Need Direction - Barnegat,NJ

Okay, take a breath. Close your eyes and relax those back muscles. They are really not supposed to be touching the ear lobes all the time....

I know how hard it is to be so overwhelmed. I feel a lot of stress like this too. We are not super humans. We are women so God's next best thing to a super hero.

I want you to take some time today and make some calls. There should be some state agencies that offer assistance to families with handicapped children. We get respite vouchers from the State of Oklahoma for parents of children with handicaps or grandparents raising grandchildren. Our program is handled through OASIS.

We get $300 to pay someone to come in a "babysit" the kiddo's so we can take a break. They can be the neighbor, a child care center that will accept the vouchers (They work just like a check but it is from the state instead of you), a family member, etc....

We also got on the waiting list for the state program that offers assistance to children with developmental disabilities. Ours is managed through DDSD/OKDHS, Developmental Disabilities Service Division of Oklahoma Department of Human Services. They can offer a person who can come into the home and work on goals/strategies to help your child learn new skills, work on personal hygeine, etc...having a handicapped child is hard enough without hubby's personality adding more.

He needs to have a case manager at the local mental health clinic. We are low income, on SSDI, so we qualify for free mental health care. The grandson we are raising has sensory issues and since he is receiving services we each have case managers so we can discuss our issues and how his issues are being an influence. Talk about being the caregiver of the "bad kid". I know that feeling very well.

So, there are resources out there so you can have an easier life. Without the mental health facility helping us out to pay someone to lay the free carpet we got it would still be laying on the floor rolled up, without the case managers offering assistance and support I would be bald from pulling all my hair out, without the vouchers from the state I would probably be a run away, hiding from the family so I could have a quiet moment. Find and use these resources. By using them you are providing them with jobs that pay for their homes and groceries for their families, you are keeping the economy going.

Use the resources before someone comes along and sees a piggy bank sitting around in some state budget.

Places with openings include nursing homes, fast food restaurants, and temp. agencies. Lawn care companies hire workers for the summer. At this point, no one can be picky. A paying job is what you and the kids ages 16+ need.

I suggest moving somewhere that is right on a bus route. Public transportation is cheap and reliable. There are even government programs that will give you bus passes to look for work and get to work.

There are free job training programs, some by the government. They give employers tax breaks to hire people from the program.

I would not believe any work from home ads. Those jobs are very rare and go to established employees who have proven themselves. With 7 kids and a grandchild, I do not see how you could get anything done at home. Employers will feel the same way. And even those who work from home have to come in twice a month or more.

I understand you want things to change. I believe they can, but it will take hard work and everyone pulling together. It might mean taking 2 parttime jobs and having the kids pitch in more.

When I quit my job 12 years ago to become a stay at home mom, I wondered how would we manage with one income. I braced myself for the unknown, not knowing if it would be harder than I imagined. Initially, it was a struggle because here I was taking care of a newborn baby and for the first time in my marriage really seeing where the money went. Before our baby was born, we didn't make poor choices but we without a doubt spent our earnings differently. So, I began looking very closely at what money was coming in and where it was going and decided that change needed to take place so that we could maintain me staying at home because it was something I wanted more than anything. You cannot turn back and undo the damage of your poor decision making but you can start today to begin making things better. My best advice would be to look at all of your expenses first. What is absolutely necessary and what can you do without either for good or for a short duration of time {think: NEEDS vs. WANTS). We didn't make a lot of long distance calls so we cut out our long distance plan. We only used our cell phone at the time for emergency purposes only (we only had one cell phone at the time) so we got a cheaper plan which meant less minutes BUT it was for emergencies only, after all. Magazine subscriptions, my favorite mail order coffee (the brands at the grocery store worked just fine) ~ these were things we eliminated. When grocery shopping, I stopped buying paper plates, paper towels, plastic cups, and I started to use coupons. We had numerous credit cards between the two of us, some with balances most without, but we downsized our credit cards. We decided to keep one that is joint and one for each of us that is in our own name. It's good to have credit cards for emergencies, but they can get you into trouble. Don't rely on them for back up BUT if you have to use them, have a plan to pay them off in a reasonable period of time by committing to make a sizable payment on them each month. Jobs are hard to find these days, I understand that very much but don't allow yourself to become discouraged.

Look at other areas of spending like eating out and if hubby eats out for lunch, encourage him to pack a lunch instead. You'd be surprised how much money you save when you brown bag your lunch each day. As for your children asking you why your family can't be like others. Well, you may need to hear this: children are masters at manipulation and this is her way of telling you she wants something and is willing to make you feel guilty for not getting it for her. I promise you that if you had all the money in the world to spend on your children, there would still be that ONE thing they want still. My kiddos tell me all the time how "all the other kids have {you fill in the blank}...." I could care less what other families have and what other kids have. They are not my family or my kids. Were not living in a mansion but we are not poor either and one day your children will be old enough to move out and buy all the things they feel they were deprived of. Give your children love, nurture them, protect them, feed them well, keep them warm and dry and forget about all the stuff they want. Start today by making wise choices and in time you will see things improve.

Register at an office temp agency. They can assess your office and computer skills and some might be willing to offer you free training to make you more marketable. If you do well, they will start placing you with jobs according to your availability and salary (part time, full time, work at home, 2 days in one office, 1 day in another). As for your children, let them know you made some mistakes, you guys don't have alot of money right now, but if you guys work together and support one another, things will turn around. As for friends, join a mommy group at the community center, church or library near you. Get to know some of the moms but don't unload on them. A mom with the kind of things you are going through are big turn offs for most people, until they get to know you.

Hi R. ~ Sorry your life is so hectic. The only legit work from home jobs that I know of are the direct sale companies like Scentsy, Athome America, lia sophia, silpada, 31 just to name a few although those really aren't work from home because it does require that you have bookings/parties but you can schedule those when you want on your own time. You can also check out liveops.com they were featured on the news & on msn money awhile back. HTH Good luck!

R.,
Don't give up....go to www.thesellingdivas.com here you will find a great group of women that can help you find the right home based business for you.
good luck in your quest.
I. Kohut

In this world of "I need more" it is imperative to teach our children what is really important. Speak with your children about your values and need vs. want. Give your children extra love, kisses and happy faces, hug them and tell them how important they are to you. This is what the kids will remember when they get older. I can speak from experience.
I, myself grew up in a VERY poor home. What I remember was my mom making our toast pink with sugar sprinkles and our eggs green with food coloring. I remember her listening to my opinions and respecting as many as she could within her means. Love and consideration for your family will go a long way when there is nothing else.

Please don't be hard on yourself mommy u done so much in being there for your child and your husband u can't do it all. It will come to u when your ready for it. Yo have enough on your plate already. You should look for support groups in your area too which will help u to see your not alone.