My 23 Months Old Keeps Ignoring Me

How do you spend your time with your son? Do you make time for him and actively engage him or do you "wait" for him to pay attention to you? If your main interaction is criticism only, and you don't make time for the two of you or for all of you as a family to just be together, then perhaps that's part of it. Teaching him how to not do things/discipline is NOT criticism. If you are really criticising him and not just telling him "no biting" and redirecting, then that is a problem and you need to find a way to learn to discipline without criticism.

Your baby loves you. You have to know that and believe it. It takes YEARS of a parent abusing their children for the children to get close to not loving their parent.

If you believe that your child doesn't love you and you are angry or aggravated, he will pick up on your discomfort. Children are sensitive and if you are starting to resent your child for how he interacts with you and your husband differently, your son WILL feel that - which won't help him to be comfortable with you. So you really need to deal with your insecurity and not let it color your relationship with your child - talk to your primary care doctor to make sure this isn't post partum depression of some sort.

2yo's do this. It's independence seeking.

Freaking out when a parent leaves, btw., is a sign of a WEAK bond / no trust. If his dad only goes to the bathroom, and your son is freaking out, he's honestly scared that dad will not come back. If he's perfectly fine with you in and out, that's a sign of a STRONG bond. Adult motivations (ignoring you when you leave, being upset when dad leaves) DON'T (or at the least very very very rarely) apply to children.

Ditto... kids tend to latch onto the disciplinarian, not the 'fun' parent (also unlike adults). So it's probably not that. Similarly, phases CAN last a couple years.

I would suggest that you may be looking at things through a cloudy lens.

He's not a baby anymore. He's a big 2 year old (but also not an adult writ small). Who is going to be acting differently than a baby / expressing things differently/ AND is going to be treating his parents differently.

I'd really recommend some developmental psych books, to get a good feeling for what's age appropriate / so you'll feel better understanding what's going on and what's coming down the pipes.

Kids tend to like the fun time parent less than the parent that disciplines so I don't think that is the issue.

Without seeing your daily life we are not going to figure this out. The only thing I can get from this post is you only interact with him when he is doing something wrong and otherwise wait for him to interact with you. That isn't going to happen.

You shouldn't be criticizing a 23 month old, and you shouldn't criticize kids very much in general. Discipline is not the same as criticism. How would you react to someone who criticized you all the time? I bet after two hurtful criticisms from someone you would start to withdraw.

Stop all the criticism. Just give him lots of love and hugs and kisses, and play with him as much as you can.

Just spend time with him. For instance, when you're making dinner, let him help you. You know, if you're making mashed potatoes, let him hold the potato masher. Or let him stir things, or taste little bits of the food, or whatever. When you're dusting furniture, let him follow you around with a dust rag and help you dust. When he takes his bath, blow bubbles for him to catch. Take him to the park to play. Take him for a walk and stop and look at the things he wants to look at. Talk to him about all the things you see on your walk. Read to him at bedtime. Put on music and dance with him. These are things you can do, even as a working mom, to involve your son in your daily life and spend time with him.

Of course he's still going to act like a two year old, because he IS a two year old. He will always want to test the limits. You're right, you can't let him play with dangerous things, or bite people. My best advice on that is to baby-proof your house so that he can't get into the really dangerous things, so you don't HAVE to tell him "no" so often. Some kids are more difficult to deal with as toddlers than others, and the 2-3 years are no picnic. It will pass.

Also, some kids are just more attached to one parent than the other. Your son admires his daddy, and that's okay! It's great that your son has a father who cares about him and spends time with him. It's not a competition between you and your husband. Your son loves you, too, but right now he's more fascinated with the person who is more rough-and-tumble. A lot of boys are like that. Over time, your son will want to spend more time with you, too. Just be patient. I had a boy cousin growing up who would hurl himself at the bathroom door, screaming, whenever his dad was in the bathroom (and he would do that with the front door when his dad left for work, too). It was kind of alarming at the time, but he did grow up to love both parents equally. :)

Your toddler sounds normal to me. Perfectly normal. He sounds like he trusts the bond he has with you and can count on your love, trust, and bond. He knows you can leave, come and go, and discipline him and you will love him no matter what. But when his father just goes to the bathroom and he flips out, he has no assurances of his father's presence or affections.

YOU show your love for him by giving him boundaries, and that's what your son WANTS, believe it or not. It makes him feel safe and loved and secure. He knows that you (should) know he loves you no matter what because you're his mother. He knows that you (should) know that he doesn't have to prove through his actions that he adores and loves his mommy.

You're raising your son to be a secure little boy in his love for his Mommy... so why aren't YOU secure in his love for you?