My Friend Just Lost a baby...how Can I Help?

Everyone is different.
Just ask her how you can help or if she needs help, and that she can call you to let you know if need be.
Tell her you don't want to be intrusive but you are just letting her know you are there for her.

I had a miscarriage once.
And I did NOT want, anyone, even my friends, asking me about it. Because, each time someone asked me how I was doing, even if they were caring, it made me have to go through ALL the details again and again and again and again, and I could not move on.
It was something just very personal and private to me, and I just wanted to talk about it with my Husband.
And the last thing I would want to do is go out to dinner.
I just wanted to hole up.
For as LONG as I needed to.

Be there for her now-but before it escapes you-mark your calendar for a month out, and 2 months out, and 3 months out. She lost her daughter, (not a miscarriage), but from your question, a full term baby girl that she was ready to parent.
People are going to be around right now, making food, etc., but in a couple weeks, it will die down just as any grieving process does. That first month anniversary will be devastating for her, as will the 2nd, and 3rd, and so on. A note from you, letting her know you are thinking of her, on those days, will mean the world, because it will mean someone else is still remembering her daughter.
Let her relive the memories as much as she needs to. She may need to do it. A lot. And validate her grieving. She will have people who tell her all sorts of things about how it was for the best, how she should be over it because she never really "knew" her, etc. She needs to know she has a safe place to grieve.

I think crying for her was the BEST thing you could have done for her. It shows you care.

I also think you should ask what she needs and encourage her to be honest. She may need help if she is planning a funeral. She may just want you to bring her food so they can be alone. She may not know what she needs right now. Just give her a shoulder and an ear.

Being real in that moment with her was fine.
The best thing you can say is "I'm sorry" and leave it at that. Be willing to do a lot of listening. Do not try to downplay or comfort with "it was God's will" or "your baby is in heaven" only because this is sore consolation to a grieving mother. Even if God has a gain in a precious soul, SHE is experiencing tremendous loss. (I have this from Christian friends as well.)

Bring easy-to-prepare food that can stay in the fridge or freezer for a while. You could also ask her to let you know what she needs from the store and offer to go for her. When my sister lost her husband, she found herself sobbing at the store a month later. Going out to do mundane things was extremely difficult, so this might spare her a bit.

Above all, just be there. She may have difficulty with dealing with food (if loved ones bring some---and she may get a lot all at once), so helping with freezing some of it will be necessary. When I visited my sister, that was what I did: broke down vegetables into 'ready to eat/steam' containers; roasted all the red peppers that someone had brought and put them in oil, etc. It's stuff that she may not be able to wrap her head around.

Your invitation is very kind. She might need a little recooperation and definitely some ears if she wants to talk about it. You are so kind.

Crying with her may be exactly what she needed. I lost a baby right after he was born, and I appreciated people who would talk to me about him, even though it was difficult. The people who avoided me because they didn't know what to say or do-- I understood but it still hurt. Just a hug and support, and maybe something like a memento with the little girl's name that she can keep forever (a stuffed animal, a necklace, there are countless possibilities.)

Ask her what she needs from you. Bring dinner to her vs having her come to your house. Follow her lead.

I agree with most of these posts. I lost my second son during birth, and the biggest help to me was when people did not forget...even months later. Everyone will be supportive now, but in 6 months? Will they ask about how she's recovering or feeling? Some will, some won't. Some people also find the whole subject of a baby/child dying too uncomfortable to talk about, so they will want to talk about other things. Talking about other things is fine, but not as if a person did not just have tragedy hit that will change them forever.

Also, crying when you heard the news was NOT "not what she needed" - kudos to you for showing you care! A lot of people want to distance themselves, and you did not. Shows you are a good friend.

As for support groups - have her (or you can offer to) check the hospital/OB department or midwife (whoever she was using for check ups) about a group or therapist. They have grief counselors/social workers at hospitals now to help families cope with this kind of loss. We went to ours for over a year. I know where I went they had one-on-one and groups to talk about infant loss. I would have felt completely lost without that.

Finally, just be there. Sounds like you are doing that. And, it's surprising how many people will ask (maybe not immediately but in the next weeks/months) if/when they are trying again. Try not to do that. BUT, if she gets pregnant again, know that a subsequent pregnancy will be absolutely terrifying for her, and acknowledge that.

Good luck. My heart breaks for your friend. And dinner at your place sounds actually nice - not outside the building, but outside her place, where there may be a lot of reminders of what she's lost. Sorry such a long response!

Let her talk about it if / when she is ready. She may not be for years. And she may want to talk about nothing else. Everyone who goes through it has a different way they deal with it. Our parish has a mass once a year for babies who are lost through miscarraige, sids, sickness and abortion. No one asks you how you lost your baby but it is a healing mass and helps people who need it. maybe find out if she is open to that kind of thing. you are a good friend for wanting to help her.

Drop a meal to her. Listen. Validate. Don't say any cliches.

If this were me, I wouldn't want anything. I would just want me grieve alone with my family. Maybe give her a meal in a crock pot and a card. Going to someone's house would be the last thing I want to do at this time. I may be different.

Search for a channel on youtube callled bumps along the way. It's this girl named Missy Lanning who had a very easy time getting pregnant but because of a certain thing going on with her uterus she had a very hard time keeping the baby. I can't remember her whole story but if I am correct there was a miscarriage, still born, and then she was able to have a miracle baby on a third try this past July I believe.

And now whatever is going on with her uterus she is going to hopefully fix with surgery. In fact when you have time you should watch a couple of videos too because she gives some tips on how to comfort a friend who went through this.

But things for you to do..be there, listen and let her grieve. She may not be ready for support groups. Though if she talks about how lonely it is and she would like some support from people who went through this then I would start mentioning blogs, groups etc