I think it's really hard for some people. I also think there are people who are truly selfish and clueless, but I don't think it's everyone.I understand how frustrated people get when they are waiting for someone who is late. I think a lot of people who suffer from depression or anxiety just can't get all their ducks in a row - the thought process is as difficult and as real as, say, someone else with dyslexia who just can't see the letters in the right order or someone with an eating disorder who just thinks she's fat all the time no matter what anyone else says.
I'm the type who has too many things going on and I always think I can squeeze one more thing in, but I still try really hard not to be late. I often find that one of the many things I need to do didn't get on my list - like ironing something I must wear for an event. I find I get super stressed trying to make up time, and it's much worse for me. But I've also been on the other side of it, sitting in a car on a hot day, waiting for someone for an arranged day at the beach or sitting in a restaurant alone, taking up a table for a waitress who isn't making a dime off me because my companion hasn't arrived yet to order. When I think about the effect on others and how irritated I get when it happens to me, it motivates me to do better.
My husband has had his watch set 5 minutes fast since he was 20 years old for just that reason, but I still tell him our departure time is 15 minutes before it really is. Why? Because it makes my life so much better and I think it makes him a safer driver when he isn't rushing. I think too many people on the roads are speeding and cutting people off or just not watching the rest of the traffic because they are so far behind schedule, and that's dangerous. Imagine your child crossing the street or the mall parking, even in a crosswalk, and someone as late as you are zooming right into her because they were late. That's motivating!
I think it helps to do a few things:
1) do as much the night before as you can (set out clothes, iron your blouse, make school lunch, pack the backpack, etc.) to minimize the decision making
2) have a really good organization system by the door - keys, backpack hooks, basket for mittens/gloves, phone charger, etc.
3) Prioritize tasks so the luxuries are at the end of the list. So the child absolute MUST eat breakfast and get dressed before turning on the TV or reading a book. Use the same list for yourself. You get dress and eat breakfast before you have coffee or look at the paper or emails, or turn on Good Morning America.
4) Have a set of clothes and a snack bar in the car for the kid who is still in pajamas with no breakfast at departure time. There's nothing more effective than putting a kid in the car in PJs and telling her she's going to school like that with her hair messed up, or she can change in the car, and no, there's no favorite breakfast because she didn't get ready on time.
5) When my son didn't want to get ready for school bus, I told him "Fine. When you are ready, I will drive you since you will have missed the bus. But the school rule is that late arrivals must check in at the office before going to class. So you can stop in and explain to Mrs. X the principal why you don't think it's important for you to come to school on time." That took ME out of it and put the consequences of tardiness right on his shoulders.
6) Counseling or Coaching - get to the root of the problem and have a professional help you with very real strategies to get over this hump especially because you see it affecting your daughter's life. You can get help getting to a place where you actually have far less stress by being on time or even early.
I think there can be a "nature" basis for it, but that can't be an excuse to not deal with it. There's a "nature" basis to strep throat and clinical depression in the sense that no one else caused it, but that doesn't mean you don't get treated.