My Three Year Olds Fits

C.,
My son went through a fit phase when he was two. I'd leave the room and he'd just get louder or follow me.
I started just going into my bedroom and locking the door. For a while he'd scream, hit the door and generally freak out. I think it made things better because not only did he realize that I wasn't coming out until he chilled out but it also gave me a minute to lay on my bed, close my eyes and chill out myself.
Good luck to you C..

A TECNIQUE THAT I USE IN MY DAYCARE HAS WORKED WONDERS FOR ME. ONE OF MY DAYCARE KIDS, WHO IS A 3 YR OLD GIRL, WAS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THROWING FITS AND THE TIMEOUTS ONLY SEEMED TO MAKE IT WORSE. I HAD GOTTEN THIS IDEA IN ONE OF MY CLASSES.

THE IDEA OF IT IS TO STEER AWAT FROM DISCIPLINE AND MOVE TOWARDS GUIDANCE. SET UP A SMALL ARE A IN YOUR HOUSE(MINE IS IN A CORNER), MAKE IT COMFY WITH SOME PILLOWS ON THE FLOOR. KEEP A BAG OR A BOX WITH QUIET THINGS FOR YOUR CHILD TO DO IN IT, SUCH AS BOOKS, STUFFED ANIMALS AND HEADPHONES WITH CALMING MUSIC. WHEN SHE STARTS THROWING ONE OF HER FITS, PUT HER ON THE PILLOWS AND GIVE HER THE QUIET BAG, LET HER DO WHAT SHE WANTS WITH IT. THE ULTIMATE GOAL HERE IS TO KEEP THINGS CALMER AND TO EVENTUALLY TEACH HER THAT WHEN SHE STARTS GETTING MAD, INSTEAD OF THROWING A FIT, SHE GOES THERE TO COOL OFF. IT HAS WORKED FOR ME, THERE IS LESS STRESS FOR HER, THE OTHER CHILDREN AND FOR ME. GOOD LUCK!

I would highly recommend reading Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. It has a lot of insight about kids like yours. My daughter was very much the same and that book helped immensely.
W. Jones
Breastfeeding Educator
http://www.mosaicbaby.com

C.
I have a reward system in my family. We have a board that you put stickers and when they are good they get a sticker and after 20-30 stickers they get a small toy or candy. With my 3 year old she can save her stickers and get to go out to eat with mom and dad for a special dinner. That seems to work very well and she can get stickers for cleaning her romm or doing thing she is not told to do and also for doing things when she is told.
My friend has these troubles and she uses "Mrs. Manners" and this also helps in my house. Mrs. Manners comes to houses of naughty boys and girls and she teaches them how to be good boys and girls. When my daughter gets into trouble and I can't get her to calm down we call Mrs.Manners and Lauren has to tell her what she did wrong and Mrs. Manners tells her that if she does not mind her mommy and daddy that she will have to come and live with Mrs.Manners. My friends and I each take turns being Mrs.Manners but it always helps our kids and it makes it easier for your child to calm down and tell Mrs. Manners what is wrong and why they are throwing a fit.
Hope this helps
A. B

Ah, welcome to the terrible threes! Often kids skip the twos and do the tantrums at three. This happened to me also. If you ignore her for long enough, it will stop, but you have to be able to get up and walk away from her. This means that you can't be watching tv, but you could be folding laundry or maybe go in the kitchen and put the gate up so she can't follow you. It may even take a couple of hours at a time for her to scream it out. It does work, but you have to be consistent and firm. If you want to do the bedroom idea, this also works, but you have to close the door so she can't get out. I made the mistake of trying too many different options with my daughter so, even though I thought I was giving her sufficient time with each one, it really wasn't. You really need to block out your days to nip this in the bud. Every time she does this, let her have her fit, but ignore it and move away so she cannot hurt you. After she's all done, she will either be asleep, or calmed down enough for you to talk about it. I wish you luck!

I find that my kids tend to act out more when they're not getting the one-on-one attention they need from me. A lot of times when my kids want this or want that, what they really want is me. Also, a big part of discipline is prevention. Does she tend to throw fits more right before bed, or before meals? It could be she's hungry or tired. Also, don't give up on time outs. Time outs should be in a corner or on a little bench, mat or cushion on the floor. That way she has to stay put. If she gets out, put her back. Tell her once why she's in time out and set the time for 3 minutes (one minute for every year).

Have you tried to get her to communicate why she is upset?

I've found discussing the root problem to the meltdown to be very beneficial with my DD. Also, what is your approach when you say "she doesn't get her way"? Are you telling her no to something, or are you saying no to one thing, but offering an alternative?

For example, my dd may have a melt down because I've asked her not to throw her toys at the window.... but I will say "Mommy would like you to not throw your toys at the window, but you are welcome to throw them outside".

I've found giving an alternative, versus a no only approach is very helpful.

i have a daughter the same age she will be 4 in january and she does the same thing so what i do is take away her favorite things that she likes the most and tell her she can't have it back until she stops or when she wants to go off with me i tell she can't go no where until she stops she has lost a lot of her toys and she has now relized that mommy don't play and has quited down some. there are some days where she throws her fits but there are alot of days that it is also quite around the house

Raising the Spirited Child is fantastic, as is another book Called Parenting with Love and Logic ( can't remember the author). My six year old was like that when she was three, and boy do I wish I had read these books earlier. One of the techiniques I have used is giving lots of choices. You can give ridiculous choices, and always have to give choices that you can live with, but it truly works. For instance, if she always has a fit when you tell her to put a toy away, say to her, would you like to put that toy away now, or would you like to put it away in five minutes ( of course you ask five minutes early). Or if she doesn't like to share, you ask her if she would like to share the toy, or put it away for later. The trick is just phrasing everything as a choice, and giving her a little empowerment....As for time outs, they never worked for me, but you can try give her the choice of using her words, or going somewhere until she is ready too. Another thing that has been suggested to me, which I haven't tried, is to get a mini-trampoline for them to jump on when they are mad, so that they get out the angry energy......

Good Luck! N.