Looking for Children Books Help Deal with Divorce

I'm a divorce attorney and I keep a selection in my office to borrow-- I found them all on Amazon. They have a lot of different great ones for all ages.

Hi D.,

I am sorry to hear about your divorce. Things will be fine for you and your girls. I am a mother of a 18 mos son. Currently married for 5 yrs. Been with my husband for 9 yrs. I hope to never go through a divorce. But, sometimes things are out of your control.

Anyhow, I have gone through three divorces in my family. My parents, my sister and my brother. My advice to you. No book or books can heal the pain or make things better. Time with their parents and family support from relatives will make it better.

Going through my parents divorce, I learn alot from it. I didn't have anymore to heal my pain. I had to be there for my sister's and brother's children while they were trying to cope with their seperation. The feeling of them being acknowledge, wanted and love. Will make them happy and secure.

Today, all four of my nieces and nephews are doing well and all attending college. That is from the love and support our family gave them. Parents divorce each other. They don't divorce their children. Good luck and take care.

Hi D.,

When I was going through a threatened divorce, (my husband said he was leaving and I had to get work and put my homeschooled kids into private school)Our world was turned upside down. My kids and I turned to the Bible and found SO MUCH comfort in the promises God gives to those who love him.
Even though things looked terrible, I kept my faith that God could heal my marriage. It is his will that marriages are for life... two joined together become one. He promised to answer my prayer if I had faith.
2 years later here we are, my marriage has been restored. He can be your rock, your hope, your comfort, and your savior. Even when marriages don't end up restored, He is the mightly counselor and can heal your heart and your children's hearts. Give Him a try. The Bible says "taste and see that the Lord is good".
Most of all pray for your children, they find so much comfort in it. They are so much closer to God than adults are, because they have an innocent faith.

Every situation is different...finding a relevant book for kids may not be easy, but I hope you find one---if not, try looking for a book for parents, to help you know what to say to them. As long as they don't feel abandoned or caught in the middle, they should do okay. Make sure you take time to reduce your stress, so it doesn't show too much and worry them.
I have heard that ALL children of divorced parents deep down believe that their parents will somehow get back together someday...keep that in mind if you ever notice them behaving strangely.

The BEST thing you can do for your kids it so set up a good visitation schedule. Try to keep your feelings towards your soon to be ex nutural, especially in front of the girls. Be sure and let them know that it is ok for them the love you both! Hearing it from you will help more than any book.

I am so very sorry for your loss....

I have a few books I picked up and a web site. My son was only 18 months when his dad left so my situation may be a little different. Even without the "real" memory of a dad at home, he seemed to have viceral memories like when a dinner guest sat down when he was about three and he said "don't sit there. That's daddy's chair". I was shocked. Then I got concerned when he never talked about it so I went on line and picked up books: "I Don't Want to Talk About it", ""It's Not Your Fault KoKo Bear", "Good-Bye Daddy", "Dinosaurs Divorce", "Mom and Dad Don't Live Together Anymore", and a few others we've since given away. He is almost 8 now and "issues" arise periodically (usually with school pick ups, birthdays, vacations) but have settled into a life that seems to be understandable and acceptable. Take care of yourself and watch your words and body language when with your ex. Lots of divorce books talk about the fact that kids are great observers and terrible interpreters. A website I found helpful with workshops to support us was www.kidsturn.org. It is specifically designed to help the kids through this transition and my son and I both found it helpful mostly because it gave us a common language to use together. I've also heard good things about the book "Divorce - the Sandcastles Way" and I think it has a workbook as well. Recently I picked up a workbook called "Changing Families" that is written by kids and adults in a simple format and the kids can draw instead of talk about the stages of divorce. I sat quietly letting him work on his picture with me sitting beside him with my own book and learned alot just from listening and watching the ways he expressed himself. It quite possible might have been one of the most revealing exchanges we had had about the divorce ever. Good luck to you. If you need books for you and dealing with an ex or on being a single mom I have another shelf in the library just on that. And child development - because every now and then when he goes through a rough spot I question whether it's due to the divorce or just "normal developmental behavior". And it seems the first year or two after divorce is the roughest period. Take care of yourself first. Best to you, G.

Don't have any book advice but wanted to offer encouragement to you-you will get through this and your family will come out of this with greatness! Just make sure not to bash your ex in front of the children and make sure he does the same. It really does help them become the children they are meant to become. I pray for peace for you through this difficult time!
God Bless.

Hi D.,

I would Google Bibliotherapy and the words divorce. trauma, , check Amazon and also call family therapist for ideas.

I went through divorce as an only child at age 9 and literature was my outlet.

Hi D.

I am so sorry for your situation. The kids do lose. I'm an adult child of divorce and still have to deal with parent issues, even though I'm nearly 40! This does not mean the kids won't heal or won't have a great life, but the reality is, I have to make choices when it comes to which grandparents house for holiday's etc.

I have been through it so I speak also of personal experience. I went to a class called "Divorce Care", it is not an ex-bashing session, it is focused on you, the realities you will have to face, how to have a relationship with your ex that does not traumatize the kids. It goes through budgeting, attorneys, and mainly, to help you heal. It gives practical advice. It is a small group setting, so other people can help support you, but you don't have to reveal any personal information, it is all voluntary. Concurrently, there is a "Divorce Care for Kids" as well for children under age 12. It helps them understand that parents still love them and how to still be kids even though their environment is changing. Look it up at www.divorcecare.com and see where a class is near you. Even if there isn't one close and soon, you can still order the materials for you and your girls.

The end to my story is, the ex and I re-married each other. Though at the time there was no way it would have ever been possible for reconciliation, after time, we worked through it and now have 5 children (1 at time of divorce).

Take care, e-mail me personally if you would like.

D.

Hi, I am going through it myself and my daughter's are the same age.
Have you looked into the organisation called Kids Turn? Check out their website www.kidsturn.org . Our pediatritian told us about it. We are going through the sessions now and it really helps the girls. To a minimum, check out the books recommended on their website. Those I am reading with my gils are Two Homes and Dinousaur Divorce.
It's all a bit overwhelming but I feel I am getting over the hump. I try to do what is recommended and it seams that it helps: keep them out of the conflict conversations with the other parent, do not talk down about their father (even if sometimes I need to bite my toungue) and support the visitation and their contact with their father. One thing I wasn't quite prepared for is that the girls have their different ways of adjustment and sometimes it's difficult to keep up with both: one wants to take a box of books and toys to leave it at her father's appartment and the other one wants to bring the box back after every visitation. Having said all that, we are slowly getting there and it's only been a couple of months. I am hoping I will soon find time for my own soul searching. Good luck!

Hi D.:

I am recognized as The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce. My own experience more than a decade ago led to my writing my new book, How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook™ Guide to Preparing Your Children -- With Love! My now grown son wrote the introduction.

What makes this book unique is that I don’t just tell parents what to say. I say it for them! I use fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.

Therapists, attorneys, mediators and other professionals around the U.S. and beyond have endorsed the book, attesting to the value of my innovative storybook approach. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well. More details about the book can be found at www.howdoitellthekids.com.

My purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children.

As an additional support system, I have also created the Child-Centered Divorce Network where parents can access free articles, my ezine, blog, valuable resources and services to help them create a “child-centered divorce” which will reap significant rewards in the months, years and decades to come. Please visit http://www.childcentereddivorce.com to learn more.

July is also National Child-Centered Divorce Month and I have a network of divorce professionals all over North America who are providing free ebooks, audio programs and other gifts for parents this month. We're also offering free teleseminars to divorcing parents. All the details can be found at www.childsharing.com/childcentereddivorce.

Best wishes to you. If you're interested in divorce coaching or have questions, contact me at ____@____.com.

Sincerely,
R. S., CCT
The Voice of Child-Centered Divorce

Dear D.,
Divorce is always a shame, even when it's completely necessary. And, it's never easy, but I know that you and your girls will get through it.
I left my husband before my son was even 2 years old. Things had gotten to the point of being too dangerous and I was hoping that the earlier I got out, the easier it would be. 12 years later, my ex is still bitter, but I did get my son help. We were loaned a book by his counselor called "My Life Turned Upside Down But I Turned it Rightside Up" by Mary B. Field. My son really liked it. It was meant to be read to him by both me and his father, but his dad refused to read it. He justified it by saying the divorce wasn't his idea in the first place. But, that was okay because my son got it even if his dad didn't.
I'm sure you'll get some other great ideas, but that book really helped because my son felt so torn and was getting lost in the middle. That was something I NEVER wanted for him.

There are lots of resources and reaching out to find them shows how much you love your girls. Making sure they know how much they are still loved no matter what, is so important.
I wish you the very best!