My 3 Year Old Has Become Incredibly Agressive

You and your husband have rocked his little world and knocked the security,stability and happiness out from under his feet.

He is acting out his sadness and frustration...plus he has a neurological problem onto of that that hinders his coping.

Try to be as calm as you can in these situations. Love him...love him...love him and do all you can to keep a regular schedule going in his life. Try to do things together as a "family" on occasion if at all possible.

I am sorry your boy is going through this. I feel so sad for him...and you.

Try to do fun things with him, have a peaceful nighttime routine with him, talk to him about how he feels. Be understanding and give him lots of approval when he does things well.

How about going to see a family therapist? I think it really would have helped me and my 3 siblings when my parents divorced. We didn't talk to anyone...just moved on with life and swept feelings under the rug. To this day we still have wounds that have not healed. Some of us have moved on but others have struggled seriously in relationships.

Good luck and best wishes at finding some help for your little guy!

Can you just spend more one on one time with him that's just mom and him time? Can his dad do the same (if appropriate, I haven't read the back story)? He needs to know that even if you and DH don't love each other anymore - you will both always love him. No matter how 'bad' he acts.

Instead of waiting until November per his Neurologist appointment... perhaps, get him a Therapist..... now.
And the reason would be... to help him with the family home life and adjusting to your separation.

A friend of mine went through a Divorce. She had 2 young children.
And she immediately got them a Therapist to help them through it.
She said, it was the BEST thing she did for them as a Mom. Because, the Therapist helped her kids with the divorce and coping with it and adjusting to it. AND it was professional help and help which was beyond her own skills, as a Mom, and as a layperson.

So, aside from your son's sensory issues.... per this marital separation... I would get him a Therapist. To address your marital separation and helping him through that.

Kids this age have no coping skills and their emotions are not even fully developed yet nor their understanding of it.
Thus, a Therapist to help him with the separation (and a child doesn't know the difference between this and a 'divorce')... would help him, now.
For a child, all they know is their family is not a family anymore and their parents are not together, and they don't know why.

Are you showing negative signs? Like being sad, or stressed around him? Kids are smart and will change with there parents behavior. If your mood has changed hes going to feel that. Even if he doesnt understand why. Try to be happy and unstressed around him. Act like nothing bothering you, everything is going to be ok and live your life as normally as you can. If he sees how confident you are about the seperation. He might not feel like its a bad thing. That everything is going to be ok. Its probably really hard right now, but the easier you make it for you child to adapt to the change, the better his attituded. Ive had to do that with my children, and Ive seen the difference in there attitudes when Im feeling sad and depressed. When Im happy the're happy. Keep there routine and try not to make any big changes.. If you have to ease into it in a positive way. Oh, and try talking to his dad, about talking positive around him. And not to show any agression to eachother in front of the child when you guys are all together. From experiance this makes it soo much easier on the child. Have the father talk t o him about his aggresive behavior, but in a loving way. This are just some suggestions that have helped in my situation. Hope this helps.

Sounds like there are a lot of factors, but I also wondered if you have him on allergy medicine like claritin or zyrtec. A lot of people I know told me it caused aggression in their children with daily use. Good news is that their children reverted back to their milder natures when taken off.

I hope someone has some helpful advice. That is a hard situation!