My ex husband asked me to agree to lower his child support last night (he is only asked to pay $400 a month now for 2 kids and he wants it lowered to $300 a month) which he doesnt even pay now. When i told he no he once again threatened to take me to court and try to take custody of the kids from me (im not worried about him actually getting full custody he is not a reliable parent).
A little background: We were seperated nearly a year before our divorce was final (Feb 1st 2012) he had another child in May of the same year and proceeded to get married again shortly after that. Until 4 weeks ago he has not worked a full time job since Feb 2009. When we filed our divorce i took sole custody of the kids and he only has possessory rights. He does not currently nor has he at any point since we seperated taken the kids for an entire weekend and does not take them during his designated visitation times (one evening a week and every other weekend) he will keep them maybe one night every couple of months.
Anyway so once he realized during our conversation that he was probably not gonna get full custody he wants to change our order to 50/50 joint so that he doesnt have to pay child support. Here is the question: with his record of not taking the children during his current visitation and not paying his child support what are the chances the court would grant his 50/50 custody request just a year and a half after he agreed to me having sole?
I know what will happen if he does get it, visitation is gonna end up staying just like it is not but he just wont be getting behind in child support. Let me add that for him getting joint custody has nothing to do with him thinking about what is in the best interest of the children its all about money and me being the b***h that wont let him just pay me what he can and drop the case with the OAG.
Thank you ladies for reassuring me in what i really already know. He is all bark and even if he were to try chances are the judge will see right through him and wouldnt grant him any more rights than he currently has. I told him he can request a modification to the child support through the OAG if he would like, it obviously isnt gonna do anything for me since he is not paying it anyways.
Do you have any sort of documentation/records showing when he has actually exercised his visitation rights (and which occasions he hasn't bothered to)?
If not, start documenting.
Talk to your attorney. If you don't have one then you need to get one. Don't agree to anything having to do with your children, custody, support, etc. without an attorney. Call his bluff on taking you to court. He's most likely blowing hot air and won't do anything because it will be rather expensive for him to do so.
And, if he's not owning up to the $400 month he's supposed to be paying now and he is now working, turn it over to the AG's office and have his wages garnished. Don't play his threat games.
I hope the OAG works better for you than it did for me. My ex never paid a dime of child support, and they never would pursue him for it! He finally decided he didn't even have enough money to feed my kiddos on the weekends he was supposed to have them and stopped taking them altogether. But he could still afford 2 cartons of cigarettes a week each for him and the new wife..... In the end I realized it was his loss and my gain.
My opinion is the new wife is complaining about the child support. I wouldn't really worry. If he doesn't have money to pay support, he sure doesn't have the $400/hr a family atty charges.
Document EVERYTHING.
I agree with Cheryl B except, unless your custody order states otherwise, I would not drive the kids to him. I would be sure there were witnesses but allow him to either show up or not.
My experience was different than what JoW describes. My ex made demands and threats if I didn't agree to his terms of child custody and parenting time. He was very aggressive and I was afraid, but got a lawyer and stood my ground. I made a few concessions but my ex didn't get most of what he asked for. He also decided to quit paying part of his child support so I took it to the District Attorney's office. They intervened and now my ex gets to pay my spousal and child support through the state, or have it taken out of his tax return.
My advice is to stay calm, seek legal counsel and yes, document everything. Keep copies of all emails, make sure you include dates. If you can't afford a lawyer, check at your county courthouse regarding legal aid.
My two cents... don't worry about it in the least. He's trying to get YOU to do something... he doesn't sound like he'll get it together enough to actually file anything at all.
If anything, he should file to have support lowered. If he can't afford the $400 he can provide documentation of that and have the amount reduced.... but he probably won't do that either.
***If he brings up 50/50 again, it MIGHT be worth mentioning that 50/50 custody ISN'T a visitation plan... he actually becomes RESPONSIBLE for them on his designated days (half of the time) and can't depend on you to watch them for him. Then again, probably best just to leave it alone and not address anything with him.***
That being said, he's not likely to get increased time if he's not exercising the time he has available now. Keep a log with dates and times of visits and the missed visits. Just write it in on a calendar every week and that should be fine.
HTH
T.
Why would you allow the father of your children to pay less than what the court says he needs to? He owes that money to your kids. (not really to you, so you don't have to worry about being a money hungry b*tch)
As long as you have proof and documentation that he doesn't show up for visitation, he's not going to get his custody increased. Judges are smart enough to see when a parent is trying to game the system. Just make sure you have everything documented so you can prove how much time he's really spent with the kids.
In general if he asks for it he gets it.
Document everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And don't agree to anything without an attorny present. If you don't have one get one right away.
