Hi Mamas,
My 4 ½ year old is having a heck of a time staying asleep. He is a very good boy generally, and wants to make his parents happy. We have a very methodical bedtime routine (pj’s books, brushing teeth, etc.) that has been in place forever, and we never ever have debates or anything with bed time. Lately, however—especially this past week—he just can’t stay asleep. He lies is bed awake for a good part of the night, and at times starts fake crying “Wah, WAH, WAHHHHHHHHH!” louder and louder until we finally get up from bed and scold him for waking us up. We tell him that if he can’t sleep, he needs to keep his body still so his body can fall asleep. Not scream his head off. It used to be only every once in a blue moon, but this past week it has been every night and multiple times. Last night it was 4 times (ugh, I feel like I have a newborn!). My husband and I escalate how angry we get from the each screaming episode, and we take things away from him as a consequence (last night he got a warning, then his after dinner treat for tonight and then a stuffed animal were taken away, and the 4th time I told him I would tell him today what it would be--because I was too exhausted to think of anything else). We always follow through on repercussions, so he knows it’s for real. He started a new class at school/daycare this week (Pre-K, instead of preschool), but many of the kids he already knows. My husband thinks these sleepless nights are just due to the extra excitement/stress of his new classroom (which he LOVES, btw, he’s soooo excited to be in that classroom now.) So I have two issues here: 1) his screaming his head off (not real crying at all) when he can’t sleep, and 2) helping give him some techniques to get himself to sleep. I’m not going to go in the room 4 times a night and sit with him and rub his back or something or invite him to sleep with us—that is just setting us up for something he cannot expect long term. He needs to learn how to get his own body to sleep. As we all have. In our waking hours, we’re a very loving, affectionate, involved family. In the morning he feels very bad about it, and he has been simply angelic in the morning getting-ready routine to “make up” for it. Poor kid thinks nighttime “takes soooooo long”.
As for techniques for sleep, what I have tried for him so far is having him switch where his head and feet are (moving the pillows and lying the opposite direction) on sleepless nights; it feels different from the same ol’ groove you feel stuck in with insomnia. It has worked for him but then he wakes up again and starts screaming out again. The other is to tell him to keep his body very still, not moving one single thing, and to think about his toes falling asleep, then his ankles, then his feet, then his legs, then his knees, etc. all the way up to the top of his head, and if he’s still awake to start again at his toes. That, I think, may be too hard for him.. I just want to crawl into his bed and hold him until he falls asleep---but I won't because that precedent will be bad for everyone.
Any ideas, mamas?
Thanks!!!!
He may have too much stimulation, and his body/mind keeps going. Does he have a radio or music box? Maybe he can trun that on so he can focus on something to fall asleep?
The more you react, the more he will keep doing it. I know it is hard, but is what my son does.
Good luck
I'm kinda an expert on this, so...
Naps - some people say that their preschool child doesn't need a nap. Even if the child sleeps 13 hours at night my answer is they do still need a nap up until they are in kindergarten. A nap is about recharging the body, restoring the peace in the mind and relaxing. I have found this analogy the best to illustrate my point - Cars should have oil changes about every 3000 miles. Sometimes life gets busy and we forget to do the oil change, perhaps for a while. Your car doesn't show any damage. You might even get to 6000 miles and no oil change and still the car is running just fine. But sooner or later that car is going to die. The engine is going to seize up and revolt and you will have an unhappy car. The car will not work any more. Naps are the oil changes in a child's life. They are needed even if you can't see the affects of skipping them right away.
Overtired Children - When a child is overtired they don't act sleepy, instead they get hyper. For a baby they will get VERY crabby and cry. Each child has a "window" of time when they will easily fall asleep. If you miss the signs and miss that window of time you are going to have a very difficult time getting the child to calm down. Often if a parent has a hard time getting a child to sleep the key is to make bedtime EARLIER so they don't miss that window.
Older Children - First you have to have the right environment - a DARK room, music on continuous play, sometimes a fan is needed in addition to the music, no distractions, naps not being optional, and a consistent schedule. To create a dark room I put the scratchy part of velcro on the window frame then I take black felt and have it cut so it is 12 inches wider and taller then the window opening. Double the felt up so even on the sunniest day the room is dark. (The reason for this is because our body needs darkness in order to reach deep sleep.) Other things to do -- dim electronics (I cut pieces of window cling car shades and put it over the display), remove TVs from bedrooms (A new report from July 2011 states that preschoolers who watch TV in their room took a longer time falling asleep and woke up more drowsy in the morning. Additionally, children who spent only 30 minutes of screen time viewing before bed were 28% more likely to have sleep difficulties compared to 19% who had no screen time. ) , and most of all, set an early bedtime. Most children have a built in alarm clock so I believe a 7 pm bedtime is needed to make sure they get enough sleep. This makes sure you don't miss the window of sleep and that the child will get the 12 hours a night they need.
If all that still fails, try eliminating milk from their diet. There was a study done in 2001 that showed that the majority of preschool sleep problems were a hidden milk allergy. For my experience with this, read my story below.
I have had some failure in the sleep department as a mom. I thought that it was SO easy. After all when I had worked in daycare centers I just patted backs, kids slept and nap time lasted 2 hours every single day. When I babysat I put the kids in their beds after reading them a story, and told them to sleep and they did. Maybe once or twice I had to lie next to a kid for a few minutes, or pat a back, but overall - super easy.
Then I had Tara. She was sick from 2 weeks old until 10 months old. Almost the whole time. Hard to get a kid to sleep through the night when they are coughing from RSV. Then she was failure to gain weight. She literally lost weight if she went 8 hours without drinking/eating. So we had doctor's orders to feed her if she woke up. By the time she was two I was ready to force the issue, her weight had steadied and I was ready. But the habit was there. She went to sleep great but would wake 2 to 20 times a night. Most nights much closer to 20. Right before she turned 3 we sold out townhouse but our house in Plainfield wasn't built yet so we lived like nomads for three months. Hard to ask her to sleep through the night when we were never in the same house for more then a few weeks. Then Elise was born..
See how the years of bad sleep happen? It snowballs, and becomes habit. By the time she was 3 1/2 I was at my wit's end. I could not survive much longer with two kids not sleeping through the night. So, I started researching sleep. The solution for Elise was solving her colic with a chiropractor visit and two nights of sleeping in the farthest corner of the house from her so I didn't hear her crying. For Tara it ended up that she had a hidden milk allergy. There had been a study done in 2001 that showed that the majority of preschool sleep problems are really hidden milk allergies. I took milk out of her diet two weeks before she turned 4. By the end of the first week she started sleeping through the night. Six solid nights of 13 hour sleeps had me wondering if it were just a fluke. So I overloaded her with milk products that sixth day - cheese, yogurt, milk, ice cream was her diet. She was up six times that night. Took all the milk things away again and we had a great night time sleeper. We found that two glasses of milk or milk after noon caused night time waking and we finally had solid nights of sleep for everyone in the house.
Counting sheep?
Allow him to turn on a nightlight and read a book?
I agree that screaming is not an option. Is he watching scary movies? Perhaps he is waking from nightmares? Heck Green Goblin on Spiderman can be scary-looking.
I love your idea of switching his body 180 degrees. As a kid I could ALWAYS fall back asleep quickly when I switched it up like that. When he wakes up "upside down" will he not just go back to normal position, back with his head at the top of his bed?
When he wakes up, tell him it's likely that his body is waking him up telling him to go potty. So he should go potty (not scream) and head back to bed! His body should go to sleep super-quickly if it's happy to know you listened to it and peed.
Remind him that "Spiderman (or whatever character he loves) gets all his rest so that he can save the day. He doesn't wake up his mommy or daddy (aunt/uncle) screaming. He just does the best he can to get back to sleep so his body will be ready for the bad guys the next day."
Spray his "sleepy spray" in his room before bed (get a lavendar scented spray). Or get lavendar lotion and smear some on his chest. Call it "special sleepy lotion." Perhaps get him a small bottle. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, he has permission to do two squirts/sprays to help fall back asleep.
If/When you say prayers at night, pray that God "help Joey to have sweet dreams. Help him to get a good nights sleep and not scream when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Help him to fall back asleep quickly and easily so he will be well rested for the next day."
Some of my suggestions are "fun" and "creative" .... so turn your extremely sleepy and grumpy mode off for a few minutes and try to be super-enthusiastic. I know what it's like to be annoyed/grumpy by the kiddo because you are sleep deprived. My 4 yr old has woken me up the past week or so (not screaming) but telling me he wet his bed. Frustrating! Gotta be more entusiastic and less grumbling. I think it'll help him.
Possible adrenaline or blood sugar issues.
Hypoglycemia can even be seen in babies- they dont sleep well.
hypoglycemics will usually start to have a blood sugar drop around 2-4 hours after a meal, or around 2am.......the body's back up emergency response is to surge adrenaline to lift the blood sugar out of the danger zone. This will "wake" the person and they find it hard to go back to sleep.
My teen has hypoglycemia,(and severe insomnia) she had it when she was younger too...but i never recongnized they were blood sugar symptoms. try to give a high protien with carb snack right before bed. Raw virgin coconut oil by the spoon is a great option but i know with my own daughter she wont take it. Cococnut milk into a shake or drink is another option mixed w/ whey protien mix.
