"Mob Mentality"

Mine are 6, 4 and 2 1/2. I let them get crazy SOMETIMES, but if I say to behave they will. My step sister has 7 well-behaved kids. I know lots of big families...you just have to step up the discipline more with more kids. You only mention time outs and removals...that's a lot lighter than I have been with my kids enforcing rules of conduct when home with spare time. If I relied on times outs, they'd be going nuts too, and only my oldest has a blanket she would care about losing. I would think of ways to firm up when they're ignoring how you're asking them to behave. All the parents I know with well behaved big families are pretty tough with discipline, and the kids all learn from each other what isn't allowed and expect ANYONE who doesn't listen to pay the price. That helps cut down on episodes -when the kids see each other being disciplined and know they could be next.

Yes, it's like this for me and, yes, there's hope.

It gets better as they get older. It sounds like you are trying to do everything you can to make it peaceful. Let me put my thinking cap on

I imagine you've done a lot of observing of your kids, so you know the things they like to do, what they feel they are good at, what frustrates them, where they might lack certain skill sets. When you give them things to do during the day, make sure it's things that speak to the things they feel they are good at, provide them with a sense of pride, and interest them. For instance, my daughter loves to cook, so I will give her a simple recipe for something like rice crispy treats and set her to work. My other daughter loves magnets, so I will set her in front of our huge magnetic wipe board and say, "sort the colors and make a group of each color of magnet." My son loves robots, so I will get out his blocks and have him make me a brand new robot. They can still be together but be in separate parts of the house doing separate things.

Also, they are girls and they work better in couples than they do in groups, so double them up with a task. You can put the 8 and 9 year old together and give them a "project" or you can put the 8 with the 5 and the 7 with the 3 and have them entertain their sibling, teach them something, help them with something. This speaks to a girl's natural nurturing instincts at the same time it teaches them how to care for each other. It gives them a responsiblity for which they can be praised. The other day I told my 11 yo daughter to "make your sister a princess". Her sister is 4. The little one was so excited to get her hair done up and her nails painted and her "princess" clothes on. The big one got to use her sister as a live barbie. I got 30 solid minutes out of the deal and no one cried. It was a thing of beauty.

This is how I do it. Hope it helps.

L.

My daughter have five children. They are all very well behaved one-on-one, but when they are all together, they are just like your bunch. I love having them at my house one at a time because I really get quality time with them. When they are there en masse, the time is not nearly as quality!

When the two oldest boys were having a hard time getting along, she actually tied them together so they had to learn to work together. It was tough at first, but by the end of the day, they were cooperating with each other like champs and they have never gone back!

It sounds a bit strange, but it didn't hurt them, taught them to cooperate, and strengthened their relationship!

Wow I could of sworn it was me writting that LOL I also have 4 girls they are 11,5,3 & 22mo. They are definitely a mob lol and just like yours, when they are all together (m-f 3pm-8pm, sat & sun 24hrs)) all i hear is crying, bickering, attitude,fighting, snapping, sassyness, annoyanse...should i go on? LOL but like yours, when they are alone, they are the best of the best. The one thing that has brought some sanity back is our backyard. It's not big by all means but we do have a swing set, trampoline and plenty of space to run and some little tykes type toys. The moment we step in the door, they run to the backyard and spend hours out there and I like it because they actually help eachother get on the swings, and they push eachother, or they jump together on the trampoline. We just made sure it was EXTRA safe especially since our 22 month old is out there, so maybe fixing up the backyard so they can spend even more time out there might help?
I wanted to tell you that in my case, having friends over actually made things worse because when my 11 yr old has her friends over all they want to do is lock themselves in her room, and all the little ones want to do is break in and OMG all hell breaks loose.

I'm so glad you asked this b/c I feel the same way! I have my own 4 year old and I watch 4 kids who are 4,5,5,and 5. They are great kids, but oh man do they bicker and tattle and act up alot! They really do behave better when put into teams of two. I'll sometimes pull out 2 board games on the days that I only have 4 kids here (Tuesday and Thursday) and team them up. They act much nicer when they have room to breathe, lol.

My 2 aggravate each other. It's my biggest headache. I do seperate them - opposite ends of the house. I keep them busy, going to church and work out at the Y. They bring me petty disagreements and they atart to get extra rowdy together. I will try to guide them into compromises or suggest possible solutions. But if they keep going at each other, I hold it as a punishable offense. If they start in on each other, tattling, arguing, getting loud, I treat it as any other infraction. There are consequences. Mom gets mad, the funs over. Privelages are lost. It's taken awhile, but now I can sometimes overhear them working out thier own stuff so they don't get into trouble. They've learned how to compromise and bargain with each other. They are learning valuable conflict resolution skills.

You are going to hate me for this but get them into some activities.
I know it will be a major PIA to transport 4 kids to a bazillion different things, but maybe the older girls can do taekwondo or dance together and the 5 yo can do her thing.

I once had 4 kids in 4 different schools on 4 different schedules. 2 different Christian schools, 1 pre-K, one in the public highschool. Plus all their activities OMG!! We were busy, still are and it's only 3 at home.

Well mine have that and I only have 2, another on the way.. I call them my Gruesome twosome...

Hi, Mom:

Have circle dialogues and become the mediator/facilitator.
Get Restorative questions and proceed.
www.iirp.edu

Good luck
D.