No More Pacifiers!!!!

My friend mailed her son's pacifier to Santa (in September) and later that day, he had a special wrapped gift for him in the mailbox to congratulate him on sending the pacifier. He never asked for it again. I got rid of my daughters by telling her that there were babies that didn't have pacifiers and that really needed them. I asked her if she would give hers to the babies at the hospital. She agreed and we mailed them that day. She also didn't ask for it after that, but she did ask if the babies liked them.

T.

Go ahead and wean her from it at night and then throw them away. If there are none in the house, he can't give her one.

Cut the tips off the pacifiers and leave them out. My son LOVED his pacifier, but when the tip was cut off, it wasn't fun anymore. Also, the dentist told me he HAD to give them up or his teeth would be ruined. So it's not just the thumbsucking. Pacifiers can ruin teeth too.
Good luck!!

After reading some other posts I have to offer a different opinion...poor Daddy has two issues: he wants to be involved, and he is not ready to have his baby all grown up. Don't get me wrong, I have never been angrier at my husband than every time he comes home from deployment, but looking at this particular issue from his perspective may help. Do sit down and talk with him about your concerns...is an hour at bedtime really that detrimental to the baby? When you are ALL ready to give up the paci, tell baby girl she can use the baby paci to "buy" a big-girl toy at the store. Let hubby help her pick it out (let his childishness work FOR you). Let her give her paci or bag of pacifiers to the cashier. Also think of things Daddy can do to assimilate into your routine (my hubby hates that I don't NEED him-a result of being left to do it all by yourself) let him do the book reading or evening playtime. Don't forget to ask or tell him what you "need" him to do to help...men just can't figure these things out for themselves. Do take the time to re-connect. Try to go on a date once a week or so. Try to let him know that you do need him, it just takes some time for the teeter-totter of life to re-balance. My prayers are with you!

Cold turkey. Throw them away, then he can't give it to her. I hear people say all the time that "My child will cry until I give it to her."- Well, yeah. Don't give it to her. If you give into her, what have you taught her. Now she is learning that she can manipulate daddy and that is a dangerous thing for a little girl to learn.
If she starts sucking her thum, correct her.
Your MIL didn't ruin your son's teeth. He did this to himself. By 14yrs, he should have had some self control. He needs to stop putting his issues on your daughter and do what is in her best interest. Not live in fear that he is going to mess up.
Point out when she is manipulating your DH and remind him what it will be like when she is 16yrs old. I've found this is an easy tactic with men with daughters. Good luck, and be strong.

My daughter still sucks her binki; she's 30 months. Yeah, it annoys me. Like your daughter, she doesn't take it to daycare or get it during the day, but I noticed that she will start sucking fingers and thumbs if she's denied it when she really wants one. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I'd rather that she suck on a pacifier than her fingers (because breaking the thumb sucking habit is much worse than giving up pacifiers). Besides, pacifiers can be sterilized and she won't suck on anything else when we're out--on the other hand, if she started a thumb sucking habit, I can totally see her doing it with dirty hands, at stores, at the park, etc. And that habit would be constant!

She also has rather long hair and there were a couple days when she started sucking on that too... Ok, time to rethink the strategy--let's get that binki back!

I just took her to the dentist. He said that she needs to give up the pacifier by age 3 1/2 to 4. (I almost fell out of my chair... I intend her to be done with it way before then!) But he said her bite is fine and she very communicative; so there isn't a speech issue. So, I'm not stressing over the pacifier. My target is age 3, thats when the binki fairy will come...

By the way, I was totally gong-ho to end it 6 months ago. My husband asked me not to pursue it. Seriously. He said that on one of his business trips, he sat next to a woman who has a 5 yr old. They were talking and she said something that left a lasting impression: "If I had to do his toddler years again, I would only do 1 thing differently... I would not have taken away the pacifier cold turkey. Because once he lost that, I lost all leverage (for cooperation, good behavior)... There wasn't anything he wanted more than his pacifier and when that was gone, I was deep in the middle of the terrible 2's and 3's with nothing but sugar and candy to get him to cooperate."

Last thought, since your husband is deployed a lot, no doubt he already feels a little guilt about how his absences will affect your daughter... You might want to ease up on dictating how this will be resolved. Let him have his 2 cents. Don't steam roll him on it. My husband travels a lot for work and we met in the middle: I respected his input... She still can have her pacifier, but only for bedtime and not during the day, not in the car nor in the evenings. And he has to support me in telling her to take out the pacifier to talk.

I'm sure I'll be the 1% minority in the responses. Everyone else will tell you to "pull the plug". Do what you think is right, but I do think that with his military deployments and your 24 hour work schedule, you have a more unique situation than other families. Perhaps your daughter needs this comfort mechanism a bit longer than other toddlers who don't have to deal with daddy being gone.

Throw it away. Tell Zoe it went bye-bye. As for your husband's thumb sucking, it all depends on how he inserted his thumb. My 30+ child sucked her thumb until she was amost a teen-ager, and it did not effect her teeth. The dentist was OK with it. If you husband buys a new one...throw it out. Eventually he'll get the message.

Hi There,

We just started to see a speech therapist because my son (26 months) is not talking much. When he does talk it's hard to understand him. This is what the speech therapist told us, she said that sucking on the paci makes the roof of their mouth more curved than normal and until they quit sucking on the paci it will be harder for them to talk because that curve is not normal. She said it this sucking creates a tongue thrust which also messes up their teeth. So we are having to wean him into only having it at bedtime and naps.

I suggest you compromise with your hubby. Tell him if she starts sucking on her thumb then you can revisit the paci, but what if she doesn't suck on her thumb, wouldn't that be nice!!!

I'm having the same problem with my 3 1/2 year old!!! Yes, 3 1/2! She has a cross bite because of having it for so long. She has seen a dentist and he thinks that it may be corrected on its own. But, I do need to take it away from her now. The dentist also told me that if she started putting her fingers in her mouth to give her back the paci. The fingers and thumbs do more damage than the paci.

We plan to give the paci to the "Binky Fairy" or whatever you call the paci. Then, reward her with a magical gift. Just like the Tooth Fairy. While she's sleeping the Binky Fairy will come take the paci for other babies that need them and replace it with a gift that she's been wanting.

Best Wishes!

S..
www.ohsobella.com

Dear H.,
I think most of us moms want husbands who take an active role in the raising of our children. One way you could encourage your husband to do that, especially since he was deployed and was not here to take a leadership role in the raising of your daughter, is to show him you trust his judgment in the timing of taking away the pacifier. A man needs respect more than love. Tell him that you respect his timing in taking away the pacifier, and leave it at that. I'm sure he already knows you think it is already time, so you don't have to mention that. By insisting that you are right, you could very well discourage him from taking an active role in the future, and he would just leave all the decisions up to you.
In ten years that father/daughter relationship will be very important, even more than now. Do everything you can to encourage that relationship by showing him you trust his judgment. And then don't worry about it.

J.

not what you want to hear, but i agree with your husband. i took both my kids binki away at like 6 months and they really do resort to their tumbs. ive seen other moms i know take their kids away at 2 years old, and they usually wean better. 2 is the age a baby stops having the need to suck so much.
i understand you say she doesnt need it. make arule with your husband not to put it in her mouth if shes not crying. i dont know how old she is. dont hate me, this was just my experience with this as well. binkis look baed in kids mouths, but thumbs look worse. and there is really not much i or anyone i know has said you can do about thumb sucking once it starts.

If he gets deployed again soon I would nix the paci all together while he is gone. There are lots of ways to break thumb suckers too. I would basically hide the paci from him. He probley might be having a hard time with her growing up so fast while he is away too. Wants to baby her as long as he can. If thumb sucking is his excuse then sit down and talk about ways of breaking thumb sucking, constant reminders, bitter thumb products, and last would be dentist ... they put in some type of device that is metal and removable by the dentist only that hurts the thumb and roof of the mouth when trying to suck on a thumb!! Good luck and God bless. Special thanks to him for being in the military and all he is doing for us.

Hi, H.!

If your husband will let you, do what I did to break my daughter from her pacifier...cut the end of the pacifier nipple off (without her seeing you do it) and the next time she wants it, give it to her and she'll probably say what my daughter said..."I don't want it...it's broken!" She never asked for it again. Chances are she won't go for her thumb or fingers...mine never did.

Blessings,
S.
SAHM of 7 (2-14)

Ha, I love "wife to the biggest baby of them all"!

The moms that say just throw the pacifier away are right. If you just say it matter of fact, "big girls do not use pacifiers" not in a stern way but just matter of fact, she will handle it better than you think.

Remember to refer to her as a "big girl" throughout the day. Introduce her as your big girl. She will be proud of this title and she will want to live up to this title.

Also diversion is still the main way of getting her to stop worrying about the pacifier. If she starts to become upset, offer to go out and play, offer to let her help you with a big girl project. At night instead of one story see if she would like for you to read 2. Let her sleep with more stuffed animals.

Fingers or thumb in the mouth? Tell her, that is "yucky". Big girls do not put their fingers or thumbs in their mouths. When you are out and about point out the older kids (3&4 yr olds) and show her they do not have pacifiers or their fingers/thumbs in their mouths.

Tell you husband if he will stop giving your daughter the paci, you will give him a special treat!

Have a "goodbye" ceremony where she throws them away herself (somewhere that hubby cannot fish them out from) and then reward her with a new sippy cup or something...It worked for my sister. With my kids I actually got rid of them in like month 4 or 5 before they realized that it would be gone. But my husband (and my mother) were doing that with bottles to my daughter, so I ended up throwing all of the bottles away, that way they had no choice. When my mom went out and got new ones, I threw those away too! I tell you, the adults are worse than the kids!!! Good luck!

H.,
Let's cut to the chase...this seems to be more of a power struggle between you and your husband. Neither one of you seem to be respecting eachothers opinion, and therefore your daughter is not seeing a united front. Daddy says "yes, you can have it" and Mommy says "when Daddy's not around I will go behind his back and do it my way". Sorry, but this is NOT good.
Perhaps the two of you should sit down and discuss a definate time to break her of the paci, then stick to it. Being that she is less than 2 years old, I do not think that he is babying her TOO much just yet. I know kids who have had it until they were 3, 4, and 5! My brother sucked his thumb 'till he was 10 and then had braces for 4 years. Quite an expense.
Sit down and decide when both of you would be comfortable with a deadline to get rid of it and have a decided system on how to break her of it. Compromise!!!!! Both of you need to give in a little and work together or it will come back at you years from now with larger issues. Your daughter will grow to use you both against eachother in order to get her way. Trust me, I know! I have a 23 year old who did this with his step-dad and I, and now we are seperated even though my son has moved on with his own life!
I really do wish you the best of luck, and even though this sounded harsh, I have given you advice from the bottom of my heart. God bless.
Deborah

Tell your husband that pacifiers are petroleum-based products and that they are not considered healthy for babies anymore. If it is any consolation, I didn't use pacifiers with any of my three children and none of them suck their thumb and they are all happy and healthy! Try substituting the pacifier for another lovie such as a soft doll or a blanket. Perhaps that will help comfort your husband as well. Good Luck!

Please listen to H. F.'s advice! I agree with everything she wrote.

Perhaps the cashier might not want to take the pacifiers for disposal.
If not, they could either be thrown into another garbage container or just quietly disappear.

Zoe and her daddy need to bond without conflict, just as you and your husband need to do.
You are both very busy and involved in important occupations, and your daughter deserves a warm, loving family when you can be together.

May God bless your family.
M. T.

Throw them all away! Or cut them all in half. That stopped me as a kid. If she doesn't need it then throw them out. Sloves that!

wow, he needs to wake up. That pacifier is doing more harm than the thumb would.And if he thinks sucking his thumb til he was 14 (had some issues there did he?) ruined his teeth then why would he let his daughter ruin her teeth with anything? How is she going to learn to talk with her mouth full of that thing? Just take it away.Tell her she's a big girl. She's too old for that anyway. Thats what I did with the bottle and pacifier for my son. Sure he cried for a minute, but wow, they move on and get over it. The less attention you give it the better it will be.

I too was a thumbkin! And it messed up my teeth. But she's almost 2 & it's time for the paci to go. If she hasn't had a preference for the thumb by now, she likely won't. Maybe your hubby's paci was taken away too early but age 2 is not too early. I would just throw them out & be done w/ it. There might be a few tough days, but she'll get over it & so will your hubby. If you need a little plan, have her "give" them away to another baby who needs them. Tell her there are babies out there who need paci's & don't have them. If you don't know anyone with a baby, next time she goes to the doctor, have her give them to the doctor so he can give them to other babies who don't have them.

Throw them all away. If there is no pacifiers there to give her your husband can't give them to her. Tell your daughter that you are going to give them to babies who need them. Tell her if we leave them for the pacifier fairy she will leave a present in its place. ( from Suppernanny)

Hi H.,

Parent Coach J. B here with some thoughts for you and your husband.

THIS is a great opportunity for you and your husband to practice team parenting when dealing with your daughter. There is no right or wrong way to wean her off the pacifier. Sit down at a time when you are both open to a good talk and discuss the many suggestions you've received. Choose one that best appeals to both of you and do it. CELEBRATE the decision you've both reached - you'll be glad of this skill in the years ahead.

In our family, we limited the pacifier in stages to lessen any negative impact. We first restricted all pacifiers to the house and then later to the bedroom. At the same time, we lessened the use gradually to only before naps and bedtime and then to just bedtime. Allow several days for each stage to give your daughter time to adjust.

Eventually, we had each child give the pacifier to Santa (if near Christmas) or to some other person who could share it with a younger child who needed it (some people "give" it to the garbage man). When one of my children asked where it was after giving it up, we'd just remind him where we sent it.

While weaning, be sure your daughter has other ways to self comfort - perhaps with a special luvvee or a blanket. Mom and Dad need to be available for extra cuddles and kisses during this time, too - she may need them.

Good luck!

Parent Coach J. B

If you are serious about not using a paci anymore, I would suggest you throw all of them out. This way there is no reason or temptation to use them. I allowed my oldest daughter to use a paci until she was three. I took her to the dentist because her two front teeth appeared shorter than all the others. He told me it was because of the paci. Needless to say I did not believe him. I decided to stop using the paci and when I did her teeth did move and were all straight and the same size. So yes they can harm your teeth. I offered my daughter a new blanket of her choice (hello kitty) and the paci was never an issue again! Good luck and God bless.

I sucked my thumb till 5 years of age....whether it was due to not having a pacifier, I don't recall. I do know it was a security blanket. If he sucked his till 14, there were a lot more issues to blame then that.

We did not want to get the pacifier started, so didn't use one. Our babysitter stuck one in one day stating it calmed her down....I disagreed. Anyway, it didn't last long.

A long time ago, people took their child to an area where there was water and let the child throw it in. (But that is major littering). My suggestion is to help her hold some scissors and cut the tip off. No more fun in having one now.

Do talk to your husband in a calm way expressing your concerns. Talk to a pediatric dentist too (with your hubbie). Best wishes

Well, you could let him know that now he is working on ruining her speech. I can imagine that if she is 21 months she is talking with it in her mouth or not talking as much because it is in her mouth. I have a relative that is a speech pathologist and using a pacifier too long causes a lot of speech problems. Plus, seems like your husband is quite the exception...sucking his thumb until 14....I doubt she would suck her thumb until she is 14 too. Good Luck

I say, let him baby her!

I think he does it b/c he thinks it is cute. My husband did the same thing to my daughter. She didn't give up her pacifier till she was 5!!! Not by my wishes, of course. Just explain to him if he thinks sucking thumbs ruins teeth, that pacifiers are just as bad. Maybe ask your daughters dentist to talk to him. The more she uses it, the more likely that her teeth will come in crooked. Also let him know that your daughter and him are two different people and that she does not crave it during the day while at daycare and he could cause her to depend on it more. (Creating her to mess up her teeth) I hope it helps, and good luck!