Kid Gets Angry with Reasons I Don't Know

Updated on November 19, 2010
L.N. asks from Bellflower, CA
7 answers

My son got angry yesterday with some reasons i don't know. I wanted to talk to him but he turned a deaf ear to me. This morning, he still didn't want to talk to me. Please tell me what should I do, thank you very much.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

How old is your son? If he's school age or especially if he's preteen or a teen, I agree with Denise S. The more you push him to talk to less likely he is to talk.

You also don't say what he did when he was angry. Sometimes anger just needs to be let go of and not ever discussed. Is he still angry? Is he acting out? If the answer is no to both those questions, I suggest you let it drop.

If you're talking about your 8 yo, it's normal for him to be angry. You asked a question about how to get him to do chores. I didn't read your question or the answers but I wonder if his anger isn't the normal anger of a child who is in a power struggle with their parent(s). You don't really need to know why he was angry, even if he did something serious, like hitting you. You need to let him know it's OK to be angry but not OK to do whatever he did, if that's the problem.

I suggest that when you focus on the reasons rather than the behavior you get side tracked from the real issue which is how to manage feelings. He may not even know why he was angry. Insisting he tell you why adds another layer to the power struggle. I'm suggesting a power struggle because this happens often with children. We want to control our child and they want independence. Learning how to discipline so that both parent and child feels empowered is difficult.

I suggest you read How To Talk So Children Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Edna Faber and Elaine Mazlisch. She writes so that we can see both sides of a conversation and gives examples to help learn how to use words differently, thus empowering the parent and child.

3 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

i suggest that rather than trying to talk to him more, you work on your listening skills. you don't give any info here (which is fine!) so not much to go on, but often when children are angry and don't want to talk it's because they've learned that no one is really going to listen to them and give their perspective any weight and consideration.
try 'mirroring' ie if he says he's angry because his bedtime is too early, say something along the lines of 'what i'm hearing is that you feel you are older than when we originally set this bedtime and you feel as if you are mature enough to handle later nights, and want to discuss this. am i close?' and LISTEN to his answers. it doesn't mean you have to agree and give them anything they want, but you can start the process of discussion and negotiation in which the child (adult in training!) learns how it works, give and take and compromise and agreement and refusal and acceptance.
let him be part of the dialogue.
khairete
S.

3 moms found this helpful
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A.H.

answers from Grand Rapids on

More details....how old? upset about what? There could be so many reasons. Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Atlanta on

We need to know how old your son is and what was said. Thanks!

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D.D.

answers from Los Angeles on

hug him and tell him u love him and if he wants to be mad that's ok... squeeze him and tell him u love him..maybe he's just going through a phase

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G.B.

answers from Boise on

That is really a hard heart. I cant believe that you don't have an inkling of what happened to cause that?

You must have forgiveness in a household or no one would ever be able to live together. Forgivemenss is loving. Unforgiveness is bitter, resentment, anger, and disrespect.

Weather he wanted to accept your apology or not- I would make this kind of statement to him, " honey, I dont know what I did to hurt your feelings, but whatever it was, im sorry. I love you more than the universe. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"
No matter what, the child is always expected to show respect to the elders in our home. The child should respond with Yes or NO to the question, but NEVER ignoring. This gives him the option to still have control over his feelings but never free reign to be rude and disrespectful.
Or you could say " I hope someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me." which doesnt require a response but gives the child a sense that you respect his feelings and aknowledge that you went over the edge somehow.

Getting overly angry over small issues is a sign of adrenal fatigue. Low blood sugar (caused by adrenal fatigue) will cause a child to be generally much more angry than they should be. Sometimes to the point of aggression with siblings. Low carb diets and drinking coconut milk work well for blood sugar issues, also licorice root powder and chromium too.

1 mom found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Tulsa on

leave him be he is in his man cave he will come out within 3 days of leaving him alone and discuss it then

1 mom found this helpful
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