New Behaviors: Screaming and Biting

Hi I am an early childhood educator and have been for 15 years. I am also a mother of two myself. I believe the biting and screaming your daughter is expressing is in place of her words. Children at her age tend to do what is easiest to express themselves. Encourage her to use her WORDS and give them to her (tell her what she can say about what is happening ie; "You are feeling mad that mommy took the ---- away" Tell her, "Use your words, it is not o.k. to bite." Reassure her that she is a big girl and never underestimate her ability to communicate with you and others. You may also want to look into sign language for Toddlers as this is often easier for them than getting the words out.

She's behaving this way because it gets a reaction -- from you -- apparently her likely target. How does husband discipline daughter? I'd bet that he's been firm with her and she because of time spent with him also knows his limits well.

With you, its a toss-up as you and her probably haven't spent long hours together too much due to your work schedule. She's a smart one -- she's going to gamble to get to your path of least resistance, which seems to be screaming and full body fits.

You say you don't know what to do --that's exactly the reaction she wants -- complete frustration and inaction on your part, or inconsistency as you desperately seek to find her off button.

Unfortunately she holds the off button herself and all you can do is return her the favor of manipulation by completing ignoring her fits and I mean by acting completely as though you are deaf and she's also invisible. No reaction. No change of policy.

She'll ramp up the volume but only so far, we've all got a point at which we give up. Just remember that the longer she's been used to getting what she wants with that behavior the longer its going to take to break her of it.

As for the screaming when excited, just simply modeling other behaviors to express excitement and possibly just a gentle (non punitive or frustrated reminder) that screaming is not necessary. Again, you don't want her to associate screaming with an action that gets an extreme reaction from you.

As for the biting, such behavior should get immediate reprimand and punishment, as well as scorn from everyone. At that age, children need reinforcement and will seek where ever they can get it, use this to advantage -- ostracize bad behavior (never scorn the child -- the behavior). Again, she is doing this as it gets a reaction and she also is only two years old -- with proper guidance she'll break the behavior before it becomes a bigger problem.

My daughter was sent home once for biting a child, then a daycare worker all in a matter of an hour. She was six. She was punished, she never did it again. The teachers also got my permission to isolate her if she was overly aggressive or physical with other children from that time on. Again, it worked, she learned to temper her impulsiveness.

Forgive me if I sound pat, but I raised three children, my middle one was a holy terror on wheels the minute she came out of the womb. I know those screaming tantrums and excited screams well. My ex-husband encouraged the behavior so once I divorced I had a hellion and a half on my hands. But, ignoring the bad behavior, positive reinforcement for good behavior (playing calm, not fighting with others, being gentle) got rewarded.

Even after nearly twenty years, one still doesn't forget :)

I would totally ignore the behavior. All of my kids have done this from time to time and I will just usually put them down in a safe area, and walk away. My son is almost 2 and he used to do this a lot. He knows now that I will not give in to it and he will usually come to me and just want to sit. As far as the biting, I would yell out really loud when she does it like you are hurt (to startle her) and sternly tell her NO. FYI, I am a home daycare provider (for almost 11 years!) and Mom of 3, ages 7, almost 5, and almost 2. Good luck!!

When my kid bit me, I took her and put her down, away from me, preferably in another room for just a minute. All I would say was "no biting" a few times. (This was enough time for me to stay calm and her to know that it was not acceptable.) I have three girls. For two of them, this worked quickly to curb the behavior. For one it took a few months of occasional bites but she did get the point that biting would result in a separation from mommy. Best of luck.

My DD did the screeching thing for a little while. It was really a very short phase for her. I think she realized she could do it and was trying it out. I didn't make a big deal out of it and it went away. So it might be a phase.

DD didn't do the throwing herself down thing but when she has tantrums I don't make a big deal out of it or punish her with time out. I just empathize, really. At that age they are learning and don't know how to express themselves so I don't think it helps to further isolate them (though we haven't had a situation where the need arose for safety). I just say, oh I know you're mad. You want x. But you can't have it bc of whatever reason. So she knows I get it. Then I keep doing whatever it is I need to do. I think it is important to validate their feelings. She's disappointed and can't say that any other way, I do recognize it, but it doesn't mean she can do or have whatever. Seems to work with DD so far (she's 21 mos).

We really didn't have a problem with biting. But with hitting, again I didn't make a big deal about it. I said, "we don't hit, gentle" and if it was repeated, I put her down. If she wanted back up, I'd remind her not to hit and pick her up again (as long as she wasn't still hitting). We didn't have a big problem with it though (or haven't yet, I understand it could come back). She's probably doing it just to you because she feels very safe. I understand it is common for kids to be fine all day then the second the mom gets home or whatever, they freak. They hold in their frustrations, etc and then let them loose on you. Just be consistent.

Good luck.

First let me say that this is typical behavior for a child of this age. I am a toddler teacher and what I do is if they screech I ask them to use there inside voice, and tell them outside they may scream but we need to use our quieter voices inside. For the temper tantrums, I pay no attention. I say when you are done you may join us doing whatever it is we are doing and walk away, no attention given and they get done fairly quickly. For the biting I would say with a very stern voice and face, Ouch that hurts, no biting my body, teeth are for food only and walk away. Be sure to be consistent. I understand your frustration but don't give up, this phase will pass. : )