"My Marriage Is Boring"

Hi how are you? I am sorry to hear that you and your hubby do not have time for each other. I am not in this situation but I just thought I would comment. I am a stay at home mom our Daughter will be 8 months old on march 25, and my Husband is a loan officer, sometimes he gets home at a good time and sometimes he works late but we always spend time together reguardless of what time it is, just simple things like watching tv together, playing with our Daughter, or just talking, and some nights of the week are even better ,but just find those times that you can and take up on it. May 1 is our third anniversary and marriage is great! I do hope that you and your hubby find some time together!
J.

All marriages have their high points and their low points. Especially when you throw children into the mix, it's hard for you to devote the time and effort it takes to keep your marriage alive and "exciting". I've been married almost 6 years now, trust me, i know. Me and my husband don't always like eachother! haha. All you can do is try your best to keep it alive. Plan date nights, even if it's just movies, popcorn and pizza after the kids go to bed. Talk, play board or card games, get a sitter when you can and go to dinner just the two of you. It's gonna be a constant struggle, and lots of hard work, but just don't give up. Realize that just because you aren't always together or on the same page doesn't make your marriage bad. Me and my husband have struggled with different schedules for most of our marriage, and you can only do the best you can do. I know it's hard, but it'll get better, just hang in there! GOOD LUCK!

I have been married for almost 19 years. We have definitely had periods of boredom and complacency. My advice is to schedule time to be together, just the two of you. Don't focus that time on the bedroom, but just talk, remember your common interests and the things that attracted you in the beginning. Even if it is just half an hour a day, having a real conversation that doesn't revolve around kids, work, and household chores can be valuable to draw you closer together.

You should also schedule a date night at least once a month, but preferably more often. It doesn't have to be dinner and a movie, it could be a picnic to a local park, a walk, or even playing a game. I know that when my husband and I schedule time together, we become closer as a result.

Remember that your marriage should be given priority status. If you are a Christian, I suggest getting a devotional for couples that you can read together. I recommend Night Light by James Dobson or Devotions for Couples by Philip Morely. I hope this helps. I know what it is like to feel bored with a relationship, but you have to choose to make a committment to your marriage and you have to work to keep it strong.

try to make time for each other. Make a date! That is always fun. Don't talk about your kids...pretend you just met.

I was married for 12 years and then my husband died. I remarried and have been married 5 years. With my 1st husband, he traveled all week, sometimes over the weekend too, and I worked. We always made time for us as a couple. We had our ups and downs. Once, I was feeling ignored, etc and I talked to my mom. She said - marriage isn't 50/50. It is 100/100. Each partner has to give 100% to it. That way, when one isn't giving 100%, the other is and vice versa.- But marriage is alot of work. Alot of time, we fall in "lust" and get married, and as time goes by the lust gets "fulfilled" and the marriage isn't as easy as it was at the beginning. I was at a seminar awhile ago and the Christian Psychologist asked - "why do we love babies?" The answers came out -they're cute, helpless, etc" He said - No, we love them because we choose to. Every day we get up and choose to lvoe our husband or wife, our kids. Some people get up and choose not to love their spouse or kids. Love is a choice. Attraction is not. Love grows every day, sometimes it grows faster than others. A good book that i wished I had had with my first husband is by Dr James Dobson, called "Love for a lifetime" When I remarried, I had 2 kids, he had 3, and now we have one together. We read this book together several times and it helped our relationship immensely - still does. There's anotehr book called "His needs, her needs" - it describes a "love bank" situation. Everyone is our lives has a"love bank account" in our heart and they either make deposits or withdrawals. The things described by other moms - like date night, writing a love note, etc can make deposits in the love bank. It is really an awesome concept. I agree with tehothers, though. MAKE TIME FOR THE TWO OF YOU. With 6 kids, we have a hard time getting out alone, but we manage it. Every week, we go out to lunch on Saturday - just the 2 of us. Sometimes, I will meet him for lunch, and other times, we will meet for dinner on Friday night. Sometimes, I go ahead and feed the kids and then have a candlelit dinner for 2. The kids love to help put candles out, use the china, etc. I put candles in our bathroom and bedroom, and just kind of make it romantic. ALso, everynight, I set up the coffe maker to start when he wakes up, so he has fresh coffee already made. Sometimes, I leave him a love note on top of the coffee maker (he gets up alot earlier than I do)

Good luck

S.

Many of the wives here have told you to find time.. Here's another one: get a book. Once you find time, what do you do with it? Make a date? Go out to eat? If you're bored after a year, those things are going to get old pretty fast too. But one of my favorite books is called 1001 ways to be Romantic by a guy named Gregory Godek. It's great! On a budget? no prob. Got millions? no prob! If you have 1 minute or a whole weekend, this guy has ideas on what to do with it.. And it isn't all about sex!!!!!!! He has things like: Hire an artist to illistraet her favorite fairytale picturing her as the heroine. Call in your husband's favorite song on his radio station and make sure he's listening.. and stuff like that. Good luck!

Im a SAHM but my husband is ALWAYS at work. He goes in at 4 am sometimes sooner and doesnt get home until six, factor in dinner both kids bathed and put to bed and we have like 2 or 3 hours together before he has to go back to bed. He works every day of the week. We miss each other terribly so when we do see each other we try to talk about our day, sometimes we just sit and watch tv together...we also make sure our schedules dont interfere with sex also...it can take a toll on a marriage if u dont get to bond regularly. Recently we got busy for a couple of weeks so one night i wrote a lttle note saying.."I love and miss you! P.S. this is from your wife." I stuck it in his wallet. He got a kick outta it and it let him know I cared. He tells me that when I do that it lets him know I still think about him and am willing to put effort into showing it. Maybe doing something similar will help you. Me and my husband have been happily together for almost 8 yrs now.

Try attending a marriage 101 class.
You learn so much about your partner and your marriage.
It really opened my eyes.
Contact your local Chapain, pastor or preist and see if he has any resources.
-N.

My hubby and I have the same problem of not having time for each other. He generally works out of town during the week and is only home on the weekends. Now that we have a child (she's 1 month), we REALLY don't have time because it's all devoted to her when he is here. But I will tell you that with our differing schedules it makes us appreciate being together more when we finally do get a chance. What we do is make dates. In other words we say "Okay, next saturday we are going out together alone." And we keep that date. We get a babysitter and get dressed up...it may be the only time that month we get to be alone but I look forward to it always. :-) Good luck.

I think it's important to make time.My husband works a crazy swing shift job which leaves him sleeping while I am awake and vice versa. However, we make time for each other. Plan a date night. We try to go out and hire a sitter at least 2x a month. Sometimes we have to meet for lunch and other times dinner works. There is NOTHING more important than your marriage... that includes work and other obligations. Even if you both have to take a vacation day from work. MAKE IT HAPPEN.... because you will be working on something that is worth it.

keep in mind, marriage doesn't create itself, it's up to you and your husband to move it forward; it takes effort for everyone. Couples who see each other all day long have to make an effort not to be bored as well. send suggestive emails at work. write notes and put it in his car. have a camera phone? use it. Avoid words like "boring" when describing your relationship. Those words get stuck in your head, and you may find the source of your unhapiness is all in your mind.

Try bringing lunch to him on his job. If you're free on the weekends go out to breakfast or lunch. Or go to a movie together. Even better get up on Saturday or Sunday morning and fix all your favorite breakfast foods while still in your pj's -together. Then while enjoying your breakfast pop in a movie that you both like and have breakfast and a movie. Leave little coupons in his car or in b/t the outfit he's gonna wear for the day. Coupons like "Good for one movie night together" or "Good for a day of golf (or whatever activity he likes to do). MAKING time no matter how hectic your schedules are is a key factor in having a successful marriage.