No Sexual Desire!!!

This happened to me and it took a good three years before it came back. It still comes and goes now but not as bad. Sex is important to most men and a marriage so what I did is I just did it. Normally once things got going I was fine. The more often I just did it the better it got and soon I didnt have to just do it but wanted too.

I think you just described me to a T. Wow. I don't have any thing to say to help, but I can completely relate. Just hang in there.

This comes up often and actually you are in the majority not the minority. I also get it a lot from girls in my profession. I will look for some past thread links to advice I have given here before.
The other post are too old here and they are not letting me link it. I just copied and paste one that I think is very similar to yours. So here it is:
Welcome to Mommy Land of Moms with young children. Believe it or not, you are in the Normal population. This is the case with most moms of little kids. The sad part is the husbands just do not get it......
What I would suggest is something I once was told... "Schedule it." Actually write it on the calender. The symbol could be a swirly sign, fireworks, !!!!. Whatever tickles your fancy. First explain to your hubby that you are physically and emotionally tired but still do love him. Explain that 98% of women feel this same way. Tell him that you will make it an effort to spend time with him but you need a little something in return. Tell him on Fireworks night, that you need to keep dinner very simple, that you need him to help you pick up and clean up and that he has to equally help put the kids to bed. Tell him that is your foreplay. Then once you get the kids tucked in, tuck yourself in for 20 minutes (that is all it takes) lol... Then you both will be happy. See if you schedule it, then you can mentally prepare yourself and that is half the battle for new moms. If you know it is coming, you will look more forward to it. If you can get your hubby on board, tell him that each night prior to fireworks night that you need him to bring you home just something a little special. I do not care if it is a 30 cents cookie from the grocery store or a hand of wild flowers that he picked from the side of the road. Tell him to drop you a few spicy text and this too will play emotional games with you and help build up your flame for fireworks night. Just know you are totally in the majority; just most do not talk about it in the open. Try it and see if it works... ;)

Just wanted to add that sometimes various medications can decrease your sex drive as well, including most antidepressants and even birth control pills or other hormone-based birth control. If you are on either of those (or any med, for that matter), you might do some research online and see if decreased libido is a side effect and what your options are.

I would first check to see if you have a medical issue. Go back to your OBGYN.

If that is not it, then I would suggest researching, there are lots of self help books out there.

That happened to me when I was about 32. After my youngest child was born, I thought I was done, didn't need it anymore. My husband however felt he had lost a wife. I had to do something, so with all of my research, I decided I was lacking progesterone, which would explain my premature babies as well. I found some natural progesterone cream. and after a few months I got my libido back. That has been 15 years now, and I can say, its been good. If you are on estrogen, get off. There is something that is called estrogen dominance that is very damaging to a woman. It causes all kinds of emotional issues as well as cancer. If you are a big milk drinker, make sure your milk is hormone free. If you are a big meat eater especially beef. The farmers shoot their animals with hormones to make them big. They get more money at the market. If you have to eat meat, make sure it is hormone free. Good luck!

Sometimes an imbalance in hormones can be to blame. Talk to your doctor, trust me, you are not the first woman to experience this! : )

A lot of people try to make sex too serious all the time. Make a game out of it. Act like teenagers again and try to fit it in whenever possible and if that means doing it in the back seat of the car then do it. Go for it in the closet! Be playful! Read books on pleasure together. Find creative ways to fit it in. Have a date night. If you can get your husband to help then you both will benefit.

Hi--
Absolutely there is something you can do. This happens a lot after pregnancy because it messes up all our hormones. Because we live in a stressful world, most people have adrenal fatigue. Our adrenal glands play a huge role in hormone production. Pregnancy increases adrenal fatigue, and it can make our hormones really unbalanced, therefore decreasing sexual desire ( among other things). You need to get your hormones balanced. There are medical ways to do that, but I prefer to go natural routes. There are lots of supplements that will assist your body in balancing back out, including chaste tree berry (also known as vitex), false unicorn, dong quai, red rasberry leaf, omega 3 fatty acids, DHEA....the list goes on and on. If you want to try this route I can help guide you, and I can direct you to some natural docs (chiropractors by education) who can help you--they certainly helped me! My husband went from wanting more to begging me to give him a break :-)
Good luck!
J.

I also know the feeling. I work full time as well, plus I have a 6 year old that is in 4 diff after school activities, plus he is in 1st grade so has a lot of homework that I do with him, I have a 3 year old, and a 1 month old. My hubby works nights so he says awake with the two youngest and watches them and then when I come home from work he goes to bed. I feel like I have to do everything from cleaning the house to taking care of the kids. My huby is great, but he is so tired durring the day that he is not real good at getting anything done. So when the weekend comes he wants to "have some fun" and I have no interest at all! I want sleep and to lay around with the kids and watch tv. I tell my huby all the time if he wants more I can always quite my job or at least go down to part time!! Good luck with everything I hope things get better, but until then know that you are not alone at all!

Don't have any advice, but just wanted to say, this could be me writing this! I will be 23 next week, and while pregnant/since then I feel just like you. No clue....

I had this same issue. I did a search on the internet how to improve sex in marriage and improve your sex drive. There's a ton of good info out there. Just reading about it will probably get you a little excited and you’ll have a good time with your hubby tonight :) I would give that a try first. If that doesn't work for you over time, you might want to go to a Dr and get checked out. You could have thyroid issues or a number of other issues. Good luck!

You are definitely not alone...check the link below and you will see that (unfortunately) the majority of women have a lower sex drive after having children. Some women make the decision to take a pill to increase their libido -- a woman viagra. Or you could try to take some time for yourself to meditate/relax from all your work and mommy duties and maybe that will help rejuvenate your energy and hopefully get you back to normal..? Worth a try right? Good luck!

http://www.theskinnyscoop.com/search/sex+drive?utm_campai...

get checked for endometriosis

Hi, this is such a tough thing to go through, but I hope you're feeling like there are so many of us who go through/have gone through this.

My advice is to not try to make yourself feel something you don't. Think of a time when you weren't able to sleep (I know, bad timing!). You lay there thinking that you MUST sleep and it makes it worse. Same with sex. Thinking you should want it, it should be great, etc., just stresses you out even more.

Know that it is normal after kids to have sex drive change and diminish. Thinking of it as an obligation is not a terrible thing. You went from being kid free and energetic to kid full and tired. So for the moment, you are maybe having sex because you love your husband and don't want to deprive him. Simple as that. It still comes from a place of love, just with a different look. I think if you tell yourself (and maybe him) that you feel like once or twice a week is what you can handle right now, just go with that. Yes, it may seem weird to schedule it, but if that's what it takes- that's what it takes. This way the pressure is off, and hopefully in time the feelings will return and it will get better. Husbands have a hard time with this, I know mine felt like he was forcing me to do something I didn't want to do. I finally got him to understand that I wanted to do it for him because I love him, and it wasn't awful, I just would choose sleep if I could! Once the pressure was off, we lived with that for a while, and things are now better.

Good luck, and don't put so much pressure on yourself!!

I have so been there! It's awful and it just ate me up and really strained things between my husband and I. I am seconding the scheduling and stopping hormonal birth control advice that's been shared.
When I was on the pill I was really struggling with desire and even if I had it, climaxing was nigh unto impossible. Quitting the pill and going the old school condom route saved us there. And then after my youngest was born, I had some medical issues and we suffered an eight month sex drought. Terrible! Getting back to a point where I felt like having sex again was rough. I didn't want to take anything hormonal seeing what it had done before, then I heard about scheduling for sex and we decided to try it. We started at just once a week. Then upped it to twice. Then three. It took about two months, but then I was craving it again and now we've been having a grand ol' time for two+ years! Some people scoff at scheduling sex, but it honestly really helps. And it's not like you can't still be spontaneous and have unscheduled sex. When we both know it's going to happen that night, I think about it all during the day and can hardly wait. And now that I've forced my hormones to be regulated by regular activity, I am the one initiating unscheduled nights of fun.
Seriously, try the scheduling. Sit down with your husband and work out a schedule together. Best of luck!

Hi Mama
Check first of any physical cause,thyroid,hormone imbalance etc.
Saying that ,maybe change your psychological thinking.
Instead of looking at connecting with your hubby is a negative thing,think of all the reasons why you love him and this is a way of expressing this love.
Try to be positive and remember if you make the effort the benefits can be fabolous,a loving close relationship.
Remember that you don't have to be at it for hours ,just some time before you go to sleep.LOL
Becoming a mother changes life and energy levels completely,we all feel you sister!!!
Best of luck
B.

I have been married for for 44 years, I was married at 16 and have two grown-up children, I have never enjoyed sex, I haven't found anything yet that has made my sex life good and that includes different positions, sex toys, creams pills, sex flics etc. So I have just given up on trying to make it better . So a 2.5 minute shower quickie, keeps him quite for a week. Hope that helps.