Kids Coming Home

NEI, as my daughter would say, without more information it's difficult to offer any help other than LOTS and LOTS of good family counseling!

I'm not really sure what to do, but perhaps a family counselor would be a good idea.

My friend was forbidden to have his kids call his new wife "mom" when their bio-mom left them, but that's what they call her because she was there for them. It's unfortunate that you weren't around, but try to get past your anger over that issue. Your kids called her mom to normalize their situation and your sister responded because she was being a mom to them. Please just love your kids and don't leave them again. You will work through this:)

I have an excellent reunification packet I can email to you if you're interested? Best,
Jen

In working to get your kids back from the State, didn't you have a caseworker you worked with? I'm sure she would have helpful info to explain to your daughter why she is now moving with you and not your sister. Also, did your sister have other children? I know my son called my dad, his grandpa, dad for a time, because that is what he heard others call him. His own father died when he was 4, and my older children didn't like it. Sometimes we would ignore it, others we would gently correct him, ie if he said "dad took me to the park" we would say 'Oh, grandpa took you to the park?" He doesn't do it anymore.
I agree with those who mention counseling. Sounds like your daughter, and any other kids have not been in a good situation for awhile. Now things are better, but they are going to be confused and possibly angry. This will present itself in ways that are different than what grown-ups would do. A counselor can help then get through these feelings, and help you to know what to do for your children.
Good luck, and congratulations on getting your children back. Surround yourself with people who will help you keep your children.

I know it is hurtful for you to have another woman called, "Mom". But, I want to give you another perspective. My mother divorced my father when I was 4 and remarried. She wouldn't let me call my natural father dad through my younger years (although I did when he was there, just not in conversation with my mother). My step-father, I called dad. So, in essence, I had 2 dad's. I can tell you as a child I had plenty of love for both of them. Children do not only have love for one dad and one mom........they have enough for anyone that shows them care and kindness, regardless of their title.

I know it is painful for you, but be patient. I would start by having her call you "mom" ALSO. And when you refer to your sister, call her Aunt. Eventually, your daughter will become comfortable with the situation and will probably begin to call her Aunt also.

I would take it one day at a time. My sister in law had her kids taken away, and they call their foster mom-mom. Julie (Foster mom) kept reminding them to call her Julie, not mom for a long time. Not so much now since it looks like she wants to adopt the kids. And the kids call their mom-Mommy Nicole. They were taken away from their mom at such a young age it was easy for them to call Julie-mom b/c they could barely remember their own mom.

I know it hurt Nicole when this happened, but it was kind of hard not to let it happen.

Perhaps you could do the same thing. Instead of having them transition straight into calling you mom, have it be Mom+your name, or even doing that with their aunt. Or start calling their aunt just that Aunt+her name to make that transition.

I know you are angry but try to think of your daughter and trying to help her. She's young enough that after awhile she may not remember any of it. Just give her time to adjust.

You have to understand that a young child will identify his/her round-the-clock caregivers as "mom" and "dad" at an early age, even when they are not coaxed to do so. This is a very natural and common occurrence, even in a daycare setting. Keeping this in mind, it is best to be grateful that your sister and her husband have taken good care of your children. I wish you all the best now that you have received God's blessings of your children back into your life! You are their mom, and they will call you mom for the rest of their lives now that they are back where they belong. Just be patient . . . a five-year-old has to be told things over and over and over and over every day . . . and she will call you mom again. I would explain to her that the "mom" that she used to live with is really "aunt _____". She had to live with "aunt ____" and "uncle ____" for a while, but now she lives with you, her real mom!

You first need to have a chat w/ your sister so that you can work thru some issues and talk about what's best for the kids. Hopefully, you can see eye to eye and she'll give you a chance.