Moms Please Tell Me What to Do!!!!!!!

You and your husband need to stand as a team. Talk a lot with him, make sure that he feels that you are supporting him, his frustrations, etc... and vice versa. Sounds like the problems with your son has managed to distance you from your husband and eat away at your relationship. So, focus on making his home time *with you* more of a refuge from his work stress instead of a place that gives him more stress.

If your son makes dinner time unpleasant and hostile, then tell him he is not welcome at the dinner table. He can eat elsewhere or before dinner with the family. Same with TV time. If he is confrontational about watching TV, or about not participating in the maintenance of the household, then again, he needs to be told his behavior is not welcome... (He is welcome but his attitude is not...).

This rebellion is a phase that all young teenage boys go through. Ask your husband if he remembers his own trying years... Of course, the more your son pushes his dad away, the more he really is in need for fatherly love and friendship. (Is there a path for the two "men" to get to a friendship level or is it too adversarial?) The way you and your husband manage to handle this will pave the way that your son evaluates and chooses his life choices when he's 18-25-35-etc. Just keep reminding yourself, he needs guidance.

And here's a chuckle... Old Bill Cosby joke: Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home... Or one from Morly Saefer: Parents like the idea of kids, they just don't like their kids.

Good luck!

The rule in our house was "everybody eats, everybody works". Dad made the money, I did the shopping and cooking, kids did dishes. Everyone has chores as that is how we make it as a family. He should have his. It is a bit late to start, but a sit down talk when there is no fight going on is the way to start.
The sit down should not be a blame session. Start out with, "life around here has been unpleasant lately. I want to change things. What would you suggest? Listen to him." Treat him respectfully and expect to be treated respectfully. You might find it helpful to use a tape recorder to record how everyone usually talks to everyone else. Usually, we are very sensitive to any disrespect from the kids but not aware of how we are speaking to them.
The person who spoke of paying for chores outside of the norm gave you good advice. The family is a learning tool for real life, if you work,you get paid. Simple.
Those who advocate whipping the kid are asking you to teach your child that "might makes right"That is insane and will get him arrested eventually if he acts on it.

Have you heard of Dave Ramsey? He has a little tool for keeping track of contracts that you have the son work for. If you just say you're going to pay him, he won't believe it and not do the work. It's not spelled out for him and its too personal when we have to nag to get it done. You write the job down, and how much you're willing to pay for it. Put each day of the week that you want it done. You check every day to make sure he's earned it. At the bottom of the chart is a place to keep track of fines for things that you want him to stop doing, like yelling at his father (decide how much you want to charge him if he does this) (even if he's provoked he doesn't want to do this...what would he do if a police officer or teacher was talking to him and he thought he was being treated unfairly...if he doesn't learn to reign himself in he could end up in a lot bigger trouble than being the pain of the household) At first you might do payday after one day to prove your going to honor the contract. Then after that move it to whatever day of the week you want his payday to be. The more you don't take doing the chores and his bad attitude personally the better you'll be able to have authority over that child. We also make sure our 13 year old gets plenty of exercise, sports wise. Helps her deal with the hormones...and boys have them too :) Humor and a run, might make life more fun :)

J., first, you need to pray for your husband, your son and your marriage; seek God's wisdom as to what you should do. I know God's word tells us to spare the Rod and dicsipline the child so his paths will be corrected and will be obediant.
sounds to me like your son needs a serious lesson in the honor your mother and father, if he comes at your husband like he wants to fight him then i think your husband should consider his sons offer and whoop his ass!!!
really, just one good time, he needs to fear you both and respect himself and his parents
if he will not clean up, take every single thing he has, whoop him and he can earn his things back one at time for every chore completed the right way.

good luck
L.