Nanny Issues. Would like Advice. Long Post, Sorry.

If your kids get cold sores, that's a form of oral herpes and they will have it for life. Not the end of the world, but a nanny should know better. I would probably fire her for that. If you're not interested in firing her, then it seems like you will have to pick your battles carefully. Perhaps make a list of your dissatisfactions, then rank them from most important to least important. Then, address the first few. Once those are handled, then you can address a few more, etc..
As far as her doing too much housework, can you find her something else to work on? Our nanny does not wash our clothes, we're too picky. But, she does fold them and does a great job. She doesn't wash our dishes either, but she does unload the dishwasher. Occasionally we ask her to do other little projects during naps like organizing things or putting things in boxes to be taken to storage. Maybe your nanny could do some projects for you. That way you're channelling her energy. By the way, how does she have time to do all that stuff with 3 children to watch? That seems kind of surprising to me, especially if she's only part time. Oh, by the way, are your milk/meat dishes clearly labled? Do you think you could put the smaller toys away for safe keeping when she comes over? Good luck!

Sounds like a goofball who doesn't respect your wishes, or your children's health. Can she handle a true emergency? I'd send her packing.

I've run into the very same issues, especially with household stuff. I really don't like other people doing my laundry or my children's, but I do expect the kids' toys to be put away in the correct spot, sorted daily, taken good care of and cleaned periodically. You're trying to allow the good (she loves the children) to outweigh the annoying (she doesn't do the dishes right) - which is a smart thing to do. My husband put it into perspective for me once by saying: what's the most important quality in someone watching your children? are the dishes worth loosing that quality? This is especially true if she's just part time.

However, if she doesn't possess what's most important to you OR you find yourself dreading her coming, then you may want to take time to find someone else while she's still helping you. If you decide to no longer use her, then consider letting her go under circumstances unrelated to her - lack of money for instance - can't afford her anymore, etc. so that if you need someone in a pinch, you still have her as a resource to draw on, she knows you and your children well and you said you trusted her. And, if a new person doesn't work out, she may still be there to draw on...

I think that the familiarity of being with a family for a few years often allows the defences to drop and people stop 'being on their toes' when they're around one another. Her 'not so great' qualities are now really showing, she's treating you more like a friend than a boss, and it may (or may not) be time to find fresh help.

Good luck with the decision. It's never easy having someone else in your home, let alone taking care of your children.

Your health issue alone is non-debatable. As another poster has pointed out, cold sores are a lifelong illness which she is freely passing along despite your warnings not to. If one of your children were allergic to peanuts and this nanny fed them peanuts, would you keep her around? Would you keep a friend around who ignored your children's needs?

The religious issue is a whole other matter and it is wrong for her to be so disrespectful.

As others have stated, she is your employee first. It sounds like you have made your wishes clear and she has ignored them. She also doesn't seem to worry about hurting your feelings or making your kids sick. It's her listening skills that need work, not your "nice" skills. Find another part-time nanny now (college students are nice too, and they play and feed with kids just fine) and then let her know that your childcare needs have changed.

That would drive me NUTS. I hate to say it, but the dishes issue is a pretty big deal. It is a religious choice and anyone coming into your home, especially on a regular basis should be respecting that choice. My mom would have KILLED any babysitter who washed our meat dishes with our milks. I remember making that mistake...only once...and I'm her kid.
If I were you I would sit her down with a list of rules of the house. If she can't respect those rules with regards to household chores, then she needs to know that she is not to preform them. You really should be firm about it. Yes she's great with the kids, but look also at the cost financially. Replacing valves and straws, replacing clothes because what she is doing can ruin clothes, replacing toys, doctors visits and perscriptions, and I dont know how religious you are but replacing dishes when mixed up can really add up. Just because she's good with the kids, she obviously does not respect your home, or you seeing that she doesn't listen when you ask her not to do something. Give her the chance to change, but if she refuses, I wouldn't keep her around. You need someone you can truely trust in all aspects of your home while you are not there. If she cant properly take care of the home the way you want it (even though it's not part of her job) how can you expect her to properly take care of a potentially tough situation with your kids the way you expect her to?

I agree with a previous post - you are her employer. You need to tell her what she should and should not do and a discipline system. And if you decide, 3 strikes, that's it, fire her. I know it is hard as nanny's who treat your children very well are hard to come by. But on the other hand, it sounds like she is making more mess than helping you. Or like another post, can you tell her some things to secifically do? Good luck.

I've had the same (and only) nanny for three years. We have a great relationship b/c we respect each other as people and have both an employee/employer relationship and a friendship that has developed over the years. She would NEVER disrespect my wishes. She offers advice and often times I take it - after all, she's been with many many kids over 20 years, she knows her stuff. That aside, the nanny is YOUR employee and needs to do things YOUR way. If you really want to keep her it is time to tell her she needs to start doing things the way you would like or you will have to disolve the relationship. Good nanny or not, you're not happy. Good luck!