Neighbour Etiquette

Sounds like he is kind of rude---that would annoy me. However, I would still help him out--THAT is proper neighbor etiquette, and it always does come back around one way or the other!

He's 70 years old. You and hubby will be 70 someday.
Help him rake his yard and get his snow shoveled and if he's alone make sure to check on him.

I don't think you are being petty, but it is an opportunity to pay it forward as others have mentioned. It is never,EVER a waste of time to help someone else out in my opinion. The more we go out of our way to help others, the more we reap those kind of rewards in return. Your neighbor may not be able to rake up those pesky walnuts and husks, but you may be surprised at what other ways your relationship may become valuable. Hope this helps!

A.

Your husband doesn't mind, the neighbor is 70, let it go.

I think to an extent you are right. But he is old and maybe this is your guys way of "paying it forward"

i think your husband is lovely, and after reading your 'what happened' i think you are too!
if you were really unwilling to help the crotchety old fellow out you could point out (courteously of course) that you are already dealing with the mess from his trees. but it's so nice of your husband to just smile and comply, and it's also nice to have peace and goodwill in the neighborhood.
yes, mommyof2, i would do this in the real world. and never in the real world would i ever suggest that someone be ungracious to an elderly neighbor over something as petty as this.
this particular issue is a moot point, as i live in a rural neighborhood and would never dream of raking my beautiful leaves adorning my autumn yard in bright carpets of color, then enriching my soil. but some of us really do 'pay it forward' in other ways. not always. but often.
khairete
S.

Leslie,

AFTER READING POSTINGS THUS FAR: I am reaffirmed to see that GOOD overcomes EVIL and SELFISHNESS.

If you and your husband are the young family and your husband has the goodwill toward his elderly neighbor to help do what, perhaps, the old man can no longer do, I'd say, you have a good man....and I sincerely hope some of his goodness rubs off on you.

Blessings....

.

Sometimes our neighbor shovels our snow and rides his lawn mower over to our yard and cuts it just because. And we are in our 20's! I say help the old man, it will make you and him feel good.

Oh, for pete's sake, is there really more than one answer to this question? Apparently, because I've seen both, but the only RIGHT answer is to rake up the leaves for the man if he asks.

HE may not be right, but YOU can be right by doing the right thing. I understand your frustration...my dad is 70, and more than capable of raking, mowing, shoveling, changing a tire, and anything else he needs to do. However, not all retired people have kept themselves up. I mean, do you know he's 70, or is he maybe 80?

If it were me, I'd keep my mouth shut, rake the leaves...and to tell you the truth, I would also pick up all the nuts and throw them back into his yard. I used to have a neighbor whose dog pooped in my yard. I picked it all up and dumped it in a huge pile in their yard, often when I'm sure they saw me do it. It eventually made the point, without being confrontational.

I don't know, though...I adore and respect my senior citizens, have worked with and for them my whole life, and I'd pretty much do whatever they asked. I believe in respecting your elders.

I think your husband is right...and I totally get your frustration, but I think you just have to swallow it and do the right thing.

**Oh, and I just noticed someone else's post about an elderly neighbor mowing their lawn. We are in our 30s, and there is a WELL retired man down the street who snowblows the sidewalks for the entire block. Once I went out to put a bag of cookies in his coat pocket and he grabbed my wrist and shouted "No!" over the roar of the snowblower. I shouted back, "It's just cookies!" and he smiled and said "Oh, I'll take those!" So that's another good example. It really has nothing to do with age so much as just being helpful. Even if someone asks you to do it.

i honestly don't do the raking thing. i think it's nature and it's beautiful. and then two days later it's covered again anyway. he's 70. i would let it go.

It's once a year. Someday you'll be 70 and you will learn how hard it is to do a task a 35 year old can do in two hours.
Let your husband be a good neighbor.

LOl if the man was under 60 I'd say make him to do it himself and they need to chill. but a 70 year old man leave him alone and help him out and pray someone helps you out at that age. He probably just does not have the strength to do it all himself without giving himself a heartattack

The principal of your idea is right... it's HIS yard and he should be responsible for it... But like everyone else has said, he's old and could use the help. LOL! Although, I would be annoyed if he came over and DEMANDED you rake his yard... I'm not sure if that's the case or not, but I would probably still have hubby rake for him anyway.

He's 70.
It is the leaves from your tree.
He has a tree too.
He's 70.
He probably loves his tree.
He would not know if it irks other people, unless they told him.

Your Husband does not mind.

Um, he is 70!

Granted, his tree is dumping too but what about lending a helping hand?

Was he self-righteous or indignant about it...or was he just trying to get a helping hand?

Lesley:

Hello!! At the age of 70? I'd rake his yard either way.

We have neighbors - we pull each others trash cans up after the trash men come - it's not expected - it's just something we do when we are doing our own.

I don't think you are being a jerk or petty. You don't want your husband to be taken advantage of - but the neighbor is 70 years old - why not show your children a great example of being a neighbor and have hubby do it?!! :)

Love your neighbor and rake the leaves for him. If he asks again, cross that bridge when you come to it. People should be kind and do things for others without thinking about what they will get out of it. He is older and needs a helping hand.....GL!

M

Really? You can't pitch in and help out a 70 year old neighbor without having a chip on your shoulder? That's pretty sad. Better line up an apartment for your golden years!

Well this is my honest opinion... then I will give you my grandmothers opinion since her and I had this very same conversation not too long ago. I personally think one's yard is their own and I would never go into my neighbors yard to rake the leaves. You can not control nature and how it falls. But I feel you are responsable for your own yard.

My grandmother on the other hand goes into her neighbors yard constantly raking her yard. She is 76 and is raking the neighbors yard b/c her leaves fell into the yard. Sorry, I just think it is ridiculous that my grandmother is doing that (If I lived closer to her I would do it, but I do not). Anyways, she just firmly believes that they are her leaves so she should be the one the clean them up.

But i agree with the others. I would just help the neighbor out b/c of his age.

In the neighborhood surrounding my apartment what I see is this. The elderly are out there raking their leaves, keeping up the sidewalks and pulling weeds. They rake not only their yards but the street in front of their yards.
The younger people go out with a leaf blower and blow things around, or wait until all the leaves have fallen then rake things into the street.
I'm pleased that your husband rakes his leaves and is willing to help the neighbor. That's what being neghborly is all about. If I saw him out there doing that, I would walk up to him and compliment him. We all need to do these small things, doing them brings our communities together.

normally I would agree with you on this one. But given that your neighbor is 70, maybe he can't do it? Also, old men can be grumps! I agree his approach is not that nice, but if your husband doesn't mind, then let it go. Perhaps they may develop a friendship and maybe that is what the old man needs.

So when it's windy, does he ask the neighbors down the road to rake the leaves that blew from their trees six doors down? I'm sorry, but once the leaves fall into his yard they become "his" leaves. ;-) If your husband doesn't mind, and won't be asking your neighbor to rake the walnut tree leaves or to collect his nuts in the Fall, then I guess it's up to your husband. But your neighbor is rude to ask and should NOT expect either of you to comply. His property, his responsibility.

However: If he's willing to pay your husband, one of your children, or one of the neighborhood children that's something that can be suggested to your elderly neighbor.

I say- the guy's 70 years old.Pay it forward. It would just be a nice thing to do to help someone out. If it were your Grandpa you'd be grateful someone helped him out, right? Plus it's just good karma. Besides- it sets a good example for your children.
But if you're really uncomfortable doing it it's totally your decision. Just be polite and say something like "I think it's best if we take of our yard only. Sorry we can't help you."

I know exactly how you feel.

Personally, I think it is a pretty damn presumptious thing to ask of someone and I would agree: if I have to rake leaves from my tree, you have to rake leaves from yours.

So, that would be my first & emotional reaction.

Then, if the neighbor were older and not as able, I would consider doing it to be helpful and neighborly.

So it would depend: are they presumptious and trying to take advantage? Or older and needing some help?

Still, puts you in a bit of a tight spot.

LOL, you're not being a jerk. I wouldn't rake leaves that blew into my neighbor's yard. That's ridiculous. Now if he is ill and can't do much for himself, I'd say okay, but then I would wonder why he can't depend on his family. There's nothing wrong with helping out once, or twice, but I'd be careful of making it a habit to the point he expects your husband to cater to him.

You are not a jerk, I think it's reasonable thinking. People tend to be very self righteous on here.
I know you've already got a lot of answers and I didn't read them all so i don't know if anyone already suggested this, but tell him to have a gardener trim the tree back off his property! Those leaves will just be right back there on the ground next week! And you could do the same for his tree in your side. My neighbor has a tree that grows over on our side and I had it trimmed back. Of course I still get some leaves but I wouldn't dream of asking someone to rake them up. And 70 is not that old! Geez people are acting like he's 90! With that being said, if he asked nicely and he is not in the best shape to be raking leaves i would do it once and then nicely suggest for him to have the tree trimmed back.
Also I just have one question, and i'm not doubting anyone here but i really would like to know..where are all these nice gracious people in the real world??

I would politely let him know that you will gladly rake YOUR leaves and also pick up HIS walnuts. Yes he is 70, but that doesn't mean he is entitled to be self righteous. I see this often with old people. I don't think ur being petty if you bring it up just to make him aware of the entire issue at hand.

Another way to handle it is to make him some walnut cookies with a note telling him 'thanks for the walnuts that happily fall onto our yard'

I'd do it in a heartbeat. It's not normal to rake leaves in someon else's yard because it's from your tree I don't know how you would know where they came from ours blow out of the yard and new ones blow in but for an elderly neighbor I would have offered to rake especially if he lives alone and doesn't get much company. My 80 yr old grandma still shovels her own driveway I'd be thrilled if the neighbor offered to help her with it but he's one of those people that just does not know how to be nice unless he is getting some benefit from it.

I can understand why you may be a little bit irritated but consider it an act of kindness on your part. You can always make a statement in passing about the walnuts dropping into your yard, just to let him know that these issues goes both ways but he's a senior citizen and your raking the leaves for him, whether or not it is your duty to do so, would be a nice thing to do on your part.

If your husband doesn't mind helping with raking, I say let him do it.
I guess I've been blessed with some pretty great neighbors. We all look out for each other. Some of us need more help than others sometimes, but that's just the way it goes.

I wouldn't make a huge thing of it.

i live in between one house that is empty and their huge dead trees keep falling on my yard, cars, fence,,, to the point where when there is a big storm i keep my kids on the other side of the house...and im pretty sure he is the cause that we have to literally run from the car to the door sometimes because of the mosquitos..... and on the other side of me is the complete opposite, the guy powerwashes/mows/blows/edges for 10 hours a day every day sometimes... a lot of the time. all summer. and regularly screams at the power tool of the day as well as his 300 year old mother. he is completely unaware of the existence of other people. hes a little scary. he smokes 30 cigarettes an hour and in the summer i can smell it coming in my air conditioner. he is 4 feet away from our bedroom windows, he drives me out of my mind.... when me moved in, the guy with the trees' mom on the other side lived there. she was so sweet, i miss her. she died. my husband did everything for her, he mowed that crazy property for her. my point is that if he is a good neighbor you should be so happy, and if hubby doesnt mind doing it and he could use a hand, i say let it be, its good.

In our city the policy on trees is...if it's your tree on your property your responsibility is to keep it pruned and nice. Whatever falls into your yard, from whoever's tree, it's your responsibility to rake it up.
If the guy can't get to all of it, it's only going to increase your property value and you would be doing something nice for someone who can't do it.
I think it's funny though that people automatically say "70" like he's incapable. My 71 year old FIL wakes up at 5am, rides 10+ more miles on his bike a day (sometimes 20), comes back to the house, mows, edges, and rakes the yard, blows out the drive way and the gutter, then comes in a takes a shower all by 7:30am. Crazy right? Then throughout the day does other chores or projects. Don't get me wrong he aint no spring chicken, and has to have a nap and all but that old guy gets a lot done. Don't even get me started on my 72 year old MIL.
I guess the point is, if someone IS capable I would probably talk to them and come to some sort of reasonable agreement. If the person isn't capable then I would do it to be nice and to help out my neighbor.
=)

Our big magnolia tree dumps petals and leaves into our neighbor's front yard. Whenever we rake our yard (not that often, either - maybe every week when the petals and leaves are really coming down) we go over and rake his yard, too. Just a gesture of kindness. He is an active husband and father of three, and he rakes his lawn almost daily, but we still consider it a neighborly thing to do.

You can say "That is fine, but only because we have the time this time around. Don't expect this every year, especially when your tree yearly dirties our yard with gooey husks and nuts, and you don't come rake up your leaves from our yard."

70 y/o or not... still his yard, his responsibility.

I think that you should take into consideration that he is elderly and that he asked a favor - yes, as long as your husband is able to, he should rake the leaves and do a good deed. If the oak is causing damage to your property (or is just annoying to you) you might consider bringing it up to him, but not in a way that suggests that he should rake it up...do a good deed, feel good about it, use it as a lesson to your kids, and move on. No, it is not normal to rake your leaves that fall on your neighbor's property.

We live next door to a single woman about the same age. She has a HUGE yard covered in trees and it always needs a lot of maintenance year round. Every time my husband goes out to do yard work, she goes inside and puts on a "boot cast" and comes back outside to elicit sympathy and ask for help. She won't pay someone to work on her yard for her and won't ask her sons (who live with her) or her grandsons. Her trees always dump TONS of leaves in our yard and we don't ask her to clean our yard. We take responsiblity for that ourselves.

Your neighbor should too.