Looking for Some Insight with My Teeange Brother.

You've gotten some great advice. I'd like to add just a bit. I'm all for you talking to your brother...make it gradual, but I would recommend your husband getting involved too. If your brother sees a structured home within you two, he may be more apt to sharing with you in an environment where he is comfortable (so you'll have to be patient and consistent/dedicated to the time you schedule for him...he needs no other inconsistencies). I would also talk up the positive aspects of your brother to your son. Once he is as in love with your brother as you are, you can take the angle of your brother being a positive model for your son. Take a step back and look at the big picture of how your life can connect with your "little" brother's and decide to grow your family/ies closer together(mom and step-dad /daughter/ sister/wife/mother...etc). Good luck!

I am coming from a background of having an almost 16 year old step-son who has Bipolar Disorder and all of the symptoms you describe above plus more. Our step-son has been in therapy since he was about 6. And we have been going to family therapy with him since that time as well. One of the most important things everyone can do is to find out why. We all think we know why our troubled child acts out the way he does but often we are wrong. I'm not saying this will be an easy task, because often the children themselves does not know why they do what they do. Still, every time there is an acting- out, the question needs to be asked. Why did you do that? Why are your grades falling? Even if the child answers with the dreaded "I dunno", you have planted a seed to get the child to do some introspective thinking. Of course, I am going to tell you that I would recommend him to go to therapy, as well as his parents. I would also be questioning the diagnosis. Many mental illnesses have similar symptoms. Misdiagnosis is common and really complicates the therapeutic process. Medications can cause symptoms that seem to prop up the given diagnosis when they may only be side effects.

As his sister, I would recommend that you carve out regular time to spend with him. Right now, he is probably only getting negative attention which is understandable but can also fuel the behavior. Everyone wants positive attention but if they can't get it they will take the negative kind every time. Since you rightly point out that it is not your place to be raising your brother, you can take on the role of a person in his life that only provides positive attention. Can you have him over one night a week for dinner? Can you ask him to come and babysit your 4 year old and then heap praise on him for being such a wonderful uncle? I am sure you will come up with many creative ideas for giving him some positive attention. Talk this over with your parents; they may be hesitant to allow this when he is grounded for some of his many misdeeds. We did the same thing with our son. But we are having to re-think everything at this point. Our son is in a residential treatment center in Florida right now following a serious suicide attempt which resulted in a coma, pneumonia, tracheotomy and rehab for a minor brain injury. His hospitalization at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta - Scottish Rite was 40 days and he has now been in a psychiatric residential program since December 20. If you care to read more about our story, we have a Care Page set up for David. Here are the instructions on how to view it.

1. Go to www.carepages.com?ipc=pinvitetemplate
2. Click "Visit a CarePage"
3. Register (first-time users only)
4. After you've registered, enter the exact CarePage Name below:

davidsimmons

Hope this helps, S.

Sounds like there is a major lack of effective communication going on. If the fight bothered his Dad, then the Dad should have talked to him about it rather than assuming that the Mother had handled it. Just because something is difficult to talk about, doesn't mean that it shouldn't be confronted. It sounds like your brother has a desire to do well, but having an unstructured environment is causing him to waffle a bit on that.
Sports are great, but in the real world they don't pay the bills. His parents should be encouraging him to focus the bulk of his attention on academics. No matter how much they scream and fuss about it, all kids need and WANT structure and disclipline. If they are left unstructured, they end up feeling lost, confused, angry, and left without a sense of direction.
I think you've already recognized that, but now it's time to discuss it with your parents. Even if they don't appreciate your input, they need to hear it.
If all else fails, you can take action yourself. Take little bro out to lunch and have a casual conversation about what you have noticed. Maybe he just needs someone outside of the home to help him gain a sense of purpose and direction. I have an adult nephew with ADHD and although he never listens to his parents, he almost always takes my advice (even though it's almost exactly what his parents tell him). Just an idea. Good luck!

First let me say how I think that some doctors seem to like to dignose any behavioral problem with it being add or adhd.Depending on how close you are with him,maybe he will confide in you about his problems at school and you can talk with him about how to get through it and how to cope.You could also talk to your parents about what they could do for him like putting him in a big brothers program or a karate class,something that will make him feel proud of himself.When guys feel good about themselves they tend to care less about what others think.

I am also the oldest of 5 ( other 4 have a different dad) the youngest born when I was 15. if the change is sudden I would advise to look at his friends. Your parents need to know his friends. and change him back to the other school. He's 15 he does not know what is better for him. if you can get him talking , ask him about his friends. He needs disapline kids need boundaries. I have 2 brothers both spoiled and got away with everything. My parents waited too late to try to get a hold of the oldest one. He moved out started drinking , partying got evicted from his apartment and moved back home. My other brother is 15, he was having trouble in school he's failed at least 1 grade, he was moved to a special school and he is doing much better. He was also diagnosed with ADD and is on medication.

Good luck, I can definitely relate to whats going on.