My daughter who is turning 17 in three weeks wants to get her nose pierced. Nothing dramatic, she wants to get a little diamond. Dad says absolutely not but mom says "I will think about it". She is very mature for her age so that is why I am thinking about it now but dad says "when you move out you can do whatever you want with your body". He is so protective. :)
I did explain to her that if she does decide to do this that she will have to accept the fact that it may hinder her getting a job and some people might judge. (this is a sad world). What do you think? Do you think 17 is to young? I would never go against my husband but just throwing it out there that there are two different opinions. I did tell DD that dad and I will have to decide together. I know it is confusing when one parent says no and the other says she will think about it. I am a little more open minded about stuff this day in age. Let me know your thoughts. Thanks! Happy Tuesday!
ps. I did ask about 3 of my very close friends and they that age 18 is more of an appropriate age for doing that.
Thank you everyone for their responses! Looks like most of you agree on letting her decide when she turns 18 and I love the fact that she will have to use her own money! I of course will go with her to make sure she goes to a reputable and clean establishment. The only response I didn't agree with was whoever said she has to much time on her hands and needs to get a part time job. Um, the question was "do you think 17 years is to young for a nose piercing" not your opinion on whether or not she needs a job. Let me answer that response. She does have a part time job and has had one since she was 16 years old. She also takes 3 AP classes, Pre-calculus and Physics and carries a 3.8 GPA in high school. She wants to get her Ph.D in Psychiatry! Thank you everyone else for your responses!
I agree with Dad.
I think the 17 yr old has too much time on her hands and maybe she should get a part time job NOW before she gets anymore holes in her head/body.
They sell falsies, cheaply at places like claire's. It's a good compromise. She gets the appearance she is after, dad gets a minor child whose body hasn't been altered. No stopping her from doing what she wants when she is 18.
Best,
F. B.
Can she pull it off? Honestly?
There are very few women/girls out there who can pull off a nose piercing and look classy. For the most part, it looks trashy.
Of all the things she could ask for this is pretty mild.
Our daughter had a few friends that did this in high school. They have all graduated from college at this point and only 1 still has her nose perching, these were all good kids, they were in AP classes.
To me that is what is important.
People that would judge? Must not have much of a life. The last thing I would judge about a teen girl, is a diamond stud in her nose. Now a tattoo on her neck, that is permanent and visible, I would wonder if later she would have regrets later in her life.
Honestly, I would tell her it is her choice, but she needs to find out if the school or her activities have rules about it.
Ah just realized you live in a more conservative place than me. Here in Austin, we see preachers, teachers and grandparents with tattoos, piercings and unnatural hair coloring. We judge a persons character more than looks or money.
This is your and your husband's decision. And good for you for backing your husband up, unlike a previous poster who pulled her question when she didn't like the responses, instead of considering the responses and realizing that she may be doing something harmful.
Dad said No, so your daughter will have to wait till she's 18. End of story. Here's the main thing -- it's really healthy for kids to learn to wait for things they want. Instant gratification is not only not good for them, but when the things they want have been delayed a while, the attainment of them is that much sweeter.
I recently had a debate with my grown daughter about the fact that I made her wait for her ear piercings until she was 13, vs. all her friends who got them much younger. My daughter still insists that she disagrees with this and will let her daughter pierce them earlier. I said, that's fine, but I did what I thought was right, and I'm still happy I made her wait. She waited to have sex much later than most of her peers. Was that related? Maybe.
Anyway, daughter will have to wait a whole long, agonizing year. It will be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad year, I'm sure, because how can a person live for a whole year without a nose piercing? Good for you for supporting husband.
p.s. Once she does get her piercing, unless she lives someplace really conservative, it might not harm her employment opportunities. She should probably remove it for the interview.
Hi S..
Apparently, bodily mutilation is not just for junkies anymore. Sigh.
My (17 yo) daughter went to a student leadership convention this summer, held in Boston at Harvard School of Medicine for pre-med bound over- achievers like her.
I'd venture to say that roughly 50% or so of the 120 kids there, from all over the country, and the world, were either tattooed or pierced or both, especially the girls.
She was actually unique in that she doesn't have any. And these are kids bound for success, they had to apply, they had to be interviewed to qualify. And it was not cheap.
So, I kinda side with you.But better a piercing than a tatt, right?
I hate the trend, I'll be glad when it goes away, except it will probably be replaced by something worse.
:(
I happen to think there are very few people who can carry off this temporary fashion statement with grace and not look foolish. Yes, I think 17 is too young since she is still a minor child. However, a 12 year old in my daughter's class had her nose pierced over the summer. I think she looks very trampy with her short skirts, pink hair, and pierced nose, but then again, this is the girl whose mother took her out for ice cream when she was sent home for wearing inappropriate shorts. I have a lot of friends with piercings and tattoos. Not one of them has a good paying job or stable life, despite having a good education and being really outstanding people. So personally, I side with the dad. But neither of you should be expressing your opinions to her until you've discussed it and decided on a united front together. Good luck.
I am open minded about that kind of thing. My daughter wanted a belly piercing at 15. She knew there would be issues at school if it were visible. She was a cheerleader all through high school and had to wear a Band-Aid over it because of school rules and safety rules for cheer.
My friend's daughter got a small diamond in her nose last year, her senior yr. She was on varsity track team and the coach would not allow her to practice or go on trips with the nose ring. Honestly, you could hardly see it.
If your daughter is in high school, check the rules of the school. Our schools only allow ear piercings to be visible.
Yes, people judge and it is not fair. You do have to keep that in mind as well.
For those reasons, I might encourage her to wait until she is 18 and if she still wants it, then she is able to make that choice. Of course, go to a good high end reputable tattoo/piercing place.
I have mixed feelings about this. I agree with concerns about public perceptions (jobs, college interviews, you name it) but I'm more concerned about teens making rash decisions when the brain's capability of predicting consequences isn't fully developed until age 25. Even if this piercing isn't "dramatic", what about the next thing she wants? It's tough finding a balance between giving them freedom and riding herd on them, and I suppose a small piercing is less permanent than, say, a tattoo. But I also think it's a problem that you and your husband don't agree. Instead of, "I'll think about it", how about "Give me all your reasons, pro and con, and Dad and I will consider what you have said." Then you come to a combined parental decision. He should show that he is listening to her rather than dismissing her right away - it's better strategy anyway, and it lessens the likelihood that she will run off and do something rash just to rebel.
I'd tell my husband that we're going to sit down and listen to her present a reasoned argument, and that there will be no eye-rolling, no facial reactions, no decision issued at that time. Beforehand, I would give her the task of researching the whole thing - not just arguments to bolster her wishes, but both sides. What about scarring, what about infection, what about cost, what about choosing an appropriate piercing place, what about health department inspections of the practitioner, etc. What about cost? Who is paying for this and out of what money? (It has to be HER money and I wouldn't make this a birthday gift.) She needs to show contrasting opinions and not just from friends and piercing places - what about medical sources? Give her the job of talking to her own pediatrician about it.
If she's not willing to do the work, then she's not interested enough in the piercing and not mature enough to make such a decision. If your husband isn't willing to listen to the evidence, then maybe his decision isn't based on fact. You're on the fence - so let her gather the info. Then have a mature and reasoned discussion, compliment her on the job she did gathering info, and say you two will discuss it. Then get back to her. Turn it into a teaching moment about deferring instant gratification to actually gather facts, about learning to present your issues in a balanced way (good training for jobs, life in general), and about people in a relationship working together to resolve differences (a good model for her own adult relationships to come).
I think the final decision is actually going to be less important that the process used to arrive at it.
I think it's wonderful that you are backing dad up on this! It's so vitally important for parents to be united.
As far as the piercing itself goes, I have no issues with nose rings or studs at all & truly don't think the majority of the society in American does either. I got mine done when I was 26 & still have it today 11 years later. Mostly I wear a tiny stud but occassionally I'll feel a little more bold & throw on a larger gem or a ring. I've had several (somewhat high paying) jobs since having it done & never had issues with the corporations I've worked for.
As far as our kiddos go we've said that they can do ears whenever they want but that any other piercings or tattoos must wait until they are late teens. Also, said tattoos & piercings must be paid for out of their own money & there is a 6 month wait period. The wait period is to attempt to cut down on the rash decisions issue. My husband has 2 tattoos that he can't stand & both were done without a lot of thought. I have two that were well thought out & planned for & still love them to this day. I'm also currently designing two more & those have been in the works for at least 6 months 'cause I keep changing my mind!
Hope you guys work something out that is best for everyone!
Since Dad is so against her getting her nose pierced at 17, but agrees that she can do it when she is out on her own, I think I would support him and tell your daughter that she should wait until she is out on her own and making all her decisions. If she is still in high school, that extra piercing may be against school rules. It may also prevent her from getting certain jobs. Waiting will also give her time to start saving for having this procedure done by a reputable licensed person to prevent infection and scaring. I am not a fan of extra body piercings or obnoxious tattoos, but I do recognize that some good people enjoy having them as a sign of individualism (or whatever)
I actually love everyone's responses. The only thing I would add is if it were my daughter I would make her use her own money for those types of purchases because 1) they will appreciate it more and 2) it will give her a chance to weight the decision. Own money meaning money earned - not given =)
I got mine done when I was in my 20s and my mil liked it so much she got hers done in her 50s. I think a tiny (I mean tiny) little diamond is super cute. I wouldn't have a problem if my daughter was 17 and wanted it done but I know my husband would be just like yours and want her to wait til she was 18. I would probably go with my husband though just to respect his thought on it (chose your battles) and have her wait.
while i personally don't get the nose ring thing, they're EVERYWHERE these days. a small diamond stud won't raise any eyebrows, and probably won't interfere with her job-hunting at all. and if it does? she'll do what my son did when he had one of those weird below-the-lip piercings- put in a clear stud.
if she were 12 i could understand your husband's reaction, but she's 17. plenty old enough to make that sort of decision about her own body.
khairete
S.
Our rule is that at 18, they are free to do what they want as they don't need our permission, but before that, we are not giving consent to body piercings or tattoos.
This must be a Midwest thing.
If it's small, I don't see the big deal at all.
My daughter has a pierced lip and works in an animal hospital with a "no facial piercings" policy. And she was wearing her lip stud when she was hired. They just told her that she couldn't wear it at work.
They make clear retainers for that purpose. You just put the retainer in the hole to keep it open when you can't wear your jewelry.It's practically invisible.
I would have allowed my daughter to pierce any body part she chose at 17. It's just jewelry - she can take it out and let the hole close if she decides she doesn't like it.
I made her wait until at least eighteen for a tattoo, because a tat is permanent.
And I am a tatted and pierced mom.
Why do people say it's wrong to judge on appearance? It's one thing to judge on appearance someone can't help ie: race or body type but things like tattoos, clothing, piercings etc are a choice and reflect that person's values and preferences. And someone's values and preferences are indicators if they are the type of person one is likely to get along with. Doesn't mean if I see someone with a piercing I shun them. It's just a minor negative in the long list of factors that go into considering a person... I think it's silly and naive to say we don't all do this to a degree. How about someone chewing their gum loudly and cracking it while speaking to me? Not allowed to think "huh, I find that bad manners. Probably not going to really like this person." Again - doesn't mean giving them zero chance but of course these things impact our initial perception of someone. In my industry, no way would we hire someone with a nose piercing. Not bc we would really feel they aren't as smart or hard working as the next person but we have some client interactions and a client might be negative and that hurts business. And people interviewing in this field typically know how conservative it is so if they choose to prioritize a nose piercing over getting a job in the industry, it's a negative compared to the next smart, well educated, hard working young person we're interviewing. I like some people's answers about a waiting period and definitely the age 18 thing if you guys are ok with that. I think I may say 21 as we will pay for college so I'll say it's your nose or college tuition. Maybe by then it'll be so common that it won't matter. But for now I think it's a risk someone won't like it and it will cost a job or college interview and that doesn't seem worth it.
I wouldn't let her get a ring, but at 17 I would consider a small jewel to be acceptable. Rings leave holes and are so obvious, but a pretty little gem on the side of the nose can be attractive and not terribly jarring to look at.
But first, is she careful with hygiene, and responsible with her own self-care? Piercings require care. If she's responsible, perhaps she and her dad could go speak with a piercing place. Her dad may be picturing her with safety pins in her cheeks and a huge ring through both nostrils and stakes through her eyebrows. Maybe if her dad saw a picture of what she wants, a small diamond, and maybe if her dad heard the piercing expert talk about safety, care, etc., he might agree to that. When she's 18 or goes off to college, she can do more if she wants, but if she'd limit it to one small gem, maybe they'd both be satisfied. Put it in writing: until she's 18 or off to a dorm at school, she'll stop at one small diamond and she'll take care of it so it never becomes inflamed or infected.
I have a teacher coworker in her fifties that recently got her nose pierced, and no one batted an eye when she wore it to school. I'm kind of in the middle about allowing a 17 year old to get one, though. Because it isn't permanent, I say that I would probably let my daughter do it, but I would definitely not go against my husband's wishes. Tough call! I will say that I was told not to get anything pierced or tattooed as a teen, so I went out and pierced my ear cartilage, tongue, and belly button, and then got a tat on my hip simply because I could. Sometimes things become less appealing when it's allowed.
My girls are 11 and 13. They've had ear piercings since they were 4 and 7. A couple of weeks ago, they asked if they could get a second hole up on the top part of their ear, where the cartilage is. I said yeah, sure, that would look cute. So we discussed caring for it, how much it would hurt, what could happen if it got infected, etc. and after much deliberation, they still wanted it. So we went and had it done and it looks great. They're happy and this was a battle I wasn't going to fight. I guess I have no problems with ear piercings.
So if they wanted a nose piercing at 17, yeah, I'd have no problem with that either. I don't think I'd let them get a nose piercing NOW (we'll stick with the ears), but at 17, yeah, I would. We'd talk about the pros and cons and what could happen (like when you get a cold, it can get pretty gross). I'd expect that they REALLY looked into it and didn't just decide on a whim that they wanted one.
I don't think people would look down on someone with a nose piercing anymore. Millions of people around the world pierce their nose as part of their culture. It's really not a super crazy "out there" thing to do, in my opinion.
But it's your family and your daughter. YOU need to decide what's best for her. If your instinct says make her wait 'til 18, then that's what you need to do. It'll be the right decision for YOUR family.
I have had similar situations with my girls. I feel that a piercing like that is not offensive at all and can be very temporary. My daughter only left her diamond stud in about a month....decided she didn't have the right kind of nose after all! LOL I am not a fan of tattoos, but a nose piercing, cartilage or belly button are mild in my opinion. I agree with Anna....if you don't let her do at least one "wild" thing, she might go crazy at 18! My girls both got belly button rings for their 16th birthday. Wasn't worth the battle for me! Good luck! Sounds like she is an awesome kid and deserves a little reward for her hard work, if you can talk stubborn Dad into it!
I don't think it makes a bit of difference to her future. If you don't put an earring in the hole does NOT show. If she does apply for jobs where that sort of decoration isn't allowed then they may never know she has one but the chances are that she'll simply wear one when she wants to have that look.
