Needing an Ear

That hard, I do understand. Thru my experiences of toubles in my life I have learned many things...
1) it's bigger than me, I might have caused it but I can't fix it. I have had to learn to ask for help from God in everything. It's actually been a life changer for me. I don't just go to him when things are bad or I need bailed our or an ear to listen to my troubles. I go to him, when something wonderful happens, and I thank him everyday for the little challenges that I overcome. It's a mind set an encorporation of him into everything and he will give you strength, patience, an understand that it's ok to not always understand. It's really nice to know that he is always there.

2) life quality is so important. make the changes you need to, to be the best mom, wife, person for yourself you can be. Obviously, you need to make money. I'm not suggesting we all quite our job becuase it isn't what we want to do. But, if ever given the choice make your decisions on your priorities (I guess first you should make a list of your priorities - and what you are willing to do to make those happen). Make sure it's all realistic and positive changes - althought we had to recude our budget like crazy for me to stay home and work versus go out and work but our life is better for it. Things like that.

3) about the smoking - I'm not one to really be sympahtic about it. My husband has battled with this for over 10 years and I'm a bit calloused towards it. With my experience (I had a eating disorder in college) my view is if I can give up food (something our body does require to live) for months on end eating only enought to survive practically then you can give up smoking. Again, I might be totally wrong here but it's about will power and inner strength. You went thru birth, you have scaraficed so much to be a wonderful mom, you are strong as proved in this expereince of your husband's job. You can do it, you just have to really want to and decided to do it. No excuses allowed, no built in back door becuase something bad happened. The end is the end and resolve to make it happen. What is the difference between quiting smoking and making sure your son has a balanced diet. Both are good for you, the difference is it's a habit and an addiction. So, quit the habit and deal with the addiction for a few weeks and then don't go back. You will quit when you find the stregth to. Again, it's a God thing with me, he can be the one to pray to when you are weak.

OK, I do hope my view point give you strength and help. You are a good mom, the love you have shows thru in your words. Everybody has hard time, not to belittle yours but to give you comfort in you are not alone. Use it to grow from, take something from it and if you go thru this without learning or growing from in, then that is what the real shame would be.

Sorry to be preachy, I hope I have not offended you. If you do need somebody to "vent" to, you can always e-mail me. :)

I'm just curious what type of job your husband does. And I know how it feels to feel like your the only one working at work.

I can understand your feelings to a certain degree. I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders because I don't think anyone else will. So I get to the emotional break down point. My advise first pray about it. God works in wonderful ways. Just remember he may not answer right a way and no is an answer. Then talk to your family. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed. They may be able to help in more ways than you know. And then some of that emotional build up will subside, because you aren't hiding it from them and you are talking about it. Good luck and also remember to focus on the good and that will make it a little easier.

Now print all this out on a piece of paper that you told us and take as you look at each problem rip part of this page you printed out. Now keep ripping aand ripping and ripping, throw all the papers (problems)in the trash; next beat on your pillow and tell it all. It is ok to cry. I do not know if your religious but pray for help and wisdom. Also pray for the courage to quit smoking. I will pray for you because I know times can be hard. I am a woman who was told that I had enough stress for thirteen people and that was before my son was kidnapped. You will make it and it's great you have a husband that stands beside you. I did not have that blessing when times became hard. I do have Heavenly Father and he not only got me though but I'm doing so much better now. Because I taught my son to pray he asked Heavenly Father to be relesed and got his answer and came back to me. Good luck

Sounds like you need a break or maybe just an unbiased friend, glad you used mamasource. I am sure you will get many a reply about smoking, but here is mine. Don't let it get to you. Now sounds like a bad time to quit. I smoked for 15 years, I quit with each preganancy and started shortly after each birth. I never smoked indoors or in my car, that made it "ok". After my third I simply never started again. My husband still does and although he wants to quit he has yet to do so. I agree that it is a mental issue and that we can always find a reason why it is not a good time. But being stressed already and adding quiting on top seems like a recipe for failure. Start small, quit smoking in your car, even if you do not do it with the baby in there with you the S. hand smoke is there. Force yourself to wait longer between smokes, look at what you are smoking now and cut it in half and STICK TO IT. Even if you watch the clock for an hour waiting until you can have that next smoke. What I did was when I wanted a smoke but it wasn't time for one I went outside and took my smoke break without a cig. Many times we just need that 5 min.
Don't beat yourself up for being down. Sure we can all look around and find people in far worse situtions but we are also surrounded by those in far better. I believe it is ok to let your guard down, to be sad/depressed just be careful you do not stay there for too long. ALways rememeber you have a little person whose life depends on you. And he will feed off your emotions, he will know when you are stressed and he will feel it and act out and cause you more stress. That is just how it works, mine are now 8, 6 and 2 and I still notice that if I am in a crappy mood they will be too, even if I think I am doing a great job masking it.
There is a lot of free support for people trying to quit smoking, I can help you find some in your area if you want. Just hang in there and vent away, it is a natural way to let go and help feel better.
This, too, shall pass!!