Everytime I allow my 13 year old son to use his ipod, wii, cellphone, and most recent a new xbox 360 he got for his birthday, he always finds a way to sext, meet people to chat about sex with, and search adult sites! My partner and I have approached him many times, explaining that sex is a normal thing that he does not need to worry about until he is an adult, and that it is normal for a 13 year old boy like himself to have hormones. We do not make him feel shameful about his hormones, and allow him to ask any questions he may have!
However it never fails, for his birthday on July 17 we got him an xbox and so after him playing it, he asked to sleep in the living room, I came home from work last night, and saw him through the window run, turn off the t.v and throw his remote to the corner, the front door was locked, and when I wlaked him I asked him what he was doing, of course he lied and said nothing!
So I am asking you moms, to please advice me. I was a bit upset at him this morning and expressed my frusteration, and removed his xbox, cellphone, and other devices that he can use to accsess internet. I don't know what I can do to help him! Please help!!
Take it away.
Give him a cell phone WITHOUT texting.
He has so many gadgets.
I would take it ALL away.
He can get into trouble with the law.
He is a minor.
Maybe if he gets ARRESTED... he will learn???
He can be arrested, ya know.
AND you will also be creamed legally... because you are his Parent, and are letting him cruise Adult Porno sites.
Pretty much if you have laid down the law the only thing you can do is take the devices away.
Sounds like he has some self-esteem issues then again find me a teen that doesn't.
I have a 15 year old boy - my solution, if he abuses the electronics privileges (or any other privilege) is to remove the electronics completely.
Take the Ipod away - get him a standard MP3 player that loads and plays music but cannot access the internet, text, or chat.
Turn off the text and data functions on his cell phone - let it be just a phone
Put parental controls in place on the computers - there are a number of built in controls through both Mac and Windows - plus a number of good, free "net nanny" type programs
Put parental controls in place for the Xbox and Wii- this means setting up an adult as the main/administrative account holder then setting him us as a user. With our PS3 the main account has control over settings for all accounts. You instruction manuals for the game systems will tell you how to do this.
Or, turn off the internet connection to the house - period - over.
You must take the control of the electronics back.
Look into summer programs for your son - Boys & Girls Clubs, YMCA, Boy Scouts, something that gets him out of the house and up and moving with other youth and adults.
Good Luck
God Bless
You can block texting and internet on his cell phone. Call the cell phone company to do this.
His xbox DOES NOT need to be hooked up to the internet for him to play games. I know this because we have one. He does not need an xbox live membership.
If you have wireless in your house, put a password on it so he cannot connect to it with his iPod.
Now, on the Wii you can do pretty much anything online. I would really take away all his access to the internet.
If he can't obey your rules, he can't have the communication devices, especially without supervision. I'm glad you took them. They should only be used when you can supervise, in a public place. If he wants to be trusted, he needs to earn that trust. For the computers, etc. you can install software and/or use a router to block his access to sites.
I agree that there's curiosity and then there's more to be concerned about. You might consider talking to his school counselor about kids' online behavior and how to address it.
Take it all away. No more. This means get it out of the house and stored somewhere else. He cannot control himself, so no more available.. This includes everything except the TV with BASIC cable.
Remember we all lived without it? Books, Swimming, riding bikes, Volunteering, making money baby sitting, mowing lawns. If he has to have a cell phone.. no text available.
You need to show him you are serious. You also need to speak honestly with him about sex. What it is, responsibilities and age appropriateness,..
And why these are dangerous behaviors when he goes on line to these sites, these conversations with friends and strangers.. Talk with him about the laws of your community.. He could end up in tremendous legal trouble.. Or it all could also be misunderstood and others around him could also suffer lawsuits and legal problems..
He is obviously just not mature enough to be trusted.. sorry for him, but you are the parent, you cut him off from all of this..
Counseling? Although my first motion would be to let him know that he will have restricted tv/internet privileges until you feel he can be trusted to follow the rules of the house. No tv, unless you or someone you trust supervises (or block the channels that has adult themes), No internet, unless supervised etc.
Also look up Love and Logic!! Granted he's a little older, but it might still help.
Take it all away. Today.
You are not doing him any favors keeping these items around if he abuses them. No more "one more chance". Disconnect any computer and XBox stuff so he can't use them without you being right in the room. (oh, good, you did!) Make sure you have a good password for any other computers in the house, so he can't access them while you are gone.
Sexting is now being considered a legal crime. All it takes is another set of parents to be on the receiving end of this, and it could be much more troublesome. He's doing something you've been clear is wrong and is being sneaky. He can deny it, promise not to do it again. I'm not usually a 'punishment' type person, but take these items away for a month, and let him show you he's ready to be trusted with them again by regularly making *other* good choices.
Take it all away for a month. Ground him and make him work around the house. Make him aware of what is expected before anything is returned.
Blessings...
I am not a rocket scientist when it comes to these things, I have always had my SO set everything up for me...but I KNOW there is a way to block/limit/set parental controls on most devices...find someone who knows how to do this, maybe call Best Buy they have those Geek Squad guys who can walk you through or do just about anything if you do not have a man in your life that knows about electronics, also google is your friend when I can't rely on Andy to fix something for me I start googling ways to find out how to do it ( ehow is a good site)
I have a teenager he is 15 and also has raging hormones...you are the mom, rules are rules...if he can't be trusted to abide by them take the gadgets away...no teen boy ever died because of lack of an Xbox...Good luck!!!!
He's repeatedly showing you that he isn't mature enough or responsible enough to have these items, so taking them away is the right thing here! Personally, I wouldn't give them back for quite a while and not all at once. In a month or two, give back one item. When he has shown for at least a month that he can use it responsibly give him another. If he messes up again, they go away permanently.
None of these items are "needs". They are all "wants". If he "wants" them, he needs to use them appropriately. If he can't, then lesson learned on his part and no more wasted money on yours!
You've already received a lot of good advice, so I will not repeat what they have already said except to say I agree with them. If he cannot use the things responsibly, take them away. He is only 13. He does not understand what is best for himself yet. You need to make those decisions for him.
Check into http://www.x3watch.com/x3watchpro.html. It is a program you can install on PCs, MACs, Iphones/Ipads/Itouch and Androids. It will block certain things (inappropriate websites, p2p programs, etc) and send you an email and text when someone tries to look at something they should not. It is very inexpensive and definitely worth the investment!! Also check out http://www.xxxchurch.com/. They have some amazing resources!
take the internet off his phone.
take the x-box off the internet.
put a password on your wireless router and don't give him the password- for any wireless devices you have.
http://www.softforyou.com/ something like this for your computer-
and create an individual log-in on your computer for your child-
set up a password for your log-in for your computer so he can't
access your stuff. You can install the internet monitoring software
onto the computer and set it up to limit his access only.
Best wishes!
there are parental controlls on all of these devices. You should have a parent account on the Xbox that allows you cut him off. Take the internet off the phone and add parental controls to your wi-fi it will annoy him at first but will give you piece of mind.
well i have an xbox (my boyfriend and i both use it) and you can not search the internet on it at all you can get on facebook but thats really it you can not surf the web. But i woud put security settings on anything he uses that he can surf the web on to where he can gain access to any unapproved site like adult sites and chat sites
An electronic device that he has used for inappropriate purposes needs to be taken away. For an extended period of time. When my son got caught using his cel phone inappropriately, we took his cel phone away for a month.
Explain to him the legal ramifications of sexting. It is illegal. If caught, he could be classified as a sexual predator for the rest of his life.
Figure out how to install parental controls on each device and give them back one-by-one as he proves his mature and responsible enough. Monitor his usage. View usage, history, etc. If he's caught again, take them all away again.
Repeat as often as necessary.
You have great advice about what to do with the electronics (don't let him have them and set up parental controls); I also wanted to add that you should definitely try to get him doing something else with his time, preferably something physical like a sport or something. Maybe just make him run laps around the track, or join a gym and do laps around an indoor track, or swim, or something physical so that he can do something will all of his pent-up energy. Make him do lots of chores around the house, take mixed martial arts classes, or something that he might think is fun and that will tire him out. It will be good for him to be as active as possible so that he's not thinking about getting on the computer all the time. Plus it would be very good for his health.
Just a thought. I don't have teenagers yet (we have a few more years to go) but when my kids obsess about video games, I make them go outside and play. I think they get so obsessed with electronics that they forget that there is so much more to do out there in the world. Good luck!
My first thought is "why does a 13 year old need so many gadgets?".
Good for you for unplugging him from everything. What about activities, sports, etc? It sounds like he's a little too obsessed with the technology & needs to play & do other things like a normal kid.
Teach him about masturbation! Its is very normal and healthy outlet and tell him there is a time and place for it. Don't shame him about and let him explore. Its not and I'm not encouraging having sex but it sounds like he needs an outlet. He's probably doing it anyway, so buy him some lube and have a talk.
Hi L. D,
We've put a password on all our son's internet devices including the Xbox. (You can set a time limit on the Xbox as well like we did.) Only G rated sites and below will show up without the password. If you want to watch TV/computer on your own time, all you have to do is input the password. So you'll have to do this to ALL of your devices in the house and remember all your passwords on them. Don't make them the same either.
Funny how it's only the boys, huh? I have two girls and never had a problem.
You'll need to get someone pretty internet savvy or use AT&T for all your services. Good luck!
My kids are much younger, so I have no experience with this. But I'd guess that taking his devices away will not help because he can always borrow a friend's device or somehow connect to he Internet another way. And doesn't he need a computer for homework (I guess not during the summer)? Anyway, I'd say educating him, as Amber C. suggested, would probably be the best way to help him. As another male, can your husband talk to him compassionately? His hormones must be going wild, poor guy! Sounds like he needs some other way to channel his feelings! Physical activity sound like a great idea, too.
