My Baby Ignores Me???

It's not abnormal. She spends more time with your mother its only natural for her to be more comfortable with your mother. Your Mother doesnt see it from your point of view. She probably doesn't see anything wrong with it. I have a motherinlaw that tends to be a control freak. I know its hard to know when to say something because it is helpful when she buys things or helps to pay for things. I finally started letting her know when she steps over the line. She hasn't stopped either she just pushes until I let her know that its enough. Your daughter doesn't love you less than your mother, its just that right now her comfort zone is with your mother. when mine went through this it was hard. I hope this helps.

Hang in there. It is abnormal, like you say - but it is also normal because it happens so much. :) I lived with my mom for a year while my twins were about the same age. They LOVE her and always want her. They want me too, but they will usually pick her. My twins are 26 months now, but when they 12 months they were just like your daughter.

On the other issue - they could be tied together - moms tend to take over because they know what they are doing and they don't have any "new mom" anxiety or issues with taking care of the baby. My mom would have done everything if I let her, make all the decisions, be the loving one, take night shifts - you name it she was there! It was very loving, but I needed to do things to maintain my confidence in being the mom. It took a while, but I had to start standing up to her in a loving way and saying "I will do that" or "I had planned on buying that for her" and of course "You gotta stop buying her stuff!"

So, hang in there!! Email me back if you want to talk more about it, as I understand what you are going through.

S.

This is totally normal, and it's hard not to get your feelings hurt by it as a Mother. I took maternity leave with my oldest son for 3 months, he went to daycare for a month and a half, he stayed with my Mom for two and a half months, and then was in daycare for 6 months. Now I stay home full-time with he and his baby sister (since my son was 13 months old).

When my Mom is around, he prefers her over me (even now that I stay home with him full-time and he doesn't see her every day ... she lives almost 2 hours away). They definitely have a bond, but he also knows that she's his Grandma and kids tend to like grandparents pretty well! ;)

It used to hurt my feelings when he would "choose" her over me, but I remember how close I was to my grandparents (who passed away when I was 17). I'm glad that I had that relationship with my grandparents, and am glad Luke loves his grandparents and gets to have a close relationship with them.

The only time I've said something (and we only had to talk about it once) was when my Mom was disagreeing with how we were handling certain situations with our son (he's two now, and can sometimes be a bear at this age). I just reminded her that we were her parents and that we loved him, but we would handle the discipline for our family and handle things the way we felt best. I asked her to please respect us and our parenting roles, and asked her to not ever do anything (especially in front of our son) that would demean our roles as his parents or undermine our authority. Things have been fine since. ;)

I know this is hard, but I promise your daughter knows you are her Mommy and no one could ever replace you! At such a young age, it's normal for her to cling to not only her daytime caregiver, but also her grandmother ... so you get a double whammy! ;) Best of luck to you!

Every chance you get, show your child all the attention in the world. Even if you are dead tired, give your last piece of energy to your child then you will have no regrets. You need to let your mother know that you feel that she is taking over too much, but remember when you do this that she may take it the wrong way. Assure her that she is a great grandmother but you want to do some of those things with your child without her always being right there to say or do something. Communication is key.

I think this is totally normal and agree with the other comments. We have a nanny for my 12 month old son. The other day he cried when I came home and wanted to be held by his nanny. As soon as she held him, he stopped crying. I think that he was doing that because he didn't want her to leave and he associates my coming home with her leaving. I was hurt at first, but then I realized that he really loves his nanny and I would much rather have him love his nanny and be happy while I am at work than not enjoy or be happy with his caregiver. Your child has plenty of love for all of you and you should be very happy that she has so many people that love her.

Hi A.,

It is not uncommon for a child to become attached to their babysitter, nanny or primary care giver. I am sure that your daughter knows that you are her mother. And I am also sure that your mother knows that she is the grandmother and not the mother. I babysat for my neighbor/friends baby from the time she was newborn until she was just over a year old. Naturally there is a bond there. She started daycare after she turned one. I still see her very often(almost daily, when I can) and she is very attached to me and my husband(as we are to her) because she did spend her days with us. We love her like she was one of our own. If your mom is picking your daughter up and tending to her when she wants her it is just because she loves her and she probably wants to help you as much as she can. I am VERY lucky. My friend has told us that she knows her daughter loves us and wants to spend time with us and she is a very giving person and allows us to spend the time with her. She never sees it as a competition and has said that she is thankful that her daughter has so many people in her life that love her so much. Try to remember Angie, that your daughter cannot have too many people that love her. Consider it a blessing... you will always have someone she loves and someone that you know you can trust to care for her when you cannot be there.

If you need someone to talk to, I am here for you.

Babies tend to bond with their primary caregiver. It doesn't matter if it id mom, grandma, or a daycare worker. The only difference is that the daycare worker isn't at your house at night to compete with. Be glad that your baby is bonding with grandma. However, you need to bond with her too. Try to do things with her when grandma is not around. Take her to the park, etc. Tell your mom that when you are both there you need to be in control too. It is similar to if you and yur husband were both home. You need to work together so she doesn't play you against each other. Good luck.

A.,
I can understand where your coming from. We had to live with my inlaws for almost 3 years long story short our house was tied up in litagation due to termites in the house. Needless to say my oldest daughter who will be 5 next month became very attached to her grandmother. Since we have moved out she is doing better now about coming to mommy and daddy. I really don't have a solution for you. I'm sure your Mother thinks she helping you out because of your separation and make things easier for you. You probably need to tell her that (gently) that when you come home let you take over doing with your daughter. Let her know you appreciate all her help. Best of Luck

Not at all. Babies are somewhat like our pets. They cling to the one who feeds them and cares for them the most. Take advantage of your Mother's generosity. It fills a need for her and it helps you (FULL TIME MOM) to get the rest you need. Spend QUALITY time with your daughter. One hour of quality time reading to her, playing with her, taking her to the park for a stroll or walk and talking means so much more than hours of just being together. These are the things she will remember and love you for. She knows you are there. It does not hurt for her to love her Grandmother and it helps you. Thank God she is there for you and you are not left to place her in the much dreaded day care scene.

Have a blessed day.
K.

I understand that this would upset you, but I assure you, it's perfectly normal. Maybe you should talk to your mother about her "taking over". Just tell her that you feel like since you don't get to see her much during the week, you want to do as much "mom stuff" as possible, although you appriciate all that she does for you. Also, I'm sure that your dd knows that you're her mother. My brother did the same thing with my grandmother and mom. My mom had several major surgeries when he was small, and she couldn't even pick him up for long periods of recovery time, so my grandmother (mom's mother) took care of him (I'm 10 years older than my bro). Anyway, at first, my mom was upset, saying that she felt like he didn't know who was his mother. Then, years later, my grandmother got sick, and she changed her mind about that..thinking that she was very happy that he got to be so close to his grandmother. I'm sure that your mother loves your DD very much, and vise versa, so, it might help to look at it from that perspective..just being glad that your DD has a g'ma that loves her so much and that she loves so much in return. I know how hard it is to work full time, and have a family, I do it myself. It doesn't leave much time for "mommy-kid" time does it? But hang in there. She knows who her mom is!