Revised: Guests Arriving Late to 10 Y/o Birthday Party. What Do You Think?

We always try to get to all kid parties ON TIME as stated on the invitation. We received O. invitation that stated the time as "2:00 PROMPT" and I felt that was rude!

I either expect them to be relatively on time (within 10-20 min) or a phone call saying they are late / not coming. Especially if they rsvp'd that they would be there. I think that is rude. And no I have never put "sharp" on my daughters birthday invitations.....If it says it starts at 6pm it starts at 6pm right? lol

Hi, I always state that the party starts 30min earlier than the actual time. because most people are 30min late to parties so this way if you tell them a different time most of them will get there right on time :)

haha....I have to ask, were any of them hispanic?? I don't want anyone to think I am wrong in asking that, but I am married to a guy from Mexico and he is ALWAYS late. It drives me absolutely frickin' batty. And it's not just him!! it's his whole family, his friends, his aunts and uncles...bleh. I hate it.
So, a couple of years ago I did a party for my son and we had my side of the family and my husbands. I sent out invites and called people and told them it would start at 1pm. All of MY side of the family and friends were there at 1pm....my husband's? They got there at about 5 or 6pm and stayed until 10pm!! I couldn't take it!!
The next year I called and told everyone this was NOT going to be "tiempo Mexicano" that when I said 5pm, that's what I meant! They STILL showed up about an hour late, but they were closer.
(my husband was even 15minutes late to our wedding. I'm tellin' ya....sigh)
So, I have no advice except what I do now. The party starts when it starts, when I said it was gonna start. We do what I was going to do (food, pinatas, games) when I would have done them. If they show up late, then they wont get to wack to pinata or play games. Then the owness is on the parent. It's rude to show up so late and I hate it....but I have learned to just deal with it.
L.

i would put on the party invite.. the time it starts... and food will be served.. it seems like some just wanted to come for the food... and no games.. don't tell them the times for all activities.. just put the time.. and that's it.. it is rude of them to come late.. they missed out.

I am truly confused by all the people who think saying that you'll come to a party and then coming really late with no reason is not rude. How is that not rude?

This person is putting forth a lot of effort for your enjoyment. The least you could do is be there when the party is happening, not just whenever you FEEL like coming. Maybe the hostess should only serve food, when she FEELS like it.

When you accept an invitation, there is an expectation on both sides. One side will provide the food & and entertainment, the other side will be there to enjoy the food and entertainment. Not difficult stuff.

I went through something similar at my daughter's birthday last year. I had an rsvp date that was one week before the party. I had about 10 people rsvp. I went out and got the food, the goodie bags, prizes, baked the cake, etc. The DAY BEFORE the party, 10 more people rsvp'd!! As if I wasn't busy enough putting the party stuff together, I then had to squeeze in another trip to the supermarket, another trip to the party store and another trip to the toy store. Thanks!

But here's the best part - of the 10 who rsvp'd late, 8 of them DIDN'T SHOW UP AT ALL!!!!! And none of them called. Really? You just rsvp'd YESTERDAY and today you don't come?? I was furious! I wasted so much money on those ingrates. Grrr.

I saw one of the moms at school the following Monday and do you know what excuse she gave me for breaking my 5 year old's heart? "We decided to go to my mother-in-law's house instead." Wow. Just...wow.

Is it possible that people thought the games were optional and only came in time for dinner and cake?

Personally, I think it's rude, but would take it as a life lesson. If you want people there at 6:00, but put that as the start time- don't include the whole agenda. If you plan on eating at 7:00, then that's your own "party schedule" that you have for planning. I'm not sure how it was worded, but many 13 yr olds may not be into the games!

Next time, just put the actualy start time of the party and make sure to have your daughter "spread the word" that the latecomers will miss something really cool!

I think rules have changed. In my opnion, think a party is not mandatory. Therefore, the time that you show up is sort of optional. Parties times are usually pretty loose unless there is some reason for them not to be.

If we were, for instance, going to do something like a movie or serving a sit down dinner I would stress the importance of punctuality and expect an excuse if they were late. Other than that, A party is a fun thing and shouldn't be a point of stress and apologies if you can't get there within a 10 minute window.

Of course, I also drink whatever color of wine I want with whatever sounds good and I wear white anytime I please. I stopped wearing hose - yes even to church. And I sometimes regift. So what do I know!

Hi Mama-
I really think you were lucky to get most of them before the party was over. =)

Okay, for an honest opinion, this is what I think: there is fashionably late and there is LATE. If your invitation stated that the party started at 6, but it was just games (not JUST games, but honestly, just games until all the goers arrived), then the first 20-25 minutes should be allowed for arrival. So until 6:20, no one is rudely late. However, being a birthday party for younger kids, it is polite to show up by 6:15 at the latest and call if they are going to be later. Apologies should be passed around even for the "fashionably late" comers. I don't think kids parties are really any different from adult parties other than they are more limited, so in their time frame if a person shows up (parents bring them) at 7:30 and the party ends around 8 or so, ask the parents to stay (promote saving gas, making one less trip), etc., because the party is almost over.
Example: My hubby is an on timer, and I love it because I desire to be an on timer but am a fashionably late - er probably for all time. I used to be the horrifically late person and that was embarrassing as a kid. So as an adult, the rule is no more than 15 minutes late to any party for any age, kids included. You just don't want to miss out on all the fun stuff!
On the birthday invitations, next year I would not list a schedule of events. I think that is part of the issue. Not your fault, but just say the party starts at 6 p.m. and ask your guests to arrive no later than 6:15 p.m. (unless otherwise calling with a reason) so that the festivities may get underway and the party can last as long as possible. This way, they don't think "Oh, I don't need to show up for that part of it" or "it's just the social mixer before the party starts" kind of thing because you will have mixed it up...had dinner first....things like that. Kids are sort of non committal in my opinion (not all, but a good portion) and if they see a schedule of events, will show for the parts they want to partake in, not understanding that it's rude and not really an option. Either they come to the party or they don't. They don't have to play the games, but their presence is important to the birthday girl/boy which is why they were invited.
I hope that makes sense. I think kids behavior should indicate how they will behave not only now, but in the future. Showing up almost an hour after the party starts is rude at any age, and I would never think it was okay for people to do so, even if my invite didn't say "sharp" on it. 6p.m. is 6 p.m. And 6:15 - 6:20 p.m. is about as late as you can get without being rude to the person who's party it is.
I hope that makes sense and it helps, and I think you have every right to ask people to show up a close to on time as humanly possible. They don't have to be on the dot, but if they are late, they should at least apologize with reason in hand.
LOL, I think I get this opinion from my mother. =) And I hope that my children will have it as well.
Good luck mama. Don't stress over it any...just make sure your kids are able to communicate timeliness to their friends and behave as politely as you do. Eventually it will come around to serve them well, and they can be an example for the people around them.
-E. M

P.S. If is the parents who aren't on time (like the one at 7:15p.m.), then that is another issue altogether with the parents schedule,etc. I would still expect a phone call or an apology, but if they don't offer one, would not worry about it. You don't have much control if any over the other parents and families. It's one of those where you should generalize the invite and let the rest roll off your back. Enjoy the kids that are there and let their fun encourage the others to want to be there earlier next time. =)

You've gotten a lot of responses - hot topic!

First of all, I totally agree that the behavior of your late guests was rude. That said, my thought is, you cannot control what others do or do not do, you can only control your response. Hopefully the girls that were "bummed" will encourage their mommas to get them to parties in a timely fashion in the future. It's too bad that it happened at your daughter's party, but times like this offer teachable moments...you can teach your daughter to get upset with others, or you can teach her to celebrate with the people that are there and be welcoming to those who come late...especially since the children that are the guests can only do so much to get to your home on time. ;) You can't drag people there, and if you're stressed, no one will enjoy themselves because everyone will feel the tension.

It sounds like you must have held it together just fine on the surface if everyone present was laughing and having fun. :)

Oh, and I agree with the several that said just put a "start" time...I don't think "SHARP" is necessary - makes it feel like a meeting and not a party, IMO.

Take care!

On my kids birthday invites would says party starts at 6 p.m. It is more important to be on time to a kids birthday party than any other social event. Too bad that happen to your daughter. She must of been wondering for over an hour, why aren't some people weren't coming? She must of been upset. You must of been wondering, I'm I setting the table for 7 or 12.

Not letting the parents/kids know what time activities will be can help get people there on time. Keeping them wondering if I'm not there what am I missing. I'm not sure if you put on the invite games 6 to 7, dinner at 7. They might of thought they had a choice on to arrive until dinner. Thinking that was the important function.

7 out of 12 is about right, a little more than 1/2 of the people have concern for others and social etiquette. 6 o/c means with in 15 mins. of it. Stating "6: p.m. Sharp" wouldn't allow those 15 for little things to go wrong. Those that were hour late wouldn't of cared anyway. Yes you should of expected people to there on time. When a person is late it shows that you feel what ever they have going on is more important than the people they are supposed to meet. ie mother's phone call was more important than getting her daughter's party. Kid's birthday is a special invite for them and their parents. Hopefully your daughter doesn't take it personally.

Hey D.,
Sounds like you live in Orange County. ;) I have had the same issue and honestly, it's where we live. People are far too busy doing too many things that they can't get anywhere on time. It's really unfortunately that people's priorities have gotten really out of whack, but this is part of the culture of the area we live in.

I have learned that the first 1/2 hour is arrival time. I haven't started planning anything until at least 30 minutes into when the party began. Maybe have the party start at 5:30pm and mention games begin at 6pm Sharp! Sounds like kids had a good time and maybe some of the parents learned a lesson about timliness... Good luck in future party planning.

People are just like that. Inconsiderate. And, without stating which, I find that there is one certain culture that is always late - it is a running joke around here.
I usually don't plan anything for the first 30-60 minutes of a party. No one shows up on the dot, people are always late. And the kids are usually talking and parents end up chatting & visiting, etc. So I usually wouldn't start an activity or serve a food during that time to give everyone time to get there and get settled.
And the same goes for pickup. The parents are usually late to pick the kids up too! LOL
Better luck next time :)

Having two start times on the invitation is confusing. I wouldn't be sure when you wanted my child there. I would think that games started at 6 but that you wanted all the guest there by 7 for dinner, the games being optional. I would just state one time for the party to start. I try to get my kids to the house of the party 5-10 minutes early so I don't get caught in traffic.

Didn't read the rest of your responses, but as a person who has always been on time (my parents taught me the importance of that, by the way, I don't necessarily think it comes "naturally") I find that very rude. I would definitely call the host if some unforseen circumstances came up or if I knew right off the bat that we would have to be late and I would want to confirm that it would be ok to DISRUPT the party by being late. What can I say? People are just rude these days -- and selfish. Where have all the manners gone?? Are we all too busy to teach manners to our children, and them model them ourselves as well? And no, I don't think you need to mention "sharp" on the invitation. But maybe "party starts promptly at 6; we have lots of fun stuff planned!" or something like that. It's a shame you'd even have to do that, frankly!!

With young children, it's understandable because getting out the door can be a challenge. Most people showed up 45 min to 1 hour late to my daughter's last b-day, but these were 4-6 year olds - and we kept everything very loose an casual for that reason.
With older kids, getting them to a party on time shouldn't be so difficult. It's rude, and even ruder is that no one apologized. Social graces seem to have fallen by the wayside these days, and it's very sad.

I am an on-time sort of girl too. But I have come to find out much to my sorrow, that many people are not. To many people, 6:00 and 6:30 are the exact same time and that arriving within an hour of the stated time qualifies as being "on time".

The only kind of party without a firm start time is called an open house or a cocktail party and that is clearly not what your invitation was.

Next time, keep the agenda secret and add something like, "The party train is leaving the station at 6:00. Don't be late -- The train won't wait."

I have never had anyone show up that late to a party, maybe 10 -15 minutes. I too am an on-time person and hate to be late to anything and I expect that from everyone, lol. I find it rude and then upsetting for my daughter's and their friends when they arrive late and miss out on something.I do know it is the parents that are the ones that must drive but don't RSVP your child can come if you can't get them there. I have never put Sharp on an invitation and have never had one come home like that.

Maybe next time i would suggest not starting games so soon..my son is only 4..but when we have parties we give the start time which is usually in the afternoon around 1pm..people come ..we all hang out the kids play and then when i feel its right we start games..its rude to be late but i hate to rush anyone..i don't want anyone to get into an accident rushing to our party..i'm more bummed if people say they're going to show up and then don't..my son's first bday my friend couldn't make it on that day and asked me to have it the following weekend..then she didn't show up or call..i stopped being friends with her for a couple of years after that..that was just the final straw of a string of things she's pulled..
Next time i would allow more time for people to show up but yes very rude to not apologize.

D.

Since you gave several times on the invitation, some people might have misinterpreted that as "come for whatever part is most convenient to you" or "come at any of these times". I put the start time on invitations and that's it. I expect people to be late, up to about an hour, but don't stress if they are. If something is time sensitive, like a sit-down dinner or a surprise, I put that on the inviation ("dinner will be served at 7, so please make sure you arrive no later than 6:45" or "the surprise will be at 6:30, so please no later than 5:45 or after 7"). I also automatically put some wiggle-room in my timing, because some people will be a little late no matter what.

That is rude, but sadly, it's the way things are.

However, I think it's okay if folks arrive 15, even 30 minutes late. I really do. I don't think you should put "sharp", I think it sends the wrong message. Who wants to punch a time clock to a party.

So on my invites, I say for example, "12pm-2pm and lunch is served." If you want folks 'on time', maybe put "lunch is served at 12:15 with cake at 12:45 p.m. Please RSVP if you will be joining us for lunch and/or cake." That way, you know whom will be arriving at basically what time!

Every time I host a gathering, of any type, there is always something I wish would have gone better or that I feel could use improvement, so I just change it for the next time!

Other than that, relax...have a good time and lower your expectations about others punctuality.

I tend to run late, so I cut people slack for late arrivals. BUT, we've also had people come an hour or more late, without letting us know it'll happen and without apologies. Yes, it's rude to the birthday girl and the attendees, but none of them can control that. The point of a party is to get friends together and celebrate something special, so let it go as much as you can. If there's a timeframe you MUST keep - a movie starting, for instance - let everyone know in advance that you can't accomodate latecomers. Otherwise, just grit your teeth, smile, and let it go.

Lesson learned- Never listen to your sister ;) I agree to just have a start time.

I am with you. I believe it is rude to come late unless there was an emergency or you notified the host when you RSVP'd that you would have to be late because of "some other reason".

I would not have specified what times games and dinner was...just what time the party was scheduled for. That is what I do.

I think it is a matter of priorities. Some parents think "Oh, they can miss some of the games" or "no one is on time so it is ok to be late". My mom used to wait until it was time to be at the skating rink to leave the house to take me (she only lived 10-15 away) but then we had to run to the store to pick something up. As the kid who is late, it is very disappointing. For some, I think it is their logic that "it says 2-4 so we can't come until 2" rather than reading it as "it starts at 2 pm so I should arrive just before that so it can start on time".

I think you put too many times on the invitation which made it sound like attending certain things was optional.
You should just indicate what time the party starts and if the parents call with questions, you can go into details about scheduling.
You seem like you try to be very concise about things, which is fine, but sometimes that sets you up for being bent out of shape when other people aren't so rigid about things or something comes up and they have to be late for other scheduling obligations like having more than one kid to get somewhere.
Keep the invitation more simple next time. I think that might work better.

Best wishes.

Hi All,
A Dad here (respectively hoping that's ok) - a few thoughts:
First and foremost kids birthday parties are about the kids, only. This is a time for them to celebrate a life event with their friends.
Kids parties tend to be shorter than adult parties so "late windows" get compressed so as not to miss the activities
I generally try to stay within start time to within about 10 minutes after. For a house party lean to 5- 10 minutes after to give the host a few extra minutes to prepare if they ran behind. Paid party at an event place on time to 5 minutes after.
If I'm the host be grateful they took the time and effort to allow my child to play with their friend (their child) on my child's life event - regardless of when they show up. I've spent the time, effort and money to celebrate my child not to build an obligation of another to me. I would, of course, like that to be the most possible, but my desires for expectations of other's behaviors (which I can't control) are not helpful for me. We celebrate with those that are there earlier and embrace the other's when they get their happy they have come - even if it's for a shorter time. I try and keep in mind I have no idea what's going on in other's life's. Many parents have social anxieties and may trying really hard just to get there. I say celebrate the wonderful event with whoever and whenever they get there! Lighten up and enjoy - by doing so you may find those late comers arrive earlier and earlier as their kids nag them and they comfort and gratitude you show when they do get there. This approach works for me but may not work for everyone - peace all.

I think you should put SHARP on it. It's a social event, meant to be relaxing. Having to get there on time isn't relaxing for most people. I understand that because you're not like that, you can't really GET IT, but for most people, they don't want to have to feel pressure like they are going to work for something that's supposed to be enjoyable. When someone puts 'SHARP' on the invite, or they say that games will began at x-time and dinner begins at x-time, it lets people know that it's not your average 'mill around' type party and they try much harder to get there in a timely fashion.

In the future, if you can try and anticipate the guests' point of view and not just your intentions, you'll be more even keel. When you're focused on all the cool things you're going to do for people without taking into consideration the actual people involved, it tends to get a little Bridezilla-ish. My sister is an event planner and I've seen her go ape often, but it's because she's obsessed with her plans. Good luck.

I find it rude that people find it so rude...and who is to judge what a good enough "excuse" is. I have read 2-3 responses (one directly, and some indirectly) about other cultures or "hispanics" in particular that tend to "always" be late. To some extend, this is a cultural question too...maybe everyone on mamasource believes that being late is rude, and maybe they all grew up with "on time" as a #1 value, but not every thinks that it's rude, therefore it's not always a selfish act.
If being "on time" is what matter most in a birthday party, then be it. If friends showing up, or families being present, giving presents, enjoying each other's company is more important, then why make it such a big deal.
All I'm saying is that we live in a society - that we can't just say it's a race/cultural thing and also -we live in such a fast pace society, that people are expected to squeeze more things in a day...plus, sorry to say, your daughter's party may be the center of your universe from 6pm sharp, but that just may not be the case for everyone else.