Live-in Caregiver

I think your Dad is remembering how it was when he was a youth. My aunt did this in the 50's and 60's and it worked well. The world is a different place now. It's impossible to find a live in caregiver on your own and even if you did you have no guarantees that this person will be helpful let alone honest and hard working.

Your mother may be eligible for help in paying for a caretaker thru Medicare and her insurance plan. I'd talk with the social worker in her doctor's office about what might be available. You do have to hire this person thru an agency in order to qualify for financial help.

I've had relatives and a neighbor have various people in to help with various tasks and had all of their wages paid by Medicare and insurance. Once they needed round the clock care they had to rely on a relative moving in with them or them moving in with a relative or to a care facility.

My father moved to a foster home. My mother could've moved with him but chose not to. My brother moved in with her. Foster homes are more personal and less expensive. My father was glad to live there. He, as well as family members, became friends with her. My mother and brother could visit anytime they wanted within reason. The caretaker became an advocate for him with the family and his doctor.

A friends father had a similar experience. I see this as a viable option for older people, including me, when I need care.

I learned that once my parents needed help with personal care and living arrangements it's good to try to follow their wishes but when it's not possible I had to have a tough skin and do what was best for them. Listen and sympathize. Develop a mantra that says, I know you're not liking this but this is the way it has to be. Don't argue or try to convince them that it's right. Be sympathetic. Let them vent. But stick with your decision. It's really difficult to be old and in need of care and equally difficult for family to deal with this. Be kind to yourself while knowing you have to make tough decisions.

I know a lot of good Christian ladies and I don't know one who would devote their lives to someone other than their own mother. You dad needs to be reasonable about what he is asking.

These people could tell you they are anything but you need to be able to have an agency to check them out just for safty.
Older people are ripe for being taken advantage of. Be sure and check out what Medicare might take care of. Like a visiting helper for baths and cooking a meal.

My dad used an agency and I would highly recommend it. What happens if they are helping your mom and they injure themselves?

Initially, Dad was going to use an individual but he discussed it with an attorney and decided that would put him and this finances at risk. It is worth the cost of using the agency and peace of mind as well. Good luck!

Sounds like she needs a certified care giver, and if they are any good they will probably be with an agency. I would pay the extra to know I have the best, plus insurance and all that will add up and you would not end up saving much in the end.

You can try something like Care.com, but I would personally go through an agency. Have you tried talking to the Dr? Medicare may pick up some of the cost if it is deemed necessary. Medicare was paying to have caregivers come in and bathe my Dad until my mom got tired of too many people coming in her house and decided she would rather do it herself. The problem with not going through an agency is there is no back up plan. An agency will also be insured and bonded. What about long term health insurance...do they happen have any?

If your parents have any sort of insurance that covers some home health care like Medicare then they will only pay a portion of the charge.

Some agencies even offer staff that will stay awake the whole day, some will work 7am-3pm, one 3pm-11pm, and another 11pm-7am. I did the night shift for a while with a man that was over 100 years old. He lived a long time....

If he only needs care during certain hours of the day, like when someone is awake but once they go to bed they don't get back up until morning with assistance then they might look into an Advantage Aide through some home health agencies. I worked as one for a couple of years and did 5 hours 2 days per week of respite care so that a caregiver could have some personal time to do her own stuff and run errands. I also did light housekeeping and cooking. There are many different tasks one can do.

As long as the doc rights a prescription for the care the insurance will pay a majority of the fee.

K.~I have been through this in the last 10 yrs. I had a handicapped sibling living with my parents as well. I would recommend having two or three part time caregivers. I had several people come in to help with different aspects of their care. It is expensive! I had to go out of state for part of this, so unfortunately, I can't really tell you my experience in Texas. What little time I did have with my Mom here in Texas was not so great! I don't know if this helps or not!!! My thoughts will be with you....and prayers as well.

the expense is worth it. otherwise you're looking at tortuous legal liabilities and insurance issues, as you've noted. and an agency will send someone trained and bonded.
it's a terrible situation to be in. i hope you can find a reasonable solution.
khairete
S.

The best way to protect yourselves is to use an agency.

But honestly though, if you did hire someone off the street, which is your father's preferred method apparently, you would NOT be required to pay their insurance. You'd be taking your chances that the person coming in is actually experienced in being a caregiver. You'd be taking your chances that they even have a license, which if you get them "off the street" rather than through an agency they don't need to have a license or any training at all.

There's such a high level of trust on both sides... the caregiver and the person needing care... required that at least with an agency if it doesn't work out and you need to fire someone the agency can send someone else right away for you nearly immediately. If an agency were to tell you, "tough luck, you're stuck with whomever we send you" you'll need to know that ahead of time. But the people they send have already been through the background checks, have been vetted, have been trained, and know what they're doing.

They're the ones that you know are worth the money. You can't say the same for hiring someone just because they're nice and they're Christian. Being Christian doesn't qualify you for a job unless you're applying to be a priest or a nun. :-/ It also doesn't make someone good and honest. So what you need to do is check and see what insurance will cover in caregiving options.

You should also check out:

http://caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp

http://caregiver.com/