Letting Boys Use the Restroom by Themselves?

First grade. I still had to stand outside the door, but first grade was a big rite of passage for him.

If my boys wanted to use the men's room, I held the door open with my foot but faced the other way. I'd holler "Hey how are you kids doing in there?" about every 5 seconds. They had to answer. Not only did it make me feel better to talk to them, it sends a message to anyone else in the men's room. I'd get understanding nods of approval from some dad types coming out the door.

well, Ds is 9 we just came from Walmart his sister had to go. He came too, I'm not leaving him hanging around outside.

I don't send him in my himself there either. Our library has a bathroom like a house bathroom, He can use that, I guess the correct way to say it is it's a one person mens room. but there is very little traffic and it is a one person toilet. I'd rather be paranoid than deal with losing my son to a mentally unbalanced person.

Five, but more specifically the age of awareness. Anyone can tell when their kid has that look of curiousness on their face.

Thing is I have raised two boys and have never found a venue where there wasn't at least one bathroom with only one entrance. They ain't getting out, ya know?

With my youngest I sometimes had to ask a guy to go in and tell him to stop playing in the sink. They would always come out, how did you know? Cause he always plays in the sink!

So far as me using the women's room. If the area didn't look safe he would go in the handicapped stall with me. Otherwise it was see this wall, keep looking at it, you move you are grounded from life. Neither of my sons ever moved.

After reading MzKitty, I have to say if I were in an area that got that little of foot traffic we would all just use the same bathroom. What I am talking about above is high traffic restrooms.

I think it depends on where the bathroom is. I remember a horrible story of a boys aunt waiting outside a bathroom on the beach, her nephew went in, a few minutes later a man came out, she waited thinking the boy was doing #2, then started to call his name, didn't answer, so she went in and found him dead. Never found the man.

No security cameras or a lot of activity at a beach, but places like Walmart there are. So I can't remember what I did with my son, I think I just MADE him go with me whether he liked it or not until he was about 7, and then I would yell in there something about me waiting right outside the door for him so anyone in there with him knew I was standing right there. And I would rather him use the urinals where he can be seen instead of a closed stall. My thought for my kids is always, "better safe than sorry" and I tell them this if they argue with me. Good luck.

We let my nephew go alone between 5-6 yrs old and always stood outside the door. If he took too long, we'd check on him. Generally, that was the rule for stores, restaurants, church, etc. For ampitheaters and malls, he had to go in the family restroom, with one of the males in the group or in the woman's room with one of us. If we had a male in the group with us, the male ALWAYS took him to the men's room from the time he was potty trained so that he learned what the norm was for in the men's room..

The vast vast majority of men are NOT perverts or sexual predators. The majority of sexual predators seem to know their victim and have an on-going connection of some type (coaches, family friends, family, neighbors). If you are standing right outside the door and are obviously watching for your child, the risk of something happening is very, very low. Be diligent in watching and being safe, but it probably doesn't make much diff if he uses a urinal or a stall.

This is a good question, thank you for posting. I too have a son who asks to use the men's room in public. He is 6 and I am just not comfortable with it. If daddy is with him, fine, I don't mind. If family restrooms are an option, then fine he can go alone. I know he will need to do this on his own soon, but for now, I just can't. Things can happen so quickly and his innocence is precious. So, for now he stays with me in the ladies room. I suppose I will know when the time is right. Good Luck! I say go with your gut, you have to do what you feel is right for you, other people should not make choice's for your family.

I'm going through the same thing. My son is 5.5 and doesn't like to use the girls bathroom anymore. Depending on where we are at, I stand at the door and wait. However, if we are at the Mall or other places that have a family bathroom - I prefer him to use that since he will be by himself in their, and he's fine with that. A lot of times I make him go to the bathroom when we leave the house and hope he doesn't have to go again if we just have a few stops... it just makes me feel better. But, I never let him go without me standing right outside the door and I always make sure I say "i'm waiting right here" loud enough so people in there know he's not just by himself (not sure that helps - but makes me feel a little better).

My son is 6-1/2. He has been using the single ones (one toilet, door locks) for maybe 6-9 months. Very recently (past few weeks) he has been going into restaurant restrooms if DH takes a peek first and they are empty. We still keep sort of an eye on the door. I think we are pretty much there and he will be using them alone very soon.

I think my son was probably about six when I started letting him go in by himself (depending on the facility).

Something you can do is have them count out loud (when you're standing outside). That way, if he quits counting you know he needs help.

Also, I think the urinal is quicker and less he has to touch...since boys/men have such great aim...

Years ago, I had a neighbor who sat on the jury in a child molestation case-the incident had taken place in the men's room of a prominent country club. My children never went to the bathroom alone-someone always went with them and stood outside-or they went in pairs much later on. In my opinion, five yrs old is way too young-remember, it only takes a tiny window of opportunity-you have quite a few registered sex offenders living in your area and you can read about them here:

http://www.city-data.com/so/so-West-Palm-Beach-Florida.html

if it isn't busy, I let my 5.5 yr old use the men's room, but i keep my foot in the door and he has to talk to me the whole time.

I just made sure the restroom was empty before sending my son in, it's easy enough to stick your head in and look around, then I waited right outside the door for him. I think we did this from about the age of 4/5 to 7/8 or so.

As soon as my son expressed discomfort with going in the ladies room I stopped making him. That was at about age 5. If I have to go, then he has to stand by the drinking fountain that is typically right between the men's and women's restrooms. It was hard for me at first, but I got used to it.

When he was around 5-6, we also used family restrooms whenever they were available.

I had one time that he went into a men's room and came right back out and said he wasn't comfortable. He didn't elaborate but I think trusting his instincts is good. He waited until we found another bathroom.

16 and not a day earlier!! Just kidding!

My first child was a boy so I feel your nervousness - my son was probably about seven when he would go in by himself BUT only if I stood right outside the door and there was no other exit! AND I would ask if he had to do #1 or #2 so I could gauge when he should be coming out!

There was actually one time I got nervous enough I yelled into the restroom asking if he was ok. He had to do #2 and didn't know it till he got in there!

As for stall or urinal - I think it's just what he's comfortable with.

You also need to talk to him about creepy people!! Explain to him in age-appropriate terms about the dangers of guys in the bathrooms, etc. He needs to know it's ALWAYS ok to scream and run if someone is making him uncomfortable.

Sad world we live in but it's better to be cautious and warn him than he not know anything about what's out there!

Good luck!!!

My son,5, is the same way. I let him go in by himself in the movies only because the tiles the used actually work like mirrors and I can see him ( and any other man in there oops). I don't think they realize it. I let him go into single ones by himself. Other than that he comes in with me, no if and or buts!

I think the urinal may be safer only cause a man can't trap him in the stall and others coming in can see what's going on. That just my opinion though.

My son is 5 almost 6. He comes with me. Period. I don't care who has a problem with it. I don't know when I'll "let" him use the mens room alone. I don't give it too much thought since I have 3 other children (girls) and he's the only boy so he goes with me, unless my husband is around in which case our son goes with his daddy. But when my son is out with me, to the ladies room he goes with me as well. And just because his friends do it doesn't make it right for you, or your son.

I have girls, but I have seen Mom's knock on the door and say, is anyone in there, before sending their son in. You can't keep people out, but it gives you a sense if he is alone or how many men are in there. Let's them know you are nearby.

I do think 5 and 7 are too young. But probably by around 9-10. My 8 year old daughter doesn't go alone yet, except in the rare situation once or twice where we are in a quiet restaurant where I can see the door. I walk her over, look inside, and then wait.

I always thought having boys would be so tough. I heard an awful story on the news on this topic when I was a teen that I never forgot. Stuff can happen in a split second.

PS - Prevention is important. But don't forget to give him strategies to help himself. Yelling fire, kicking and squeezing "sensitive" anatomy, poking in the eyes, trusting your gut feelings, etc. All are important, even when he is older. He won't be as big as a grown man until he is one.

Probably about 5.5 or 6.

I found that the real challenge was when I REALLY had to go, but that meant leaving him standing outside the bathroom while I went in. I can pee really fast if I have to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I watch the news too much.

M

This is what I did if it was a public bathroom with stalls. I stood outside the men's bathroom for him. He and I worked out how we do things - I called to him and he answered. Over and over. "How are you doing?" "Fine, Mommy!" "Are you almost done?" "I'm having a poop, Mommy!" "I'm washing my hands now, Mommy!" etc, etc, etc.

We never had a problem. However, I got the beejeebers scared out of me once. In a MacDonald's, a scruffy looking man walked into the bathroom as soon as my son went in. I couldn't take it, to be honest. I told my son out of the door to come out right now or I was coming in to get him. He came to me with his pants barely pulled up and his underwear all askew. Poor little guy - he asked why I didn't wait.

I was actually really pissed at that man. (Not that I have a right to be, I know...) He knew I sent my 5 year old in there. He could have waited a moment. Either he doesn't pay attention to anything around him, or he doesn't care one wit about being mistaken for a perv, or he might have been hoping for a chance. Most likely he didn't care what I thought.

Anyway, that's how I did it. Most of the time, I took him in the ladies room with me if there was no one in there. If it was a one toilet room, I always took the boys in there, even when they were bigger. I'd just say "I'm not looking - hurry up!!"

Dawn

my son is 5.5 - he goes in by himself and I stand outside the door.

It depends on where we are, at church, town library, a family pool, but Not a big arena, rest stop, mall, theater, my son is 7 but looks younger. I know eventually I will have to so I am curious to see people's answers.

I have only let my sons when they were 5 use a mens room ONLY if its empty. I have stopped men from going in until mine were done. I think 5 is to young to go in alone with other men. I made them most of the time go into the ladies room.