Lost Lovey

Updated on September 25, 2011
L.G. asks from Chicago, IL
15 answers

Ok...I am so sad. :( My 4 year old's first and best teddy is missing. He was so loved that his head was practically falling off. :) He was my son's Sasha Fierce and would do naughty things and blame them on "Scratchy", who got his name from having a rough nose from so many kisses. We went out tonight and I have no idea where he went...he never left the bag for what I thought. Then on hte way home in pj's, he wanted his blanket and Scratchy...I could not find him and assumed he fell out of the bag on the car floor. No such luck. We never take it with us and the one time. How do I explain this to my son? My husband thinks I am making too big of an issue...but I feel horrible! How could I let this happen? I have walked all over the streets where we were parked...searched the car...searched the house, which was clean when we left so I know it is not here :( I even drove back just now (midnight) to where we were earlier to see if I could see him. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? I never thought we would lose him....I am always so careful when we take him on vacation b/c I know how important he is. Any thoughts are appreciated.

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So What Happened?

We found him!!! I felt like I was going to cry and then got the biggest hug! :) I am thinking my son unpacked Scratchy at some point from our bag. I remember at one point asking him to run upstairs to get extra socks out of his closet...and he must have left Scratchy there since that is where I foung him today when I was hanging up their clothes. All I can say is that I learned a bunch with this experience...the biggest is that Scratchy is a very important to both my son and ME! :) Thank you all for your kind words...it truly helped. :)

Featured Answers

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

Where did you go when you went out? You could post a "Lost: " flyer in the areas where you went..... :/

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S.B.

answers from Redding on

You will get through this.
My ex husband got mad at me and threw away my son's nigh-nigh. Then, he blamed it on my mother so my son would be mad at her.

It was a long story based on an abusive and insecure person and situation, but what I did after that was give my son my pillow case. That became his new nigh nigh and I got him a stuffed puppy that we named Mitzvah.
Find a replacement for a snuggy. It won't be the same. But it can work. My son is 16 and still remembers his original nigh nigh going missing. But we found replacements.
My son has gotten migraines from the time he was really little and the first thing he wanted was my pillow. He still calls it "Magic".
If he gets a headache or isn't feeling well, he wants mommy's "Magic".
He's 16 and that's what he calls it.
It makes him feel better.
It smells like me.
It's comforting.
You can try to find something else that will work.
My son transitioned easily to something else even though he never forgot his nigh-nigh.
It's just a thought. Try a replacement that smells like you.
It worked for my son.
I swear when he moves out he may take my pillow with him.

Best wishes.

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L.A.

answers from Austin on

Tomorrow morning when it is light. look under the seats of the car. You will be amazed what gets stuck way under there and as we mature. our eye sight is not as great as it used to be.

I would be honest with son and ask him "what can we do?" Then let him come up with some solutions. Let him look through the car. Under it around it. See if he can remember exactly how he got out of the car and walked into the house.

Then go further and remember all of the places you were at with Scratchy.. store, parking lot, restaurant, doctor, school. again maybe drive back and look around go onside and ask about lost and found. .

Once you have tried everything, very calmly agree with him that scratchy is probably lost. That we all lose things sometimes and it makes us sad. But it was an accident and again we all have accidents. Stay CALM. Your attitude is totally going to have an impact on your son. He needs you to be strong.

This is like everything else. This is a learning moment. He will be less likely to take his precious things out of the house and he will understand that we are ok, even when we lose important things. And he will learn that as long as you have done your best, sometimes we just do not always have things end the way we would like.

I am so sorry. This is really hard, but who knows? Maybe Scrathy is not lost, just misplaced.

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M.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I feel your pain!!!! So sorry your son (and you!) are going through this. It is a big deal and I would continue to search everywhere (under carseats, couches, behind couch pillows, in drawers) and also call wherever you were (which I'm sure you already did)

But I would tell your son the truth about his being missing -- and then make a lost poster (together) -- post it outside and also inside your home.

I would make up a "What if Scratchy.." story about the adventures he's having helping other children around the world. And engage your son in stories about Scratchy going on a mission to help those in need (although he'll probably say "why isn't he helping me!")

Finally -- I'd start searching online to see if there is anything similar that your son might connect with.

As a poster said, loss -- and how we learn to cope with it -- is (sadly ) a life lesson that will ultimate help your son. But your husband is wrong to dismiss this -- it is huge for your son and he will be grieving and his feelings should be acknowledged and respected.

I

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M.G.

answers from Texarkana on

Check out lostmylovey.com and plushmemories.com hope this helps.

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J.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm so sorry to hear this. I hope you find him. My daughter who is four has this beanie bear that I bought her when she was 9 months old who she named Bubble Gum. My daughter sleeps with him every night and he just about goes everywhere with her. Even to her first day of preschool and now kindergarten in her backpack. Last year we had lost him and my daughter was so upset..We had went to an amusument park and she had let him in one of the rides. At the time I didn't no that. I looked every where for him, the car the house I even drove back to the parking lot. That next morning I went down to the place and asked everyone I saw that worked there and by luck they had found him. I was sooo happy to see Bubble Gum.
So what I did I went on ebay and order another one just like him just in case that was ever to happen. Of course I have wash him a couple of times and sewed the hole that he had gotten in his foot to make him look like bubble gum just in case that was to have ever happen again. Because that night he was gone my daughter cried herself to sleep which broke my heart. Trust me when I say this..I do no what you are going through..

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

oooh!! I'm sooo sorry!!! I know that pain!!

If you have a picture of him - make a poster of it and hang it up.

We lost my son's "pancake" - his blanket - I ended up finding another one on ebay but it's not the same...someone actually turned it in to the lost and found where we lost it!!!

Nicky has Teddy - we have a back up Teddy just in case....it's a large Ty Beanie that my parents bought hm when he was born...the back up isn't as soft but he's close....

GOOD LUCK!! I hope someone turns him into lost and found!

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C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

we were really lucky...my son's "lovies" are flannel receiving blankets. He calls them "little blankies". it was great because of course we had a ton from when he was a baby. he turns 5 today and we are down to 3. although we can't really replace them (after hundreds of washes it would be pointless to buy new ones now, they'd be nothing like the same) at least we started out with a lot of them lol. he has gone a night here or there without it, but doesn't get to sleep as well and doesn't stay asleep as well...but i think we're getting close to him leaving them behind...it's so sad. i hope you find Scratchy...poor kiddo!

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I made a 12AM ebay purchase of a toy this week because her "blue bear" went missing. I scoured the internet for something similar and now we have "Spare Bear". Called everyone, looked everywhere. I would ask around and see if anyone saw him. I so feel your pain. In the end, my DD's bear showed up in a laundry basket I swear I'd already been through, but whatever (she says he "went to Africa") so go back over the car, etc.

I hope that Scratchy shows up, and if he doesn't, I hope your DH gives you and your son some understanding.

I just told DD that Blue Bear was missing and it was a mystery. Where did he go? She helped me look, but after a couple of days I said sorry and we did try outs with other toys. They were rejected when the bear showed up, but I think we had some contenders there (all unique bears, of course!).

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B.C.

answers from Joplin on

I am so sorry, my son is 4 and has always had a lovey. We were fortunate because his lovey(s) are the silky blankets. We had many, his favorite is the only "yellow" we lost the second favorite on a Branson trip, but thankfully not yellow. They used to be easy to find, I could buy them at Traget or BabysRus...but are harder to find now. I always think Loveys should have a back up. I am so sorry. I hope Scratchy turns up in an unexpected place soon = )

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S.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I have been there, my daughter takes "Lilly" with her everywhere since she was 3, going on 5 years, I have bought her a new Lilly (webkinz white dog), yet the OG (original) my husband says goes everywhere, even LIlly is in 3rd grade this year. We lost Lilly once and I'm sorry to say she freaked. But I read the posts below and I think too you may find the lovey somewhere, your son maybe hid him somewhere. If not you will have to find a new security pet to replace, I know that may not be easy, but maybe you can find "scratchy's" friend to be your son's new friend. But I think he needs a replacement, it's not easy to just say you are too old to carry a stuffed animal. Any way to get one just like it and say that he old pet went to the pet hospital and got cleaned up, or find a bigger teddy bear and say that his bear is growing up like he is and is now bigger?>?> Please tell us how it goes :)

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R.B.

answers from Chicago on

So, having read your initial question, my heart was absolutely broken for both of you! I still have a very important teddy bear that I had as a young child. It maintains a very special place in my heart (and my bedroom, even though I'm married with children who have their own special animals for bedtime).

So, I just had to click on the link to find out if you'd found your lost Scratchy or not. I'm SO HAPPY that you found him!!!! Whew!

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A.Z.

answers from Chicago on

You are not alone and some kids are very very attached to their loveys. My son is about to turn 10yo and still wants Tiger. My son's father accidentally left Tiger out of the bag when my son was dropped off from his weekly overnight visit and my mom went out and bought a stuffed tiger but couldn't find one like his original lovey. So she went with one that was different in color and came back and we introduced it to my son as Tiger's friend who was there to take care of him until Tiger could come back. My son accepted this reluctantly and "Whitey" is now a bedtime regular. We did get Tiger back the next day but I honestly don't know what I would have done if he was lost for good.

Maybe say that the lovey saw another kid who needed him and while he hated leaving that Scratchy had to go with the kid who needed him more. If your son can't handle being without a lovey yet I'd get him a new one and introduce that friend as someone sent by Scratchy when he heard your son was so sad.

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E.M.

answers from Chicago on

OMG. So happy you found it:) I had a similar experience. We left "Pocket" on an airplane! I was so distraught (and had jet lag) I barely slept and was scouring the internet that night! I was just about in tears! And it was the START of the vacay. My hubby did think I was over-reacting. Needless to say, we didn't get it back from the airline. And I didn't find him on the web that night. But when we got home I did more searching and finally found him!! Now we have two!:)
I told our 2yo son that Pocket was taking a trip on the plane! He arrived home a couple of weeks later. (Told him he also took a good bath:)

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N.P.

answers from Chicago on

I so understand ! Our daughter had blankie, Mr. Bear and Mrs. Bear. When she was 4 we went on vacation and left them at the hotel by accident. We drove 2 hours BACK to the hotel, then another 2 hours to our original realization point. So,yea, I get it.
After that trip we knew we needed rules and extras. So I scoured ebay for them. We also said they only stay in the house from now on unless on a trip, and on a trip we always did bear checks before leaving the room. We never lost another one but they did wear out so we were glad to have the extra 4 sets.
They now have websites dedicated to the search of lovies. You can also put things up on craigslist, check with your local newspaper, or put up signs where you were that day. I am so sorry, I totally get it.

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