My Baby Freaks Out If I Leave...

my daughter did that starting at 6 weeks.. I had 1 babysitter that she grew to liek. After about 7 months she did ok with her dad..

I just never left her -
I went out when she was asleep.

Today she is 2 years old and I left her with my girlfriend for the first time.. she did fine no tears..

it will pass.

Oh my, I have the SAME problem! I feel the same way that you do about it as well. I am honored that she is so bonded with me, yet I feel I never get a free moment to myself because she cannot even be consoled by my husband or mother (who she sees all the time as well!). My daughter will be 3 months old Tuesday and I am currently in school getting my master's right now and getting ready to go back to work after spring break (I am a teacher). I am worried how she'll be when I am actually gone for a whole day!
The way I am handling it is to just let her get used to it. My husband has had a few rough moments with her, but I think she's getting used to it. However, she ALWAYS has to have mommy at night, my husband can do NOTHING right after 730!!

Oh the joys of babies!!

Kudos to you for forming a bond that is "tied to" your baby instead of tied down - she will grow up to be an independent, self confident young lady by you meeting her needs now and learning that she can count on you. This too shall pass! She will soon be a 2 year old thwarting her independence and pushing you away (but looking for you out of the corner of her eye;) - it IS hard during this period, but acceptance of it usually helps instead of trying to fight it.

This is sooooo common. Who told you you were creating a monster. Look at nature....of course she's attached to you....you are her mother. She will change alot in the next months ahead. Be patient with her....she knows better what she needs than you or anyone else does. She's working purely on instinct. Give her what she asks for....there is NO WAY you can spoil a 4 month old. My grand niece was the same with her dad (he's a stay-at-home dad). He's still her favorite person (she's now 5 years old) but she can be left with others now. Enjoy this time.

Don't listen to people who say you are creating a "monster"! People said that to me too (inlaws) but it's not true. You just love your baby. My daughter was the same way for about a month or two and now she is happy with everyone, unless she is tired. It was the hardest on my dad, but now she can't get enough of him:) Hope it works out. I know it's frusterating, but in a way it was kind of nice being the only one she needed:)

My daughter acted just like this till about 18 months. We have a dairy farm, so I would leave her with the grandparents while I did chores. I would leave her with various relatives, all the same result. We would spend all of our days together. She would even scream with her dad!! I think it is a personality thing. She is now a four year old who goes to school. She has always been a momma's girl from day 2. Her dad did things in the hospital. I think the world is too new for them and the only safe thing they know is their mom. It does get better for them and for you. You have to keep trying though!!!!

I have had the same issue with both of my girls...in our case, it just takes time and they go in and out of phases of that....at 4 months, its bound to get easier and better over time. Being connected to mommy is a great thing, i think. She is just asserting her intelligence - she KNOWS you left, what a smart little girl!!! Harder for you, but better in the long run....give it time, she will figure out sooner or later to just deal with it when you leave, and that you will be back. In the meantime, I just try to leave anyway, even though its hard sometimes to tell myself that the kids will be okay without me for an hour. (which they certainly will!!)

Hi K.!

I have a suggestion...it is what I had to do with my son; he is now 2.5 years old, but when he was the same age as your daughter, he would also freak out and scream and cry anytime I left him with my husband to run to the grocery store or whatever. Now, this suggestion may sound a little weird, but I swear it works, and so do some of my friends!

Buy the Baby Einstein Video Baby Mozart. I swear to God, it truly worked for my son (and friend's kids!) I don't know what it is about that specific video, we even tried the other Baby Einstein videos, but anytime my son screamed for me, my husband would pop in that DVD, and BAM. My son would stop crying and watch the video!! Give it a try, it can't hurt! (And no, watching 20 minutes of a video now and then will NOT harm your daughter, I swear!) Good luck!

I have 3 children. My oldest would go to anyone at any time. My youngest would settle only for me. Period. Not his Dad, not his Grandma. Only me. I recall one afternoon sitting on the deck with 2 of my friends. I had to go to the bathroom. They looked at each other and said - just take him with you. It's not worth it. I hired a sitter one afternoon so I could go to the gym. This elderly woman who had raised 8 children of her own & enjoyed a dozen grandchildren called me to come home as Cameron wouldn't stop crying & was so upset my older 2 started crying too. Once he started walking he outgrew this phase. All children are unique. Trust me - while it is difficult being the only person your baby will be with - it will not last forever. Enjoy this time. There will come a day when you will wish that she would spend more time with you!! You are doing nothing wrong and you are certainly NOT creating a monster!! My baby is now 13 and is an awesome young man & is certainly quite confident to do most things without his Mom around. Enjoy.
Barb

K., I had this problem with my first child (girl), too. It breaks your heart to hear they cry the whole time you're gone, doesn't it? The person who saved me (and my marriage) was a college student whom I had known since she was 10 years old. She watched my daughter once a week without fail, whether I needed her or not. Sometimes my husband and I went out to dinner or a movie, and sometimes we just went grocery shopping. My daughter cried the whole time, unless she fell asleep, probably exhausting herself from crying. Beth never told me; she just said everything was fine. It took about two months for the pattern to end, and it was only then that I finally heard just how much Beth had endured.

She now has a 3 year old of her own, no hearing loss that I know of, and my daughter will be 25 next month.

I'm sure it won't be this bad for you. You would think after this experience we wouldn't have had any more kids, but we had three more after her! And none of the other ones had so much trouble with separation. I just think it's extra hard for mom and baby the first time - you spend so much time together. Don't worry, you'll get through this, and you and your daughter will always have this special bond.

Good luck,
S.

Take heart, K., this too shall pass. I had the EXACT same issues when my daughter was a baby. My "clinger" is now a well adjusted, beautiful 17 year old girl who has an independent streak a mile wide! Of course, at this point, 17 years might as well be 17,000 years but the time will fly and in the blink of an eye, your angel will be grown and ready to spread those wings! Cherish every tear and tug because trust me, she WON't want you to go to college with her!

Do you play peek-a-boo, etc. with her? She may think you're not coming back at all. Play peek-a-boo, then try being out of her sight for a little while. Once she understands that you're coming back, maybe this will help. My youngest was like that, and these kinds of games helped him. When I would come back into his sight, I would always reassure him that "Mommy always comes back." If it's any comfort, I know what you're going through!

It is totally normal. Your little pumpkin is still VERY little! My son is almost 2 and still cries when I leave for awhile, but my husband always tells me that it does not even last 2 minutes. I do NOT think that you are creating a monster. I do think that it is great that you have bonded so well with your child and I think that you are right on track. I do think though that it is important for others to be given a chance (like your husband or mom) to love your child too so they should be left with them for short periods without you there. I think it is just as important for mommy to have her time too. If you are feeling guilty about it, maybe take baby steps and just be gone for 20 minutes or an hour in another room in the house (take a bath, read a magazine, etc.). Make sure though that your husband knows to come and get you only if the house is on fire. ;) BTW, my husband has always given our son the nightly bath and this works out great for me. It gives me some time after dinner for myself. Good-luck and hang in there! It does get easier!

My husband and I have an almost 8 month old....the first 3 months of her life so pretty much was only happy w/ me. I understand how hard it is. She now doesn't want to be by anyone besides us and day care...I understand your concern. She sees her grandparents every week and she still freaks when she can't see one of us...at least now they can hold her for a little while (sometimes). We have left her w/ them and another friend to "make her" get over this...and she gets so upset that she throws up....I'm not sure what to tell you except that she has to outgrow it at sometime...at least that's what we say...just wanted to let you know that you are not the only one going through this. Good luck!

Hi K.!! Congratulations on a very well adjusted, healthily bonded child! It's hard to deal with for a little while, but comfort yourself with the knowledge that your little angel has bonded wonderfully with you. :)

I own a home day care, and it breaks my heart when a baby or toddler comes right to me from their parents. I even had one little guy scream when he left my house saying that he wanted to stay.

I know it's tough, but you are doing a great job! Keep it up!!! :)

Hi...

Have you tried leaving her in a room to "play" by herself for a few minutes at a time? (making sure she's safe, of course!) Or letting your husband take over for a spell? I would try that... Even with your mom... Have her over and sit together, but have baby on your mom's lap, not yours but let her see you at first. Let her cry if she should start... But 'baby-step' it.

Good luck... hope something works! ;)

I am also a SAHM and have a 4 month old and a 2 1/2 year old. My 4 month old is the exact same way, even if he is left with my husband or my mom. Lately, I have left him with his father on Monday evenings while I take my oldest to swim lessons (and for some one on one mommy time). He cried almost the entire time the first night and has slowly gotten a little better each time but still has crying fits. I guess the only thing to do is to keep doing it, for short periods of time so that your little one will come to realize that mommy does come back and that anyone else who cares for her will take care of her needs.
Hard to say but she will get over it, eventually. My first was the same way since I was always with him & was the one to soothe him. You would think I would have learned my lesson!
If you get any advice, please pass it on.
Good luck!

Hi K.,

I was you!!! My little Ella would go to no one but me for the first 12-15 months of her life. It put so much stress on me and it really frustrated my husband - he felt so helpless and worthless, thinking maybe she didn't like him. It was heartbreaking! My niece also went through the same thing with her daughter (not with either of her sons!!!). Ella is completely fine (as is my niece's daughter) now but she still prefers Mom. I can leave her with her daddy and my other family members without any problem now and have been able to for almost the last year. She's not a monster nor was she ever a monster. Sad that people are telling you that. I wish I had advice for you but for me, just leaving her to cry for me while being gone and driving whomever was caring for her crazy was just not an option for me. When she was comfortable, she began exploring on her own and realizing that other people were even more fun and just as loving as Mom. Exposing her to family really helped I think. We'd all get together often (they all live in the same town and we all really like each other so I'm lucky) and she got used to being around all sorts of people while I was still in the same room too. I think when you stay at home, it can be natural for a little one to develop a really strong bond. All I can say is 'hang in there sista!' I feel your pain! Listen to your inner voice about what to do and you'll never go wrong. Even though it was hard, I don't regret for one minute that I allowed Ella to gain her confidence at her own pace. In this fast paced world, I think sometimes we parents can forget that our kids are just little humans with their own unique personalities, needs, insecurities etc. Embrace her uniqueness and give her some time. My mother thought the same thing but she raised us very disconnectedly (if that makes sense). I'm doing pretty much the opposite - but I swear to you that my kid is not a spoiled little monster! She's a confident, curious, adventurous little toddler - a little too much at times!!!

My best!!! A

I went through something very similar with my son who is now 6 mo old. It will begin to subside with time. It's healthy for your baby to be attached to you. Research shows that attached babies are much more well adjusted children. With that in mind, I did take some time for myself knowing that my son may cry. I made sure he was fed, diaper was changed and then I just took some time. My husband and son worked it out together. Otherwise I became burnt out. He is now able to spend time with my mom, husband, etc. without becoming upset.

Take care and do what feels right for you!