Needed down Time

If you limited the time you lay down with her, you'd have a pretty good chunk of down time. She is old enough to go to sleep on her own.

Two suggestions.
#1. Make dinners for the week on Sunday and freeze. It may seem like a pain in the beginning but it really does make all the difference Monday-Friday. Your daughter can help.
#2. Your daughter needs to learn to go to sleep by herself. If you put her in bed at 8:30 and leave the room, you will have an extra hour to yourself.
I also was a single mom but with a small boy. He stayed with my parents while I was at work. I made the mistake of staying with him until he fell asleep. I did this out of guilt for working all day and only being with him at nights and weekends. It was bad for both of us. I had no down time and he had not learned to comfort himself to sleep. This lasted until he was 6!!!! With my 2nd son, I started from the beginning that he was able to calm himself to sleep. It's going to be a hard pattern to break for both of you.
Good Luck!!

C.,
I give you a lot of credit being a single parent. I don't think I could do it. My evenings are very similar; not much time for much else. I'm sure you enjoy the time being with your daughter until she falls asleep but I found that if I can leave the my 3-year old's room between 8pm and 8:30pm. I have a whole hour to myself everyday.
Good luck,
D.

Good for you for having a routine. As exhausted as you are, have you tried some kind of exercise routine? Yoga looks deceptively easy but is really a very excellent form of exercise. Some gyms have babysitting rooms -- even on the weekend if you went you might have some time with other ladies. Or try an aerobics class or swimming.

I do tae kwon do, and on nights where my husband's asleep I bring the boys and they play games or read in the dojang while I practice (they're not interested). Sometimes whole families sign up for tae kwon do and kids as young as four practice with the whole family.

I know it sounds crazy to suggest exercise when you already do so much, but I know that ladies who do exercise will vouch for the fact that after a good workout, you can feel so relaxed!

you really need down time! First things first, your daughter can put herself to sleep. She's 4. Maybe put her to bed at 8:00, read 1 or two stories and then she is on her own. Believe me it's not mean or selfish, it's a privledge your daughter should have. It will give her independence and you some C. time!!!!! It will be very hard at first but stick to it, explain what is going to happen before you drop her off in the morning, repeat it when you pick her up and do exactly as you told her you would, say it all without sounding sad, just be matter of fact about it and do not get into bed with her again(exceptions:sickness)I have a 4 and 5 year old. My kids go to bed at 7:00 every night and I have adult time, and I love it!!!!!Good luck.

No offense, but your routine seems lovely. I envy that you have such a structured plan and that it does include, although limited, some actual quality and rest in it. As far as personal peace goes, you can't make more hours in the day, but you can schedule some different sorts of things for yourself, with a little help from someone else, so you can get away, if needed. But if you're anything like me, getting ready for, and back into the swing of things in recovery from, any sort of get away, almost cancels out the value of it.

The closest thing to a 'down-time' I personally have ever experienced with my boys, is a nightime/bedtime ritual of story in bed, all three of us cuddle up and end up falling asleep while reading. (Daddy later takes them out of the bed and puts them in their own)
:)

Maekayla's a lucky girl and your doing a good job.
good luck
~KR~

Hi, I hope you got some "YOU" time tonight. My suggestion is that on Sunday's, you make meals for the week. It may take you a few hrs, but it will save lots more time than throughout the week. While heating/warming the meals when you get home talk about your day with your daughter, and ask her about hers. Sit down and eat. After dinner, have her get a coloring book, and sit at the table while you clean up from dinner. Then bath her. This could all be done by 7pm. Play or watch a short TV show or movie(You could fold laundry, read a book, ect) while she is the one watching the movie. You could even soak your feet in a big bowl while the movie is playing. At
8pm it is off to bed, and read her 1 book. After the book, out you go.....It is 8:20pm and you have time to relax, and all your laundry folding is done, and you may do as you please.

I'm definitely in the minority here, but I think that since you aren't with her all day - it's perfectly acceptable for her to get her mommy time while she's falling asleep. I'm sure she can fall asleep on her own, but she needs some time with Mommy. As far as Me time goes, it can make you crazy to not have it and it is so important to have some time to yourself.

I like the ideas of having made some dinner for the week frozen and ready to heat. I also think that moving her bath time closer to 8 would help you. Ask your parents to make sure that she doesn't nap during the day and she should be ready for bed by 8 (even my 6 &9 year olds are asleep by 8:30).

When you leave her room, put a gentle yoga video in and do some stretching, or pop your favorite movie in - take a bath, or see if you can grab a high school kid one night a week to do the bed-time routine with her so you can have one night to yourself. It's not selfish to make time for yourself, in fact if it's affecting your parenting, it's selfish not to.

Remember that this too shall pass - soon she'll be in school and her life will change.

I understand what you're going through. I'm in the same predicament. But, my daughter's bedtime is 8:00. I lay w/her for a little while, but have gotten her in the habbit of fallen asleep on her own. (If she's sick, I will lay w/her until she goes to sleep.) This way, I have at least an hour-an hour and a half to myself to watch some tv, take a bath, or whatever. Maybe you should consider moving bedtime up by half an hour and getting her used to falling asleep on her own. Believe me, its' a big relief!!!
Let me know if it works. :)

Hi C.:

As I was reading your message I was amazed of how dedicated you are with your daughter. Kudos! I admire it and encourage you to continue doing this with her. In terms of your daughter routine I don't think there is much to say on that area. However, here are some tips on the kitchen department where I think you can save time some time to dedicate it to yourself:

On weekends- wash, cut and store you vegetables in ziplock bags to save time when preparing your salads. Also, make extra food enough to repeat the same dinner another day of the week -Eg. instead of one lasagna on Saturdays; make two and freeze one so you can heat it another day of the next week.

Have a left over day- heat up everything you have in the refrigerator and eat it that night. This save you at least one or two hours in one day.

Play and bathe- Tell your daughter that if she play; sing or watches Dora for a few minutes while you are cooking or do anything you can do while watching her, she will be able to bring her favorite toy to the bath and you will play with her during bath time.

I also suggest you that if you are a morning person rather than a night person (I sense you are a morning person like me) get up a little bit earlier and do some of your shores in the morning so when you get home in the afternoon there is less to do.

Maybe you have a friend with a son or daughter (similar age as your daughter) and you can arrange to schedule one day a week when you babysit for her and she can have an hour or two for herself and then she can do the same for you. That way you are helping a friend and when it's your turn you can pamper yourself for two hours without any remorse.

I hope these tips help you.

J., Allentown

when i leave work to get my kids, i take my time driving there. i put in my fav cd and just kinda relax while im driving. cause i know when i get them and get home, its crazy. dinner, sign home work, showers, deal with hubby having a bad day at work. or try getting her to bed early, and take a bubble bath.. that works for me..

I would just say that maybe it takes too long to get her to sleep. I mean do you want her to go to sleep at 8:30 or 9:30? I had a real hard time with bedtime because I would start the bedtime routine and 2 or 2 1/2 hours later he was finally asleep, and you're right by that point you are exhausted. I started putting him to bed on his own...this was hard the first few nights because he cried for over 20 minutes, but it only lasted a few days and now he is a dream to deal with at bedtime. I am able to put him in his bed and pat his back for a couple of minutes and then say goodnight. He doesn't get up or cry or anything...it's great! I have more time to myself or with my husband and I'm not totally exhausted. I knew I was tired and the routine wasn't working, but I didn't realize how much I really needed this time with my husband! It is also hard sometimes just because the time with him is so limited...I am currently working full time as well, so I feel guilty. But I do find that we have more fun now because I am more rested and satisfied with my personal life. Good luck! Hope this helps, I know it worked for us.

Do either of your parents drive? If so, see if they would be willing to bring her home closer to dinner time. That way you have time to relax by yourself before you start your nightly routine. Or maybe twice a month have a "sleepover at gramdma'a" so that you can have a whole night to yourself.

Hi C.!
I'm going through the same thing I getup at 7:00 have maybe 1/2 hour to myself then rush my 2 year old daughter to daycare by 8:30am to be at work for 9:00am. I get off of work at 5:00 to pick her up. By the time I get home its 5:45pm and I do the same thing as you. But my daughter always has trouble falling asleep. She is usually sleeping approx. 10:-10:15.
Sometimes I feel like I am the only one. I am glad to hear that I am not. I do have a 13 year old daughter that was so so easy. She would go to bed at 8:00 and I would be able to tuck her in and leave the room. Not this time around I have to stay by her until she falls asleep! I'm sure if we hang in there it will get better. Sometimes its so frustrating though. In your mind all you can think is when is it my turn. I have all intentions on doing my own thing after she falls asleep but then I get so tired that I dont want to do anything but go to sleep. If you happen to get any good advice please pass it along.
Thanks and good luck. K.

Hi C.!
You say your parents watch your daughter while you are at work. Talk to them about your needing down time and perhaps you can schedule one day a week that will be for you. Ask Mom if she wouldn't mind keeping Maekayla for supper and giving her the bath and then brining her home to you at a certain time. Then, after work you have the option of doing whatever your little heart desires...walk the mall, have dinner with a friend, or just go home to soak in a tub and read a book. If mom and dad are too tired to do that, maybe check with other family members. Or arrange a playdate with one of Maekayla's friends...talk to the mom and perhaps the two of you can switch off nights, allowing both of you to help eachother out!
Just some suggestions. Hope I helped you!
AMH :)

You could try to make a couple of dinners on Sunday so that during the week all you have to do is reheat them. Also try getting her in bed 30 mins earlier. Good luck.

C., Here's what I do. Take a day like Sunday, get up in the morning and cook a bunch of food. Then freeze it in portion sizes. Take it out the night before the day you want to eat it and let it defrost in the fridge. Then all you have to do when you get home from work is maybe make your vegetable. It takes a little time on the day you cook it all, but you don't have to do it that often and during the week you will have more free time. Also, even though it may be part of your bonding time, try to start getting your daughter to fall asleep on her own. Lay in the bed with her and read her a story, perhaps sing her a song, say prayers and then leave to go do your own thing. That way you have some time to yourself before you are ready for bed. Anyway, that's what I do. I have 3 year old and a 5 month old. Just some ideas. Hope this helps.

Hi! C., What kind of work do you do? I would like to share an opportunity with you that will give you all the down time you want. Along with spending more time with your daughter. This is certainly not something that would happen over night, but if you put hard work into it, it could happen pretty quickly. With all the fun you will have you might want to replace this with your current job. That is certainly up to you. I am an Independent Consultant. I have been given the opportunity to change my life. So I am sharing with everyone I know. I am in control of when I want to work, how many hours, what days etc.... If you would like, you can check out my website to see what I do. The thing that I liked was that it didn't cost me anything to get started. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

I know it's difficult, I'm a single working mother of 2. We get home around 6pm each night and I try and make a quick meal, but healthy too. I try and have that all done by 7pm. They then get into the bath and are in bed by 8pm. It's really hectic but then at 8pm I have a few hours to myself to do the things i need to do, clean, work, whatever. Why do you need to lay with your daughter for that long? I know my friend does it too and it makes it really hard for her, it takes a big part of her night away from her. Is there any way you can work on cutting that part of the night down? Maybe start reading a book in bed, turn on some soft music and have her go to sleep on her own? We do that every night and it usually works. There are the nights that my daughter just doesn't want to go to bed and she gets up about 10 times saying that she needs something else, but each time I put her right back in bed. It is getting less & less that she'll get out because she knows that she doesn't get anything out of it. Good luck!!

I have 4 kids. I had trouble putting my 3 and 4 year old to bed, too. I really try to stick to a strick routine. Bath by 7pm and if they want to play for a while I make sure they're out by 7:30pm. That 1/2 hour also gives me time to fold clothes, return phone calls, anything that can be done while still keeping an eye on them. Then get jammies on and I make them pick out their clothes for the next day to save time in the morning. I used to have them in my bed by 8pm for snack and snuggle time and then to there beds by 8:30pm. But I found I still had to lie with them in their beds until they fell asleep about 9:30. I finally came to my senses!

Here's what I would do. Let her have her snuggle time with you in your bed maybe 7:30-8pm. Let her know that this is her snuggle time with mommy so she won't expect you to snuggle with her again in her bed. Take her to the library one day and let her pick out a few CD's of kids music or books on tape and put her in her room at 8:30pm bedtime and let her listen to music instead of you lying with her. If she cries the first few days just tell her she won't be able to hear the music if she's crying! I guarantee she'll be asleep within 30 minutes. And maybe you can even move her bedtime up to 8pm to give you an extra 1/2 hour at night.

The music really worked great with all 4 of my kids. Please let me know if works out for you. Good luck! P.

You might want to consider giving her some melatonin about 30 minutes before her bedtime. It is great for helping to re-set the body clock. I've used it for my 3 1/2 yr old when the seasons change and he needs to go to bed a bit earlier.

Good Luck! Finding "me" time is tough, for sure, but so important in parenting. I suspect even more so for asingle paret since you are pulling "double duty" so to speak.

Oh do I feel your pain, I have a 5 and 7 year old, and a similar work schedule. It's dinner, homework, baths, housecleaning, family & friends stopping in, Hubby's clients popping in or calling,(Honey, help me with this) topped off by two little night owls. Thank goodness I found that one of the churches has a youth group that meets every wednesday. That has become a mix of my time and "our" time to reconnect. It's not much, but it helps regain a bit of sanity. I still can't get in bed before 11 tho.

I always worked out at a gym. I was lucky in that my employers provided a work out session at lunchtime. It was a great stress reliever and beneficial body wise that a I pursued a part time career at a women's gym. Since it was womans gym they provied daycare and actually my chilren grew up in the gym and my daughter now works there with me. Working out made my a better mommy. Also I would take my children individually to the track (weather permitting) and ran the trck with them. Just a thought. Unfortunately, when you become a parent, sacrifices are a part of the deal. No one ever said it would be easy. Hang in there,because when they get older things change.

I agree with penni m you need to limit your snuggle time and have her fall asleep on her own...I have three kids the two older ones are 5 & 3 and i put them down at 8 and i spend fifteen min with each of them...while i do this my 4 month old is asleep i put her down at 7 and i leave her in the family room so i can spend time with the other to then i relax do what i need to get done and i also get everything ready for the next day make it much easier then i feed the baby and put her down when i go to sleep around 10.

if she goes to bed at 8:30pm, you should have a few hours to yourself after that. Why are you laying down with her until she falls asleep? She's old enough to do that on her own.

I'm going through the same thing....let me know if you get any suggestions!

hey C..s
i learn that on friday or the weeken on my day off i would take time out and plane my week out and i learn this to cut time.fix all that i would like to eat for a week even if it left over .put them in a frezzer bowl or tinpan and you have your dinner for the week wear you just take down and put it wear it would throw out and heat by the time you get hom. or a crock-pot or slower cooker that work put on at night let it cook slow on low or why you at work by the time you get in dinner is done all you have to do is the othet stuff.also after each thing you do togather clean up and ask her to help make a game out of it.then you will see what free time you get.
i hope this help.

I hate to tell you but you may not get any. I am basically a single mom but married!My hubby works from 6am to 6 at night or 6 at night till morning, but gets home round 9am/pm and sleeps and I have three children which I love but it can be a handful!!! I go to this chinese acupressure place at our mall when he is off if we can afford it. You should try that one night!!!