Nannying and Being Part of Kids Lives

I am a children's grief counselor. I think it's great you want to know more about how to talk to the girls about thier dad. It is important at their ages that they have someone they can talk to and they know they are not going to upset that person. They may be afraid to talk to mom because they feel they are responsible to help mom keep it together. However, before you do any of the following, clear it with mom first. She may also want to be a part of it. There are several things you can do with them, including reading books about the cycle of life, watching movies and talking about them, and doing crafts. One book I would suggest is called The Fall of Fready the Leaf. Disney movies often have an orphan or death in them -- think Lion King, Bambi, Snow White, Cinderella, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. You can watch these and talk about how real life kids can cope with the death of a parent. Crafts you can do include planting a seed in a pot they decorate themselves and talking about life cycles of all living things. They can make a scrapbook with you of pics and things that remind them of dad. Decorate a keepsake box. For other ideas or to get them into counseling or sign them up for a free summer camp for kids who have lost a loved one, I would suggest going to www.annieshope.org. Good luck.

Have you talked to the mother about it to see what her thoughts are?

Hi M.,
As a former nanny myself, and as a mother now, my only advice would be to talk to the mother FIRST, before you start delving into personal family matters and playing the role of counselor with the children.
You need to be aware of their religious beliefs, what they believe about life and death, what happens to us after we die, etc. Those are the kinds of things the kids may ask-- "where did daddy go?"
For an example-- You don't want to start talking about reincarnation if the family doesn't embrace such a thing.
So I'd talk to the mother, ask her if she minds you talking about the issue with her children if they should start to ask you questions, and if she says yes, ask her how SHE explains it to her children, and make sure that your beliefs are in line with hers. You don't want to say anything contradictory to the mother.

T.
T

I am sorry for thier loss and they are blessed to have someone like you who cares beyond her duty to help them through it all. The children should feel welcome to speak to you openly. Just make sure you keep the lines of communication open by telling thier mother about all conversations, so that she is aware of thier feelings. They may not want to burden thier mother with their thoughts and feelings, I am sure they are aware that she is mourning her loss too. Just be an open communication tool for the family as they request it. If mom has any ill feelings towards this she will tell you the first time you come to her and respect you for telling her what is going on with her daughters. Just make sure to follow her lead from there. Personally, I would be grateful for the day to day help and pleased beyond reason that someone would care for my family enough to listen to my children in thier time of grief and need. Just be there for them...
I will keep you in my prayers...and remember that you are a blessing to them!

M.

I LOST MY MOTHER AT 7. SINCE IT WAS SUICIDE NO ONE TALKED ABOUT HER AFTER SHE DIED. JUST FOLLOW THEIR CUE. IF THEY WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM THEN DO. BEING A NANNY MAKES YOU CLOSER THEN MOST. I WAS ONE MYSELF FOR SEVERAL YEARS. EVERYONE GRIEVES DIFFERENTLY. GOOD LUCK