When my husband and i built this house, the young girl next door was with us everyday. She was a cutie but lurking behind the charm is a kleptomaniac. Now that she knows where everything is, she comes over here and swipes my makeup. Now she's stealing my lotion. I hate to start a ruckus since we're not here in the winter, and the adults watch the house. Any suggestions what to do? (I'd say she's stolen about $75 worth). I hate shopping and having to get stuff replaced unnecessarily other than her thievery - what are my choices? She even stole my wrinkle cream.
I put a bell on the door, so I could hear it when she comes in. I'm still out on thirty five dollars worth of stuff. I am thinking about changing to a different room to apply make up, and she won't have privacy for swiping things there. It's located in the middle of the house where she would easily be seen and/ or heard.
Do you always accuse people without proof?
Get your proof. Then accuse. Otherwise? Lock your house. Get a nanny cam to get your proof and then deal with it. Until you have proof you keep your trap shut.
You know what, C. - what PROOF do you have that she is a thief?
In your last post - you found out that the minister was sick and suffering from an ailment - but you have allowed everyone to believe that he is just a jerk. So how do we know THIS is not the same situation?
HOW do you know she is stealing your stuff?
Do you have a nanny cam and have it on camera - her stealing?
IF you believe SHE is a thief
1. DO NOT ALLOW HER IN YOUR HOME.
2. Get a nanny cam and record her stealing.
3. Take your stuff with you in the winter. Don't leave it behind.
once you have proof that SHE is the thief? You tell the parents and demand replacement or call the police and press charges.
How do you know it's the daughter? Is this happening while you're away in the winter? Maybe it's the parent. Maybe they're stopping by with a friend.
Or is this happening now while you are home? If so, why is she in the house unsupervised and going into your private rooms?
Why would a child steal wrinkle cream?
Get a nanny cam. If you get her on camera, you can call the police and show them the footage, and let them handle it. And change the locks now. No reason to have her over all the time when you're home.
For the winter, get a new house sitter. Take your cosmetics with you when you travel for months and months. No point in them sitting there getting old and stale anyway.
You do NOT know if this child is stealing unless you SEE her do it.
You have her labeled as bad Just like your minister bil.
Set up cameras, lock your things in a safe place, get a new house sitter.
If you believe someone in your house is stealing, why do you allow them to come back?
It seems like you label people pretty quickly based on the little info (no proof) you have.
Maybe you should work on yourself to understand why you do this.
Stop letting her in your house. Get someone else to watch your house in the winter. You also could install a video camera and then tell her parents what has been happening and show them the evidence. Good luck.
Don't leave any makeup/lotions/etc at the house when you aren't there.
Or - lock that stuff up in a safe with a combination lock when you aren't there.
You can also put in a nanny cam - so if you caught the theft and can prove it - you could ask that taken items be replaced - but that might be too confrontational and you'd have to get a new house sitter.
Additional:
Asking for keys back is all good and well - but sometimes people make copies.
Which means you have to change the locks.
Or install a security system that requires a code to enter - and when house sitting finishes you change the code.
How you deal with this depends on whether you are comfortable with confrontation.
Are you saying they come into your home with keys during the summer? I would have asked for them back at the end of their housesitting period. That's what we do.
If you are ok with confrontation - then 2 options. You say things have been missing and they are only people with keys. Or, you get proof (install some kind of camera).
Personally I'd ask for keys back rather than going this route. Just say you need them back.
If you now don't trust these people, and don't want to get into this (your prerogative), then find new house sitters - but still get keys back. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Simply say (if they ask) that someone else wants the volunteering experience or needs the cash. You don't have to lie - find someone who does.
I guess the thing is, to make absolutely sure you haven't misplaced it or there is no other possible explanation before jumping to conclusions.
put in a nanny cam.
lock your stuff up and leave nothing out. (you don't take your lotions and cosmetics with you?)
get a new house sitter.
have a conversation with the girl and her parents.
that's all i got.
khairete
S.
She can't take anything if you don't allow her into your home. Why is she even inside your house? I'm guessing you must have a very hard time saying "no" to her when she pops over to visit. "No, I'm sorry we don't want to have company right now" "No, although we've had an open door for you to visit in the past, we've decided that we just some need more privacy in our home going forward" If she asks why, just tell her you need the inside of your home to be your own quiet space. Maybe invite her over to sit in the yard and have a glass of lemonade later instead, so she knows you'd still be happy to visit (while keeping your possessions safe)
And definitely lock your doors and windows!
I erased my answer because it was not helpful. I didn't know I felt that cranky. The question pushed a button I didn't realize I still had.
C., blaming and calling names is not only rude it causes other people to avoid you or argue with you. Why do you do it? What is your goal when you say such things? Your husband doesn't agree with you. It seems unreasonable to expect him to defend your words when he doesn't agree.
When you accuse your neighbor and they know they will be hurt. Is that OK with you? How can the minister's wife continue to be your friend after you treat her husband rudely? Is that OK for you?
Talk to her about it. Non-confrontationally, since she is a child, but clearly. Tell her things keep disappearing, that you have the sense she has been borrowing them and would like her to please ask before borrowing anything else. Then see what she says and take it from there. You might end up in a conversation that surprises you about why she feels the need to swipe things.
I'm always amazed at how fearful folks are about confronting kids or their parents about bad behaviors. You do realize that you are mitigating the problems when you just do nothing.
It is REALLY simple -
1. Make sure you are sure on who is taking the items. Install a camera if necessary.
2. Once you have video of the accused, present it to the perpetrator (or his/her parents if they are a minor).
3. Ask for a replacement of the items stolen
4. If it ends up being this same girl, I think I'd take the additional step of finding someone else to "babysit" my house while away for months at a time. Right now, it is makeup. How long before it is the key to the property to have a party?
Good luck.
Don't allow her inside when you're living there.
When you leave for the winter, take your cosmetics with you.
My sister in law did that to me on several visits to her home. She is poor but won't work and thinks nothing of swiping it. Her son also snuck into my purse that I thought I had successfully hidden under the bed. I discussed this with my husband. The family knows about it, talked to her and I know she won't change her ways really. So, We don't go often enough for me to have an out and out screaming match.
And so, our somewhat workable solution is to have extremely cheap makeup laying around for her temptation and not having anything valuable around for her to steal. Plus we start out by giving her some as a little gift. And we buy cheap creams which we can't bring back with us so she is allowed to keep it. Probably sounds silly to some. But I don't mind using cheap makeup for a bit. And she thinks she is one lucky sister in law. Now where you would want to put your usual makeup and lotions? hmm perhaps in something you can lock...Good luck! no fun...
