Not My Business?

I would consider my motivation and why I think I should be the one to inform on the husband.. Also, what makes you think the wife doesn't know... I would really question why I want to get into the middle of the situation, even if anonymously.... However, if you do want to get involved, just be prepared for the possible repercussions, such as .. say the wife finds out and still stays in the marriage ... and then you are seen as a troublemaker... I don't know if I would want to bring that couple's energy into my space...
really think about this before you mention anything..

Wow, I don't see any bashing here!
People questioning where/how you got your information (or lack thereof) and motivation is not bashing, it's honest and thoughtful.
But by all means ask for advice and then get mad when you don't hear what you want to hear, that's very "adult" of you :-(

You state a lot of assumptions here... Truth is, you don't know what you don't know.

How on earth would you know for a fact they are having sex in his bed unless you have been there and seen it first hand?

How do you know how long this has been going on?

Do you really keep secret tabs on what they are doing and why would you do that anyway? I don't understand why this makes you lose sleep. It is not your family, not your house, not your business what other people choose to do.

What if the wife does know? What if they have an open relationship?

If you go gossip about it, then you open yourself up to being known as the busy body.

I know if a neighbor approached me about what I or my husband were doing behind closed doors, I would be pretty creeped out. What I do in my house is my business.

I vote to keep your mouth shut and stay out of it.

ETA: Wow, how " adult" of you to remove your question. No one bashed you. We were just curious at why you invest so much if your time and energy into what you believe is an adulterous relationship. I think there's more to the real story due to your over interest in your neighbor. Are you jealous of them? Who would "lose sleep" over her neighbor having a supposed affair? Grow up and take care if your business.

Can I point out to you that in your last post, you put in your SWH how grateful you were for all the help? And now you're acting like you stopped using this site because everyone is always mean. There's some real cognitive dissonance there and, I'd say, that's really unfair to the people who have helped you in the past and who tried to help you here.

You asked whether someone else's affair was your business. Some people said no, that's not your business. Some people asked why you want to make it your business. In both those responses, there is no bashing. You asked. They answered. In fact, they each took several minutes writing pretty thoughtful responses, time they can't get back. The very nature of your question invited the responses you got. I guess you really didn't want answers after all. Maybe THAT's the reason you should stop using Mamapedia - it's unfair to waste everyone's time. In my opinion, you owe THEM an apology, not the other way around.

I'm always a day late and a question short. Who bashed you? I just see adults talking.
Seriously, if you only want to get hugs and sunshine, ask your friends - they'll protect you from both offense and from what you need to hear.

This is hard, and you will undoubtedly get many responses on both sides of the issue. My question is, do you know this for sure? Do you have proof? I know many people say to mind your own business, but I know that when I found out about my husbands affair, finding out our friends knew and did not tell me felt like a whole new betrayal I had to recover from. I would want to know, but you also don't know that she does not already know. If it is bothering you then maybe an anonymous letter may be the way to go. Lay out all the information you have and let her decide what to do with it.

As for the idea that you may be seen as a trouble maker, that could happen, but for me I know I felt thankful for those that were honest with me, and those that were not, well the friendships suffered. And I did forgive and stay with my husband, but I am thankful I found out or else we would not have done all the hard work to repair and save our marriage, I would still be that naive woman whose husband is fooling around while I was walking around thinking everything was great.

ETA: I'm sorry but , seriously-- no one bashed you. A few people asked you to dig deep and question why you feel this is your business, and some people even said "I'd want to know".... so what is up with acting like a victim?

Unless you have seen, with your own eyes, this guy taking his girlfriend into his bed, I think this is a reasonable question to ask.

Listen, my life has been horribly affected by one parent's propensity to be a big, big cheater in their married life, so I have NO sympathy for the guy. It does bear asking, though, what you feel might come from this. Approaching someone with this information is going to be dropping a bombshell, and I think it's accurate to say "Know what you are getting into before you get into it."

Original post:

How do you know this much (about them having sex in their bed.... etc.)? I'm not trying to give you a hard time, but one would naturally wonder...

I don't know how to advise you. Know that, no matter what happens, no one is likely going to thank you for this revelation and you should expect things to be stiff and uncomfortable between your households.

So, I can't tell you exactly what to do. If you tell her and she stays with the guy, she's always going to know that you know her business. If you tell her and she divorces, he's likely to be upset and wonder where she heard it from (you) , so expect some sort of repercussions. I don't know that an anonymous letter could hold water in that sort of situation-- it would be too easy for him to twist it around as mischief or jealousy....

Whatever you do, at least wait until the holidays are over, okay? This is really not what anyone needs to get dumped on them during this time, and they'll have a strong association between "Christmas-- and finding out my husband was cheating on me". Sometimes, we have to sit on information unless there is a reasonable opening to that conversation. I liked what AL suggested-- you might want to do some soul searching as to why you think she should be informed and why you have the feelings you do around this. I'm not saying you are wrong for feeling upset, but I would go forward very, very deliberately.

I would take some photos with my phone of them entering or leaving the house.

And then I'd invite the Mrs. over for coffee and a chat. Keep your personal judgements of her husband's character to yourself. It might be that they have an open relationship, or that they're emotionally separated but still living together. You really don't know. But you do need to share this information with her just in case she doesn't know that her husband is having sex with another woman in their marriage bed.