Just a Few off the Wall Questions

As for
1. I dunno if there is an age limit. But, when you find your child riding her bike and notice the training wheels are hardly touching the ground then that is when i remove them. Some is very shortly and some take alittle longer. Good luck make sure their wearing all the bike protective gear that they have to offer.
2. Your right back when we were 5 is was a simpler time. With all these kidnappings lately i'm also paranoid. No child should be totally left out alone. A window should be in perfect site of you child at all times. If you have a privacy fence it is better. She needs to know exactly where she can be at all times and if she gets out of that area just for a second you need to discipline her it is very important she knows where an where not to be. 14 sounds good to me lol
thats my opinion anyways.
3.o wow 4 yrs and asking about sex perhaps she's watching too many will & grace episodes lol. I guess if she askes try to keep it age appropriate. As for the death issue, with all she has been through it is common for her to wonder about death. Just explain the best you can i had to go through this a few years about with my daughter she was around 5 when her granddad pasted.
Good luck on all
jan

1. When your child feels ready to take the training wheels off. If she wants to try it, then go for it. If not, it's OK to wait. I know a child that learned at 4. I know another that didn't learn until 8. My daughter is 6 and is just now learning. She was too scared before now and I didn't want to force her.

2. This depends on many factors. The maturity of your child, where you live, and how much you trust your daughter to respect your wishes. My daughter plays outside by herself, but I live on a dead-end road. My mother is my neighbor, my grandmother her neighbor, and my uncle her neighbor. No one comes near my house without us knowing. She knows her boundaries in the yard and where not to cross. If we still lived at our old place in the middle of town, there would be NO way she could play by herself. (Does that make sense?)

3. My daughter is 6 and we are dealing with the death topic. I've even had her talk to the school couselor because of her drawing pictures of my grandfather in a casket on the back of her math papers. Be honest, but reassuring. It may surface again later (as the case with us - my grandfather died when she was only 2 and she's dealt with much more since then) but that too is normal. They can't greive what they don't know. And until they fully understand and grasp the concept of what death is, they can't fully greive. I don't know if you have any religious affiliations, but I asked a pastor friend of mine how to explain death and dying to a child and he was very helpful.

Good luck!

Hi A..

I'm a mom of three, ages 9, 6, and 21mos. My oldest is a boy and the two youger ones are girls. I am also a children's book writer, novelist and the Houston rep. for Cedar Valley Publishing but I cannot draw to save my life!! <grin> I'll see if I can help but just remember that evryone has different views on how to raise kids and each child is different.

1. Training wheels are a good thing until she feel confident to tell you she wants them off. When she tells you, then she's ready. My son still does not know how to ride a bike but he has a scooter and can keep up with other neighborhood kids.

2. When you say outside, do you mean front yard or back? My oldest two go riding to their friends houses, who live on our street of course, by themselves all the time. BUT My 6yr old cannot go without her older brother. She does ride her scooter up and down the sidewalk alone but she stays on one side of the street and I see her through our windows. I've talked with them extensively about strangers and we're very blessed to live on a street with so many great families. I'd suggest you get to know your neighbors before you let your little one roam alone.

3. I think she's too young to know any details about sex of any kind but you should do what you think is right. I only just had the, ugh, "talk" with my son this past November. I think kids grow up way too fast and I don't feel the need to take their innocence away. As I said, we all have different views and my kids go to our church's school. You have a mother's instinct and it will tell you what is right for your child.

I hope this helps.

God bless,

Chris

1. I agree with the other posts that you have to listen to your daughter's cues. My oldest son started riding a 2-wheeler at at 2 1/2 (before he was completely potty trained), and my youngest is nowhere near ready and he's 4. When Gwen starts riding with her training wheels barely touching the ground, she's probably ready. You can always try it, with you holding the bike, and see how she does. It's not hard to put the training wheels back on.

2. This also depends on your personal preference and how much you trust your kids to listen to your rules when you aren't there. My boys play outside by themselves all the time. They're 7 and 4. They know my rules and follow them strictly, or they come inside and they're not allowed out by themselves for 2 days. I haven't had to discipline them with that at all. They also know about strangers and what to do if one talks to them. We've talked about people stopping in their cars and how to handle that situation, along with strange animals. "A stranger is a stranger, whether it's a person, car, or animal." They know not to talk to, touch, or come near anything unusual. And I'm usually keeping an eye on them through the window anyways.

3. I've told my boys that the body is a shell for the person inside. When our shell gets old or hurt too badly, it gives up and lets our soul (who we are, the person inside) go where it needs to go. I've explained to them that some people believe the soul goes to heaven, but not everyone thinks this. (I want my kids to make up their own mind regarding their religion). I explained to them how the body becomes a part of the earth, how the shell provides life for other things - animals, plants, dirt, etc. And how that person's energy is circulated through their loved ones, that person's soul is shared among those they loved. I know this seems a bit deep, but it really helped my 7 year old accept death and not be afraid of it because he knew that he would never really die. That we love him so much, he's stay with us. My 4 year old still doesn't understand completely, but he knows the basics. He's still very afraid of losing the people he loves, as we all are.
As far as explaining "the birds and the bees", I would answer her honestly and nonjudgmentally. Bring out books to explain things about the anatomy if you need to. This is particularly helpful in explaining pregnancy. When it comes to male homosexuality, you've already given her a head start by accepting her aunt's lesbianism. She sees that it's okay to love people with differing lifestyles than your own, and that's great! If you live in the northern part of the state, I would take her to Eureka Springs in the summer. Eureka has a vast diversity of people, a lot of them gay and lesbian. It's a culture that accepts people for who they are, and accepts people from every other culture with open arms. It's interesting to sit in the Basin Park and people watch. It would be a great opportunity to talk with your daughter and allow her to ask questions not only to you, but to those who have the lifestyle that she questions. I don't think she's too young to be asking these things. Otherwise, she wouldn't be asking them. She may be ahead of her time compared to some other kids (my son, for example), but that doesn't mean anything. You can't always compare her to other kids, because each child is different.

my son, 6, learned to ride his bike with no training wheels this past summer, at 5 1/2. also, that's about the time he started playing outside by himself, but only after a whole lot of stranger talks and only if playing with other friends outside, since we don't have a fence. either that, or if an adult is out there. also, we live in a cove, you just have to be more careful these days. we went over every single scenerio over and over. that does seem a little early to bring up those other questions, my son has not yet, but it may just be because she has been more exposed and she's a girl. my girl is only 2.

Training wheels? I don't remember when my oldest quit using them. We just followed her cues...

I live in the country, and my daughters, 4 and 6 (and sometimes our 13 year old) play outside in our fenced in yard with our two dogs. I run inside some if I need to go to the bathroom or check on something in the kitchen, but I can see them out the window, so I feel comfortable with that. My oldest daughter started playing outside alone in our country backyard at age 7 or 8. Again, we live in the boonies and feel relatively safe...

We had a cat that broke her hip and died last year, then my grandfather died. We explained that they went to heaven and we wouldn't see them again here on earth, and my three year old said he must be in his chair with our cat on his lap. Simple and to the point.

I remember my older daughter asking all of these questions. We explained them all simply and let her ask follow-up questions if she needed to. As for the gay thing, we said it was when a man loves a man or a woman loves a woman like Mommy loves Daddy. She seemed satisfied with that. I got pregnant when she was seven and so the sex and pregnancy questions were answered with experience and books.

My advice: Don't over explain these things. Tell them a simple explanation. They will come back for more if they need it...

Hi A., HAPPY BIRTHDAY to your litte girl!
I am just waiting for those days when my own daughter starts asking questions about everything under the sun. Kids are curious by nature and are going to ask some doozies, I did. :D

To answer number 1. I would say that kids usually have their balance pretty well intact by the time they are 5 or 6 years old, sometimes younger, sometimes never, lol. Kids will figure it out, even without the training wheels. Believe me, they learn much faster if they get a few scraped up knees than if they have the support of training wheels all the time.

#2 - You have to consider the neighborhood you live in. Your neighbors, their kids, etc. If you live in a nice area, I would say that letting your kid go out in the back yard or enclosed front yard as early as 5 is okay, but even then, you still have to be careful. Backyards, if you have a back door I would let her play outside when its gets nice now. (as long as it is fenced in)

#3 - Now, thats a little tougher. If your daughter is old enough to ask the questions, shes old enough to hear the answers. However, keeping in mind that she is still very young, those answers are best kept to age appropriate language. I have no idea how to explain to an adult about male homosexuality. I wouldn't know where to begin. But you can be sure that if shes asking about death, sex, homosexuality, pregnancy, etc. I don't know what your religious background is, if you are uncomfortable with discussing sex with a four year old or not, but here is what I would do if my daughter asked me these questions.
"Ayla, sex is something that happens between a man and a woman who love one another very much. Usually they are married and want to make a baby." Thats about it A., because even with advanced questions, 4 years old is too young to know the details. Once they find out, they lose some of their innocence and they can never get it back.
When it comes to death, just let her know that everyone dies one day, and it is nothing to be afraid of. If she wants the scientific reason why people die, just let her know that it is physically impossible to live forever and eventually the body wears out, like an old car.
On homosexualism, just explain that everyone perfers something. This is one of those touchy subjects when it comes to kids especially because everything you say can be skewed or misinterpreted. Make sure that your daughter understands that sometimes, men and women like the company of the same sex (age appropriate words) and that gay men are just another aspect of our colorful country.
Yea, that should cover it till she gets older. lol. GOOD LUCK

1. I would just wait until she'd ready. My son, now 7, asked me to take them off when he was about 4. I didn't feel he was ready but he was. After a few tries and a few spills, he rode like he was born on a bike. I learned how to ride a bike with out training wheels when I was about 5 (training wheels were a luxury item we couldn't afford back then), and I remember trying to help my friend who was 6 to feel confident enough to take hers off. But she was probably 8 or 9 before she was comfortable enough to do that.

2. I have a big fenced in backyard and I have let my son play out back by himself since he was 4. Even though I wasn't outside with him, I did check though the windows about every 10 minutes to make sure he was okay. I don't check on him as often now, but I trust him to stay in the backyard. Now, he is allowed to ride his bike around the block and he has to check in with me every time he passes the house but he is not allowed to play out front unless I am out there. I just don't trust "stranger danger".

3. Death is normal and natural for kids to ask about, especially after there is a death in the family. You still don't have to go into major detail unless she asks. Remember she is 4 and needs age appropriate information. That also applies with the "sex" talk and "homosexuality" talk. I thank God I haven't had to approach the "homosexuality" talk yet with my son. Now he was 4 when we had the "sex" talk. He always knew that once I was pregnant he grew in "Mama's belly". Being that I had a c-section, he also has known he popped out my belly. I freaked the day he asked me how he got in my belly to begin with. But, I simply and calmly told him (while I was freaking out on the inside) that his daddy planted a baby seed. And that is all he needed. I didn't explain, nor did he ask, HOW daddy planted the baby seed but that daddy planted a baby seed was all he needed.

I sure hope this helps. Your daughter sounds very smart for her age. I wish you luck.

i think i will try to help with the gay subject. if her aunt is a lesbian maybe she can best explain it to her. i know that will be easy when my daughter asks, cuz her grandpa and grandma are both gay. oh the irony. anyways. i think it is best explained from someone of that preference. hope i helped.

Question 1: My boys are 3, 6, and 7 years old. My 6 and 7 year olds are just now getting their training wheels off of their bikes, mainly cause they asked to get them off. It really depends on the child. If she thinks that she is ready then let her at least try. If it doesn't work out, then you can always put them back on.
Question 2: My 6 and 7 year old kids play by themselves outside, but they cannot leave my driveway and they cannot go into the street until I go out there. I check on them every 15-20 minutes by looking out the window. Now in my backyard I let all three of them (3,6, and 7 year olds) play by themselves outside. I have a big wooden pivacy fence and there is no way for them to get out and no way for someone to get in. Plus I can see them from all my back windows. Now being that your daughter might be playing alone, then I wouldn't really let her play by hersself cause then if she gets hurt then no one can come tell you that she is hurt. I never let any of my kids go outside alone, mainly cause of that reason.
Question 3: I don't know how to answer this question. It is mainly up to what you want your daughter to know at this moment. My kids haven't asked these questions yet, I also don't think that they are old enough to know about sex and stuff in that area. Now death, I would tell them truth about it and tell her what you would want her to hear.

GOOD LUCK!!

my son is 4 and has been playing in our fenced in back yard since about 3 1/2. Of course I check on him frequently. and we dont have any dangerous toys for him to get hurt on. I dont know about the training wheels but as for the other questions I would recomend checking out a few books on each subject so that you can be prepared as best as possible when you talk to your daughter. sometimes giving just the basic facts will satisfy children. good luck.

My son is 5.....
1. training wheels-when she can ride it fast enough that she is not putting weight on the training wheels which is different for everyone.
2. I dont let my son play outside unless I am there, my neighbor is the same way and her son is 6, there are some that think differently, but even in small towns kids can come up missing or hurt...
3. keep it short and simple.
Just my thoughts