Just When You Believe It Might Get Better!

I just wanted to say not to feel bad about low response, people just probably couldn't help. I know I have put up 6 different requests and have only gotten responses on one of them!

Hi M.,

First off let me say sorry that no one has responded to your post. It is sad that you have come to a source for support and have not received it.

About your daughter. I don't know if there is much you can do. Just support her, love her and let her know that things will get better. As we know in life, unfortunately, people we like/love come and go and it hurts but we all get over it and move on. What helps us is that one person who is always their for us to be sad with, happy with, angry with and that person usually is mom. Just keep doing things with her. I don't know why the other kids make fun of her, but maybe you should find out why, if you don't already know, and try to resolve it through your daughter. I was a child of teasing, constantly being teased but I feel that if I had someone to help me work through it I myself may have been able to make it better, or at least have the confidence not to care.

Well I really hope this helps you and I am sorry if it did not. But good luck and you can get a hold of me any time you want to talk.

Sincerely,
D.

Hi M.,

You must not feel bad if someone doesn't reply to your question--I know for me, I won't answer a question unless I really feel I can give them good advice! :-)

My son is also 11 and has a hard time making friends. The big difference between my son and your little girl is that she understands how important friends are and really wants to make friends. That's very important.

Is your daughter interested in anything in particular like art, sports? Perhaps if she were involved on a team or in a n extra-curricular program she would be able to meet kids with similar interests in a smaller, less academic setting. If you are active in your church, are there youth activities she could get involved with?

Losing a good friend is hard but at the same time, kids need to understand that things change and we need to adapt to these changes.

I know that the school will not give you the boy's phone number or address but it is possible if you explain to the counselor or administrator about wanting to return his jacket, they may be able to contact the parents for you and perhaps arrange a quick last good-bye meeting for your daughter. It's worth a shot.

Good luck and take care.

J.

M.,
As you grow in life, people go in and out of your life and you just have to learn to be thankful for the time you had with them, regardless of how long or short a time period. Most schools have a way for parents to contact eachother. Doesn't your daughter know the kids' first and last name? Go to the school and find out how to contact his family and go from there. Don't teach your daughter to live on "what if's", she will make new friends. Teach her the difference between "friends" aand "aquaintences". Teach her to be strong in herself and sure of who she is and to be thankful. She will go far in life and make the right choices. Life is not always easy and it shouldn't be or we wouldn't appreciate the easy times. I know I may sound blunt. But I am a single mom and always have been. I have a raised an amazing daughter that is almost 17. You also have to be strong for your daughter. the steps to see if you can find out who the parents of the family moving away are fairly simple...........get to it, that's not the part your daughter can take care of. Keep in touch.
C.

I think perhaps you are not getting a response on this one, because there is nothing really to say. People move away and we just have to deal with that, it's part of growing up and learning to say good bye..... It's sad yes, but they are moving and there is nothing to be done about that. Perhaps you could go to the school office and ask them if they have the adress and tell them you have something that needs to be returned. If they say that they will return it them selves put a letter in the pocket asking the parents to contact you befor they leave. That is the best advice I can give, Hope it helps

H.

M.,
I see that there have been some great responses to your real question. But, I did see that your son is joining the Navy. PLease, encourage him to wait until Spring to go to boot camp. My husband signed up in the winter and boot camp in a Chicago winter is HELL. It is freezing and windy. You have to be so bundled up to go outside, it is difficult to do your duties. I just thought that you should know.
A.

M.,
You might consider seeing if there is a forwarding address. They may not be able to give you this information, BUT you might pass along a note to the school addressed to his parents and ask them to send this along should they not be able to give you an address. Also in the note could be your address if you are comfortable so that the two kids can correspond. This would not only serve as a way to keep the friendship going but serves as writing practice too if email is not an option.

Good luck,
T.

Your daughter is a bit older than my 5 year old son but last year one of his bestest of friend had to leave. His friend William was 10 but Gabriel loved and idelized him like no other. William was at my house pretty much 18 or more hours a day and Gabriel looked up at him as an older brother. William even stayed with us for his last 2 weeks in town. Gabriel still to this day after a year and a half asks about William saying he promised to come back. I jsut tell my son that I know he misses him and loves him but maybe his parents have other plans for thier like and maybe someday when they get older they can get into touch someday. Thanks D.

It is not easy to see our children lose their friends and see them upset and afraid they will never have another friend but I think what you are doing is one thing you can do, try and keep her busy take her out shopping for something special. Hopefully the boy will write to her and they will be able to keep in touch that way.
I think is was really sweet of him to give her his jacket to remember him. He seems to care for her alot.

We both are going through some similar times. I have a son who is going to be 18 Jan 5th and will be going intot he Navy in Sept of 07, he wants to be a Seal. I have three daughters 13, 8, and 6.

Hi M.,

You are not talking to yourself. I always read the posts here but since I have only one child who is 2, I personally don't have much advice to offer someone like you who has far exceeded my parenting experience:) But please know that you are heard, and it seems responded to, at least from what I see here?

Anyway, I hope your daughter is doing better. I know it must be really hard to say goodbye to a close friend. Hopefully she has another compassionate classmate who will make an effort to include her more now that her buddy is gone.

perhaps you could ask her teacher to contact his mother for you with a message about your daughter and then they could see eachother and maybe become penpals. That could help her feal still connected to him until she finds a new friend. Even if they just exchange emails through your email and his mother's. Or even set up their own accounts and email pictures and stuff. She'll feel better in a while, just be there for her and let her know her pain is OK. My Mom would always say "you think YOU have problems! It just gets worse so get over it. Come crying to me when you have 3 kids and a hause to take care of." So I never felt I had a right to my own emotions and it took me a very long time to get comfortable with expressing feelings. Give her a journal and encourage her to journal or write poetry. If she can't get intouch with her friend again perhaps signing up for a penpal program would be fun for her. Should be able to find one online. Ok Hope she feels better soon. ~V.

Hi M., sorry to hear no one would respond to your request.I totally feel for you. my daughter is 6 but i would feel the same way for her.we always want our children protected from pain.could you go to the school and explain maybe to the principle your story and how you would like to contact the family and see if he or she would be willing to contact the family and give a message to contact you back. because don't parents fill out paper work for a transfer to another school i am sure this person could do that for you knowing how much it would mean to your daughter. even if they don't want the jacket back but least the children can still talk maybe on the phone or maybe by mail. i am sure that would mean so much to your daughter if you want to go that far to make her feel better, hope this helped a little good luck to you both.

Hi M.,

Sometimes we don’t get much response,
or no response at all. That’s okay !!
Here you are not alone, infact I feel
so sad when my questions were ignored,
I believe there are lots of other moms
too with such experience. So it doesn’t
really matter, always don’t expect the
best, but the worst, and do the best:-)
then the outcome would be great ! Try
to get along with the group since we
are under one roof.

As for you daughter, it is really hard
to lose friends for all of us, but we will
manage with it till it time comes, so do
your daughter. Give her sometime, do spend
some quality time with her, more than anyone
else as a mother you know what works for your
kid, do it with confidence till she finds
someone as her friend And the best part is
try to be her best friend, yes, on the top
of her friend’s list.
Hugs and take care,
A.

Losing a friend is hard, especially if she didn't have many to begin with. 11 is a hard age, I remember how awkward I felt and how I never fit in anywhere. My Dad is retired navy and we moved around a lot. I've had to say goodbye to many friends and it never gets any easier. I do hope she finds a new friend. I think it's a lot harder among girls, with the cliques. My daughter is only 3 and it's starting already at the daycare I work at. I bring her with me to work and I see how the little girls can be. mean and cliquey and they're so young. when I see how she is treated by the other girls sometimes it just breaks my heart. everyone needs friends. even if it's just one really good one. I hope your daughter finds a good friend soon. If not, she always has you! sounds like you really have good insight to what's going on with her. maybe just spend lots of mother-daughter time together doing things you both love. good luck!

hi have you tryed to talk to the school to find out where he is moving they will have to send his records or maybe someone else nowes the parents and might have a cell phonr number you could try or just incurage her to make new friends but not push her to and she may do it on her own.. hope this helps

When you ask why no one is responding I note that you asked the question December 2. I just read your question. I don't always read my e-mail everyday.

I don't really have anything to add. The schools in our area publish a directory listing students names, addresses, phone numbers. And so you should be able to get that information from the school.

I do think it's a good idea to find out if the parents want the jacket back. But I also wonder if it's a good idea to have your daughter say goodbye again. My mother had a saying: "let go of the board before you get slivers in your hands." when it came to saying goodbye. I think it might hurt more to drag out the goodbyes. But you would know best what would be best for your daughter.

Having a friend move is difficult. But she hasn't lost a friend. That person will be in her heart as long as she needs to remember him. And perhaps they can correspond by letter or e-mail. Learning to manage one's self in sad as well as happy circumstances is a part of growing up. Yes, it's sad but it's also a growth experience. I think that as parents we need to acknowledge the feelings but to not dwell on the negative aspects. She will make new friends.

If she is having difficulty with kids not accepting her I'd recommend that you talk with the teacher and/or the school counselor to see if they have any suggestions on new skills that she can learn so that she can make friends.

Also I've noticed that kids can be mean one day and friendly the next. The kid who can roll with that end up having enough friends. My 6 yo granddaughter can say she hates so and so one day and then say they're best friends the next. I remember the same thing happening with my daughter well into middle school. Kids are just learning how to relate to other people.

Hello, I haven't had to deal with what your are going through with your daughter, but I do have a few suggestions. Maybe it would help her to get involved in some groups, maybe dance, sports, gymnastics, girlscouts, something like that. Or if you attend church, maybe a youth group. Another thing, it's really important that she is told consistently at home how special she is and how loved she is. I'm not saying you don't, you seem to care alot about your daughter, I'm only saying I experienced similar problems and still do, and hearing these things at home more often would have helped me feel better about myself and more confident.

Hello M.,I'm G. I've read your request and I just wanted to say I'm a mother of five and I truly understand.All you can do is give it time and hope that those other kids stop being so mean....Let her no that we all meet people for a reason and maybe the reason for her meeting him was to make her stronger for her next friend,I just lost my best friend she was only 29 years old and I cried for ever and now I know that this happens for reasons we can't explain but we get stronger. Let her no that kids are the hardest ones on each other and if she stood up for her self like her friend that moved she would MAYBE....get the respect that she needs and should have....I hope that this helps

I moved around a lot as a kid. So I know what's it's like to say the goodbye and have to start fresh somewhere else. But I don't know much about being on the receiving end of the goodbye.

Maybe you could ask the school for contact information for the parents or ask them to pass along your contact information so that you can get in touch.

Does your daughter keep a journal? That's a good way to deal with some of the feelings she's having. Gettng it down on paper can be therapeutic. She could also write her friend letters if you all can get the contct information.

As far as making friends, is she involved in any activities outside of school? It was always easier for me to make good friends at church rather than school.

Hi M., I am sorry to hear of your daughters situation, I don't know all the detalis, but it does sound like your daughter is having problems at school socially, my daughter is 5 and I can already feel the pressure of popularity, coming, and it is hard when my daughter comes home, and does not feel like she fits in, so I know she is not quite 11, but anyways I was wondering if you have her in any extra circular activites, maybe in a community center, or a church group perhaps. We are in the military, and so we do move around, my son is also devlepomentally delayed and so he moves schools about every 2 years, he has been schooled since he was 3, so I just reaffirm that change is good, and exciting. But it is really important to me to teach my kids to be ok with themselves, that mommy, and daddy love them, that is what is most important, that they are unique, and gifted, I think that that is what is most important to them, is what we think, or atleast I hope so. It just sounds like it would do her some good to join some type of activity away from school, and in the process help her gain some self esteem, confidence,and independence.

Hi M.,
I'm new to Mama Source, but was sad to hear that no one responded to your request, I haven't checked my email in a week as it is a busy time of year for alot of people. But as to your request, I think you've already done alot for your child, I don't think the school would be able to give you her friends new address, but I suppose you could bring the jacket to the school and ask them if they could send it to the child with a note from you or your daughter asking the family about their new address or phone number, that way it's up to the other child to contact your daughter back. I don't know if the school would be willing to do that either but I guess it's worth a try. School is a hard place for kids to make friends sometimes, but there are other places that kids can make friends and learn too, you could try a church, or getting her involved in a community theater group, or some kind of sports team. If you find out what she likes to do, then do some research on the internet, and see if there are any groups in the area that she could join that matches her interests. My daughter is involved with Tacoma Youth Choir and she loves it, because singing is her thing, and she is surrounded by other kids with similar interests. I hope this helps and best wishes to your family!

Hi M.,
I just joined Mamasouce. I want to tell you that that jacket that your daughter received is of significance to her. When my son was four years old (16 years ago) he had a little friend that died of cancer. His mom brought his teenage mutant ninja turtle tent and sleeping bag over to give to Brad. He has those items to this day and the little boy who died is still with my son. I would let your little girl know that the boy who moved probably hugged that jacket so much then gave it to her. She will never forget him.

I think you handled this well. My daughter is 11 also. It is hard to say good bye.