Moms Help

Mine is like this (3 year old girl, tormenting 17 mo old~ adjusted age 13.5 mo sister, however little sister is extremely tiny and DOES mind). Time outs do not work for us either.

I have been trying something new. I put her to bed for about 10 minutes. I explain what she did wrong and put her in her bed. When the timer rings if she has been good for that entire time on her bed I allow her to get up, then I have her appologize to her sister. This "resetting" often helps. We start new and fresh after she has appologized, and usually its my cue to put down what i'm working on and spend some time playing with my girls.

I can hear myself saying the same thing. "Just leave her alone." I say. But the little one is often laughing. I really try not to say anything until the little one does and when the older one does not stop, that is when I chime in. I know sometimes it is too late but I feel it is important for them to work it out. I have not tried this yet but when the younger one gets hurt by the older one, just ignore the older one. No yelling, no reprimanding, just totally ignore. Shower the hurt younger child with attention and comfort. That seemed to have worked with my SIL.

Its hard to say exactly as you don't say how old your daughter is. If she enjoys the attention and he enjoys attending to her I wouldn't discourage it, just direct him to be more gentle as you can. Possibly allowing him time when you have the time supervise, otherwise keep him occupied and her separated from him.

The bond between brother and sister starts young, its good to see that he is responding to her positively. I would discourage the punishments though as this may only make him yearn to see her more and make being with her construed as something forbidden or bad, which you don't want.

Hello J., Ah yes, sibling rivalry and peacekeeping...one of the 'biggies' when it comes to parents' roles in setting boundaries I believe. I loved Antje's advice of ignoring your sons' behavior towards his sister in a non-resistive manner by lovingly offering your daughter nurturing attention without verbally or physically belittling him. You wouldn't want to create even a wider imagined separation from you (nor resentment toward her) for him. I found this worked with mine as well when they were young. The sibling would eventually stop 'hurting' and start 'helping' the smaller one...of course I made certain to notice and acknowledge any and all attempts by her at kindness by using phrases 'nice words' 'nice hands' etc. at every opportunity. I suggest you keep the words minimal..the message simply 'nice'. Good luck. We need all the kind men in the world we can get...Be Peace. N.

Don't worry too much about your son, it's the age and the fact that he's a boy. I have three boys myself, and they tend to be more physical than girls. One idea, try to find some activity that they both enjoy - even if it is watching a video together. Reward your son and make him feel special when he isn't rough with his sister. It's hard for them at that age to realize what is "rough". Try to reinforce the good and show him other ways to "play" with his sister without being "rough". I hope this helps - hang in there.

Boys can be real rough, you need to sit down on the floor with them and when its gets to this point, you need to start training him how to be gentler, every child is trainable. When my boys were 2 and 3yrs old, it got to a point where they were demanding drinks, this is what i instilled. I poured the drink and then held on to the cup until i heard a please or a thank you to this day my 20 and 18yr have manners and i hear about this all the time on how polite that they are
This rough housing never stops really, wait until they are teens oooooooooy
good luck to you

Hi J.,
Yes, three year olds are the worst--sorry to say. They get so much better at four. I wish I had advice. I was just happy that my son and daughter (the brunt of my son's aggressions) have both made it through that tough time. Well, maybe sending both kids to their rooms might help to show that they need time away from eachother if their not being gentle. The little sister probably won't realize the unfairness of it and the idea is her safety...not a punishment. I hope that helps and there is light at the end of the three year old tunnel!
(: N.

Mine is like this! If mine is hurting his sister, I make sure he knows it and that usually helps, but he forgets himself and roughs around with her. THe other day he was standing on his ankles on purpose!!! Lovely stage. I hope it passes without any major injuries.

Doesn't sound like leaving her alone would actually be a solution if she doesn't mind him. I think you just need to teach him to be a little more gentle. There is a fun game you can play in which you gather a bunch of SOFT things and then a bunch of ROUGH-feeling things. Then, put a blind fold on him and take a soft thing (such as a feather or soft blanket) and gently rub it on his cheek. He'll, of course, love the feeling and you ask him what the object is and if he likes how that feels. Then put something hard and rough in his hands (nothing painful or anything) but something with a more unpleasant sensation which I REALLY can't think of right now! And ask him again what he thinks the object is and if he likes the feel. The point should be that he will get to learn soft and rough sensations then use your little girl as as example of something we like to be soft with. He's a boy and alot of boys don't naturally get past the one extreme they know, which is being rough. This is a fun way of trying! Good luck.