many tears from guilt and the cold shoulder I get when I finally do arrive (my usual time if 10 to 20 mins). I feel horrible and no matter how early I start, I get distracted or legitimatly bombarded with other immdiate interruptions. I often feel unsupported. All my loved ones do it nag, complain & yell. In particular, my husband has left me and I've missed attending functions that I'd looked forward to for days, weeks even months. I have PTSD and I am going through menopause. I feel these contrubute to my habitual tardiness, however do not excuse it. I often just don't show up because I know I have to walk in late and I know ppl will see it as disrespectful and rude. I am neither. I am just overwhelmed and feel unsupported. It's something I try to improve upon everyday. On days when I have someone pick me up or drive my car...I can make it. Why??? When alone I forget what i walked in a room for. Get a call and chat too long. A crisis or somekind (vomiting child or animal) a neighborr needs a jump or to resolve an on going problem she has with us. (No, we aren't social so I've never been late to any appt. with her). All I can say is...walk a mile in anothers shoes and take time to listen to what she is and IS NOT saying. Look for clues on potential serious situations she may have in her life. She may be at risk for progression of a number of illnessess that I won't even begin to list. SHe cares, or she wouldn't keep calling. Sounds like she does her best with the abilities God has given her. Give grace and it will return your way 10 fold. None of us are perfect. Ask her if there's anyway you can help her. If someone asked me this...I'd first have to cry, hug and blow my nose but I'd be the best most loyal friend you could ever have (and I'll still be 10 min late, most likely). thanks for bringing this to the discussion board.

I am a late-type of person. I think in restaurants, go ahead and order your drinks and dinner instead of waiting. I agree that being late is rude. Usually why I am late is not to be rude, but disorganization, or thinking something will take 15 minutes and it takes 30 minutes. Still, that's not your fault and I don't expect people to accommodate me when I am late.

If your friend calls and says, "I'll be there in 15 minutes and keeps doing that, interrupt and say, "I have to leave at X time (even if it's a white lie) so if you can't get here by then, should I put your kid at the next door neighbors until you get here?" or something like that, to make her hurry more.

There is a difference in being disorganized and being self-centered. If she is self-centered, you have to assert yourself more.

My brother in law is like this. I am not a patient person when it comes to waiting on people (I can admit it). In college we would travel with him a lot. We would actually tell him we were leaving at 1 when we really were leaving at 2. It didn't change him, but I was less stress about it.

My daughter is very difficult when waiting on people too, so for you I might get her ready, but tell her she will be there later. That way you don't have to deal with the whining and constant asking "when are they coming"...again its not a perfect solution, but you have to find ways to work around other people's inconsideratness (however you would spell that!).

I stopped telling my child when they would be here because she would wait for them by the window and it really made me mad.
We stopped holding lunch for people and told them "We eat at 12 sharp. If you are late, you are welcome to heat up leftovers or eat before you come."

People who are chronically late are the reason you can't get a table at a restaurant until your entire party is at the counter. They know there are people who will wait 20-60 minutes on late people and hold a table up.
If you are one of the people who just accepts it, think about it as you watch your table being given away again.

Also, when we hold kids' parties until 20 minutes after the starting time, other parents learn to come at 20 minutes after. This is not fair to those of us who come on time and it is so boring to sit there watiting.

I feel bad, because I am always the late person! My friends know it and adjust accordingly...and typically I'm friends with other people whp are always late...I tried setting my clock ahead, but I'm not stupid my brain will acount for that, I J. always think I have enough time. As for confronting her, if it were M. you confronted I would apologize like crazy, feel terrible and agree with you, and try hard as hell not to be late, but I probably would be and feel terrible, so it would affect the friendship, you're not going to be able to change her personality because it suits you, even if you are right...I mean shes probably heard it before, and is late with everyone not J. you. That would be like her being annoyed because you show up early. ...I missed a plan to Hawaii because I showed upp late and had to wait for the next one, so obviously if I cant change it for a trip to hawaii I'm not going to be able to change it for a playdate. But I do apologize on behalf of all of us late people...we are rude by certain standards....not on purpose,...but I also would drop anything for anyoe I care about...U have to take the good with the bad I guess...or let the friendship go =)

I just wanted to say, 'wow!' I hate being late, I feel as if by being late I am telling others that I, and my time, am more important then them, and their time. It surprised me to see how many mama's on here think it's okay to be late? Are you also late to work, school, practice, everything else in life? Tardiness IS rude, even if you think it's not because 'life came up'...the people who manage to make it on time have lives, too!

I don't know what to tell you about how to deal with it. My dad is always late, but he is getting (a little) better, with him we just tell him when we are starting dinner (whatever) and if he isn't there on time, he misses out--this Summer he was not in the family reunion photo because he 'had to run to the store' 2 hours before it was taken and still wasn't back in time. My best friend is also a late person, but she knows how much I hate it, so in the interest of our friendship she really makes an attempt to be on time, and if she's late, I go without her, which I have only had to do 2 times in 12 years (since I started).

IF something REALLY comes up, that's understandable, but it's hard to believe that THAT MANY things just 'come up' EVERY single time we have plans, that gives the impression that you don't really care one way or the other if you spend time with the person or not. I feel it has to do with caring how others feel, too. Who wants to be left waiting for 1/2 hr or MORE?

EDITED TO ADD: I totally understand if someone is running a few minutes behind, and don't mind if they arrive within 10 minutes of the designated time, but much more than that and I get annoyed.

I'm one of the "tired of waiting" individuals so I feel your pain. I hate keeping people waiting and often arrive a few minutes early for things. I've often wondered the same thing - how do you handle these types of people. I work FT and so my evenings, weekends, holidays off from work, vacations, etc. are very precious to me. I have alot to balance and it really upsets me when people reserve my time and then are late, no shows, etc. Too bad we can't charge them a late fee, LOL =)

As much as I hate it when people keep me waiting it outrages me when people keep my excited child(ren) waiting! It's very rude. It's heart breaking to see the childs excitment turn to confussion and then to disappointment. I would explain that you rushed around to get your daugther ready to go and how she had to sit around and wait and how that made you both feel. Maybe she isn't picturing the sitaution. I would also suggest that you get the girls together when your not having to rush around and then, like you said, tell her that you'll do the dropping off. Maybe even go as far as getting the girls together less often and finding your daughter friends with more responsible parents to fill in the gaps.

I have had friends like this too. I tend not to remain friends for very long w/these types of people because it really p.o.'s me that they value their time more than mine. I understand people run late sometimes but when they're constantly pulling this stunt and leaving people hanging then that is just plain rude. They all seem to think if they call at that particular time and say they're running late, or there on their way, etc. than it's okay. I have found that these are also the types that cancel alot and make double-plans, etc. It seems like they tend to excuse away the behavior 'it's not a big deal' or 'I've always been that way' or 'no one else complains'. The friends I had that were like this I simply stopped making plans with them after a while of dealing with this type of behavior.

I have family members like this as well. My father, step mother, and sister to be exact. The family members I can't do much about but I admit I do not get together as often as I would like with them just because of the chronic lateness factor.

I'm surprise by how many are defending the behavior. It seems like so many are unwilling to change their ways or own up to their rude behavior. Don't let them make you feel that your the one with the problem or that your overacting, etc. As we both know (and your little girl knows), it's the complete opposite.

Updated

I'm one of the "tired of waiting" individuals so I feel your pain. I hate keeping people waiting and often arrive a few minutes early for things. I've often wondered the same thing - how do you handle these types of people. I work FT and so my evenings, weekends, holidays off from work, vacations, etc. are very precious to me. I have alot to balance and it really upsets me when people reserve my time and then are late, no shows, etc. Too bad we can't charge them a late fee, LOL =)

As much as I hate it when people keep me waiting it outrages me when people keep my excited child(ren) waiting! It's very rude. It's heart breaking to see the childs excitment turn to confussion and then to disappointment. I would explain that you rushed around to get your daugther ready to go and how she had to sit around and wait and how that made you both feel. Maybe she isn't picturing the sitaution. I would also suggest that you get the girls together when your not having to rush around and then, like you said, tell her that you'll do the dropping off. Maybe even go as far as getting the girls together less often and finding your daughter friends with more responsible parents to fill in the gaps.

I have had friends like this too. I tend not to remain friends for very long w/these types of people because it really p.o.'s me that they value their time more than mine. I understand people run late sometimes but when they're constantly pulling this stunt and leaving people hanging then that is just plain rude. They all seem to think if they call at that particular time and say they're running late, or there on their way, etc. than it's okay. I have found that these are also the types that cancel alot and make double-plans, etc. It seems like they tend to excuse away the behavior 'it's not a big deal' or 'I've always been that way' or 'no one else complains'. The friends I had that were like this I simply stopped making plans with them after a while of dealing with this type of behavior.

I have family members like this as well. My father, step mother, and sister to be exact. The family members I can't do much about but I admit I do not get together as often as I would like with them just because of the chronic lateness factor.

I'm surprise by how many are defending the behavior. It seems like so many are unwilling to change their ways or own up to their rude behavior. Don't let them make you feel that your the one with the problem or that your overacting, etc. As we both know (and your little girl knows), it's the complete opposite.

My husband has made us late for just about everything important, but he is on time for work (??) So he can do it. My son even yelled at us before his wedding and said he doesn't want us to be late. He even had to make a plane once and lied about the time ( he said an hour earlier ) and there was an accident that held us up. I was freaking out for him then found out he had adjusted it an hour earlier so he wouldn't be worried. We have been late to parties, weddings, Christenings, he doesn't know how to budget his time and decides to do things about five minutes before we go (you know like shave and clean the garage). I have been sitting in traffic my heart pumping. I went to his family's house in another area of the country and we were supposed to be godparents. THEY were all late. WE barely made it to the altar. I know now to either tell him a little earlier time or try to live with the anxiety. I still forget sometimes how he makes us late. He is a wonderful husband otherwise, so I have tried to forgive but boy is it annoying. I skip doing my hair in curlers or something if we are running late, then he thinks he needs a three hour shower at the last second. I say if you know what is supposed to happen and you can skip something then do it. It is rude. He however apparently was raised by people who don't think so. So there I go again. If it is within our power, readjust our clocks, otherwise we have to live with it, avoid certain people for certain events or learn to be comfortable with it. eeeeyuuu

i agree that it's totally self centered rude behavior. You shouldnt enable her. On the occasions that she is late and you have the opportunity to leave without her-- you should.
I doubt you will ever change her, I have a cousin like that. Even tho she is always late for everything it still seems she manages to be ON TIME for some reason.... it works for her.
I always moved things up at least a half hour if I knew I was waiting on her. And I think everyone else does too, then they learn that they still have that half hour of leaway and use it up too! Late people are like smokers, annoying at times but you still love them.

It is rude to always be late. Think about it you are ready and there on time you make your plans for the day according to what you have to do. It messes everyone up. I have a SIL that is always late we tell her an hour earlier that way she shows up on time (most of the time) she arrived at my oldest daughter's wedding after it was over, arrived at my youngest's wedding while the bridesmaids were going down the isle. We do tell her that she needs to be on time and that it isn't right. It has NOT done anything to change our relationship and hasn't caused hard feelings. We spent a lot of time waiting and eating cold food but now we just go ahead and start! I just don't understand how hard it is to be on time. Once in a while if something happens I could understand but not every time! I always got places early and at one time I was a single working Mom to 3 one of who was a baby.

By reading all of these responses, I have realized that I must cut down on all the wonderful things I want to do with friends...because I'm always late. Better to not plan on attending a function that to over plan and be late because of it. I'll start simplifying and saying no more, so I can respect the commitments I have already made. I'm too quick to say, YES, I'll go to this and that, but have to play catch up to make it all happen. No more. One thing at a time and my organization time is most important. I'll try not to feel guilty for saying no to friends. That's going to be the hardest part.

Oh, and I hope when people say they are "on time" they aren't early. I've had people show up at my place for a function 30 min or more early and that is extremely disrespectful. Worse than being late, in my opinion.

I think those who are CONSTANTLY late are control freaks... they have to always be the one controlling when things happen.... it's as though the world should revolve around them.... even when it comes to work or taking kids to school... every day, it's the SAME PEOPLE that are late.. Also, it's not like the time is new each day....... school starts at the same time........ every day... NO SURPRISES.... yet... the same people are late.... I've known people whom no matter what type of an event and no matter how many times you tell them PLEASE get there on time, they never do.. that said.. I don't have much tolerance for those who are always late. I avoid them as much as possible.. oh and IF I must hang out with them,,,,,,,, I make sure we NEVER hold up an event on their behalf.. basically, the shows goes on........... with or without them...

I dearly love my best friend but ALWAYS tell her I need to be someplace at least 15 minutes before I actually need to be there. For instance, if I have asked her to give me a ride to the doc's so hubby can stay with the kids and my appointment is at 130. I will tell her it's at 1 so I know I will be on time.

She does not have a type A bone in her entire body. I know she puts up with a lot from me and I know it's a give and take relationship. I watch her kids up to 3 evenings a week and she has my pre-schooler 1 afternoon and evening a week. If she needs a break from the kids I take hers, if I need a break she takes mine. I works for us.

I have been wating for her to come put in 2 zippers for a week and a half. She will eventually show up, I knew that going in and knew the dresses would be finished when they get finished. When she needs a garment to have button holes sewn, in I am done with the buttonholes that day. If we are sewing a garment that has gathers I know to do them myself. She is just as good as me but I can do a whole skirt with 3 tiers in an hour and she takes at least a day to get them just right.

It's just one of those things, you know your friends strengths and weaknesses. It's our job to weigh the good and the frustration and then to find a way to adjust so we can appreciate the good and find ways to forgive the not so great.

An enlightening article...

http://www.expertmagazine.com/articles/late.htm

My husband sounds like Sheila S's. My dad too! I am tyically very punctual so people being late also used to drive me insane. I get less annoyed now by either doing things like telling my husband we have to leave 15-20 min before we actually do or telling chronically late friends the same thing or just assuming they'll be their average late time. So with this friend, if she said 9:30, I'd have automatically figured 9:45 or a bit later. And then I don't tell my children what time so they're not so anxious or I tell them that this person is almost always late so I set their expectations a bit. Even a 5 year old can kind of get that. If they happen to be on time once, I'll use it as an occassion to say 'sorry, you're always late so I didn't want "suzy" to get upset waiting like usual' etc. And I figure 'let them wait for once!" Finally, I'm purposely late when I go to their house. Let them know what it's like to have their child going crazy waiting! There was one friend in college who was always super late. After graduation, one of us who was living in the same city said "never again" and she never made plans with her again. That friend has actually gotten a lot better... But you had to be willing to give up the friendship. I've tried lecturing my husband etc and he's actually gotten a lot better too but some people are just oblivious in this area and I'm not sure we can change them. So aside from adjusting start times, I now take the good with the bad. If I like them enough, I overlook it and in no way worry about being late myself with them. And I'd definitely go ahead and order etc when they're late.

Be honest to your friend, tell her you don't like tardiness, it's just one of your pet peeves. We all have them, instead of being so mad, let her know. Remember, you have NO CONTROL over anyone else. She did call and let you know she was running late, it would be really rude if she didn't even make an effort to notify you and you were just waiting and waiting for her.

Lateness doesn't bother me usually, and I'm late myself. My friends know, and family. Not all the time either, but I lean towards being late than on time. I'll tell people if I'm not there and they want to go on without me, that's fine.

I feel your pain. Really, for those of us who are on time, it's hurtful when a good friend is always late. I think this is because we make every effort to make sure we are on time and then are left waiting, wondering.
This happened to me with my best friend years ago. Once she even forgot me altogether, but I kept waiting for hours (not too bright), because I didn't know she wasn't coming. I was very upset and finally told her. We got past it over time, with my friend trying her best, and with my being less worried about being on time for her. My friend is no longer with us, and I am much older and hopefully wiser, and I am so happy that we both were able to make adjustments to continue our times together.
Rosemary

My best friend is always late, no matter the event. Even if it is something that she is required to do, she is late. I agree with you, I think that habitual lateness is rude and inconsiderate. Tardiness is a big pet peeve of mine, but I realized that she is always going to be late. All I can do is control my reactions to her lateness and I don't want to ruin my day with anger at her tardiness. So I try to mediate the situation by preventing my having to wait on her. When we are doing something together, I give her a meeting time of 30 minutes earlier and I also anticipate her being 15 minutes late so I don't have to wait. At times I have just left her because I'm tired of waiting. And if we're meeting at a restaurant, I never wait to order anymore.

I hate that too. I don't mind when something comes up once in a while. It happens to me too. I totally get it when you are dealing with small kids, and especially with multiple small kids (for some families). The ones that really annoy me are the ones without kids that do it!

What I have done, for our kids, because really, that is who is suffering...
Is tell THEM that "so and so said they will be here 'around' ___(time)." And go on and tell them that they probably won't be here RIGHT AT __ time, but probably around 30 minutes after that time.
Sorry you are having to deal with it.

I think I my "late friend" must be yours.....I get the same story everytime we make plans. I have chosen to time things with a "cushion". I always plan things with her about an hour ahead and she usually gets there about an hour after our planned time. This doesn't work with the movies or plays, but we just go in and hope she makes it. The late people that have posted here have to realize that we are all last occasionally, and that is understandable of course. But I personally think that people that are chronically late for every event, playdate, dinner, etc are really rude. I don't understand how they go about life that way, always rushed, always making excuses. I would be embarrassed. Its a really bad example for their kids. The kids will grow up thinking its okay to be late. Its very disrespectful in my opinion. Its almost like saying you don't matter enough to me for me to make an effort to get there when I said I would.

I didn't read all the other responses BUT

I am a late one, SOMETIMES. I think you are right on track, I think it is rude and disrespectful when someone is late to something like a dinner reservation or another appointment etc.

I am late ALOT but it is always stuff where it is no big deal, we usually run a bit late for play dates at the park, or for the 10 a.m. bounce house meeting etc. BUT I also know that OTHER PEOPLE'S time is valuable. And when I am late, I phone or text someone to let them know I am still coming and what time I will be there. I also let them know NOT to wait around for us, start playing, go into the bounce house etc.

I show respect for my friends by showing up early or on time when it's important. I will not arrive late to a mom's night out when I know that people are waiting on me to be seated or to have dinner. I will not be late when I know a group of mom's are hanging out by the front of the zoo waiting for everyone so that we can walk through the zoo together. I will not be late when I know that I have a doctor's appointment, I will not be late when it is important. I do whatever I have to, that means that sometimes my kids and I get up 3 hours early to be somewhere on time.

She is being rude and disrespectful if she isn't on time when it really matters. I would express that too her in a sincere and nice way and let her know it bothers you. If she doesn't change then I would avoid including her in things where you know time matters.

if you are waiting to go out with them or order with them do it without them as far as the mom who is late picking your daughter up next time I would tell my daughter not to get so excited they have a habit of not showing up on time and to expectthem later ifyou want the child picked up by 930 tell them 830 and they will be on time :)

and after reading your what happened I am one of them who set my clock fast so I am not late especially my alarm clock it is 30 minutes fast so when I wake up I think i am late when I really am not it takes me 10 minutes to realize I am not late :) and by that time I am dressed ready to go. but I am never late :)

I have an in-law that's one of the "late people" you are describing. After years and years of the whole family waiting on her, sometimes for an hour or more, we've decided to stop being so nice about it. It wasn't something we decided to do as a group, its just kind of happened. We started telling her an earlier arrival time, for example if we are eating dinner at 6 we tell her 5. Everyone in the family, at one time or another, has made comments to her about being late. Not in a mean way, just honest comments. I think she finally gets it!

Also, for me personally, I've decided to give up on her ever being on time and try my best to not make plans with her that hinder on her being punctual. My last straw was over the winter. Her oldest child came to spend a few days at my house. She was to pick the child up early in the afternoon on the final day then I was taking my kids to doctors appts. She was almost 30 mins late which made me late for the doctor. That, in turn, made the doctor late for the appt after mine. Her being late effected more than just her, it changed my day, the doctors day and the other patients the doctor was seeing. I think people that are chronically late don't realize how much it can effect other people. Sometimes a lot of other people.

For my in-law, most of her problem is that she 1. loses track of time and thinks she has more time than she really does and 2. feels her house needs to be clean before she can leave. I've been at her house, trying to get her out the door, and she wants to pick up toys and do dishes before we go. Even if she's already running late. Don't get me wrong, I try to do the same thing because I hate coming home to a messy house. However, I know being late to a meeting, playdate, etc is rude and disrespectful to those left waiting. Yes, I've been late before and am usually running 5-10 min behind. Not more than that though!

I am not nearly as forgiving as many of the posters. I will not wait if someone is more than 30 minutes late, especially if they make no attempt to let me know. I just leave and let them stand around waiting for me, wondering where I am, like I had to do for them. I don't get mad. I just don't wait. If they do bother to call and they're going to be more than 30 minutes late, I just reschedule. To quote Inigo Montoya, "I hate waiting."

When my husband and I were dating, we made arrangements to meet at his house. I waited 30 minutes and he never showed. I left a note on his door telling him that I wait for no one. He has only been late once in the 16 years since then, and that was because he was stuck in horrendous traffic coming home from out of town. (wound up being 4 hours late, but not his fault)

People will disrespect you to the degree that you allow them to.

Honestly, you really just have to lower your expectations. Plan on them being late and you won't feel so frustrated. Explain to your daughter that most likely they will be late and to be patient. Or just get her ready, but don't tell her when they will be there - just say it will be in a little while.

Regarding dinner reservations, GO AGEAD AND ORDER! They will get the hint after it happens a couple of times. You can always use the excuse, "Oh, I have a little headache and needed to go and ahead and order.", or "I am just famished and it was getting little late, so we went ahead and ordered." You could also call them and ask if they know what they and you could order for them so it will be ready when they arrive. There are many clever tricks you can use to get your point across w/o being direct or rude.

I used to get upset about the same things. I DO understand your frustration! However, if I have learned anything from having kids is that we are all so very different and have to be flexible and adaptable - even if others aren't'.

This is such a pet peeve of mine because I like being on time and the only times that I wasn't were probably when the kids were babies and there was some unforeseeable accident. But I too, hate it when people are late because I feel that If I can make it out to door (with planning), then they should too. I had a friend who was very much like the friend you describe. After a couple of those incidences I: 1.stopped telling my daughter any plans we had with her 2. stopped creating situations where we would wait for her for example, I'd go to her place instead of the other way around.

What gets me riled up is when the kids, like yours, gets excited to go somewhere and then has to wait and be disappointed so now I rarely share with the kids any plans we have so that if it falls through, they'll be okay.

Take care.

I agree completely! I have a friend like that, and I have to fight tendencies to be lare myself. That makes it worse: after trying so hard to get everything ready on time at my end, my friend is late! I was raised to regard this as rude behavior, and I can't help seeing it as inconsiderate, from others just as much as from myself. If something is important to you, you make it happen. Aside from the unexpected, of course. If I can get myself say down in front of the rhe

GAH! Ihate being late. My husband couldn't care less. It is OFTEN a problem between the two of us. Me getting my boys (2 of them), myself and the baby ready to go while my husband lollygags and gets himself ready. I still am ready on time while he is usually late. It blows my mind. I HATE IT!
How do I deal? I just do. I would tell your daughter, "Hey, you know ms. Jackie is always late, don't worry, she'll be here!" Then, if your daughter repeats it, which children usually do, it may open up your friends eyes. You may even say somehting directly to her, "Hey Jackie, I have had my daughter ready for you since 9:30...what happened?!"
Or, if you know that she is ALWAYS late, set up a time to meet (for example, 10am) and then tell her to meet you at 9:30. You show up at 10, your friend probably will too. lol (that's what I do with my husband)

I hate being late and I try not to be, yet I often am. Although I am NEVER late more than 15 minutes or so. It has taken a lot of conscience effort for me to just get to this point. I seem to have days where I am just totally unorganized, and time goes by faster than I am thinking it is. No matter how much I try to plan ahead, I often run into some kind of last minute problem.

Have you ever told your friend how her chronic lateness makes you feel? Have you ever asked her why she is always late? Have you ever offered her your assistance (if there is anything you can do to help her be on time)? TALK TO HER!!! Open up a dialogue between the two of you. Who knows, maybe you'll discover something new about each other or find ways to work on it.

I have a friend who is constantly late. We've been friends for 20 years and it's always been the same. I once told her that I don't feel she respects other people's time like she does her own. Nothing....
The last time we got together for lunch with all our little ones and my 16 month old and I were waiting at the table drinking water for an hour before she finally arrived late...with no real excuse. No more for me.

I understand things come up and force people to be late SOMETIMES but when it's a regular thing there is no excuse. It's just plain rude.

Yuck --- Unprompt people.

My husband has this tedious predilection. I simply fudge the deadlines on everything. If we need to be somewhere at 7:00, then I tell him we need to be there at 6:30.

I am a professional. Professional mom and professional corporate peon. Being on time is a gift I give to others and when they do not reciprocate, I remember.

I get that the "unexpected" can happen but you can plan for the unexpected 90% of the time. There is only 10% that can truly be explained away. People that are chronically late have some sort of disability that the rest of us need to forgive and plan around.

Well, I'd suggest an earlier time and then expect them to be late. No offense to anyone, I actually have to do this with my husband, lol, and a child. It may actually help to re-organize them a bit. In other words, for my adhd child, I start earlier with him knowing it will take longer to get him out the door. Most of our generation, so to speak, didn't necessarily benefit from that. At any rate, couldn't hurt to try it.

:)

I have a perpetually late friend (she is always 30-60 minutes late to everything). She is just told meeting times 45 minutes before the actual start time.

I'm a new member and just saw your post.I can definitely relate; however, after watching these videos I now understand more and realize (for the most part) it's just the way some people are:
http://littlethingsdomatter.com/colors

Hope they help,
V.

I must agree with you. When a specific time is given, then the person responsible for getting to the function must be on time. I'm not talking 1-15 minutes late for traffic, I'm referring to the 16 minute-2 hours late people. I've had to hold up things because of unorganized people and find it's rude. If I say I will pick up or drop off at a specific time - you better believe I start out early enough to be there at that time. It's called common courtesy.

Lately, when meeting for dinners, I will wait 15 minutes then order. I'm not going to sit there forever when I'm taking up a table and wasting the waiter/waitress' time. They need the table for the next person so they make money. It's all about being considerate of others. When the other guests arrive, I tell them we've ordered and it's up to them to get their orders in quickly to have their meals out close to ours. When they remark about waiting for them, I politely state we waited 15 minutes and didn't think it appropriate to wait longer and then remind them we stated a time.

My son used to think I was being a jerk but now in college, he finds that if he's late to class, they lock the door and he misses out. It's a lesson more people could learn - afterall, are they late to work? I'm sure their boss wouldn't tolerate it either.