Just Curious - What Do You Think?

Definately do not go! It is not nice for anyone to "tell" someone how to spend their money. A birthday party should be free for the guests! Definately don't go. Just tell them you are on a tight budget and don't eat out much.

You don't have to eat when you go. Get a couple glasses of water and eat ahead of time. they are not going to kick the party out because 4 people arn't eating.

Sorry - if I invite you to dinner - I pay.

I too would hate to miss out on a special person's dinner. I would let the birthday person know that you cannot meet at that time - however, you would LOVE to have her over to your house for a special dinner and give her your present then!!

Personally, I think it's tacky to invite people to "celebrate" (i.e. bring a gift) to a birthday celebration AND ask them to buy their own dinners! I would never do that. Now if several grown siblings are treating a parent to a birthday dinner out and agree to split the cost between siblings--entirely different scenario.
If you can't pick up the tab, you really shouldn't invite people to "dinner" and who the heck wants to go and order a couple glasses of water?!
If I was asked to go to a similar event and could not/didn't want to incur the expense I would say "Oh. Dinner out is not in the budget but we'd love to stop by Sat afternoon to give Jimmy his gift." and leave it at that.

I think that is asking a bit much and I would just say unfortunately we cannot make it to dinner but I do have a gift I would love to drop off when we have time to visit a bit. If it were my sister doing the inviting I would say look, you never give me enough notice and pick places I dislike with overpriced food and poor service. Maybe next time we could choose a place we all like (although really it should be the birthday person's choice, shouldn't it?). She might get huffy but she would get over it pretty quickly.

My in-laws always send us texts 1 to 2 hours before they want us to come have dinner with them or go out for some event. At least you get a day's warning!

If they changed plans or did not take into consideration the venue for this celebration and how it would impact the guests....please feel free to decline. If it is family you should be honest in that you are on a tight budget. Ask if cake and ice cream celebration will be back at so and so's house and offer to be there with your gift in hand....and enjoy

I think it's nice that they invite you even if it's last minute. You should NOT feel guilty if you want to decline or offer an alternative. "Hey, we're so sorry we can't make dinner, but how about dessert?" or "We're really sorry we can't make dinner, that place is outside of our budget at this time. Are you free for lunch tomorrow? How about meeting at XYZ?"

It seems that you have a few options here: 1. Go and suck it up spend the money and try to save on meals for the next few days, 2. Don't go and just give them the gift, 3. Just show up for the cake and opening of the gifts because you already had something else planned or 4. Offer to have a meal, cake and opening of the gifts at your house.

I would also explain that you are on a schedule and need a little more heads up than a few days. I would suggest like a few weeks and then maybe you could find some coupons for this place to eat or save your money so it doesn't cut into your budget. Our family very seldom goes any where for b-days. We always have a family meal at someone's house usually Grandma's house and then open the gifts.

You could proactively try to be involved in planning some events with these people in the future. But what I would do is come by, tell them that we can't stay because it is just not feasible to take the family out or sit there that long with toddlers, but you wanted to give them your gift and let them know you wished well and were thinking of them. Ask them to come to your home on a certain night and you'd like to cook them dinner or bake them something (whatever floats your boat). If it's "important" that you be there, perhaps a sitter for children to stay home, or we have done it before where my husband watched the boys and I go "represent", or if he's closer to the people in question, I keep the boys while he goes. There are choices. But if it's the same person/people planning everytime, talk to them about it. Tell them you realize that it's last minute because noone stepped up to plan beforehand, so you appreciate the effort, but would like to assist them so it could be more easily inclusive. Just my thoughts...

Don't feel guilty. Tell them, thank you so much for thinking of us! We wish that we could come but we can't make it this time. Could we come by on Sat afternoon to drop off ____'s gift and visit for a bit?? Do something like that and let go of the guilt. You have to do what is best for your family too!

M

I would be up front and honest. They're family. Tell them you are on a budget and a meal out that night is not in your budget. You have a gift for the birthday child, however, so how would they like for you to deliver it? (Back at their house for cake and ice cream after the dinner? Before they leave for the dinner? Or perhaps they have a meeting room reserved at the restaurant and you could pop in partway through without feeling an obligation to order?),

We have family that is scattered over a 60 mile span, that often wants to get together for birthdays and such. For the longest time, everyone would meet at a restaurant b/c no one really had a centrally located home for everyone else. It was ALWAYS filled with stress because everyone's budget was SO different. Not everyone could afford eating out just to see the family. And those that were planning the meal out wanted a "decent" meal..not just some cheap food. But NO ONE wanted to speak up. It was ridiculous. Don't let that happen to your family. Speak up and say, "sorry, we can't."

You could opt out of dinner, but go for desert. Just let the host and birthday person know you had already made dinner plans but you will be happy to come for desert. Keep in mind that although You don't like the place, the birthday person probably picked it, so try to avoid knocking the choice. When it's your birthday you get t pick the place.

If they are having a party at a restaurant for their child they should pay for it. Thats why if we are ccelebrating at a restaurant fo rmy kids I don't invite my whole family-too expensive.

If your family member suggests to take your dad out to dinner then you help pick the place and then split his bill andpay your own.

Just tell your family mamber sorry that you cannot make it. Don't make a deal about it just say that the restaurant they chose is too hard with kids. You want to drop a gift off though so what time should you stop by?

"Oh, it seems like it doesn't work for our family to make it this time. I'd love to get together soon, though, and have a little belated birthday celebration."

Follow up with an invite in the next couple days if you offer a belated fete. It can be small-- just coffee and a treat and gift. The point is to share a nice moment.

I sometimes have to decline family restaurant gatherings. The gatherings tend to start right around the time Kiddo's getting ready for bed, and there's no way I can hold him off dinner that long. I think if you just put things in the position of "thanks, this just doesn't work for our family", no one will be uncomfortable.

As for us: I always assume that we are paying for our own dinner,even when invited. It's easier that way and if someone treats, it's a nice surprise.

I think you have every right to feel the way you do- Lord knows I would feel the same way. Due to the last minute invite as well as the cost involved I see no reason to feel obligated to go to the restaurant to celebrate. Perhaps you could offer another time to get the kids together and "celebrate" in a place the works better for everyone. Often this works out better for all involved and the kids love having another event or get-together to look forward to. Even if it's just a simple snack at your own home, maybe the kiddos can make their own pizzas together- something far more cost-effective and memorable. I wouldn't feel bad about your stance on this, just be positive about alternative options when letting your family member know you won't be attending. Maybe even bring up that you already have plans and although you can't make it, you'd love to...
I've found, when family puts you in a position you can't afford- or don't want to afford- the best way to approach it is with positive and workable alternatives. Eventually they may even pick up on your lean in the more economical methods. Good luck!

I would suggest you and your family eat at home first, go to the birthday party at the restaurant and just order drink or desserts for everyone in your family. That way you accomplish both and save some money. Hope that helps.

I really don't like this whole arrangement and feel like if you are hosting a celebration you shouldn't ask people to pay for the party. I am also not a fan of cash bars at weddings for the same reason.

I get it that many people don't have homes that are large enough to have 30 people there for dinner, but is it really necessary to have that number of people? My husband's family is growing rapidly, which is a good thing, but we no longer "fit" at anyone's house but ours... so we still rotate houses for birthdays, but do cake and presents only. It's nice b/c we all get together and the kids can play, but there's no major cost to anyone and it keeps it focused on the guest of honor!

So what would I do in your situation... probably go, but complain to my husband about it or I would let them know that we won't be able to make it for dinner, but will be there in time for dessert. Most likely, though- the first.

Yeah, that's tough. Our families do that sometimes and I think you point out a good perspective. Can you eat at home and then come late for dessert? That way you can still make an appearance, give your gift and celebrate. Plus, you could either all share a dessert or order two for your family of 4 to split. You could also offer your hosue for cake and stuff afterwards...you could say that you aren't able to go to dinner but you'd love to see everyone, could they come over after dinner and you'll put on some coffee...? It's a tough situation but I think sometimes you have to try and figure out suggestions to make it work for everyone.

I dont see anything wrong with going out to dinner and having people pay their way. Would you rather your family pay for you and everyone else? Thats not realistic. Why cant you have a birthday celebration for your kids these days without having it cost you hundreds of dollars? Its family, I disagree with other posters saying its tacky to pay for your own meal. Its a childs bday, not a wedding. If you cant afford for your own family to go, why would you think someone could pay for several families? Money is tight for everyone. If you cant afford to go then just explain that and dont go.

I think this happens to people quite frequently, at least it does us. The only suggestion I have is to budget for this as part of your budget - this to me goes along with "unexpecteds" in the budget....right next to "kid needs new text book" or "kid wants to join ANOTHER sport!" lol. We have a little money set aside for these things. I would be sad to miss the event, so I would alter my budget to cut out $50 someplace else for the next month. I hope this works for you, as you can only control yourself and not others, unfortunately.

I am the type to NEVER invite someone to a restaurant or anywhere else where someone would spend money and expect them to pay.

If I invite you.........I pay. That's just proper etiquette in my book.

If you invite people and can't afford to foot the bill then go somewhere where you can if you are the one doing the inviting.

I do believe it it tacky for someone to invite you somewhere then expect you to pay. They are the host... not YOU plus you already have spent $ on a gift.

I agree with the poster who said, eat at home, join them for desserts.

Can you just make an appearance at the dinner? Maybe show up, grab a drink from the bar, present your gift and your well-wishes, and politely make your departure. Option two would be to let the planning family member that this restaurant choice is maybe not the best--food not good? Service slow? Loud atmosphere? Why do they even want to go there? Perhaps you could guide them to a better option (like somewhere you and your family would enjoy;))