Kids Not Saying "Hi" Back?

Kids develop socially at different levels, perfectly normal. They aren't being rude they're simply still learning.

I wouldn't read too much into this. Social development is all over the map. It is not necessarily a parenting issue.

Your son has learned already:
1) He would LIKE to interact
2) How to bring that about

Some kids will never "like" to interact, but most will eventually learn that simple social grace.

"Maybe they would rather play alone. Find someone else who would like to play with you", is probably what I would tell him.

:)

Social development is just so individual - kids don't know the "rules" yet and don't know how to respond. They may look at him oddly not because of HIM but because they don't know what's expected of them, or because they think he's going to say something else after he says "hi", or because they are wondering what his name is or if they've already met him. Tell him to keep doing the right thing and not to read too much into what other kids do. You can tell him "they're still learning" but you run the risk of him saying something to them like, "I guess you don't know how to say 'hi' yet, do you?"

In general, you want people to be judged and to judge others by what they do and not just by what they say. So if the other kids are welcoming him into the group and letting him play with them, that's what counts.

Keep teaching your child various social skills - eventually the other kids will hear someone say what a nice boy your son is because he looks people in the eye or has nice manners with adults, etc. But just as we give kids time to learn to read or play soccer or potty train, we have to give them some leeway in other skills. Some kids just don't pick up on that stuff (kids with Asperger's or other issues can have trouble with social cues, for example), and sometimes they are being taught by parents who text each other rather than speaking to each other. You just never know. I think it's just easier to tell your son to "go with it" while everyone is learning to be friends. Also see if he can add in another phrase like, "That looks like fun" or "How did you build that sand castle?" If he compliments them or gives them credit for something, they may be more open than if he says "Can I play too?" as his next sentence.

It is pretty similar at my DD's school. (Same age group... She is 4.5, and he kids are between 3-5.)

She will go up to kids and say, "hi," but usually the only ones who actively respond are her current "best" friends or the really outgoing kids. Usually, the others just kind of look at her like ...what did you need something? Lol. My best "tool" for her was for her to ask a specific question that required an answer/action, or to give a compliment. (Like, "do you want to play?" Or "I like your shoes!" That usually at least gets a reaction from the other kids. I have told her that if it seems like another kid is ignoring her, then it probably means that he/she is feeling shy, and that she should be nice, but give him/her some space.

It's funny, because when I see them interacting inside the classroom, they are all pretty good together. :)

I have this problem with my 5 year old daughter. She is so outgoing and will talk to almost anyone. My son is the complete opposite. I have to do everything I can to get him to say hi to someone. He is just shy. I know it may seem that kids now a days just aren't as friendly as when we were kids. I think someone of it has to do with the way their parents are with them. I have taught my children not to talk to strangers, but that other kids are different than adults. My son (3.5) still doesn't get it, but my daughter (4.5) gets it completely. I hope that this will get easier for you and that more kids will "grow out" of their shy phases.

Yes! Totally normal.

Kids are shy. Kids get nervous and embarrassed. This is something that many need to be taught. It just doesn't always come naturally.

Yes, there are plenty of kids who are very at ease and will walk up to total strangers and say hi with no problem. My oldest is one of them. He will walk up to other kids at the park or at a party and be completely comfortable.

But many kids require coaching to overcome this initial shyness. Please don't take it personally. It really has nothing to do with your son.

Just tell him to keep being friendly even if some other children are too busy playing to respond. It leaves him with the message that being friendly is ok even if others don't respond back. Some kids are just more focused on what they are doing or too shy to make new friends.

Have him try with older and agreeable kids. Most are better acculturized to the social graces, and will find a moment to say hello back to a little kid (although they might not be willing or able to actually play with a little one).

Best,
F. B.

I have noticed this with my 9 year old. Kids will always say HI! if they see him out and about and sometimes he will just put a hand up like a hi or I have to tell him to say hi back. Then if I ask him why he didnt say hi he just says he doesnt know. I notice the same thing when I see his friends out and about if their parents are around. They will do the same thing if my son says hi. Now my daughter on the other hand will just run up and hug her friends. So I don't know if its a boy/girl thing or something else. My son is far from shy so I dont know why he does it. Maybe his is a guilty conscience knowing these are his buddies who he gets in trouble for talking to in school? I don't know and I really haven't put much more thought into it than what I wrote here.

Normal developmental stuff. It's a social custom that kids have to learn and some pick it up faster than others.

It doesn't end at 4/5 yrs old, on either side.

Some kids will always be friendly and most kids will never learn how to be friendly.

Its in my experience the friendlier kids are the ones who have more positive opportunities in their childhood and that will continue as adults.

Tell him some people must have just sucked a pickle! Lol

Seriously, tell him some people are just not as good as meeting other people & making friends.

Normal. I just my kids the other kids hadn't learned to greet others yet.

My daughter is so shy that she freezes up when someone says hi to her. He gets so excited when she sees a classmate or friend outside of their environment and then can't say hi.

She learned quick to say hi to her elders. Her figure skate coach/director said hi to her and she didn't respond. He had walked out the door to smoke a cigarette. Dad shoved her out the door and told her to apologize and shut the door behind her.

It takes time. A lot of adults don't even say hi. I find many times when I say excuse me to someone in passing, they can't even part their lips to respond to me. They mumble some meham.

From what I see totally normal. My daughter is 7 and very shy and when addressed often doesn't know how to respond. I explain to her about greeting protocols / norms etc, but at the same time I respect her boundaries and don't want to swing the pendulum the other way as I don't really want her talking to strangers : ) .

I'd say support your son in his outgoing ways and let him know that all kids are different and some are more outgoing and some are more introverted - there's nothing "wrong" with any of them.