My Son Is Going into the Army!!

Updated on February 08, 2011
D.C. asks from Gresham, OR
9 answers

So my step son is going into the Army. He leaves in about 1 month. From what I can tell he will be gone for about 9 months without a chance to come home. And then may not even have the chance to come home after that because his goal is to become a Ranger and will probably be shipped off as soon as he graduates. My SS will be 21 in April and has lived with us since he was 12 with only visitation with his mom. I also have almost 5 yr old twin boys that adore their big brother. My SS moved out to be with his GF right before Christmas and that transition went pretty well. He only moved about 3 minutes away, plus works for us so we get to see him pretty often. Here is my question. How do I help my boys cope with their brother leaving. Its not like he is going to the gym and he will return home in an hour or so. From what I can tell there won't be any contact during boot camp and that will last about 2 to 3 months. I can not even being to think of how I will explain what is about to happen. I cry just thinking about it. As adults we know what is at stake, but as 5 yr little boys...how do you explain such a thing. Has anybody gone through this? I would love any advice you can give. Thanks

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M.S.

answers from San Francisco on

Tell him thank you from another military family.

Don't try to explain everything to your sons. Tell them that is his new job and you are very proud of him. If you try to explain everything that is at stake you will terrify them and make your life miserable for years to come. "Big brother is in the Army. It is his job, and we won't get to see him very much but we are VERY proud of him."

I don't know much about Army basic training, but my husband is a Marine. Encourage your sons to write letters to their brother during basic - it will be good for them and will be something your stepson looks forwards to more than you can imagine. They still get to be active in his life and involved in the change.

5 moms found this helpful
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J.R.

answers from Houston on

As a Navy mom, I can tell you that you need to remind the older son that the little boys will miss him. Impress on him that they will treasure any letters or other communications he can send to them. He will also probably have a harder time than he expects with missing them. Thank you to your fine son for his willingness to serve our country at this critical time.

5 moms found this helpful
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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

Relax. There will be contact. During basic they get to make calls, usually on Sundays, and they can write letters whenever they have free time. In AIT it is more open about when you can make calls. Just be sure he has a calling card and plenty of stamps before he leave. I know it is scary, but try to help your younger sons understand that when a boy becomes a man he is supposed to go out and start a new life, and that he will still love them forever and miss them whenever they are apart. As a former Army member and a 12 year military wife, I understand how hard the separation can be.

4 moms found this helpful

V.W.

answers from Jacksonville on

I have not dealt with that. But I wanted to say congratulations! Sounds like an honorable young man. You must be so proud!

The thing that came to my mind about your younger boys, is to explain that he is going into the Army to serve and protect our country. Before he gets to go do the protecting part, he has to go to school and camps and learn HOW. So he has to go to ___ (wherever his camp is), and work really hard, and they don't get time off for breaks or to come home. Show them where it is on a map. Give them some G.I. Joe's (if they don't already have some) and accessories and let them play with them. They will probably be really excited for him!

3 moms found this helpful
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S.H.

answers from Huntsville on

My daughter is about to turn 5 and my husband is deployed. She knows he is a soldier and that he has to be away for his job. She doesn't like it, but she accepts it.

Tell them that he is going to learn how to be a soldier, and that they are going to be keeping him very busy, so he may not have a lot of time to contact them.

My husband went to basic training before I knew him, so I have no experience with that. But, I assume he can at least receive letters at some point. Have the boys draw pictures, write letters, etc. for their brother to send to him. They will enjoy sending him things, and he will enjoy receiving them! My daughter LOVES to draw/color things for Daddy, and he has a whole wall in his room dedicated to hanging the things we send! :)

Again, I don't know the rules during basic training, but if he ever has access to Skype, it is great to use!!

Thank you to your son and your family for his service!

3 moms found this helpful
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M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

How about going to Toys R Us and getting them some army guys and trucks and stuff for your SS to give to them. HAve him tell them all about it and all about how soldier training goes and that he won't be able to speak with them on the phone for a little while because he is going to be doing lots of soldier stuff. Play up the coolness of it and they may totally get into it.

3 moms found this helpful
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L.T.

answers from Chicago on

Total agree with Mandy S - she could not have said it better:

Don't try to explain everything to your sons. Tell them that is his new job and you are very proud of him.

We are so lucky to have people serve and protect our country! Wish your SS the best! Get the twins involved with supporting him with cards and letters while he is going through training and beyond.

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M.L.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I haven't had to deal with younger siblings, but I do have a son in the Army. I worry about him (he's been on three tours of Iraq), but a military life was his choice, and I just have to deal with it. Happily, he did his "basic" back in college, and nowadays his wife keeps us in the loop about things that are going on. I even got to see (via computer) his unit's homecoming ceremony about a year ago when he came back from his last tour.

Ask your stepson to spend some time with his stepbrothers, telling them about what sort of things he'll learn to do and why he's going to like it. If they ask him about going into danger, he needs to be upfront about that. He can tell them that part of being in the military is being willing to lay your life on the line for your country, and that's all there is to it. But the soldiers all try to help one another to stay safe. They work together.

If HE can prepare the little boys for no communication from him for several weeks, that will be better than your explaining it. Ask him to give them a calendar (even if you buy it) so they can mark off the days until his training is over. Please ask him to write (yes, snail mail!), call, e-mail, or whatever his options are whenever he is able to do it, and ask his girlfriend if she will pass on any news she hears. If and when he has a mailing address, his brothers can send him pictures or drawings or whatever they'd like him to have.

Relatives of military people are in a better position, communications-wise, than they used to be. Far from not being able to hear from a husband/father/brother for months (unless the training or assignment requires it), it's possible to be in much closer contact now. My DS and DIL have Skype so that when he's away, they can actually see each other, and their baby daughter can see her daddy, too.

Meanwhile, let your little boys know how proud YOU are of your stepson for wanting to serve his country. Your attitude will be a huge factor in theirs.

2 moms found this helpful
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D.S.

answers from Houston on

mine was 2 when daddy shipped out and i didnt have to explain it. tell themhe is going away to school and cant call. techinicallyboot camp is school. and its not a lie and you dont have to get into the details that might scare them. if they ask what kind of school a school to make bad people behave. but then he has to go to the country where the bad men are to make them behave.

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