Mysteriously Missing Wedding Gifts

Wow, what a hard place to be. I would have friends work towards finding out if a gift was brought.

Such as: ask Susie to ask Helen, who knows Helen well, "what did you get XXX for a wedding gift, I still need to send something?" It will open the line of communication to find out if Helen brought something or was she expecting the shower gift to cover it all...I would just have friends ask in round about ways that didn't mention anything at all about no gifts at the wedding.

I love Toni V. suggestion...and this is coming from the one who hates to send thank you cards *but did for my wedding and such).

Send a thank you for coming to the wedding card...

I would contact the hall and the caterer and let them know what she thinks may have happened and ask that they talked to everyone who worked at her wedding. It is doing them a favor because no one want a thief working for their establishment.

As for the thank you note, if she didn't get a gift or card, she could just write:

Thank you for coming to our wedding, we appreciate your friendship and love more then you know.

If someone does ask about their gift and you didn't get one, tell them that there was a theft at the reception and you didn't want to spoil the day or upset anyone.

Blessings.....

Stolen gifts are actually very common ...

First I would double check every family member and the hall to make sure that the gifts are tucked away somewhere. If she used a wedding planner, they should've made sure that the gifts were secured.

As for the Thank You cards, she can't thank them for the gifts, but she can Thank them for sharing her day. That's what I would do. That way their effort is acknowledged. If a guests calls and asks about 'How do you like your silver vase?' she'll just respond with. 'oh, I don't think I recieved it. .. to tell you the truth, we think some of the gifts were taken during the reception, but we don't know what to do about it. If you could please let me know what you sent, send a receipt, etc. then we can put together a report with the hall.'

The word should be put out through the network of friends and family. Mom of bride and groom can call relatives, friends can call other firends. They can say something like: "can you blieve it seems clear that a bunch of wedding gifts/cards went missing at Sally & Joe's wedding - mom said that Uncle Bill commented about a generous gift but Sally never got it. Can you imagine? So i fyou wrote a check you should check to see if it's been cashed or not..." And see what happens. Bummer dude!

Don't assume the gifts were stolen... Traditional manners & etiquette says a guest has 1 year to give a wedding gift and still be considered polite.

If she is thinking of filing a police report, then she could send a note to all her guests saying that she fears some gifts were stolen, that they plan to make a police report and to apologize if someone didn't receive a thank-you note... However, she should send that note after all her thank you notes are done so the guests who didn't get a thank you know their gift was stolen. Of course, it then puts the guest in the awkward position of feeling like they ought to provide a 2nd gift--which Miss Manners would frown on, because the guest should not be made to feel awkward.

This has only been a week ago. Chances are the gifts and cards are someplace - like in a hotel room, someone's car, still at the reception hall, limo,etc. You remember how crazy that night was for you, right?! I didn't even know where my purse was the next morning! I bet they turn up.

So, I would wait at minimum another week or two before I do anything regarding thank you's. I would be calling frantically to every person at every place they were - halls, hotels, people who helped transport gifts, etc.

I would NEVER ask someone if they gave a gift.

If they don't turn up, I would repost this in a couple weeks and we can go from there! I think it is safe to wait a few weeks to write the thank you's - I know I don't receive thank you's for quite a few weeks after a wedding. A possible solution is writing a thank you for coming, sharing in their special day, etc. You can tweak each card for an "unknown gift" to be tasteful. Or, if a month goes by and the gifts don't turn up, she could always tell the members the truth......I would probably prefer a generic thank you, though. It would break my heart knowing they didn't get to enjoy my gift. Such a hard choice!

I bet they turn up - fingers crossed!!

Who was in charge of securing these items? Talk with them about what they did and where they might be. Was there a wedding planner? Who kept the guest book? Who was assigned to be in charge of cleaning up the venue? Someone may have stuck them in a bag and ended up in someone's trunk or something. Where did the flowers from the ceremony end up? That might also be a logical place to check out.

Also, remember that gift givers have an entire year past the wedding date to give a gift. Not everyone brings the gift to the ceremony. They may have bought something at a store where she was registered and it just hasn't been delivered yet.

Do what Metro Mom advises.

I bet you that all of those cards are sitting in someone's car or are in a purse or a gift bag from someone else & just haven't been found yet. I mean, it's certainly POSSIBLE for someone from the establishment to have taken them, but that would be assenine indeed. Have her call around to all of her bridesmaids, her mom, her new MIL, even the limo company in case they got left in the back, and the establishment itself & see if anyone was helping clean everything up & they might have the key to the problem!

You make sure to tell everyone when you are done sending cards that you wrote a card for every gift that "made it to you". This gives the impression that some gifts M. have not actually have gotten to you and your spouse.

Honestly, someone most likely took the cards. It happens more often than you would think.

I would strongly suggest that she call the catering hall and speak with the manager. They she should start making a few phone calls to people who would not be offended by beings asked "Did you write me a check b/c I think it was stolen?" People need to "stop payment" on checks. For those who gave cash, that just stinks b/c it's pretty much gone.

Not sure how to word it, but she may want to have her mother do a mass mailing to family and friends that the card box was thefted and that the givers need to cancel the checks immediately- please do not send another gift, but want you to be aware. Most will resend or call to see if the bride received their gift.

When we got married, we didn't cash the checks for nearly a month (wrote the thank you's though) and started getting calls from people who were attempting to balance their checkbooks!

are you sure she was given these "said" gifts?, etiquette says you have up to 1 year to give one. I would wait and see if someone asks, and if she didn't recieve a gift from that person then she would know "they" were missing and that would help to break the ice. Is there a family member who could ask another person what they gave ?

If you feel comfortable enough to ask your family member or close friend, then I would. I wouldn't wait any longer because if they were taken you will more likely be able to find them if less time has past. We too worried about something like this happening so we had a spot light on our table.

I hope they are found.

I would just say "I had someone give me a card for my wedding, and unfortunately it went missing. I just wanted to make sure the same thing happened to you because I don't want you to feel slighted if you don't get a thank you card since I don't know who gave me what since things were taken.

My sister had an issue like this at her wedding - some cards appeared to be missing - and my Mom called each person and asked them. I thought it was totally rude and tacky...so I don't recommend that route.

If they are close friends - I might ask and phrase it more like "We think a bunch of cards were stolen by the staff" - and do it in an email - not face to face. That way the individuals aren't "on the spot" to answer right away...it's tough no matter how you look at it.

Good luck.

We've been to several weddings in the past few years where our "gifts" have not been acknowledged. Several were actual gifts and others monetary gifts. I figured that the monteary gifts were stolen, but know that the actual gifts were received, just not acknowledged. Is it just lack of social etiquite? In this day and age, lack of manners is not unheard of. I however would probably follow Krista's advice. Nine years later, I still don't know if my nephew received the very generous gift we gave. Of course, we have never received a thank you for any of the birthday or Christmas gifts that we have sent his children either.

I would enlist in another person who knows the people whose gifts are in question. Have them mention to one of these people who she is "sure" would give a gift that their own gift went missing and that they hope no one else's did...then hopefully that other person will say, "Oh well they got my _____ right?" Then they will know for sure that something is missing. That really sucks if someone took her stuff, I had an ex boyfriend who did this to a family member and I didn't know until afterwards... he opened several cards and took the ones with cash in them. Great guy huh?

I don't think that I would address it at all.....but that is just me. If they don't get a thank you card and wonder why - maybe they will ask. I don't know - you are really stuck between a rock and a hard place. I would be kind of irritated if someone sent out a mass e-mail to me about a gift that I might or might not have even given, but on the other hand, I would want to know if someone did not get the gift I gave, but then I would feel obligated to buy another gift and if I were the bride I would not want anyone to feel obligated to spend more $ on a gift when they already spent $ on a gift......see what I mean about a rock and hard place?

Sorry you are in this position!

This is why I do not want gifts brought to the ceremony for mine, I would rather them sent to my home, or MIL's home. Contacting the wedding planner would be a good start she probably either works there or has a good working relationship with the staff and she may have a good way of handeling this issue. If that is not an option then you should send out an email advising of the issue, that you need to know what the item/gift was so you can add it to the police report and file a report.