Hi M.,
I can appreciate your disappointment that you feel that your baby is forming a closer relationship to your parents than yourself. The reality is it is natural for a baby to form a close bond with a primary caregiver. In fact, it is essential to healthy development. In the days when mom did not work outside the home it was obvious who this person would be. Often to the dismay of dad!
Although I understand your frustration, if you want or have to, work outside the home, someone has to care for your son. You should be thrilled to have someone who cares so much for your son (and you). That being said there have to be ground rules. Please explain your feelings to mom and dad. If you include them in your feelings of sadness they will more likely appreciate what you are saying and will aid in promoting the parental bond that is so essential for both your husband and you and your son.
If you wait until jealousy takes hold, you might strike out with anger and alienate your parents. Everyone loses if that happens.
You also have the right to have your parents respect your household rules regarding parenting techniques, etc. If they are caring for your son on a regular basis, that is different than if they were simply taking him on occasional weekends. Likely, your parents, especially your dad, have more time to spend with your son than they did when you were a child. That doesn't mean it is appropriate to overindulge.
This is a delicate subject, wrought with emotion, but, it is important that you address it promptly to avoid feelings of resentment. I am sure you know your parents love you and your baby. I don't think it is necessarily best to resign yourself to using professional care when you have loving, caring grandparents who are eager and willing to help. Plus you save money!
You do need to discuss this with your parents as soon as possible. And be honest. Frequently we can't admit our own basic emotions of jealousy and resentment so we wait until we blow. Don't be afraid to show your sadness when explaining how you feel, but try to do it without blaming your parents. Many therapists suggest practising what you will say by saying "I" and trying to avoid saying "you" when discussing your feelings.
Your parents, also, are so busy enjoying the love of this little guy that they are not probably not being honest either and may be acting a little selfish with this new relationship they have formed. Remember, babies grow quickly and the relationship will change as baby gets older especially for your husband. You have a long way to go. And remember, someday your husband and you will be the grandparents! lol
God Bless you and congratulations on you first born.
J. L.