I am not trying to offend anyone here. So if I do, and need to reword my question, please let me know! Here it is: Some moms have had a harder time conceiving than others. Sometimes they have gone through many expensive and emotionally trying procedures in order to get pregnant. Now, when that baby is born, and you are sleep deprived and running on empty, do you comfort yourself with thoughts of how grateful you are to HAVE that baby? Or when they get to be 2 or 3, and they are pushing the limits as they're supposed to do, are you less frustrated because you are aware all the time that this baby was conceived after much pain and heartache? Is it easier to be patient with your child because you know how difficult it was to get pregnant?
Just wondering. Thanks.
Speaking from experience - nope, it is not easier to be patient with my child because of how difficult it was!
Interesting question. I can kind of relate..I had a D&C last week at 12 weeks. I lost my baby due to a missed miscarriage. This was our first, and although I was excited, I did complain about morning sickness a lot, being tired all the time, and the general feeling of not liking being pregnant. However, after we lost the baby, I feel guilty for complaining so much. I hadn't really thought about the possibility of losing it after we heard the heartbeat. So, I'd like to think that the next time around (soon, I hope), I will be more patient with my body, and not complain as much. I've realized how much of a blessing it is to be able to conceive a child and how horrible it is to lose one. Next time I'll be looking forward to it.
My daily patience and tolerance isn't any higher than other moms. I get happy/disappointed w/my son on a daily basis.
The difference for us is that we try to give him the opportunity to experience as much as he can in life, b/c we know it can be gone in a blink of an eye.
I think all moms are different. Just because I cried for years on end before we finally conceived doesn't make me a better mom. I am very patient by nature but I get frustrated, overwhelmed, and lose my patience sometimes.
Do I complain? No!
What an interesting and thoughtful question! I don't know if I can answer whether I'm any more patient, grateful, or whatever than I would have been had I not gone through infertility treatment, because well, I did go through it so I don't have a basis for comparison. I do know that like every mom, there are definitely highs and lows, good days and bad. There are days when I get extremely frustrated and upset with my kids, but I'm always grateful to have them! My kids are 3&5 now, and test their limits all the time, but they're awesome and worth all the trouble we went through and all the tough days we have now. There's just nothing like those smiles and sloppy kisses!
It is not necessarily easier to be patient. I had 3 at once and know what that wait can be like. Luckily our first IVF try was it. But when the kids are sleeping and you are looking at them, you think about how thankful you are that you can do that. And there are moments you jsut want a little peace when they get crazy like any toddler or young child will do. But you always remember in the back of your mind. i have never wished I did not have them. Sometimes, i would think how different it would have been with one at a time, but I would not change it for the world.
And now with a toddler, I can honestly say...it was one heck of a lot easier with 3 at once than it is with just one younger one. The girl keeps us on our toes! :)
I think it depends on the personality of the mom. Some moms are more patient than others but I don't think it matters a whole lot (maybe a little) about how hard it was to conceive. I've seen parents who have had a hard time conceiving not discipline or train their children. I wondered if they were afraid to because of their difficulty or if they'd be that way anyway.
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it took us a while and docs visits to get pregnant, and I think i probably have the same amount of patience as I would have anyway. my little one is six months old, i'm still sleep deprived :). Yes though, every once in a while I think about how greatful I am to have him because it was so hard getting him here. But it a seperate thing.I don't think of how tired i am and then how greatful I am. I do this at different times. But I am very greatful for my child!! :) :)
Im not sure. Its normal to get tired and grouchy and be mad at everything. I donot know about not being able to concieve, im the one that gets pregnant with the use of birth control and condoms. Im glad to have my kids but I have to worry about not getting pregnant. Often I do look at my kids and remind myself how lucky I am to have them and they are healthy. My baby is my shadow and sometimes it gets on my nerves that she's wants to be all over me then I remind myself, what if she wasnt here and I think of people who have lost children then I don't mind anymore. Like when my mama died. You don't know how wonderful it really is to hug your mama until you can't anymore. I take nothing for granted. Ever!
Good question!
I don't know.
I think I was a better parent at 36 than I would have been at 26 because I was more sure of myself in many ways, but having a newborn at any age can seriously scramble your way of thinking.
I'm not sure the long time it took (4 years) to conceive made any difference in the parenting style I developed.
On the other hand, my sister conceived almost as quick as snapping her fingers (she was also in her 30's) and she's not a great parent at all.
You might very well be onto to something!
Interesting question. I'm not sure of the answer though. It took me a while to get pregnant with my son and I'm a hugging, cuddly mom with him. I may have been even if I got pregnant on the 1st try. Now on the other hand my sister in law got pregnant without trying at all and she is very aloof as a parent. She takes good care of her kids but just isn't all warm and fuzzy about them like I am mine.
Great question - I think that my friends who have gone through IVF are some of the best parents I know in terms of being patient, seeing the big picture, not making a big deal out of little annoying things etc., but I don't know if that's just because they are great women to begin with, or because ultimately they only had one child and things can be easier with one, or because they don't take things for granted.
I was a gestational carrier of twins and those babies' parents are the happiest parents I know. They are a couple whose trials and tribulations made them closer, and stronger, and so appreciative of life. Granted I don't see them with their babies day in and day out anymore, and I'm sure they have their moments like the rest of us do, but at least in the beginning, every moment with their babies, even when cleaning up spit up or dirty diapers or comforting some tears was a moment of joy and wonder and deep appreciation for how awesome life can be.
Hmmm...there are so many variables besides difficulty in conception - my personality, my age, the child's personality, my work and life situation...
I had no problem getting pregnant the natural way, but did have two early miscarriages before carrying my daughter to term.
I know that I have been a much more patient parent of my 9 year-old who was born when I was 41, then I was with my two stepkids who I parented through my 20s and 30s. I think age and experience has a lot to do with this. I am in a different work and life situation than I was then. My work is not nearly as stressful now as it was then when I was trying to get the next promotion and make enough money for a house and family.
My daughter also has a very easy and fun personality and this was true from birth, which can't hurt! Her older brother was pretty easy as a young child, more difficult as a teen. Her older sister was a challenge the whole time!
Well I didn't go through infertility while married but I didn't get married until 30 so I was watching my good friends marry and have kids well before I got started. I was starting to wonder if I would have kids bc you never know when Mr. Wonderful will show up and I was a person that had kind of specific things I was looking for in a spouse, so I took my time when it came to getting married. So when I did get married, I was so happy to think that I would be a mom, and six weeks later I was prego! A lot of people told me that I would be this awesome mother bc I was a bit older and had babysat their kids and stuff and bc I had a handicapped sister I had help care for all her life. I think they thought these things would cause me to be like super patient or something, but nope!! I lose my cool, get annoyed and have my days just like any other mom or maybe more! I do think marrying the right person and having a happy life in general contributes a lot to my general contentment though. I feel really blessed to be able to conceive without any issue and my heart goes out so much to those who have a harder time. I just had a friend call who is pregnant after about 3 yrs of trying and she is beyond excited! So I will have to ask her down the road what she thinks on this subject. But in my personal experience of life I am totally regular ;)
