Mama Bear Is Coming Out!

This sounds like you set your 4 yo daughter up for failure. Why couldn't she have the candies now? You knew they were out easy to eat. I suggest that you making her wait did not make sense to you mil and that you have it in for her so she feels that there's no use trying to please you.

The issue here is not your daughter eating the candies when you told her to wait. The issue is your relationship with your mil. I suggest that your husband didn't back you because your focus was unreasonable. At 4 you cannot expect a 4 yo to recognize that she has to do what mom tells her when grandmas says it's OK.

Here is another situation in which it would be helpful to ask yourself the question, "would I rather be right or be happy?" Some battles just aren't worth fighting. You're moving. You have a solution to the mil problem. Why fight it now and why bring the whole family into the fight?

Later: Your husband isn't moving with you. You're facing a lot of stress. I suggest that your husband and you need to go to a marital counselor. I also suggest you read about non-violent communication. It's a way of talking with each other in a loving and accepting manner so that you can hear each other. Here is their web site. http://www.cnvc.org/learn/nvc-foundations There is also a book.

I suggest that your husband is in a tight spot between you and his mother. Find a way to stop putting him in the middle. Talk with him in a calm, loving manner telling him with I statements how you feel. Stop blaming him. Recognize that he's also stressed out and having difficulty finding a way to be with both of you at the same time.

Marda P gave good advice. This isn't about M&M's, it's about your relationship with your husband and your MIL. If your husband actually called you a dumb B, and if this is a typical thing, you guys need to get some counseling. Your family doesn't need this stress.

It also seems like it's about control. Yes, MIL was wrong, but if you didn't want your child to have the candy, why not put it away so it's not a temptation that's staring at her. Heck, adults can't resist that kind of temptation.

You're super stressed out and it's leaking into little things that are annoying but don't deserve this much reaction. Whatever you can do to give yourself permission to let this go, do it. Your daughter doesn't live with your MIL so little incidents like this will not undo your parenting. Pick your battles and don't be afraid to apologize to your child if you get too upset about something.

You are correct. She was out of line. Unfortunately she'll never admit she was wrong because she was only spoiling her grandchild. Just do your mantra chant "We'll be moving soon. We'll be moving soon." Take a deep breath and put this behind you. A few m&m's won't matter in the long run.

J., take a deep breath and relax. You REALLY do not want to ruin everyone's Christmas (including yours) over a package of M&M's. Just sit back, enjoy the ride and let 5 be even for a few days if need be. I promise you it will not undo the parenting you do the other 360 days out of the year.
BREATHE, RELAX, LET GO!

I understand a momentary blip, but you are over the top about this. Family is important. Furthermore, we reap what we sow. You judge her...she judges you...you judge your husband...then run off alone with the attitude that it is good....next thing your family is split up.

J., I agree that when you don't want your child to eat candy, it is fine and right to tell her no. I frankly don't understand others telling you that you should just give it to her to keep the peace. However, I don't understand why you are leaving candy out. You are tempting not only our child, but also your MIL. If you don't want her to eat candy, put the stuff away.

The problem with your MIL and your awful husband (and he IS awful to call you these kinds of names, really), is much worse than the candy. I would not be yelling at your MIL, but I would respectfully take issue with her and tell her that she hates it when her husband does this to her, and you hate it when she does it to you.

I have to say, with the relationship you and your husband seem to have, are you sure he is going to join you after you leave? You really ought to get him to a counselor and try to work on a more respectful relationship.

Good luck,
Dawn

Congratulations on the move! :)

One thing that came to mind when reading this is it sounds like you have short timers disease: ) Similar to senior-itis, because you'll be leaving soon. Combine that with the time of year and what has been happening with your in-laws, makes for an anxiety producing time. For the sake of everyone, you included, try to be a little more flexible about discipline, esp where grandparents are concerned. This will pass, very very soon. Try to be at peace with that knowledge: )

I agree with you about the christmas party thing and I would be mad at my husband about this too

yes, and i moved 2 hours away. surprisingly, they almost never visit. i originally wanted to move 8 states away, but could not convince hubby.
i also make hubby deal with his relatives. i don't even let them have my cell number now. the drama drove me nuts and i don't miss it.

He will follow after YOU get a job? If this man calls you a dumb B>>>> in private or public, don't be surprised if he does not follow you.

Your husband's mother is the least of your worries......TWO states away, I suggest the onther end of the country. Make sure all your child's paperwork is in order.

Blessings.....

PM coming your way...