Keeping It Secret

How do you know if what this friend says is true especially since you are not suppose to verify it?
It could be that this friend has their own agenda.
People don't have to like other people at work but it's expected that everyone behave professionally and everyone be as efficient as they can be in their area of expertise.
What this friend is doing is spreading gossip - and that can produce it's own damage.
I'd try to not listen to it anymore.
It's harming you more than helping you.
When you get together with this friend, adopt a policy of not talking about work.

hard to say without knowing the situation.
my first reaction is to say ignore it, and tell the gossiper in courteous but firm tones next time that you'd prefer to stay out of it.
but if the information really can and does affect you negatively, and you feel you absolutely have to take action, do so, but tell the tattler first so you are ethically in the clear. 'asshat, i've been thinking about what you told me the other day about X, and i'm afraid it's just not sitting well with me. i know you told me to keep it secret, but this is going to affect my career path and i simply cannot let it go unchallenged. but i want to let you know first so that you can take whatever actions you find appropriate to keep yourself in the clear.'
don't engage with the toxic people in your workplace.
khairete
S.

Tell your friend to stop telling you what the other person has said. Especially if it's just gossipy and has nothing to do with work. There seems to be lots of uncertainty with trust. So take it with a grain of salt and get back to work. Sucks I know, but just carry on.

Nothing is worse than the hysterical female who is upset over everything in the workplace. It was smart of you to vent here.

Doesn't sound like a "friend" at all. I'd say look, please stop the gossip, if that person has a problem with me they can come talk to me about it, otherwise I don't want to hear it from a third party.

So you work in a place with at least 1, and maybe 2 people who engage in unprofessional behavior. The person who told the lies (if in fact the information you received in confidence is entirely correct), and the person who said "Don't say that I told you." Exactly how did the 2nd person help you? What's that person's agenda? To badmouth the 1st person? To make you like and trust her? How is this person your friend? What are you supposed to do with the information you received?

I say to proceed with extreme caution about telling either of these people anything at all. You have to concentrate on your work so that the boss doesn't see a lot of personal chit chat and commiserating, and hope that anyone who tells lies is discovered at some point. If the lies are directly related to your job performance, then be sure to document things you do, send confirming emails to the boss, or solicit the boss's direction in moving any project to the next level. Make it clear that you are focused on the company's needs.

Without more info on whether the lies are related to personal or professional concerns, I can't advise you further. But if you speak up and the first person never really said what your friend told you, you will look foolish. I think these 2 other people need to get back to work. If the person is telling lies that affect the company's bottom line or reputation, when you might work on tightening up safeguards in the company which can protect it whether there's an actual problem going on now or not. A bank can put in security systems before the robbery, if you know what I mean.

I'd also go back to the 2nd person and ask why they told you anything at all if it would just occupy your thoughts and leave you helpless to do anything. And I'm not sure the risk of this person "never telling anything again" is a problem - if this is not a person who is courageous, ethical or above-board, what risk is there if you lose this "friendship"?

You need to remember you can't defend against lies. The people that say them know the truth and don't care. The people that believe them either don't know you or know you and want to believe what they also know is a lie. There is nothing to defend.

You are being kept in the loop, be happy about that. Don't go on a pointless crusade that will yield nothing but hurt.

Why is this person telling you something that you can't say anything about? Is it to inform you? Start trouble? Make you feel bad because someone else is talking about you? I'd probably tell your 'friend' that since you can't really do anything with the info being given then you'd prefer not to hear about it. Tell friend that next time you will use it to stand up for yourself and that'll leave the ball in her court the next time she feels like gossiping.

Ignore it. This is the adult world, not high school. It's hearsay...gossip.

I would wonder two things... One, why did the other person think it was somehow ok to talk about you to this so-called friend? Also, what's to say that the person who told you this info didn't solicit it from that other person..you never know the complete context of things...
I am always suspect of this kind of situation.. I once worked with this young woman who would go around and get people all worked up about other employees, she'd fuel the fire and then naturally the employees would get looped in.. turns out, while she was telling me what someone said about me and in turn, I'd get pissed and say something about that person, she'd then go back and tell them.. all the while keeping the focus off of her and her poor work habits.. There are many manipulators in the around.. I eventually just had to tell this person, I really don't care what others think about me.. it didn't stop the gossip.. but gave me peace of mind and a good lesson in learning to not let someone else bother me..
it went on for a long time.. however, it never affected my performance reviews with my manager...
I would tell the friend not to tell you anything else... it's addicting to want to know what people think of you.. but if it's going to drive you nuts.. I think you have to put a stop to it and tell the friend, it hurts too much to hear the gossip... and therefore, she must not tell you anything else..

It sounds like this friend is just trying to start something. I had a "friend" repeat a comment that her mother made about me that was negative. It really hurt me that her mother would say something bad about me when she barely even knew me. It took me a while to realize that it wasn't worth the time worrying over. I really believe this "friend" shouldn't have repeated her mothers comment, she should have known it would hurt my feelings and kept her mouth shut. This friend was also constantly telling me things about other people and telling me not to repeat it. She also put down a mutual friend of ours a lot. Needless to say, I barely talk to her anymore because I don't need the stress and drama of all the "secrets" and who said what about who.

The next time this friend wants to tell you something just be upfront and let her know that she should think twice about whether SHE should be repeating it in the first place. Chances are, if she is telling you not to repeat it because she was told in confidence in the first place and she is trying to perpetuate gossip.

IME, a "friend" does NOT tell you things that other people say about you behind your back. So there you go. Ignore, ignore, ignore!

Updated

IME, a "friend" does NOT tell you things that other people say about you behind your back. So there you go. Ignore, ignore, ignore!

I would tell the person that from now on you don't want to hear anymore. I would also encourage this friend that she should tell the person who is saying this stuff, to please not tell me anything anymore. This way you are both nipping this gossip.

I can't tell if the person telling you the info. is the liar or not, but if she is not I once tried a method that worked really well. There was a nasty rumor about me making the rounds in a different context. When I found out who had supposedly started them, I called her up and said: "It seems people have been saying that I (fill in rumor here) and somebody claimed you started that rumor. I said there is NO way you would do that! You're too nice a person to spread unjustified rumors. Just wanted to give you a heads up what people are saying." She was, of course, not particularly nice and I am pretty sure she was spreading the lies. But what could she do but deny any involvement, and lo and behold the rumors stopped. She did try to ask who blamed her for the rumor, but I said airly "Gosh, I'm not really sure. And since we know it's not true anyway, who cares, right?" And that was that. I don't know if this will work in your situation, but it might be worth a try.