No Common Sense

Okay, a few of you need to realize that a walking taco is basically a taco SALAD in a bag. Did anyone read the well written description? A fork is a necessary utensil while eating a walking taco. Now that we have that bit of information cleared up.......

Yarrmatey........you totally made my day! I'm laughing so hard! My kids are completely devoid of common sense on some days, so you are not alone! I hope it will come with age.

I was thinking you meant older when you started, at 6 some of these things are normal. I'd just kindly remind her and show her. My kids every night ask whether they need a fork or spoon for dinner. I tell them whichever they prefer, but I am using ___. Sometimes I get the confusion, and they look for guidance. It's all a learning process.

So don't get frustrated with her, tell her and show her the easier ways to do things, and use those moments as teaching moments to help her learn.

It's normal 6 yr old behavior however age doesn't equal getting common sense. My youngest is 25 and there are still times when I have to raise an eyebrow as she makes something easy into a project. And my mom who is in her late 70s lacks the common sense gene.

Oh, excuse me - I was rolling on the floor and laughing. I'll get up now.

Your daughter reminds me of... me.

And I lived to tell about it.

Your daughter will, too.

There's really a brain in that head. She IS using it... in a way. For instance, she is finding out that putting a backpack on while in a car is not the very best way to do it. Has she ever tried to wear it in the car, trying to adjust the seatbelt to it *and* her? She might. Some creative kids are like this, yes.

Meantime, you are wise to be very patient. Talk to her teacher about what (and how) she does in school. Try to figure out what's good - or at least funny - about all this.

Let her try to figure out her own problems before you say, "Have you thought about zipping your backpack *before* you pick it up?" "Well, either you need to eat your taco with the fork that comes with your lunch or else you'll have to cover yourself with napkins, head to toe." (Don't be surprised if she tries covering herself with napkins, at least once.) "Have you ever thought of why you tie your shoes? It's so they'll fit your feet. So what do you do when you need to take them off or put them on, so that they'll un-fit your feet?" Comments like that may help put her brain in a little better gear.

And don't say (hard as it may be, sometimes, not to), "You idiot! Don't you have ANY sense? You're such a dope!" You know she isn't a dope. Her thinking is, as you say, somewhere else. In time, she'll start to care about how to eat walking tacos and all that, and she'll even start doing it elegantly. :^)

P.S. I just read your SWH. No, you don't sound like the sort of mama who would call her child names. It can be a thought, though, once in a while. You're wise not to do it. And comparing children in the same family is almost inevitable. One thing to do about that is to be happy that you have two very different girls. It really makes life so much more interesting!

Common sense isn't innate. It's taught. By real life experience, with the help of parents, who offer guidance and counsel.

I encourage you and your husband to read the book "Parenting With Love and Logic." It will help you to teach her to think for herself instead of relying on others to do it for her, to deal with failures and disappointments, and to generally be more resilient. It will definitely help you parent her effectively and teach her "common sense," which is something that is built upon through every day experiences and lessons.

Touchy subject for me.

One of my mother's favorite refrains was that I lacked common sense. I was never sure what she meant by that, because I'd naturally and inevitably go about things differently than she might. We were just wired differently.

Some of what i did was due to inexperience, other things were just a matter of personal preference. Were it that I were putting my shoes on first then trying to put my socks on, obviously I was going about things wrongly, but to say that one should put both socks on then one's shoes because your other foot would get cold in the interim, while true perhaps, wasn't a problem for me, so her advice in that regard never took.

I took to tuning out her constant helpful comments and lack of common sense refrain.

My suggestion- let some of it go. On other things, point out - "sometimes it's easier if. . . . " or "sometimes I find it quicker to. . .. " suggestions without blame.

Best,
F. B.

In an effort to help me use common sense, my mother would ask me, "what I thgouth I was doing wrong, or what I thought I could be doing better." Not a very good question, as of course I wasn't deliberately out to p1ss her off, I was just, for instance putting my socks and shoes on. I don't know. wasn't satisfactory. I would just be guessing as to what I might possibly be doing wrong.

Add: I thought she was 10 for some reason. Seriously, she's a little kid. Why are you so judgmental? She's not her sister, and you need to get a handle on the comparing thing now because that will cause a big mess as they get older. Eventually you'll end up wondering why the younger one doesn't get the grades if you can't let them be who they are. Obviously you need to help her get better at remembering things, but she's a little kid.

Original:I think this is called executive function. It's being able to put the steps together to do something. It comes naturally to some, and not at all to others.

Is she a visual learner? Maybe find the things that are challenging the most and make up a "how to" manual. Ask her how to help her with the things that are challenging for her and work together to find ideas that work FOR HER. What works for you may not work for her.

Please do your best to get rid of the exasperation as much as you can. The more you show that, the dumber she will feel. And that won't help AT ALL.

Normal at 6. Six is an awesome, funny age. They haven't quite come to spend their entire day on earth yet...they still believe in magic, still have amazing imaginations to get lost in, etc. Just prompt her when you see that she's missing something obvious and don't get frustrated. I think all of my kids were like this at this age and only one (my step-daughter, age 16) still has no common sense now. She's very bright and can figure out things like the project they're building for her robotics team but can't make brownies from a box or will spend a long time doing a chore with the totally wrong tool instead of figuring out that surely someone else has figured out a way to make this easy and asking for some help or looking for something different. She didn't live with us until she was 13 so I think part of it is that nothing was expected of her in her mother's house and she wasn't give the opportunity to learn by doing. So be sure that as your kids get older, you give them age-appropriate chores and ample opportunity to figure things out for themselves.

I'm still trying to get my 16 year old to stop eating with his fingers - give it some time. :P

I was spacey as a kid. The best thing you can do is stay OFF her case and let her experience the natural consequences of her spaciness.

I got very tired of hearing my mom say how clutzy and clueless I was. It hurts even if it's light-hearted.

JMO.

Oblivion about some things is normal, but it seems that your daughter has trouble with motor planning. Occupational Therapy might help remedy her deficiency.

By the way, my 4.5 year old son is very similar and it is beyond frustrating, especially since his 2 year old brother is better able to do many mundane tasks like the ones you mentioned.

Normal. Or at least my son is just like this. I just try to see the humor (without letting him see the humor of course, because he is rather sensitive when you point out what should clearly be obvious).

Ok, I read most of your post thinking your daughter was 16 or 17 years old and didn't know to eat her walking taco with a fork.

Yes, you teach her. She wasn't born knowing these things. This is not that unusual for a 6 year old, but how are they supposed to learn unless you teach them?

My boys are quite stubborn. Sometimes we sing the song from The Backyardigans ("Sinbad Sails Alone") that goes, "I can do it myself, I can do it myself," because they very often refuse help.

But when they are in the mood to accept help and we show them something like it's easier to put your backpack on after you get out of the car, they are usually very grateful and say, "Wow, that does work better. Thanks, Mommy!"

So, yes, don't expect her to just know these things. You need to teach her.

So, in the last few years, I've been asking my daughter's teachers this exact question. When do kids start to learn common sense? When do they retain information from one experience and apply it to the next? When? When? When???

My husband is a brilliant type who completely lacks common sense about many personal things and it truly drives me nuts and I was worried that our daughter would suffer a similar life of forever being lost in familiar places, etc.

But with their advice, much like Christy's below, I have gently helped her recall on her own. Yes, I've been less than perfect and out of frustration made snarky comments that she doesn't retain information from one moment to the next, but it's staring to come around. Even with my husband, as he has watched me deal with her, he has improved. Yes...people can change and learn to apply prior knowledge to the present.

I would think of a few key things you think she needs to learn, work on those, and then go to the next few key things. Kids just don't always see the world the way we do and we have a lot of experience doing dumb things like getting into the car with the backpack on and not being able to sit well. If she's slipped off her sneakers, you can make untying them one of the things you make her learn. Or you can make getting them untied part of picking out an outfit the night before.

What I have noticed is that sometimes kids who are otherwise intelligent have all their brains working on math and science and language and there's no room up there for zippers. Absentminded Professor type stuff. I had teachers who would look at us in HS and say we had no common sense, and it was true.

You can also talk to the pediatrician about what to expect of a 6 yr old, as a ballpark. The flip side of it all is that sometimes I forget that my DD is 5.5 and doesn't know what I haven't taught her. And some kids need more direct teaching than others.

ETA:

My SS and I have a terrible sense of direction. DH has an awesome sense of direction. DD seems to have her father's sense of direction, except when it comes to shoes (right and left). It took DH a long time to realize that not everyone had a map in their head like he did. So if you find yourself going "What IS she doing?" try asking her. You might be surprised that there's a thought process.

My Grannie Annie says, "Common sense isn't common any more." I agree.

Sounds to me like some of this is just because she is only 6 years old.

Every person needs to learn a certain level of critical thinking. If I do this what are the possible outcomes. I wouldn't worry too much about this though because life is a wonderful teacher.

When things happen because she didn't consider her actions, perhaps you could ask her thoughts on how to prevent this from happening again or in the case of the taco, "Honey why didn't you use your fork?"

I have teens and each of them have their struggle with common sense. I try to encourage them to consider the outcomes for their actions. They are improving but no where near where I was at their ages. It's a generational thing I think.

At first I thought you were talking about a teenager. Then, I thought oh, maybe her daughter is of elementary age, then I see that she's only 6 and thought...wow, yeah, that's completely normal for a 6 year old! Don't sweat the small stuff. She is only 6. Did anyone ever tell her to use a fork to eat the walking taco? Did you ever explain that, "hey, honey it's easier to put your back pack on once you're out of the car." ? She needs to be taught most of these things...not be expected to already know them!

My answer is, your paragraph #3.
Just do that. TELL her other options of doing things. Not in a lecturing tone. But just tell her about OTHER ways of doing things.
That's what I did and do with my kids.

Kids, do not have common sense much, especially when young.
And, some OLDER kids do not have common sense either.
And, I see some kids having no common sense because they basically were not taught about how to do things in VARIOUS ways nor shown. I work at a school. I see this.

I have a girl and boy. Different ages. One is 7, the other is 11.
My daughter has more common sense than my Husband. LOL
My son has good common sense, not as fine tuned as my daughter, but better than his friends of the same age and grade.

I was in a Kindergarten class the other day. The boys were doing some creative playing for their recess. One boy was grumbling about the other boys. Because, they didn't want to listen to them or do what they were doing. He was all upset. So I just say calmly "then why don't you go somewhere else with the boys YOU are playing with, and do your own thing? (And he says how they all don't want to.) So I told him nonchalantly that "They don't have to play with you and you don't have to play with them. Make your own group, who want to do the same thing...those other boys are already doing something else...they aren't doing anything wrong. They are just doing what you don't want to, do."
And a light went off in his head! He did NOT even think that!
He thought that they ALL had to do the SAME thing, as him!
So then I see him all happy again doing something else with his other friends and they are all peaceful about it and taking turns naturally.
It was such boy drama until that point. They were all arguing.

Common sense comes in all degrees and shades.
Despite, age.
Even many adults do not have, common sense at all.

That seems totally normal to me. I have two girls (10 and 7) and they both went through this. One more than the other. I was always really book-smart, so I was never great in the common sense department either, lol.

She's only 6....I'd say that's pretty normal. My dd is 10 and still does some of that stuff (especially the shoes). Kids that age take the easiest route - i.e. what they think takes the least amount of time (even though it ends up being harder).

I would continue to coach her...."untie your shoes before you put them on", "use a fork when you eat that", "put your backpack on now"...etc

eventually it all sinks in.

Common sense isn't all that common. My mom and dad had a lot of common sense. My brother had next to no common, but he was very, very smart academically.

I was just average academically, but have a tremendous amount of common sense.

Some of my kids had common sense and some did not. Those that didn't I tried to teach common sense thinking. It worked, not perfectly, but it worked.

Good luck to you and yours.

ETA: In reading the responses to your question, I have found that what is common sense to one is not common sense to another. If the walking taco was given to me in a plastic sandwich bag, I wouldn't have used a fork. (Who uses a fork to eat a taco?) I would have squeezed the plastic bag to force the contents to the top and then I would have put it up to my mouth and eaten it that way. I wouldn't have needed a fork or a spoon and I wouldn't have gotten my hands messy.

I shop at grocery stores so I can fix something to eat. I shop where I shop so I spend as little of my money at the store as possible. I read the weekly food sales ads and make my weekly menu out based on what is on sale. Doing all that is common sense. I met a couple in a store last week that were remarking about how food was so expensive. They talked about this for several minutes and I finally asked them how much they spent for groceries. The wife said about $250 per week. I was amazed. I asked them if they checked the sales ads before they went shopping and the husband said that it was too much bother to check the ads. There was nothing in their basket that wasn't a brand name or an expensive prepackaged food. So I thanked them and went on my way. I knew why thy spent about $11,000 more per year than I did. Common sense to me, but not to them.

Oh, my goodness :) I was reading for the age hoping she wasn't 16 :) I'd give it a little time. My oldest (girl, now 8) was not quite this spacey (but definitely had her moments) at six, and my son (now 6) is sort of spacey like this. My oldest improved a lot on general "getting it together" between 6 and 8...so I'm thinking it's fairly natural at 6. Kids are all so different. My youngest (4) is more alert and on top of things than both her older sibs! There is no harm in gentle reminders about how she could do things sometimes instead of letting her struggle way too long. But good job not getting angry. No matter what you don't want her to feel bad and she isn't doing it on purpose. Common sense can be taught to a certain extent...I remember some frustrated barked orders I got as a child that stuck and I did learn....and probably some effective gentle urging too but I just don't remember that :) Hang in there!!!

You can be the sharpest knife in the drawer but without a little common sense, life will be hard.

Like others posting below -- I was surprised to get to the end of the post and read that your child is only six.

The examples you give are normal for a child of merely six. She's in maybe first grade, maybe second at most? Kids this age all tend to want not to untie and tie shoes; they don't think about "It'll be easier to put my backpack on outside the car"; they don't think about where their pants are. They just see food and eat food, and don't necessarily think about the fork every time. If she were the teenager some of us thought you were talking about, yeah, it would be time to think maybe she's a scatterbrain, but at six -- this is all normal.

I think your expectations of her at six are way too high.

Is it possible that the real, root issue is that those 10 minutes she takes to pull on sneakers, or the time it takes to pick up the stuff that falls from the backpack, are eating YOUR time so you're not thrilled? That is normal but...she's six. She'll outgrow (most of) it.

It's annoying at times to have to keep reminding a kid to do this or that, or that it's easier to untie the shoes etc., but that's what it's like parenting a six year old. And a seven year old. And an eight year old....She is not lacking common sense. That would mean she dashed recklessly into the street, or played with matches, or left the faucet running often. She's not doing those things--right? Then ramp back the expectations on shoelaces and backpacks. She'll be fine.

By the way, if you tell her things like "You have no common sense!" etc. she's going to internalize that as "I'm not smart" and you really don't want that happening, do you? Just focus on individual things like "You have one minute to get your shoes on and I'm setting the timer," without commentary such as "Why can't you use your common sense?"

Who uses a fork to eat a taco? It seems odd to me that a fork DID occur to you.

I don't untie my shoes. I tie them when I buy them, and that's generally the last time they are tied/untied.

I try to put items in my pocket while in the car instead of standing.

Give a 6 year old a break. Shoot, give a 40something a break. :)
___________________________
I stand corrected. Only idiots don't know what a walking taco is - thanks for the heads up. Guess you and the OP are the only ones with common sense. :)

You can't really expect common sense before 7 yrs old and for some few other kids that wouldn't be expected till about 10-ish.
It's pretty normal.

See sans the taco I don't see that as a common sense issue. With the taco I would have done the same, not that it wouldn't occur to me to use the fork but I would choose not to use the fork because most of the taco would end up on my lap. Chips and forks do not get along well. You scoop the stuff with the chips. I could say you lack common sense since you didn't put the chips in a second bag so they were still crisp enough to scoop with.

It was said when I was a child I lack common sense. As an adult I am told I have more common sense than most. The difference, I can now articulate my reasoning. Most humans think they have common sense because they do as they are supposed to and never question it. That isn't actually common sense, that is blind obedience.

Thing is this comes with intelligence and seeing there is more than one way to skin a cat. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes in the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter that your pants are lower than what someone else things is the proper level. She may see some benefit to mastering putting on the backpack before she exits the car, she may eventually find it isn't worth the effort.

I didn't realize that box existed until my 30s and have spent more than ten years laughing at people who live within it. What y'all think is common sense, is not.

My oldest is 15 now and very smart but we give him a hard time and tell him that for a smart kid sometimes he's not very smart. He has NO common sense. I don't know how to teach him either.

opps, my 9 year old is just like this. smart beyond expectations, but a total space cadet. wish she'd learn how to pack her backpack or tie her shoe.

I was expecting her to be older. I agree with the others, she just has some growing up to do. My youngest was a lot like this. And when I would point out to her the easier way to do things she would go "Ohhhhhh"

oh, i LOVE that you understand that your daughter is who she is. and it sounds as if she is a lovable, creative, brilliant space cadet, and no amount of yelling will change her fundamental personality.
yes, it is normal, and yes, you can help her learn to cope better.
you are awesome.
khairete
S.

I think she sounds like a typical child who is still learning that it doesn't pay to take short cuts.

Relax and have her start over, doing things your way.

Our children are reflection of us. Even in the subject you judging your own child.

I believe common sense can be nurtured. I believe that common sense is pretty crucial for healthy relationships in life.

She sounds delightful, happy and smart. You are doing great raising a confident young lady.

If this was something constantly happening in our family to the point of driving us batty and wasting a lot of time then, yes, we would find ways to help.

Try asking her what she could do to make the exit from the car go smoothly. Ask her what she could have done to make her walking taco less difficult to eat. Ask her what she could do to limit the 10 minute shoe dilemma. Ask her why she thinks all the items are falling out of her backpack and what she can do to solve that. Let her come up with the answers to your questions. Help her think through the situation.

Teach her how to plan ahead for possible mishaps. Get her thinking before the next issue arises. Something that helps is to have a simple calendar or planner. Talk about the upcoming week and what needs to take place. This little exercise helps kids in many other areas of life.

I know of a couple people,my peers, who have very little common sense and yet are brilliant. They really struggle with interpersonal relationships. Little common sense is cute and frustrating on a child level. It becomes very irritating and not so cute when they are adults. People can't rely on them to follow through on assignments, carpools, school events etc.

Alot of what you are seeing is simply normal 6 year old immature behavior...it takes a while for that common sense part of the brain to develop. You need to have enough situations to gain the common sense from trial and error. Just help her along to think for herself about how to do something more efficient next time.

Good luck and best wishes!!