My Soon to Be X

He won't talk to you? you don't need him to talk to you, you need him to help support his children, so who cares if he ever talks to you again. The courts are going to give you the standard amount of whats due for the children so whats going to be ugly. Don't let him intimidate you. Anytime he is nasty to you just smile & say ok.

I think he is bluffing you!! I heard all these kinds of threats from my x. They are his kids and I don't think that there is the option of not getting child support. Remind him that if he makes things ugly he will hurt the children and that is the last thing that needs to happen. The court figures out the child support whether the x likes it or not.

Yes, you should get a lawyer. Yes, you should get every penny of child support that you possibly can. You owe it to your children.

ok he is going 2 be ur ex for a reason because yall aint together anymore so why would you really care if he does talk 2 you?dont let him off that easy.do you want 2 support ur childern by ur self i know i wouldnt want 2.there is a reason ur marrige is ending so get what u can.good luck

Get a lawyer. You need child support to support your child. Don't let him threaten you but I would document/record your conversations. It could be used against him in his visitation rights.

Must be nice to choose to NOT support your own kids. I'd get him for every nickel you can. Who cares if he never talks to you agian?

I wish I could give you a great big hug right now. This is going to be a very difficult time for you. Unfortunately your almost ex is going to make it as difficult as possible. It's in HIS best interest to do so.But what is YOUR best interest? Or you CHILDRENS best interest? At this point him not talking to you is the absolute best thing that can happen. If he's not talking to you, you cannot listen. If you are not listening, then he cannot manipulate you. Will this be difficult and painful? Absolutely, that's what he wants it to be. He wants to confuse you, scare you, and make you feel bad, or more likely, guilty. If you feel these things, he get's his way. Try and get MAD instead. It's when people are angry that they take action. Ask yourself these questions:

Why should you bear all of the financial burden and responsibility of raising your children, while he gets only rewards?
Is it OK that he threatens you and makes you feel pain, so that he can get his way?
Is it OK that your children will bear the biggest burden of his selfishness, by have only one parent supporting them?
Are you OK with being the one to always tell them no, when if you had the support you could tell them yes?
Are you prepared to work full time, paying a great big chunk of your hard earned money, to a child care provider, who will probably see you kids more than you do, so that you can go to that job, while your ex, gets to keep all of his money, and do what he wants with it?

You have gotten some great advice, especially from Kristina H. and Susan B. Take it! No matter how ugly this gets, and it will get ugly even if you don't want it to, you MUST MUST MUST get a lawyer and fight. Fight for your rights, fight for your dignity, fight for your self respect, fight for your children, and fight on YOUR OWN TERMS! You need the court to order child support for your children. If he doesn't pay, the only way it will be taken from his paycheck is if the support is court ordered. If it's a verbal agreement you will have to go back to court and get the order anyhow, so do it the first time.
I am not a particularly religious person, but I will be praying for you on this difficult journey.

Your husband has an equal responsibility to be a supporting parent to his children with you. That means financially, as well as emotionally. I wouldn't worry about his threats.... he needs to accept his responsibility to HIS children. Get the child support---your children's welfare comes first. A judge may not give you financial support from your ex if you say you don't want it. Don't risk that. Do what is best in the long run for your family.

Oh, B., I'm sorry you're going through this.

If he is going to threaten you about this and is willing to make it ugly for your kids over money, then he is going to make it ugly at some point over something.

You are entitled to child support. He is responsible for helping with the financial burden of raising children. If he is willing to put your kids through drama, that's on him, but it doesn't mean YOU need to make choices to try and avoid his outbursts.

You can't control his behavior, don't let him control yours.

Good luck. Hang in there.

T.

B. M. - LOTS of great advice has already been given by many women that have "been there". You NEED an attorney and your children will NEED that child support. Do NOT listen to him. And do NOT try to figure out if he will really do whatever he threatens you that he will do. What he says really doesn't matter anymore...You may want to consider changing your mindset and realize that you have to think "independently" of him from now on. Your responsability NOW is to protect yourself and your children and that includes financially!

I realize that hiring an attorney is an expensive undertaking at $200 to $400. an hour. I also know that there IS a more affordable alternative through a "legal service plan". There are a few different companies out there that offer legal plans, however, the "industry leader" is a 38 year old, NYSE Company called Pre-Paid Legal Services, Inc. I have been a member for 7 years and was so satisfied with the service that I became an Associate with them.

If you would like to view some preliminary information, you can watch a 7 minute overview at: WWW.FAMILYPLANINFO.COM
and Click on "View The Movie". It asks for your name, number and email address, HOWEVER, you do not have to type in YOUR info, you can type "Mickey Mouse" and ____@____.com if you like and the movie overview will still appear.

If you have any questions, or would like to hear some examples of how it has worked, give me a call at 888-448-1489 or contact me via email thru the website. I would be happy to share the info with you.
Please know that this is no pressure, just valuable information!
Knowledge is Power.
As Oprah says " When you know better, you DO better"

Best of luck to you and GOD bless!

S.

Trust me, you are going to need every penny. We are in a financial depression. A jobless recovery is like a foodless banquet. It's all smoke and mirrors. There is no recovery without jobs! And we haven't gotten to the worst part yet. That will be in another 2 years. We are going to see inflation in food, rent, clothing, the cost of gas will rise considerably,and the cost of your electricity and gas will " NECESSARILY SKYROCKET" to directly quote Obama . There- he told you up front what to expect. So get your child support- you will need it.

Get a LAWYER! He made those kids it is his Job to help support them! He is a P.O.S. if he refuses to support his own children... I guess thats why he is going to be your x though right? If he refuses then take away all visitation and take away his rights! If he refuses to support them and wants things to get ugly, but you don't want your kids exposed to it, then petition to have his rights removed. Then he won't pay and you won't have to deal with him.

Just keep in mind that even if he is orderded to pay child support, he probably won't comply with the order and you will be forced to return to court constantly with the issue of his noncompliance. He's already threatening you that it will get ugly, so don't trust him at all as he probably will not comply with anything that he does not agree with whether it is written as a court order or not. My "ex" is the same way. He didn't comply with anything written in the divorce decree, he stuck me with all of the debt. I'm still trying to sell the house and time share, which are in both our names, and he's not helping with any of that, or the property taxes, maintenance fees even when it was written in the JOD that he had to. Heck, he probably will not even come to the signing if the house and time share sell and then I'm really SOL because I couldn't get the court to agree to let me sell them without his signature. I feel for you and wish you the best of luck. Some men are just born jerks and never grow up to become decent people.
V.

I have no remorse for these type people, but I won't open up because you don't need the negativity. The courts will or should do what is in the best interest of the children, which is pull money right out of his paycheck to feed those kids. I went through this bullying from both my daughters father and his mother. It all ended when I got married. I learned it is all true...they leave you alone when you show them they aren't bothering you. Monotone, short, and sweet!

He is threatening you! That goes along way to speaking about his character...he is NO GOOD! Sorry! If he is acting this way now, chances are he is not ever gonna be better and you are gonna have the drama no matter what you do! I say get a good lawyer and keep your fingers crossed that he goes away some time soon! I don't mean that to sound harsh...I just think that people who do not want to financially support their kids are more trouble then they are worth...the bottom line is he is going to try to weasel his way out of his responsibility no matter what you do...so you might as do all you can the right way...and taking him to court is the right way to handle this situation. I say start letting the answering machines take his calls, that way you will have any and all nastiness he spews at you saved somewhere so you can show your lawyer what kind of person you are dealing with...then when you have composed yourself and you are ready, you can call him back at your convenience.

Sorry for your situation sister...but don't let him bully you!

You are going to be primary parent for your children. Your X is obligated to be responsible financially for his children. You are not being mean by asking for financial support, you are being a good parent. It is not in the best interest of your children to let their Dad off the hook from his responsibility. Even with child support you will have a tough time as a single parent - so do not negotiate. Actually, do not debate it with him. Go to Family Court and ask for help. I live in MA but I just checked and NH has this same provision -- child support once ordered, is collected as a deduction from the parent's paycheck. This is the way to go -- no arguing over the check and hence no drama. You will find that you have no control over how your ex behaves, take the high road and be an advocate for yourself and your children. But you don't have to do this alone. Find a single parent support group, call family court and focus on how to create a good life for your children. I just got divorced in December 2009 - send me a message offline if you have more specific questions. And good luck.

Child support is not an option, it is a necessity. The kids need food, clothes, a home, water, electric...... Also, if you ever need government help, they will go to him. He's an idiot.
If he is that big of a jerk, his not talking to you would be a blessing. Not having to pay child support won't make him a better father or ex.

my ex tried that BS with me and i tried to see if he would do what he was supposed to do and he didn't and i still ended up having to take him to court! if your childs father is reliable then i say give it a chance but the fact that he's threatenting you about it means that he going to do for those kids when HE feels like it! Because a real man knows that it takes money to raise children. Now this is just my opinion but i say take him to court. they usually get over it. it may take him awhile but he will get over it and if he doesn;t oh well! Good luck

Never talks to you again why would you want him to?Protect your kids this is in their best intrest,you don't have to say anything to the court in regards to his wants just let them know the truth and what your going through.I'm sure it won't pretty,is he planning on filing for sole custody of the kids is that his reason for not wanting to pay for child support?

Hi B.,

I know that in the moment when someone makes a threat like that, all you think about is the damage it could do. However, in situations like this it isn't unusual for people to make threats to simply intimidate another person. I agree with most of the posts...don't allow him to intimidate you and don't let emotions rule you (I know it is hard, but try to figure out what helps you best with this). This is more of a...business transaction at this point even if it doesn't feel like it because it is about taking care of your children, which just happens to be a side effect of whatever brought you two to this point.

When I went through this, I had a very good life long friend that was a lawyer and when I was trying to be "fair" about things...he was very gracious to me in pointing out that when, as a parent, you don't ask for child support or provisions for your child(ren) and their future it only hurts and makes things hard on the child and is in a sense selfish. We don't want to deal with the drama...the aftermath and consequences, but sometimes we have to face them head on. There are times to let some things go when it comes to avoiding drama, but this is not one of them. Who will suffer if you don't have enough money for food, clothing, to pay bills, for shelter? Your children will and you will have to be the one to tell them that there are activities or things they can't do or worse...needs that won't be met. Do not let fear or intimidation cause you to begin making a deep financial hole for yourself. You suffering also means your children suffer. A more stressed you means stress for your children too.

Figure out what you need to do to take the emotion out of this for you...be fair, not vindictive, and honestly think about the needs of your children and their future. Do not try to explain this to your ex because he is not in a place to understand right now. As hard as it is, keep moving forward and limit conversations with him to only what is absolutely necessary and do not even warrant threats with a response.

I hope the best for you. Stay encouraged.

In NH before you get a divorce you will have to have a parenting plan for visitation, who will get the kids on holidays, where the drop up and pick up is and all that other stuff. Then you will also need to have the uniform support order (child support) in place. You will not be able to tell a judge that you don't want any child support. You two can play nice and come to an agreement on the amount and the judge will most likely agree to it as long as its fair and that way you will not have to come up with all the financial proofs. You will still have to fill out the paperwork but they won't follow up with it if everyone agrees. A lawyer would be the best way to go but if you can to some kind of agreement it would make life much easier and the judge would be more willing to work with you if he/she sees the parents working together. Below are the parenting plan and uniform support order forms for you to take a look at and the link to the NH courts that could help out a bit. I have been through this before so I know what you are going through.

http://www.courts.state.nh.us/fdpp/forms/index.htm
http://www.courts.state.nh.us/forms/nhjb-2064-fs.pdf
http://www.courts.state.nh.us/forms/nhjb-2066-fs.pdf

Get a lawyer and go to court if you have to. Your ex helped to bring these children into the world and should be helping to care for them whether you are together or not. They are his responsibility as well as yours. If he chooses not to speak to you, so be it.

My parents divorced when I was young and my father tried to get out of paying support. It did get ugly at times, but my mother kept it between them. It was years later that I found out what happened then. My father showed us his true colors on his own. If you are worried about making your ex look bad in front of your kids don't. He will show them his true self soon enough.

So he's threatening YOU so he doesn't have to support his KIDS. Wow. I'm glad for you all that he's going to be your x.

What makes you think that he's your friend anyway? Or that he's going to be around to take care of the kids? He is threatening you and abandoning his responsiblity to provide for his children. What kind of relationship are you hoping for?

I'm on your side, sister. Stand up to him, drag his butt to court and force him to take responsibility for your kids. Yes, there might be drama. Your kids need that money, though, and he owes it to them. Tell me honestly that he's going to be a stellar dad with no drama even if you don't do this! He's going to be drama for the long haul. At least this way you'll have a solid roof over your kids' heads. Do not let this jerk bully you!

He is threatening you in order to manipulate and intimidate you. Don't allow this to continue. The more someone tells you not to get a lawyer, the more you need one. I'm not sure why he thinks it would be so terrible if he never talks to you again - it sounds like everything he says is designed to hurt you anyway. It's already getting plenty ugly so getting a lawyer isn't going to make it worse.

Your children deserve one parent who will advocate for them and their rights. That's going to be you. The children come first. Child support is not a choice, it is a responsibility. The court will order him to pay it. If he refuses, the state can take it out of his paycheck and send it to you directly. It doesn't matter if he says he doesn't want to see the kids - he still has to pay for their support.

I'm not sure how old your children are so how much drama they experience will be largely based on their ages as well as the behavior of both parents. If your ex puts the kids in the middle and starts telling them you're mean or that he doesn't love them or whatever, then he's not the sort of person who is going to behave properly if you do what he wants. Do not listen to him! Get a really good divorce attorney. Sometimes the ex even has to pay reasonable legal fees, especially if he does stupid things to drag it out and run up your bills.

There is also mediation, which is less expensive because both spouses use the same mediator who tries to work out a sensible solution. You could consider that - your ex doesn't sound like he's very reasonable, but he might go for something less expensive that at least has the appearance of not involving a lawyer. The mediator is usually a lawyer but sometimes a counselor who then sends the agreement to a lawyer to be filed with the court.

Ask your friends for recommendations - ask them to ask their friends who have been divorced too. You can also consult a clergy member if you are part of a house of worship, or your towns Family Service office.

DO NOT wait for your ex to become reasonable, and do not engage in these conversations if he is just harassing you. Also, do not have the conversations in front of your kids, and insist that he not do it either.

Good luck.

GET A LAWYER NOW!!! Mr X needs to pay child support. Who cares if he talks to you again??? Take care of yourself and children. Keep the kids away from the drama by not talking about such things in front of them.

You don't get child support for you,,,it is for the child. Not that you will necessarily have to apply for assistance, but if you do they will go after the dad for support anyway. It is in the best interest of your child to go for support.
Lots of luck
B.