Lonely Hubby

My niece is married to a Lutheran pastor and they just had their second child. I'd hate to think that this is a problem they'd be facing now because they moved several States to the east, away from their families and are they are quite young. That would be tough. They do have an incredible sense of humor though, and I think that helps. I'd certainly be his friend if I wasn't an ocean away. He's great with kids and teens, which reminds me.....

When I was at high school, our school needed an adviser for a club activity, Pep Club. We made posters and cheered at the sports games, that sort of thing.... The town's Baptist Minister took on the job. He was great. His three kids weren't even in high school yet, but he volunteered. I ended up babysitting his kids, but never attended his church. He NEVER brought it up... I don't think. He and his wife were so down to earth and treated us teenagers with such respect they were very popular. She got involved in the local Girl Scouts program. She talked about nutrition a lot, I remember, and he was just a really positive person who always listened and smiled.
There are lots of clubs he could join. Like Toastmasters. Or volunteer with a youth group or school. Sports clubs are a good way of meeting people with similar interests. Just some thoughts.

I am Lutheran as well. I was good friends with one of my old pastor's daughters, they moved on to a different church though. Our last Pastor we all became friends with, but I'm not sure if anyone actually invited them to birthday parties, dinner parties and such. My current pastor is older and has grandkids. I think people are a little shy about inviting a pastor into their homes. Kind of like when your in laws visit and you have to be on your best behavior and the house has to look great.

I was baptized and confirmed Lutheran. One of my parents best friends was our Pastor. He was such an important part of our lives. My best friend is the daughter of a Presbyterian minister. Most of the religious leaders around me are older. Otherwise, I wouldn't hesitate to ask someone!

Maybe have a 'profile' about your family in a letter to the congegation about what you like to do. That make break the ice if people know you like to bowl or whatever.

We are American Baptist and everyone in the church is very friendly, even with the Pastor and his family. We go to swim meets and football games to cheer their children on, go out for dinner, have "Middleagers" and "Keenagers" dinners and play games like scattergories. It is a real hoot. Choir practice nights we cook a easy dinner and about 20 or so of us have dinner together. The more opportunities to connect inside the church the easier it is outside I think.
I don't think that there is a huge difference between our beliefs, I can see where the problem/inability to connect would be if you were maybe Catholic or more strict like that. I know the Priests always intimidated me when I was Catholic.
Good luck, and if you would like to connect with Pastors Ray and Laura Lee I'm sure they might have some ideas for you. I know the mentality of some of the older generation you went to church and then home, there was no socializing. My mom is working to overcome that one.
Good luck and let me know if you want contact info.
C.

I feel for you--it's not easy making friends, let alone making nes ones in a new place. But first let me ask: are you from this part of the country? I am new to Wausau WI, and I do see a high level of personal reserve that is foreign to me as a transplanted Southerner. Where is your husband's parish now, and where was it before? Second, you must be aware that the clergy, no matter how friendly, are intimidating to lesser mortals. Your husband has a hot-line to God and has a secret handbook for conduct--at least, that's what I am sure some people think. Others may also think that you are judging them harshly for their trespasses--just like with my Ph.D. in English I am looking to correct other's grammar! Lots of people make erroneous assumptions based on occupation, creed, looks, etc. and it has very little to do with us. You might try asking a co-worker and her husband to come for pizza with their kids, or a neighbor, or an interesting senior and her partner. Or you might try joining a gourmet club. Good luck--and if you're nearby and would like to get together for coffee, please let me know.

I am not religious, but I can see where an intimadation factor may come in. Peoples views of religion are so different that sometimes people have a hard time relating to people of stronger faith themselves. I would try a "get to know us" party. Something that is simple but at the same time lets people get to know you on a more personal level not just as the pastor and the pastors wife, but as a couple trying to raise your kids in todays world just like everyone else. Don't know if that helped but good luck!!!

I am Lutheran too. I would love to be closer friends with my pastor, but my perception is that he and his wife (who is also our pastor) are too busy to spend time with just us. They are a wonderful spiritual leaders and so fun to be around. I do feel like I have to be on my best behavior and have the house clean- but I think that is pressure I put on myself out of respect for their position in my life. I think if other people feel that way, they too might feel like they have to be on good behavior around you and can't relax and let their guard down (e.g. accidentally swearing in front of you, etc.) Maybe you could do something to show you're just like them- not that you have to swear but maybe find something that puts them at ease so they know you are seeking friendship and not there to judge. I also feel like if I tried to invite my pastors over, they would feel obligated to come just to be nice and that I'd never know if they were coming because they felt they had to or because they really wanted to. Those are just some of the thoughts going through my head. Could you invite someone to do something or would you feel that's showing favoritism? Could you invite someone over so their kids could play with yours and the grown ups could have coffee and dessert? I know you are asking for advice, but I have to admit I had never thought of it from your side and I'm interested to see the discussion that takes place. I hope things work out for you!!

Hello- I bet that is a tough role to play- I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I can imagine that there is an intimidation factor here- What city are you in? Are there any fun groups to join that aren't based on religion but, more like a hobby or interest? How about scrapbooking?
H.