My Husband Suggested to Share a Hotel Room with a Female co-worker...Is It Ok?

It is never appropriate to spend that much time with an associate of the opposite sex when you are married. The more time they spend together, the more they will share about themselves. This "comfortable" feeling is what leads to intimacy.

No.
Never.
Tell him it's going to cost him WAY MORE than $100 because you and he will be going to marriage counseling and that's not negotiable.
His hanging out with this female coworker has crossed a line already.
Sorry but I think he's already cheating.

Of course this isn't okay. Sharing a bedroom all weekend with someone you find "fun to hang out with" are you kidding me? I know plenty of married people who travel for work and they don't share rooms to "save money" not even with people of the same sex, that's ridiculous. These are grown up professionals with expense accounts not college students. This isn't about trust as some have said, I mean unless you're in an open marriage, what kind of husband takes vacations with other women? And vice versa?

I wouldn't put up with it. Just because you're not there doesn't mean he gets to find a sub for you.
If he didn't care that I was upset, I would wonder why I am with him. Go from there.

Personally I wouldn't be okay with it. I don't think Tyler would ever put himself in that situation either. What would I do in this situation? I would ask why he needs to save the money when he planned this trip? Why didn't he budget accordingly?

I think your marriage is in trouble. You don't trust him.

I wrote a huge response and *poof*'it's gone..

Okay, you are in the U.S. and your husband is out of the country on business. I work in a very male dominated field so it is not unusual to have meals together or carpool to a meeting. Their wives are okay with that. Never would I dream of sharing a room on a weekend pleasure trip.

It is very brazen of him to ask to share a bedroom space while planning a weekend extravaganza. I would be willing to bet that they have already been intimate. He likes her, likes spending time with her because she is so fun and now wants to spend time with her in a hotel in their free time...and then tries to push it back on you..

I would have a problem with this even if I trusted my partner, he is just wrong even if I trusted my guy. I don't know what to do in your situation where he can't be trusted: demand he not do it, marriage counseling, leaving the marital home or slappining some sense into him (kinda kidding).

Good luck!

How long has he been gone? When will he be back home? Sounds like it's been months and not due home for a while. Are you not able to join him or is not going your choice. Have you seen anything that would document his working? Does he send you money? How often does he phone you? Sounds like your exchange about sharing a room was through texts. This is a serious situation that should be handled with a phone call. Words alone can be misunderstood.

There is not enough information for me to make a suggestion on what to do. From personal experience, co-workers who share a room are intimate even if one of them is married. Happens far too often in law enforcement. I've shared out of town transport duties with married men. We always get separate rooms. Still, Ive been asked to share a bed a couple of times. For me, it's easy to say no.

I've worked with men who take me to meet their wives. These men never suggested that we hang out after work.

I doubt that your husband is faithful to your marriage vows. I also suggest, because he's been away from you for months, temptation is difficult to resist.

I am confused about him asking you and then doesn't accept your answer. He wouldn't need to ask you. How would you know what he does? Of course you don't trust him. He's not being honest with himself or you. I suggest you have a more serious issue going on here. I suggest he's given you reason to not trust him. My question is why do you want to stay with someone who plays with your mind? I suspect he's had previous affairs as a part of your marriage ups and downs. I suggest he isn't concerned about you and your feelings. I wonder if one reason he married you is your cultures belief that men are more important than women; that wives are expected to be subservient to their husband.

We're you a part of the decision for him to quit his job? Did he discuss freelancing with you? Do you know what is involved with his the current project? Did he ask you if taking this project was OK with you? Does he tell you about how he spends his time? Could he be telling you about his friend to make you jealous? While he was at home, did you feel that your communication with each other was comfortable? Are you an equal partner in the relationship?

I urge you to get the help of a counselor to help figure out what you want in this marriage and whether or not your needs are met.

No, it's not ok for a married man to sleep in the same room with another woman, thousands of miles away from his wife. Tell him that in order to save money on your mortgage, you plan on renting some space in your bedroom and letting some guy you enjoy spending time with sleep with you, when he is out of town.

A hotel room, like a bedroom at home, is considered personal space, not public space. If married people want to have slumber parties with the opposite sex then why get married?

No...he gets his own room. And the expense of the hotel room is considered a work expense since this is a work trip. I am a very trusting person, but this would make me start paying attention. He met a girl he thinks is very fun to hang out with and planned a weekend trip together. That's not cool. I would be quite concerned about this. I think perhaps setting up a few meetings with a marriage counselor might help here...you need to communicate to each other, fix what is lacking in your marriage, and HE needs to hear from another person why this kind of thing could be so damaging. I hope it all turns out ok for you.

Would your husband be okay with you spending the night sharing a room with another man to save $100?

I can say with certainty my husband would never ask me to be okay with that. Perhaps that is why I trust my husband.

Sorry you are dealing with this and good luck!

No way, no how. That is wildly inappropriate. I hate to break it to you, but he's already sleeping with her.

No. It's never appropriate.

C. - welcome to mamapedia.

I'm sorry you don't trust your husband. That's sad. You need more than love to make a marriage work - trust, respect, friendship - so much goes into making a marriage and making it work.

If my husband sent me a text - one - I would be surprised! He rarely sends texts! :) But if he said he was going to share a room to save money? Yeah - I know nothing would happen - why? Because I know my husband and trust him. Even if they got drunk - I know nothing would happen. Would I like him to share a room? No. Why? Because it becomes a he said-she said if she gets upset because he turned her down or nothing happened. Do you realize the respect your husband showed your for even texting you to ask you? That's huge. He could've done it and not told you.

I know there are a LOT of people who don't like opposite sexes sharing a room. Companies are don't do it because it opens the doors for litigation.

I'm not sure where you live - I will venture you are NOT in the US and he's either in Europe or South East Asia. Why can't you go with him? Are you working?

Good luck! You need to figure out why you don't trust your husband!

I know if my husband said he wanted to share a room with a female coworker it would 100% be about saving money. I know him and know nothing would happen and it would go without saying they were in separate beds. Of course it would to save a lot more than 100 bucks before he would think the savings is worth the appearance.

You obviously don't trust your husband at that level, which is fine, my ex I sure wouldn't and with good reason.

The odd thing to me is my husband that I trust completely, if I said sweetie that seems off, he would just not do it. He wouldn't question why because he also knows I trust him. He would just be, okay, that makes sense. Your husband's reaction doesn't sound respectful and that bothers me more than the sharing the room.

In the end you have to consider he didn't have to text and ask if it was okay. After you said you didn't like it he could have done it anyway. You really had no way of knowing what he did or didn't do so it comes down to trust. If you don't trust him then figure out why you have grown to not trust him. I assure you the answer is not as easy as he asked to share a hotel room.

Um, no. This is not a cultural difference that you are misunderstanding. It is no more appropriate for a married man to share a hotel room with a woman who is not his wife in American culture than it would be in yours. And his pretending that he does not understand why this would upset you is not okay, either. In your situation, I think I would let him know that if he values his marriage, he will not make this very bad choice.

Unless the woman is a lesbian and is not interested in men this is NOT a thing that would be allowed. Tell him you're smarter than that and he should not try to confuse you anymore.

Reverse it on him. Ask him if you can go out of town and sleep in the same room with a male. A hot sexy one...lol.

Is this a business trip? That's the only reason I can think of for them to travel together.

If my husband said he was sharing a room with someone to save money, I would believe him because I trust him. A good marriage is not broken up by another person.

However, if this is a fun pleasure trip, I find it odd that he is spending any money at all, rather than saving to either see you or to bank some money in case his freelance work isn't secure. My husband works freelance, and there can be times where there is a ton of work and money, and times when things are a little thin. If my husband and I were in different countries, I wouldn't be spending money on vacations with anyone else, and neither would he. We would save all our money to make it possible to be together sooner.

So that's a red flag to me, a warning that something may not be quite right. And the biggest red flag is that he doesn't understand why you are sad - his first concern should be your feelings.

You already have had problems due to cultural differences, and I agree with the comment from another Mamapedia member that marriage counseling should be a priority - I don't know how you sustain a marriage over years when you are in different countries. My son had a friend whose wife traveled to her home country and couldn't get back to the US due to immigration problems/green card status. They were apart for 8 months and they did marriage counseling via Skype or FaceTime. It was difficult but they did it.

I disagree with the moms who say that they know nothing would happen if their spouses shared a hotel room.

No one knows that. We can only hope, wish, or pray.

It seems to me that your husband is either making it up, saying he doesn't understand that you are sad, or that he doesn't care. Which is it? Did he actually stay with the woman in the same hotel room after you told him you were upset? If he did it anyway, then you know he doesn't care.

Can you spend more time with him? Why are you in another country now?

Are you away from him a lot? Do you usually live in a different country? If you two are separated a lot, then you need to have a real serious talk with him about this.

No this isn't a cultural thing, this is a husband being disrespectful thing. I don't care if the hotel room was free it just isn't appropriate. Would he be ok with you sharing a room with another man to save money on a room? Of course NOT. I trust my husband 10000%. We have been married for 30 years. This just wouldn't come up in our because he wouldn't think to do this. He respects me and our marriage.

You have a marriage that is not based on love or respect.

No that is not okay or the norm for America.

No, it's not okay to share a hotel room. Culture has nothing to do with it.