More Drama Today and Cops!

I think it's obvious who he's spending the money on. Take him off the account now. When I went to close my account with my ex, I was told the last of the money was spent on a Hot or Not site! WTH? My kids even saw him on this they told me.

This sounds so crazy to me. He is piccking and choosing which kid he wants to see, and when? He sees the 7 year old without the 2 year old but not the 2 year old without the 7 year old and picks them each up at separate times and different drop off times and not punctual? That would drive anyone bonkers. He is using you as a babysitter for his 2 year old and accusing you of not cooperating. Seems to me that any arrangement you make with him should include 1 pick up time for both kids and one drop off time. If he wants 1 overnight he gets both or neither. The kids a a pair and they should be together.

This sounds stressful for everyone. Perhaps it would be safer to find a neutral spot to drop off and pick up kids. A women's shelter might have a meeting room that is supervised. There might be less drama in a public, monitored place like this.

This is so going to hurt you in the long run. It's hurting you already and you're hurting your children. Its good and in your favor that the two of you have come to an agreement about visitation. The court will expect you to make that work.

You are separated. You cannot legally tell him what he can and cannot do while he has the children. And it's plain mean for you to not be flexible enough to let him pick up the baby late. I understand why you did that. You are hurt, big time. You haven't had time to let go of your marriage and your anger. You have to be mature and stick with the visitation schedule. That is a step forward. Don't then take a step backward and refuse visitation.

I know it hurts big time. You have every right to be hurt. What you're leaving out is the kids' welfare. The court is going to look at that when they make a decision. The judge is going to see what you are doing as cruel. You're putting your kids in the middle. You are punishing your husband, their father, by preventing them from seeing their father. And they hear you fighting. They hear you being angry.

Once this goes to court the judge is going to tell you that visitation time is to be kept no matter the activity unless it's dangerous to the kids. In Oregon the police will not get involved. I doubt that the police will come tomorrow. But they may. Your soon to be ex is right to document this. And it will go against you in court.

I suggest that your husband kept his plans because he knows, on some level, that what he does now sets the standard for the way this will go. I would've canceled my plans to see the children. At the same time I understand why he wouldn't. He is likely to be seen as right by the court.

You don't have the right to refuse him taking the kids. I know it will be very difficult to do but you need to leave your children out of your fight with you husband. The two of you are angry and you're using the kids to get back at each other.

I also suggest she may be just a friend. I've spent quite a bit of time with men having marriage problems. I frequently see the wife's side and stand up for her. I don't know if he's doing this because he needs a friend or if there is more to it. In the long run it doesn't really matter. They are his kids too, and refusing to let him have them injures them emotionally.

So does him bringing the cops. I'd say with this situation is 1 to 1 in who's wrong. You both are. I urge you to get started with a mediator. I also suggest that he pick up the kids at one of your friends homes. That will be incentive to get them back on time. IF he doesn't document.

However, unless he's hours late, your complaining in court will be seen as being petty. You have to save up your energy for the big things. Visitation is a requirement and you don't have the right to tell him what he can and cannot do.

Please find a counselor! Are you also a church member or in regular attendance. The pastor is probably also a counselor and will not take sides. If he doesn't counsel there is someone he can refer you to. One of the purposes of church is to take care of the church family.

I know you're terribly hurt and I cannot imagine being 8 months pregnant and going thru this. My daughter is now 9 months and has been having both physical and emotional pain for the past few weeks. If you haven't already found someone to support you in the birth, please do so now. A doula would be ideal. Or a midwife.

Take your focus off how mean and thoughtless your husband is and focus on taking care of you and your children. You can't change him. You are influencing your children and the way they'll look at marriage when they're older. I married for the first time in my 40's and was divorce in 6 or so years. I chose the wrong man. And I'll never marry again. My parent's marriage was full of fights.

For credibility I would like to say I'm a retired police officer who has worked and with the courts. Listen to your attorney. Do what she says. She knows the law and the court system you're in.

Please don't do this to you or your children!! This is going to be held against you in the long run. I completely understand why you want to do what you are doing, you are hurt, and he is an a$$!! However, legally he isn't doing anything wrong, morally yes, legally no!!! Any judge will tell you that. And from experience as a child of divorce. This comes from a women who's father left her mom for another women, PLEASE do not pump your daughter for information after visits, it is going to put her in the middle, and also give her the burden of having to choose sides. In a child's eyes she loves her dad, she isn't divorcing him you are, and it is going to hurt her in the long run. Divorce is difficult, mostly for the children. You are going to have to see this man for the rest of your life so you need to find balance, for your kids. Unless, you want police at your home every weekend, and your children to witness this you must try to let go. I know easier said then done and my heart goes out to you. No one should be faced with what you are faced with, but it is this time that you have to put your kids feelings before yours, they didn't ask for this. Sorry to be harsh but I have been through this and it did ruin the relationship I have with my father to this day. I also went through a divorce many years ago and was a single mother. I know money is tight and it was for me but I found a support group that was free and it really helped to vent, get it all out, and realize I wasn't alone. Many women have gone through this and have survived and had wonderful lives. Good luck to you in this trying time!!

Unfortunately by law he has a right to see his kids. And in the broad sense, even if he brings them to another woman's home, he isn't technically harming them. I don't think the courts worry too much about that kind of bad example.

Personally, i think the best thing you can do right now is be as fair as possible. Leave your emotions out of it, because the last thing you want is for the courts to order him having full custody bc you wont let him see the children. He is a grown man, and he has the right to do what he wants to do. As long as he is keeping the children safe, and fed, I dont think you have a case against him.

And absolutely seek the advice of a lawyer. Do some research online so that Monday morning you can make phone calls.

When it is HIS time w/ the kids you have ZERO control over where they are or who he is with. You need to accept this. Yes, it hurts. Yes, it's bad for the kids to see dad w/ his new girlfriend. But, it's even worse for you to refuse the dad to see his kids and to have the police there! You asked him to leave. You now have no control over what he does. He is not putting them in any physical danger so you can not control what he does w/ them or who else is there. And, I know this is harsh, but get ready. He WILL get them for more than one day a week. If he wants 50/50, you can almost count on it happening.

This is why there are some who try and live as roommates even after the marriage is over. Then you have control over your kids. Now, you only have control when they are with you.

And it doesn't matter than you are not divorced yet. HE IS THEIR DAD. He gets to make the choices for them when he has them.

I'm not trying to be mean. I know it sucks. But the faster you accept it, the better. Refusing the kids the right to see their dad because a woman is going to be there will look bad for you. Calling the cops on their dad and having them see that is so wrong. You are now hurting them.

ETA: I read the other posts and wanted to add to mine.....

Child support and visitation are two different things. You can NOT keep kids from their parent if they are behind in support. YOU will be in contempt then.

Someone said he has no right to take the kids away crying. YES he does. They are his children too. He has every right. I sent my daughter w/ her dad today and she didn't want to go. You know what, she still has to go. I've sent her crying and screaming for me. She still had to go. I make it as good for her as I can. I tell her how much fun she is going to have. I do it for HER because it's right for her.

I saw a Dr. Phil or something one time where they recorded the switch every time. And the kid was always crying and the parents were being so mean to each other and telling the kid to be upset and all that. I swore I would NEVER do that to my child.

You are hurt. You are angry. But you are also their mother and taking away their father, or using the kids to hurt him is WRONG. My mom did that. Brother was bad in school, no dad visit for us. Mom was mad at dad, no dad visit for us. Guess what. When I was 5 and brother was 7, we moved in w/ our dad because we didn't want to be w/ mom anymore. Don't be that mom. Don't be angry and bitter about the divorce and use your children.

PLEASE. Get counseling. To make it better for you and your kids, you need to have someone help you through this. My ex told me he wanted a divorce and moved in w/ his girlfriend when my daughter was 4 1/2 months old. I know the pain, resentment, bitterness and anger. I did not want my baby going where some other woman was going to mother her. But, if I didn't let it happen, I could have lost her.

Oh mom I am so sorry.
This is just terrible for your children.

I am a child of divorce and these are the situations that were ALWAYS going on at the beginning of my parents separation on their way to divorce.

I am begging you.. DO NOT do this in front of your children EVER.
I am almost 50 and I STILL have nightmares about these memories. I am pretty shook up reading this post.

I suggest you speak with your church pastor and get the 3 of you together to work out an agreement until you can get a legal agreement. Until then text your husband and let him know you 2 should make an agreement that at least until you are legally divorced the children should spend time alone with him. It does not matter what he does on his own time, but let him know the kids just want to see him. They miss him. They have such limited time with him.

That is the way my sister and I felt. Our dad always seemed to have a "friend" when he picked us up.. They were fine, but we wanted to spend alone time with him.. We always felt like we had to be on our best behavior, because a "guest" was with us. We did not want to share our feelings and worries with him with other people around.

Where are your inlaws? It helped a lot for us to visit with our dad at his parents home, because he never took these "friends" over there..

Also please have someone else at your home with you for these hand offs. They will give you strength and will be there to keep you company when the kids leave. This can also be your witness to any shenanigans with your husband. Take care of yourself. I know this is way too stressful in normal circumstances, but being pregnant, your emotions are already on edge.
I am still sending you strength.

First of all, I will say I am a child of divorce...so I do have some first hand experience in a similar situation.

While reading your post I tried to put myself in the position of your husband (soon to be ex-husband) and then in your position to try to understand both sides. Here is what I think I see. I see a couple who has decided to end their marriage or one reason or another. I see a man who has already decided to move on in another relationship and a woman who is deeply hurt. This is the same senario my parents played out. You are upset and betrayed, he is living "carefree" and it is painful. However upset you are about your husband befriending other women, understand it will happen. The way you decide to respond will set the tone for your children. Your children are too young to really understand that daddy is still married and seeing another woman. Daddy already lives somewhere else and divorce is on the horizon (and like others said you need a lawyer) so the girls can easily see their relationship with their parents is different now. Be honest with your children when they ask questions. "Mommy and Daddy don't get along anymore, but we still love you very much." "We will always be there for you and do what is best for you."

Now I'm not sure what the laws are in Arizona, but here in Illinois we are a "no fault" state and you don't need a reason for divorce. Everything is split 50/50. And unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it) you don't really have a say in where your exhusband takes your children nor with whom he takes them. If your ex is a "fit father" then he will have free reign to take your children where he sees fit during his time with them (typically they must stay within a certain milage/state depending on the divorce agreement). And as long as there is no reason the children cannot spend time with their father, he has a right to see them. You cannot refuse visitation without consequence. Be careful with that. It can backfire on you.

The best advice I can give is to speak to a lawyer. You need to be clear on what you can and cannot do (along with what your ex can and cannot do) before a scene like today happens again. Your children need two loving parents and don't need to be in the middle of the battle. Your ex was not physically hurting the children, nor does it sound like he was mentally hurting them. You sound very hurt, as would anyone that has been cheated on, but as I told my mother....any man that cheats on you isn't worth you hanging on to them so you can be hurt again. Your focus should be on how he treats your children. As long as they are healthy and happy while with him, you have no other say in who he spends time with.

My father cheated on my mother. He had girlfriends he kept secret, but finally I figured it out. Both of my parents were seeing other people before the divorce was final. My mother was remarried only 4 months after her divorce was final. My dad has been single but had several long term relationships with great women. My step-father is great and I have liked all of my father's choices for partners. In the end what is important is my parents have always been good parents for my sister and I. And I honestly feel lucky to have such a large family now. It was bumpy at first, but looking back my parents divorce was the best thing that happened to my family.

I wish you the best. Be strong. Do what is best for you and your children. You will find happiness again.

Please pay attention to what Marda writes. She knows what she's talking about. I've seen this same kind of argument among various acquaintances over the years, and it does not go well for a mom (or a dad) who does not make a reasonable attempt to follow an agreed-upon visitation schedule. No matter the reason, it looks to the court like that parent is not being cooperative and taking the children's needs into account.

Sorry you're having such a difficult time. I hope everything settles down for you soon.

I feel for you-this is a terrible situation. I just hope that you and he are NOT fighting in front of the children...sadly, it sounds like you are. As hard as this might be to do you have got to rise above your hatred for him and think about your kids and how THEY feel when you get this upset with him and the cops come. Honestly, this will damage them more than seeing him with another woman in the long run.

I completely empathize with you and agree that he shouldn't be putting your kids in this situation. But, I think you would be better off if you let it go for now--he isn't physically endangering them--and in the mean time-get a good lawyer, document everything and take the kids legally with full-custody and have him pay child support. Go full force the legal route. If you mess with him without having it on paper of what your going to do, you run the risk of losing the kids. Be careful and don't make any rash decisions without thinking good and hard of longterm. Best wishes to you and your family. I am soooo sorry this is happening to you!

M

What an a-hole. You really cant' force him to be polite and decent. If he was a good guy, he wouldn't have cheated. There is nothing you can do but keep up your side of the legal rules and make sure he keeps his regarding visitation etc.

I would probably-I know, people will disagree, but I would write single church lady a very kind polite letter like,

Hello, I'm aware you and your child are friends with my husband and our children, although it's hard to follow while my soon-to-be-but-not-yet-ex husband lies about where he is taking the kids when he visits you and makes plans with you. As a lady, I'm appealing to your sensitivity, because I am 8 months pregnant, trying to recover from Mr Social's cheating, and very stressed out. Would you mind not being my husband's buddy in front of our children until the divorce is final? I know you are within your rights and don't have to care how I feel. I'm just stating my feelings and leaving it up to your decency. If it is absolutely impossible to be without him and our kids right now because your friendship is much more volatile than he is claiming, I understand. It goes without saying I have made my feelings clear to him, and it is already established that the feelings of others are not his strong point, so I'm appealing to you for what it's worth. Even if you could hold off until I'm not pregnant anymore, when all these scheduling infractions will be less stressful for me, it would be a really good deed on your part. Thanks so much.

Or something. I mean it may make you a laughing stock if they're both evil cads, but if I got a note like that from a pregnant scorned wife I would seriously disappear from that guy's life and NEVER go around his kids until way after the divorce. But that's how I'd act anyway. No loitering around with half-married men and their kids. She's a jerk if she knows the story, so the note probably wont' help.

It may or may not make you feel better, because I'm sure they won't care, but just a thought.

I'm so sorry about this. Some men really are pigs and I wish you the happy life you deserve in the future.

I am so sorry that he is putting you through this. But without even reading the rest of the comments, but reading your what happened... I think most of us know that turning this into a push/pull thing is going to be even worse for you all. You'll come off as a crazy lady.

You are calling this woman a cheating church lady. I don't know what that means for you. I'm here to tell you that people that go to church are just people and they do things they shouldn't just like everyone. What you need to do is take a big giant step backwards. Breathe. Read your bible and pray. Put your name on prayer chains. Find a bible study partner or support group. You need constructive ways to get out your anger and frustration. If this divorce is to go through, you still have to work with him for years to come.

If you ever want a sounding board just pm me.

I feel like some people who are responding didnt actually read your question. At no point did mamaof 3m say he was "boning" his friend in front of the children (that would be a different story) She said he didnt want to pick up the baby and she insisted he did pick up the baby. Right now M. M has to prove she is the sane one in this drama and she risks convincing neighbors and church members and the judge that she isnt if she overeacts to kids going to the movies with another woman and her child. We dont want him to get joint custody and get to make decisions about the kids!
I'm so sorry you are going thru this drama, and you being pregnant, and him cheating is Awful! BUT -You flipping out is not healthy for the kids. Involving the cops is traumatic for them. Save it for when they are actually in danger. Going thru a divorce is SO Hard on kids, why are you upping the drama? Why do you think a divorced man will not have girlfriends?? You said you don't want your girls to think single men have girlfriends? This is not reasonable. He will do things you do not approve of, but he will not discuss or listen to you if you do not remain calm. You and your EX need to make it a goal that you will NEVER have to involve the cops in your squabbles OR start saving up for LOTS of therapy for your children. Or if you cant, find a relative who can take them in and provide a calm loving home for a while. I'm not "on his side" at all He sounds like scum. But the best thing you can do for your kids is make sure they have both parents in their lives as much as possible and that you and your ex get a long as much as it is possible. You have a right to a lot of hurt feelings and anger and should discuss them with a counselor, cuz it's horrible you have to go thru this. but you have to put your kids first.

The more acrimonious the divorce, the more costly it is in lawyer fees. You are setting yourself up for a $25,000 divorce bill--and that's just the cost for you! You're understandably angry, but you really need to be more level headed. Don't let your emotions control the situation because that will just result in more attorney involvement (cha-ching! And higher attorney bills).

Careful, you need to save that money for yourself and the kids...

I don't know if it will do any good tomorrow, but I would be consulting with an attorney and having paperwork drawn up that states exactly when he is allowed to have the kids. I am pretty sure you can also stipulate where he can or cannot take them, and when he can start introducing them to a girlfriend, or that he is not allowed to have overnight "guests" at his place when he has the kids there. Sounds really harsh and restrictive, but that is what a lawyer is for - to try to look out for your best interest.

On the other hand, you do need to think about if any of that is going to just make things worse for the kids by creating more animosity between you. After all, he is a grown man, and as angry as you are and as much as you disagree with it (and I don't blame you!), he is still free to do as he pleases unless you choose to have court-order in place that states otherwise. Obviously he doesn't have the same moral code that you have and not setting a good example for your kids, but they are not physically in any danger. When my husband was separated from his soon-to-be ex-wife, she had her loser boyfriend move in with her and their 2 young sons and there was nothing he could do about it since the guy did not pose a threat in any way.

I'm pretty sure you have to let him take the kids since he isn't actually putting them in any physical danger.

Once you start divorce proceedings, you all can make more arrangements and set rules and such, start drawing up the stipulations now with the attorney about what kinds of activities are appropriate/what company is.... Really, the whole issue with the cops will just be more scary and worrisome for your daughter than it already is. Try and be civil and strong for your children, showing this bitterness and battle will only scar them.

I have an A-hole ex husband myself, so I can understand where you are coming from. The only thing I can offer you is a thought that comforts ME when I know their father is being immoral, which is often. I tell myself that I can only count on myself to teach my kids right from wrong, that when they are older they will be able to look back and see that I was the bigger person, I was the one who sacrificed for them, I was the one who took them to extra classes (even if it IS inconvenient), the doctor, I was the one who made them the most important aspect of my life, I am the one who is stable, the one who is successful, the one who can be counted on to keep my word...it goes back to the whole 'if you want something done right, do it yourself' thing.

Your ex may be behaving immorally, but so are you, those are his children just as much as they are yours and you have no right to keep father and child apart due to YOUR emotional pain and suffering. Has he hurt the children in some way? I didn't read anything about that in your post, so I'm assuming the answer is no. I'm sorry to say it, but you ARE hurting your children by denying them their father, and that makes me sad.

All I will say is get everything documented!!!! So that you have proof in court. I can't believe that scum bag! You are both still married AND your pregnant! I swear, it's like he has half a brain! I don't blame you for not wanting to have your kid's exposed to "trash" like that, and yes, WE mature clean and sophisticated adults need to set good morals for our children and he does'nt seem to get that. I'm surprised you have'nt killed him! (sorry to say) This just aggrivate's me! And now he's saying he's going to bring the police? Let him do it! Obviously let the police see that your pregnant and has two other children by him and let them see how ignorant he is being by calling them! What an idiot! May god give you the strength and patience to get through this horrible sad situation. You sound like a good mother that know's how to take care of her kid's. Keep us posted!

honey, as long as you have proof of what he is really doing, ie.. using his kids as a cover so he can bone his girlfriend, you got nothing to worry about. when he asked you to come get the baby, you should have skipped the drama and gone and got the baby,if he is actually "doing" this woman where his kids can hear it or see it, then he can be charged with neglect . if you know he is coming back tomorrow to get the kids, dont be there, simple. he doesnt sound like the brightest crayon in the box to begin with. put everything that is yours in your name now, dont wait until he drains the accounts dry before you do this. if he thinks so little of you to sleep around on you with someone you know, just imagine how little he really thinks of your kids, kids are involved in serious accidents ever day because the person that is supposed to be watching them is too busy boning their "friend " to notice. you are a mother now, your kids are what matters most
skip the drama with romeo, and simply tell him no, you are not taking my children anywhere, you may visit with them at my home but you may not take them out with you, get a restraining order, and court ordered visitation, that way, how much time he actually spends with his kids is documented.
K. h.
under no circumstances do you want to write your husbands lover a nastygram, your soon to be ex husband will take it right to his lawyers office, and they will paint you as vindictive and petty, besides you never know, his girlfriend might have mental problems of her own, and decide to slash her own tires and then try to pin it on you, you dont know, and you dont want to find out the hard way. leave her alone, if she is so desperate for male company that she will chase around a mental midget like your husband, she deserves what she gets to clarify my point, i did not say he was boning his girlfriend in front of his kids, i said that IF his kids could see
or even hear them "together" then that is neglect, under the law.adultery is after all a crime, and a child witnessing such is listed as also a crime

With all due respect...you can't let his personal life affect you. You guys are getting divorced, and he can have a girlfriend if he wants to have a girlfriend. I understand, especially being that you are pregnant how hurtful this must be, but honestly as long as he is not physically harming your children, then he isn't really doing anything wrong. Morally, yes, it is wrong, but there is no such thing as the "moral" police. My advice is that you document all of his visitations, when he is late, or doesn't take them, etc for future reference in court. If there is one thing you should be sure to do, its to give him joint custody. If you have sole custody YOU are stuck with ALL expenses for the chidlren other than the child support he gives you, and also he doesn't have to see the kids at all if he doesn't want to. You do put a visitation order in the decree, but its only to protect the fathers rights so you don't hold the kids from him. If you want stability for your kids, giving him joint custody will be the best for them. Bottom line, you have to try to ignore where he's taking your kids and who he'll be with. You have to separate your life from his now. You'll only drive yourself crazy! Your kids are young, and they don't even have a grasp on whats going on.. that daddy has a "girlfriend." Don't hold the kids from him, because you will only get yourself in trouble and kids need their dads. I have been divorced for 4 years now, since my son was 1 1/2. Now he is over 5. It took me quite a long time to figure all of this out, but wish I would have grew up a little faster. Save yourself the stress, sadness and anxiety. You will find a better man! Try to keep the situation as little drama as possible for your kids. They are who matters, not your ex and who is dating! Good Luck

He no longer lives in the family home, divorce proceedings have started - he has no 'right' to take kids from the house unless the children willingly go. You need to make sure you document his inappropriate behavior about taking the kids the another lady's home - one he is hoping to become sexually involved with and whom broke up your marriage.

Don't forget to call your lawyer!!

***ADDED***

You should contact the Priests at his church and tell them what is going on in your family and which church members have added to the discord between you and your husband. DO not mention divorce... just say you wanted them to know because you and your children will not be going to their church anymore due to your husband's and that female church goer's actions.

This is an important thing to do so you can cover all bases - because f his lawyer asks why you didn't seek counseling thru his (husband's church) you can say you most definitely talked to his church about your family issues.

If you teach your kids right and appropriate behavior, they will still be able to distinguish this and know right from wrong. If you both teach them wrong, they will only know wrong. You cannot be responsible for your ex-to-be's choices and behaviors. But you do have control over your own choices and behaviors (which I understand may be difficult for you in your situation/state), but as difficult and challenging as it may be, that is the best thing you can do for your children.
I would get help from a counselor and be strong, collected and supportive for my children. Regardless of how much of a jerk their dad turned out to be, that is their Dad and I cannot take that away from them. I would never even speak ill of him, they will eventually figure it all out on their own.
I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I truly believe that we need to put our kids first in these situations. As adults, we can make choices and get over this but children will be scarred for life over something they had no control over.

I'm sorry this is happening to you. You have gotten some great advice. Hang in there and be strong. You'll get through this.

i think u r totally right. Who does he think he is, he already showed what kind of person he is by taking ur lil girl around that woman. HE IS SO WRONG. Take care and goodluck

If he is court ordered to pay child support and he hasn't report him to the authorities. He'll get his day in court and the cops might pick up his paycheck and give it to you.

The guy is a total jerk.

This is a sad situation. I'm sorry that you're not in a good relationship and the emotions are bringing you to a place of immaturity. Both you and your husband are acting selfishly. If you're looking for advise, get a divorce, move on and let him see the kids when he wants. It is sad that the kids need to see dad with cops and you not letting the kids visit him. It really doesn't matter if he goes to his girlfriends house while they're with him, as long as his behavior is appropriate. It's great that your daughter and the girlfriends son can hang out. Friends are good. Who knows if their relationship will develop into something serious. Obviously your intimate relationship with him is over and it's time to move on. Take care of yourself not worrying about who he's with and what he's doing. Love your kids and allow them to see him. They need to develop a relationship with him just as much as you need to develop your relationship with them. Try not to ask your daughter what they did with him. That's her business, it wasn't right for you to go over there and take them away. It may come to a point of your daughter feeling like she can't trust you. That if she says something about her visit with dad, dad will get in trouble and she won't be allowed to see him. Keep it light and good luck.